The Isolation of a Widowed Smoker

Alice
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

18 Mar 2002, 05:44 #11

I love that post of 1/28/01. The Widowed Smoker. I did that. I cleaned and smoked and cooked and smoked and talked and smoked and smoked.
I'm so glad I've been smoke free for almost 5 months now.
Day by day, cooking and cleaning and working and enjoying life a whole lot more.
YQS
Alice
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Mary (Green)
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 20:20

18 Mar 2002, 06:39 #12

Hey Alice, I just sent you a response but I think it got lost in cyberland. If found, please forgive me for repeating. Your post reminded me of the story of the student of spirituality who asks his guru, "How will life be different for me after achieving enlightenment?" The guru responds, "Before enlightenment, fetch water from well, carry water. After enlightenment, fetch water from well, carry water." Before I quit I was scared stiff that I wouldn't know how to "do" life. But two months into it, I see that it's all surprisingly "doable." Only now we're healthier, smell prettier, glow even! Take care, Mary
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

31 Mar 2002, 22:11 #13

I've been spending a lot of times with my inlaws this weekend--lots and lots of people, 24 or so, I lose count. Only one smoker in the bunch. Everyone is spending time talking and visiting and playing games, 6 hour stretches in fact, with no one seeming to be in a hurry to get anywhere--except maybe for me looking for a computer to check in at the board and my email. It made me think of this letter of people who can't enjoy and experience such occasions because of smoking. It is one thing when people are limited from sharing such experiences because of the lack family and friends because of isolation of distance from people--it is quit another when people are available and willing to be there but you let a drug get in the way of quality time. To be around longer to share your life with family and friends, both more quality time now and more time because of your extended health and life, always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
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Kit Cat (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

21 May 2002, 22:51 #14

This story reminds me so much of my mother. My father passed away August 28, 2000 from cancer. Image My mother had given up smoking for 5 years prior to him getting sick. He got sick June 15, 2000 and she picked up that cigarette again and hasn't looked back. Image My brother and I vowed to quit smoking when dad passed away. It took us both awhile. He has not smoked for 2 months and I have not smoked for 15 days. Mom's the only smoker left and she's been having second thoughts! I will pass this on to her and leave it up to her to make her choice. ImageImage

Another nicotine addict for 30 yrs and I have chosen not to smoke for 2 Weeks 1 Day 20 Hours 50 Minutes 42 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 603. Money saved: C$241.20. Life/Time saved: 6 Days 6 Hrs 45 Mins 4 Secs
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AMD33 (gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:10

22 May 2002, 12:56 #15

This is the post Joel brought up to the top when I got here six months ago. And I just wanted to let you all know that although I've not been around much lately (i have a new job that's taking up every second of my time and I'm also going to school at night now), I am still here and still going strong :) Thank you to John and Joel and Grumpy and Joanne and Nora and Marty and Glenys and everyone :) You are all wonderful :)

And to those of you just starting, you can do it. I know because I didn't think I could and I'm here now.

All my love to all freedomites,
Jessica aka AMD33
Celebrating freedom for Six months, 7 hours, 29 minutes and 17 seconds. 1813 cigarettes not smoked, saving $484.90. Life saved: 6 days, 7 hours, 5 minutes.
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Lilac (Bronze)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

07 Sep 2002, 23:55 #16

Oh, man------when Lorraine picked this post as her favoriite in the parade the other day, I thought it sounded interesting and I believed I had not read it. I just now read it and found early on (first sentence) that it was hauntingly familiar. I had read it before and I believe REPRESSED it. I am not a widow but the part about the visit from the kids and grandkids----well, I don't want to think about it. It IS a great message. If I had read it a few years ago, it might have tipped the balance. but one can't live backwards. Lilac

I still choose "My cigarette, My friend" though as Joel's best because it's message is universal and it also, to be honest, doesn't arouse so much guilt in my recovering soul.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Sep 2002, 00:27 #17

Image "Guilt in my recovering soul." I like that phrase for this letter. This one haunted me too as I wrote it. I didn't have any one specifically in my mind when I wrote this one, it was just what I imagined as a composite of lonely older people I knew at the time--some of them non-smokers but who I recognized looked so forward to family and friend visits that it just all of a sudden struck me how a smoker in the same situation is likely to have altered priorities. "My Cigarette My Friend" on the other hand was inspired by a specific person I knew who I was visiting in the hospital who thought that she had just experienced her fourth heart attack, was afraid she was dying, and was wanting a cigarette. She had literally been out the night before to a play that she had left some key scenes so she could go out and smoke. That letter almost wrote itself when I went home that evening and just wrote what I thought as I reflected about her comments.

Although I don't want this letter to create a sense of guilt as much as a sense of remorse of how much really valuable time may have been wasted on cigarettes. More importantly now though, I hope this piece creates a sense of importance on how you never want to waste your future valuable time and energy from this point forward on maintaining an active nicotine addiction and remind you that you never will as long as you always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
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Lilac (Bronze)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

08 Sep 2002, 01:23 #18

Oh, Joel, you are really such a lovely man. You are a cultural treasure. I feel fortunate to know you not only from a learning standpoint but from a literary one as well. I once wrote poetry whenever I was moved by fortune or misfortune. When I say I wrote poetry what I really mean is poetry wrote itself in me.. That sounds very much like the manner in which you wrote My Cigarette, My Friend. Sometimes high emotion leads to searing truth-- of course you already knew the truth but , in that message, you certainly made it manifest for otherrs. Lilac
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BirkyGOLD
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

30 Nov 2002, 23:35 #19

WOA, THIS HAS BECOME ONE OF MY FAVORITE AMONG MANY, BUT THIS HIT REALLY CLOSE TO HEART. I JUST REALIZED HOW SMOKING FOR YEARS REALLY HAS MADE ME A WIDOW, NOT IN THE TRUE SENSE, BUT BY MISSING SO MUCH OF LIFE, MAKING CONSTANT EXCUSES TO FEED OUR ADDICTION. THIS THANKSGIVING WAS A CHALLENGE, COOKING AND COOKING, WITH MY SMOKING SIDE PATIO BECKONING ME. THEN THAT SIP OF WHITE WINE AS I FINISHED THE GRAVY.... IT PASSED WITH ME THE VICTOR. THANKS FREEDOM. BIRKY 15DAYS+
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Feb 2003, 13:01 #20

Image For those who think that the people they see smoking are somehow happy or lucky. Even the people who you don't see who are smoking are not lucky and probaly have a lower quality of life in more ways than just health impairments. Many people end up much more isolated as smokers just because they smoke.
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