Support from Others

Support from Others

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Apr 2001, 19:40 #1

Joel's Reinforcement Library
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My Support Group is Responsible!




Case 1: Case 2:
"How do you expect me to quit smoking? All of my family, friends, and work associates smoke. Whenever I try to quit they all try to sabotage my efforts. With support like that, I can't quit smoking!" "I know I will quit. Nobody wants me to smoke. My kids beg me to stop, my husband hates it when I smoke, and we're not allowed to smoke at work. I feel like a social outcast wherever I go. With all those people on my back, I know I won't fail in quitting!"



In both of the above cases, the smoker is wrong in their assessment of whether or not they can actually quit smoking. Success in quitting smoking is not primarily determined by significant others. It is based on the strength of the smoker's own desire to quit.

In case one, the smoker is blaming his failure on lack of support and actual sabotage attempts by others. But not one of these people physically forced a lit cigarette into his mouth and made him inhale. Considering that the only way he could reinforce his nicotine addiction is by inhaling a cigarette, none of his smoking associates had the final say on his success or failure.

Case two, on the other hand, was working under the false assumption that quitting smoking would be a breeze since everybody would support her because they hated her smoking. Not once, though, did she say that she actually wanted to stop for herself. She was stopping because everyone else wanted her to. In essence, she was depriving herself of her cigarettes to make everybody else happy. While she may not have lit up when surrounded by others, sooner or later she would be alone. With no one around, what personal reason does she have to strengthen her resolve not to take a cigarette?

When you joined our clinic, you may have initially blamed others for your failure or erroneously credited the clinic and others with your success. No one failed or succeeded for you. You did it. While significant others can influence how easy or difficult quitting will be, your own personal resolve is the major determinant of success or failure.

If you failed when you tried in the past, stop blaming others. Realize that your personal desire to stop was not strong enough to overcome the powerful grip cigarettes exerted on you. Rather than making one half hearted attempt after another, make a personal assessment of why you smoke and why you wish to stop. If your personal reasons are good enough, then try to stop. As long as your ammunition is strong, no one will be able to make you smoke.

On the other hand, if you quit, don't feel that the clinic or any one else made you do it. You broke free from a powerful addiction. You did it by making up your own mind, throwing out your cigarettes, and refusing to take another one no matter how much temptation you faced. For this you should be proud. And to maintain that pride for the rest of your life - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Apr 2001, 19:41 #2

From:[/size] Joel_ Sent:[/size] 8/6/2000 8:47 AM[/size] 1 of 7[/size]
I don't want to dismiss the benefit of having a supportive environment but just acknowledge that not everyone has that luxury. It is still paramount that the person quitting is primarily doing it for himself or herself and are ultimately responsible for his or her own success or failure. For those who have a support network, great, for those who don't, we are here to help support and guide you.[/size] Joel[/size]
From:[/size] Joel_ Sent:[/size] 9/24/2000 4:40 AM[/size] 2 of 7[/size]
Since we have a number of newbies coming in, thought it would be a good time to bring this up. While many around you may or may not offer support, they may not always be able to offer you the best information. There is a lot of misinformation and lack of understanding about the nicotine addiction out there. Don't automatically take advice from everyone as always being right. There have been many times where someone is suggested to keep cigarettes, use cut down methods, take NRT, and a host of other ideas that, while it may have worked for the individual advising it, has caused most others using the techniques to lose their quits.[/size]

If you get suggestions from others that you think you will try to follow, post it here first. Give us time to respond. If it is good sound advice, others will benefit. But if there are inherent problems with the particular technique, we may be able to clarify the pitfalls.[/size]

Have a good Sunday everyone. One piece of advice that works for everyone. If you don't want to be an active smoker again...never take another puff![/size]

Joel[/size]
From:[/size] Joel_ Sent:[/size] 10/11/2000 7:25 AM[/size] 3 of 7[/size]
I saw in a post earlier today that a newbie wanted other newbies to email them if they needed help. There is no need for members here to feel the need to get help from any one person. The beauty of posting here at Freedom is you get a lot of perspectives from a bunch of experienced and longer-term quitters. Plus, as the above string points out, you never know that the advice of an individual is actually sound advice for you or others. Posting questions here gives others the ability to point out what may be a problem in a specific approach or piece of advice.[/size]
I want to point out that lately I have been getting emails from members. Sometimes the questions are of a personal nature and I have no problem at all taking them on in the more personal manner. But many of emails are really good questions that I think a lot of people may benefit from the answer. So if you do have questions that are not too personal, post them here and I will be glad to address them. Again, others will often benefit, plus, you may get feedback from others who have a slightly different slant than mine that may be even more helpful than what I say. If you do want my direct feedback to a question posted, you can email me and let me know to look on the board for the specific post so I don't miss it, or just put my name in the title of the post. I will be sure to get to it first then.[/size]
I guess I should point out, what ever the question you may pose, I will probably come up with some long winded explanation, of why or how or when or whatever, and then at the end of the response will be the real answer to the question. The answer to all questions to stay smoke free still really boils down to never take another puff! Image[/size]
Joel[/size]
From:[/size] Joel_ Sent:[/size] 1/3/2001 9:53 AM[/size] 4 of 7[/size]
I just saw this in an application:[/size]
I was sooo glad I found this community. I finished my last pack on New Year's day & just said--Thats it for me, cold turkey it is. My husband doesn't think I need to quit, just cut down--so, you see, I need some support!![/size]
My respone:

Just wanted to make it clear that while the support we are trying to provide is helpful, it is the understanding we are trying to provide that is really going to make this work. Your husband doesn't understand addiction. It is not even important if he ever does. What is important is that you understand it. To stay smoke free, understand to never take another puff![/size]
Joel
[/size]
From:[/size] Joel_ Sent:[/size] 1/15/2001 6:44 AM[/size] 5 of 7[/size]
I saw a couple of posts this morning from people stating they were quitting for their kids or feeling lucky that others are helping making quitting possible. It is important to recognize that the primary benefactor of your quit will always be you, and that if the whole world around you were all of a sudden to take up smoking and all offer you cigarettes, that would not make you relapse. Others offering you cigarettes a million times can't put you back to smoking, you taking one once would. Keep that focus and never take another puff![/size]
Joel[/size]
From:[/size] Zep - Gold Sent:[/size] 1/31/2001 8:32 AM[/size] 6 of 7[/size]
"Be mindful if being carried as eventually we walk alone"[/size]
From:[/size] KathyJo Sent:[/size] 1/31/2001 10:43 AM[/size] 7 of 7[/size]
I can relate to this one! I quit for 15 years because my son (then 3 years old) asked me to -- "Mommy, don't smoke, you'll die!" He heard that on Sesame Street. Anyway, I quit and never looked back! Then, about 6 years ago, I found out that HE was smoking and I started smoking again!!!! Doesn't that qualify me for the idiot of the year award??? If I had quit for myself, I don't think I would have done it. Now I'm having a harder time giving it up but at least I am now doing it for ME. I pray every day that he can give up nicotine and other demons that possess him...but that's another story.[/size]
KathyJo[/size]
One week, one day, 14 hours, 42 minutes and 1 second. 129 cigarettes not smoked, saving $31.26. Life saved: 10 hours, 45 minutes[/size]
Last edited by Joel on 03 Apr 2009, 12:58, edited 1 time in total.
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SweetLorraine (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

20 Dec 2001, 11:41 #4

Have to comment - I was one of those who was pushed into quitting - not all that enthusiastic about it, trying to look at the positive side of quitting but mostly just wishing I didn't have to! Yet within a few days of quitting (2 or 3) I felt entirely differently. I started reading your posts , worried that I wouldn't be able to stay quit It's hard to see your addiction for what it is while you are actively using. Thanks for being there. yqf Lorraine
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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

16 May 2002, 06:56 #5

Image lots and lots of celebrations going on here at Freedom and lots of new members here adding to the growing list of successful quitters.

We have always said that only two ingredients are necessary for a successful quit.....a strong determination to quit and a strong knowledge of nicotine addiction. Until each of us understands that we are addicted to the deadliest substance there is and reads and learns everything we can about that addiction, we don't stand a chance. Nicotine is an addiction, not a bad habit and we have to treat it accordingly. Support groups are wonderful for pulling us through difficult times, but we are each responsible for our own quits. Read, read, read.....it is the best tool to learn why we can never take another puff.

Linda
2 years, 4 mos free
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IrishLotus GOLD
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

13 Sep 2002, 01:06 #6

I've heard it here before, but this is the first time I have experienced it...amazing how some threads come up right as you need them. I was in the middle of reading through the "cases" on the top of this article (my situation is much more of the first case, lots of smokers in my life) and just as I got to the part about co-workers, one of my favorite work smoking buddies popped her head in my office to see if I wanted to join her for a smoke (apparently it is pretty lonely out there without me.) I told her I quit (don't you just love telling people that, I Am SOOOO Proud!Image) and her eyes almost popped out of her head! She said that when she has a computer and the motivation she will ask me for this web addressImage....ANYWAY, just wanted to post that I have faced another trigger head on! Thanks Freedom for teaching me the tools I need to deal with these craves.....-MK
I have chosen not to smoke for 6 Days 4 Hours 1 Minute 6 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 185. Money saved: $46.26.
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Joanne Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

17 Sep 2002, 11:51 #7

"Success in quitting smoking is not primarily determined by significant others. It is based on the strength of the smoker's own desire to quit."


".........you may have initially blamed others for your failure or erroneously credited others with your success. No one failed or succeeded for you. You did it. While significant others can influence how easy or difficult quitting will be, your own personal resolve is the major determinant of success or failure."


"........if you quit, don't feel that any one else made you do it. You broke free from a powerful addiction. You did it by making up your own mind, throwing out your cigarettes, and refusing to take another one no matter how much temptation you faced. For this you should be proud. And to maintain that pride for the rest of your life - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!"
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Ouija7
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

13 Oct 2004, 23:33 #8

Image 100% responsible for my quit
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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

03 Nov 2004, 03:19 #9

If you failed when you tried in the past, stop blaming others. Realize that your personal desire to stop was not strong enough to overcome the powerful grip cigarettes exerted on you. Rather than making one half hearted attempt after another, make a personal assessment of why you smoke and why you wish to stop. If your personal reasons are good enough, then try to stop. As long as your ammunition is strong, no one will be able to make you smoke.

On the other hand, if you quit, don't feel that the clinic or any one else made you do it. You broke free from a powerful addiction. You did it by making up your own mind, throwing out your cigarettes, and refusing to take another one no matter how much temptation you faced. For this you should be proud. And to maintain that pride for the rest of your life - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
Reply

GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

05 Apr 2005, 11:09 #10

If you failed when you tried in the past, stop blaming others. Realize that your personal desire to stop was not strong enough to overcome the powerful grip cigarettes exerted on you. Rather than making one half hearted attempt after another, make a personal assessment of why you smoke and why you wish to stop. If your personal reasons are good enough, then try to stop. As long as your ammunition is strong, no one will be able to make you smoke.

On the other hand, if you quit, don't feel that the clinic or any one else made you do it. You broke free from a powerful addiction. You did it by making up your own mind, throwing out your cigarettes, and refusing to take another one no matter how much temptation you faced. For this you should be proud. And to maintain that pride for the rest of your life - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!



Joel
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