screams, laughter, fears and tears

GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)

December 22nd, 2000, 1:42 am #1

Many emotions prevail when quitting smoking....especially the first month or so.

Many of you have asked about anger and many of you have shed more than your share of tears. Some of you laugh while others, sit in fear and yet others are suffering pain. I have seen these emotions come in batches over a period of almost nine months since I quit.... One person speaks out and other voices join in. Again, this is what a message board is for. None of us should sit alone and feel bad when spilling our hearts out can do so much good.
These emotions are normal at the beginning of a quit and will last for some of us a couple of months. We all must remember that we are addicts, and for those of us still in the early stages of our quits, our bodies are still struggling from the absence of nicotine. Some of us have smoked for decades, others here, are lucky and wise enough to call it quits after a couple of years. All of our bodies, no matter how long we smoked were used to functioning with nicotine. Now, our bodies are learning to run the way they were meant to run....without the nicotine. There is not a system in our bodies that smoking has not invaded and even though we are nicotine free in a few days....it will take longer for our bodies to heal......and healing they are.

I have seen the anger and the tears and have heard the laughter too. I am always sorta grumpy so maybe I was a bit grumpier at the beginning....well at least I tried to be...many thought I was just funny....especially at work. Made me even grumpier. Many of you shed tears at the drop of a hat and some of you claim anger.....but I could do neither. For me....and for some others here, according to some new posts I am reading....fear prevailed. When my husband and I began our quits we knew that some pretty serious surgery was scheduled for the 21st day of our quit...my older daughters 32 birthday. The only thing we could focus on was the impending surgery so fear was basically the emotion I had to deal with....fear of the unknown....fear of what would happen should the surgery go awry. Well, the surgery was a success.....all 3 aneurysms my husband had were successfully repaired....smoking had caused them and now we could hope that our smoking had done no further damage. After the surgery there was recovery and joy. So I did not experience the anger and tears because the fears occupied my mind....then pure joy.

Soon all of you experiencing the mood swings....the hi's and low's will find yourselves starting to mellow out. Your bodies' healing will have progressed more and you will have learned that you can live both mentally and physically without cigarettes. Your days will start flying by once again, your lives will take shape without thoughts of smoking and the anger, the fear, and the tears will become history.

I find since I quit smoking that I smile more, feel better about myself and walk out in public taller, prouder and thrilled that I finally got the monkey off my back.......and I know, that all of you experiencing unhappy feelings.....the anger and the fears and the tears, will, just like me, and all the others before you, walk taller and be prouder and be happier too.

a big hug to each and every one of you and best wishes for a happy, healthy, smokefree life.

Linda
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Suz
Suz

December 22nd, 2000, 2:10 am #2

THANKS! And a big hug to you too, Linda!!!!!

What a great post! I know exactly what you are saying. I am either angry or sad or...paranoid! I swear everyone hates me! Of course I do have good moments too, but I haven't had a really good day for a long, long time (at least a week). Hanging in there just waiting for the time to go by...

3 weeks 1 day Smoke and Nicotine-free
400 sickarettes resisted
$70.16 saved
1 day 9 hours and 20 minutes of life reclaimed
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quit4good
quit4good

December 22nd, 2000, 3:11 am #3

Thank you Linda! What perfect timing you have! This past week has been one of immense tension. I seem to be like a loaded gun, waiting to go off at the first opportunity. This is not like me, I'm normally more even tempered. But ole Mr. Nic can just take a hike because temper-tantrums or not, I won't go back to smoking. Best part is, even though I'm experiencing the temper and paranoia (thinking everyone is made at me, or talking about me) I LOVE not having to find time to go out in the freezing cold to smoke. I love the way I smell now, fresh and clean...not like a stinkweed. I have to be real patient around my husband, because his smell is beginning to offend me...but it is not his fault...it is the addiction.

Somebody even said to me...maybe you need to go smoke a cigarette...UGGGGHHHH even people who don't smoke have bad days!

Ok I guess I just needed to vent for a minute here. I just wanted to say thanks and give you a great big hug!

HUGS,
Amy
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Georgie
Georgie

December 22nd, 2000, 3:34 am #4

Oh wow Amy, you too?

I've been pretty okay mood-wise since I quit, since I'm consciously trying to control it. I keep saying to myself "Yes, I feel angry (or sad or whatever), but it won't last, and everything is okay -- it's just the addiction talking to me, trying to get me to feed it again"

But every once in a while, I can't control it. I get snappy for no reason with people, or get into a funk and brood at my desk in my own little pity party. And EVERYONE has said to me at some point or other this week "Why don't you have just one cigarette?" Arghhhhh!!!!!

How do you explain to people that a cigarette may make you act human again for the next ten minutes, but that then the major withdrawl (which has subsided over the week I've been quit) will start all over again?

Ok -- I'm done Just really needed to vent about that too!
Georgie
Still holding on at One week, two days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 55 seconds. 146 cigarettes not smoked, saving $29.20. Life saved: 12 hours, 10 minutes.
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JanieB (Staff 1)
JanieB (Staff 1)

December 22nd, 2000, 4:40 am #5

Hey Linda!
What a great thread...of course I have to put my two cents in here.
Suz, I know what you mean about waiting for time to go by....I did that too. It is going to start going by at it's old normal speed soon. Before you know it you will be an old, experienced, smart, and wary quitter!
Amy2 and Georgie, Don't EVER listen to someone telling you that you are a crab and should go smoke a cig! They don't mean to kill you, but that's pretty much what they are suggesting.....they just don't know what they are saying to you. The temper tantums and other emotional things will subside, and you will be so proud of your new STRONG, INDEPENDANT, and FREE selves that you won't be able to stop smiling.
You all are doing a fine job, congratulations!

Janice
Three months, three days, 15 hours, 4 minutes and 5 seconds. 1703 cigarettes not smoked, saving $298.21. Life saved: 5 days, 21 hours, 55 minutes.
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Tessa
Tessa

December 22nd, 2000, 10:11 am #6

I had to check out this post as it contained my roller coaster moods for the day. That is what I love about checking the boards I start with the woe is me pity party and end up learning I`m
not alone, I`m not going bonkers, I,m not a weak weeny etc. Im` a healing addict who`s come a long way baby thanks to the company, honesty and sharing of other fantastic souls doing
the same. Right now instead of screams,laughter,fears and tears I,m experiencing some inner
peace, contentment, confidence and pride. Also I feel profound gratitude you`re all just a click
of the mouse away when I need you. I pray I can give some of those good feelings back to
any of you should you need them.... Thanks Tessa 2W9H and getting better every day!!!
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Christiana
Christiana

December 22nd, 2000, 11:00 am #7

Thank you Linda, for the post. Feelings are so important to someone who stopped smoking, since we no longer have the outlet of sucking them down with each pluff! I think that is where some of the trouble is, the ones that are hard to express, and then there is the ones , that nothing can be done cept to accept them. Things like you talked about, and death, and hardships. I only know one thing, i have smoked a gillion times over every feeling imaginable, and used every feeling as an excuse to pick up a smoke, NO more, NOt this time. I will Never take Another Puff! Today i know thanks to Freedom, if i ever feel it would be ok to take one puff!! i feel it would not be in my best interest to believe that thought. yqs Christiana
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R b rt
R b rt

December 22nd, 2000, 9:20 pm #8


Linda -

Well said ... each one of us being individuals handle and react to situations in our own unique ways ... including this quitting thing!

Yes - this is truly the most difficult thing I have ever given up . . . because for some reason IT KEEPS COMING BACK TO HAUNT YOU !!!

That was the part I hadn't understood until Freedom ... that was the part that I had given in to ... that "just one more" thing.

but today I (looking at the subject of this thread) am in the "laughter" category ... putting the tears - fears and screams behind me!

I sure am glad I came along .. .. .. ..
- robert -
4MONTHS-21DAYS

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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)

January 2nd, 2001, 10:21 pm #9

hang in there gary
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terri96019 ( SILVER )
terri96019 ( SILVER )

January 2nd, 2001, 10:51 pm #10

This post is so true.But it does get better.Everyone....hang in there.Terri....One month, two weeks, five days, 20 hours, 34 minutes and 3 seconds. 997 cigarettes not smoked, saving $184.47. Life saved: 3 days, 11 hours, 5 minutes.
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Tessa
Tessa

January 2nd, 2001, 11:08 pm #11

Looking back at my not so long ago post I can`t believe thats me. One thing good did come from a cigerette company
"WE`VE COME A LONG WAY BABY" Though I`m sure Va slims never heard of freedom!!!
Sweet ,lovable, Mrs G , your the best and when are you grumpy????
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freeflight silver
freeflight silver

January 2nd, 2001, 11:12 pm #12

thank you Linda, that came from the heart, I hope Hal is well, you are a terrific friend
can't wait till the "golden announcement" I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, I COULD BURST!
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quit4good
quit4good

January 2nd, 2001, 11:16 pm #13

Hmmm, reading over this post again and seeing my post from before I have to agree with Tessa.

WE SURE HAVE COME A LONG WAY, BABY!

To all who have just recently quit, I promise it just keeps getting better and better. As long as you remember the golden rule:

NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Hugs,

Amy

I have been free for Three weeks, five days, 40 minutes and 28 seconds. And have not smoked 780 cigarettes, have robbed Phillip Morris of $108.54. I have added: 2 days, 17 hours, 0 minutes.
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Subie0(Gold)
Subie0(Gold)

January 3rd, 2001, 12:31 am #14

Wow! I find myself so awed by reading these posts. How different and how alike we all are in our addiction and recovery. I have been lucky so far with screams, laughter, fears and tears as I am on Christmas break and have spent the beginning of my quit basically alone and am free to vent any feeling into the air without fear of affending or affecting anyone with my outburst. Oddly enough though, I seem rather numb and void of emotions at the moment. At this point it all seems about counting time, getting through one hour and then another. I find it difficult to accomplish anything being void of motivation. Please assure me that this phase will pass because I am generally a very motivated, energized person with some goal in scope that I must work toward accomplishing. As always your support is overwhelming and I thank Freedom and staff for being ever available. For the moment my motivation will have to be the accomplishment of 1 day 11 hours 23 minutes ,51 cigarettes not smoked by me, $7.35 added to my savings and 4 hours 15 minutes added to my living. Subie0
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freeflight silver
freeflight silver

January 3rd, 2001, 1:47 am #15

well, Linda it's time to wash the morning dishes and get ready to go back to work..it was really nice while it lasted...will be home after 10 my time and will say hello again then. I feel
ready for the day and I know I will not take one puff today...wonderful..I'm amazed I can say that with surety. a week of reinforcing my committment has paid off in so many ways...talk to you and all of my quit friends tonight
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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)

January 7th, 2001, 3:25 pm #16

so many new emotions and so many new quitters....up....it gets better.....trust me
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SuzanneH
SuzanneH

January 8th, 2001, 8:05 am #17

Thank you so much!!!!! For me life began 5 days ago when I made the decision to throw away the smokes I can see clearly now in more ways than one. I know what you mean about making big decisions to change something major in your life and for the first few days its really slow after a couple of weeks boom it will start flying. I am not concerned about the next 2 weeks or 3 months, I am focusing on right here and now.....
Thank you again and may you all have a Healthy & Happy Smokeless New Year, Your Freedom Sis Suzanne
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Zanne
Zanne

January 8th, 2001, 12:21 pm #18

Well today I had some real tear and fear time. I talked to my dad, who has been smoking since he was in the sixth grade, and found out he has been sick for 2 weeks. That's when the fear came and tears and pain. It was for him, but I'm so used to dealing with all these emotions by sucking them in with my inhale. I've never dealt with my feelings (or tried not to by smoking) and they're quite overwhelming. I have been going to this sight more and more recently. It really helps reading and sharing this stuff. I am so glad I have somewhere to go so I don't have to give up the fight. Tha nks for sharing everybody!
Zanne
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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

February 6th, 2001, 3:32 am #19

I see a few are having a down day...hope this helps.

Hang on tight friends..one day at a time!

Thanks Linda : )))

Love and hugs to all...

Joanne ; )
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geecarol
geecarol

February 7th, 2001, 9:34 am #20

Thanks for the encouraging words. I've been there lately. 3 weeks today and I am proud but also experiencing a sense of loss that I can't explain. outoftheashes
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Tash (Gold )
Tash (Gold )

March 19th, 2001, 1:17 am #21

Great post to bring to the top. Well said Linda!

Hugz to you all. Tash
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bonnie123(silver)
bonnie123(silver)

March 19th, 2001, 3:10 am #22

just wanted to say thank you to the ones that sent me words of encouragment last week when i was near to end of my 1st week of being smoke-free. i was really wanting a cigarette so bad that night. i decided before going for cigarettes i would reach out to my quit sisters & brothers. each letter that i receiving i could feel the love & concern. i sat here as i read the replys i sat here cried. today i am so happy i didn't go back to smoking because i know it would not have been just a cigarette or two it would had been pack after pack for me. the craving are still there but not as often or as powerful as last week. i am finding out that using hard candies help a lot. i keep the candies now while i used to keep cigarettes. it is becoming more easier each day. hugs, bonnie

One week, three days, 1 hour, 24 minutes and 21 seconds. 704 cigarettes not smoked, saving $79.21. Life saved: 2 days, 10 hours, 40 minutes.
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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

March 19th, 2001, 11:24 am #23

Hi Jen, thanks for sharing. I am sorry you are feeling so on edge. You stats are much to be proud of...you are even breaking records. I just want you to know that I do understand how emotional this journey can be. The beginning of my quit was like a roller coaster.... I truly worked through it one day at a time. Please understand that this is temporary, you are going to adjust well and you are going to be a new woman. So many wonderful things will come forward. It wasn't that long ago where I vented in posts and cried out to others. It really helped to have others understand my frustrations. You are making many changes working through this addiction....your body is healing...your mind is healing...major stuff and it can be frustrating. But like Zep said earlier in a post...only for as long as you let it. Continue to look at why we must keep working and why we must succeed!

Hold on tight, Jen, it won't be long...do it just for today. We are proud of you, look in that mirror and smile big...you are doing this and doing it well! Stay close and keep talking to us...I'll bet a little later you will feel terrific.

Congratulations on awesome stats!

Hugs...your quit sister...Joanne
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Sewquilts (GOLD)
Sewquilts (GOLD)

May 20th, 2001, 10:40 am #24

For Darcy...
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cathym (GREEN)
cathym (GREEN)

July 14th, 2001, 9:35 am #25

Linda
I have read this post before but still enjoy reading it as it sort of sinces most of the prevalent emotions and since maybe many of us do not experience fear, (except maybe fear of failure) it is a whole different perspective
What I find particularly odd for me is that I really had only toyed with the idea of quitting ............
in the sense that I was only mildly interested in quitting...........but then when I found whyquit.com through Anne (brueinp) while at ediets, I liked her quit meter and so I went there and began to read, etc
then when I saw all the info there and Bryan's story, I began to really think about quitting seriously
I actually remembered my last quit and that I had gotten to the point of comfort and knew that I could probably do that again
What I didn't know about was the addiction and so it made so much sense why I went back to smoking............I actually knew (or thougth I knew) that I could smoke only a few a day and be content...........well we all know how far that went.........
anyway I just wanted to say that your post here has so much value and each time I see it I am reminded why I choose to NTAP
thanks
Cathy
Two months, one week, five days, 20 hours, 43 minutes and 14 seconds. 1477 cigarettes not smoked, saving $258.52. Life saved: 5 days, 3 hours, 5 minutes.
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