screams, laughter, fears and tears

The emotions that flow from nicotine cessation
Joined: January 7th, 2009, 7:17 pm

March 19th, 2001, 1:17 am #21

Great post to bring to the top. Well said Linda!

Hugz to you all. Tash
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Joined: January 7th, 2009, 8:34 pm

March 19th, 2001, 3:10 am #22

just wanted to say thank you to the ones that sent me words of encouragment last week when i was near to end of my 1st week of being smoke-free. i was really wanting a cigarette so bad that night. i decided before going for cigarettes i would reach out to my quit sisters & brothers. each letter that i receiving i could feel the love & concern. i sat here as i read the replys i sat here cried. today i am so happy i didn't go back to smoking because i know it would not have been just a cigarette or two it would had been pack after pack for me. the craving are still there but not as often or as powerful as last week. i am finding out that using hard candies help a lot. i keep the candies now while i used to keep cigarettes. it is becoming more easier each day. hugs, bonnie

One week, three days, 1 hour, 24 minutes and 21 seconds. 704 cigarettes not smoked, saving $79.21. Life saved: 2 days, 10 hours, 40 minutes.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

March 19th, 2001, 11:24 am #23

Hi Jen, thanks for sharing. I am sorry you are feeling so on edge. You stats are much to be proud of...you are even breaking records. I just want you to know that I do understand how emotional this journey can be. The beginning of my quit was like a roller coaster.... I truly worked through it one day at a time. Please understand that this is temporary, you are going to adjust well and you are going to be a new woman. So many wonderful things will come forward. It wasn't that long ago where I vented in posts and cried out to others. It really helped to have others understand my frustrations. You are making many changes working through this addiction....your body is healing...your mind is healing...major stuff and it can be frustrating. But like Zep said earlier in a post...only for as long as you let it. Continue to look at why we must keep working and why we must succeed!

Hold on tight, Jen, it won't be long...do it just for today. We are proud of you, look in that mirror and smile big...you are doing this and doing it well! Stay close and keep talking to us...I'll bet a little later you will feel terrific.

Congratulations on awesome stats!

Hugs...your quit sister...Joanne
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

May 20th, 2001, 10:40 am #24

For Darcy...
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

July 14th, 2001, 9:35 am #25

Linda
I have read this post before but still enjoy reading it as it sort of sinces most of the prevalent emotions and since maybe many of us do not experience fear, (except maybe fear of failure) it is a whole different perspective
What I find particularly odd for me is that I really had only toyed with the idea of quitting ............
in the sense that I was only mildly interested in quitting...........but then when I found whyquit.com through Anne (brueinp) while at ediets, I liked her quit meter and so I went there and began to read, etc
then when I saw all the info there and Bryan's story, I began to really think about quitting seriously
I actually remembered my last quit and that I had gotten to the point of comfort and knew that I could probably do that again
What I didn't know about was the addiction and so it made so much sense why I went back to smoking............I actually knew (or thougth I knew) that I could smoke only a few a day and be content...........well we all know how far that went.........
anyway I just wanted to say that your post here has so much value and each time I see it I am reminded why I choose to NTAP
thanks
Cathy
Two months, one week, five days, 20 hours, 43 minutes and 14 seconds. 1477 cigarettes not smoked, saving $258.52. Life saved: 5 days, 3 hours, 5 minutes.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:59 pm

August 9th, 2001, 10:11 pm #26

LOL Grumpy, I like your hairstyle
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

August 9th, 2001, 10:33 pm #27

Hey Grumpy Ol Linda,

I must say that this is the first time I've come across this post in my 2 months on this board, and it's one of the most important to someone like me. I was telling a friend yesterday that early on in my quit, the emotions were like spikes up and down, seeming out of the blue, changeable at the drop of a hat. Tears, anger and anxiety, Oh My! Now, they are still cycling, but the waves are smoother and longer and not as extreme.

I realized that I'll never feel "normal" again - if by "normal," one means what I felt like as a smoker. I'm building a new "normal," one that's more confident, more self-loving, more healthy, and absolutely smoke-free. Someone like that will have different emotions and reactions to things than someone who felt criminal smoking in front of others or indoors, self-recriminating for not being able to breathe going up steps, antsy to get away from meetings to get a fix, very annoyed to discover only one butt left in the house before bedtime, deflated for not seeming to find the courage or strength or will power to give up cigarettes even for a few hours.

So, to all you newbies out there who resonate with these ideas, let me tell you: it DOES GET BETTER! The junkie thinking that whispers in your ear that you'll feel "better" or "normal" or "right" or "able to get through _____" if you were to just smoke again CALMS WAY DOWN and sounds as silly as it really is as you go along!

:) Melissa

No smokes in 2 Months 2 Weeks 3 Days 11 Hours 33 Minutes 21 Seconds!
Not smoked 1569 cigarettes!
Not spent $211.90 on them!
Reclaimed 1 Wk 3 Days 21 Hrs 36 Mins 17 Secs of my life!
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Joined: January 7th, 2009, 8:34 pm

August 9th, 2001, 11:23 pm #28

Been smoke free for 1 month today. Have had the same thing happen. Fine for several days, then WHAM.........it is as if I just quit again. They tell me to stick it out.
Apparently the withdrawals can peak and valley rather than just slowly diminishing.

4 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 14 minutes, 29 seconds 611 cigarettes not smoked
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

August 23rd, 2001, 6:05 am #29

this is for our newest members stuggling through the first few weeks of learning to live lives free of nicotine. please note that attitude plays such a tremendous part of conquoring ANY addiction. look at each trigger as a confrontation with an old experience where a cigarette was used to deliver a deadly drug and now you are meeting it, greeting it and yes, defeating it without one. also know that with each victory over that trigger and each day you remain smokefree, you are getting closer and closer to the greatest feeling in the world....freedom. soon that feeling becomes a reality and there are really no words to describe it.

keep on keeping on...baby steps. before you know it, you will be and feel like a new person.

hugs to you all,
Linda
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Bev
Joined: January 7th, 2009, 8:34 pm

November 16th, 2001, 8:53 pm #30

Linda-I read this a month or so after I quit and read it again this morning. Yes, I have experienced lots of peaks and valleys - but thought I was doing okay. I focused on not smoking and getting through each day. On October 31, I turned bronze and I am so proud. Throughout my quit I have experienced mental and physical symptoms that were pretty intense at times. I have continued to read and educate myself about my addiction (which continues to blow my mind). I have experienced a lot of fatigue and anxiety. Working has been okay, but my family has sure suffered!! My husband pointed out to me recently that I appeared continually unhappy and perhaps speaking with a professional would help me. I realized at that point that maybe I was in need of some help. I think some of symptoms were gradually increasing and it took a while for me to recognize this. I have been so happy about quitting and "fearful" of smoking again - I ignored everything else during these last months. Anyway, I visited my doctor earlier this week. He was very sympathetic and encouraged me several times during our conversation not to return to smoking. He reminded me that smoking IS an addiction and quitting can be a long bumpy road for some. Toward the end of our conversation I mentioned that I am not much of a pill taker and he said "okay" - but think about the number of drugs you were getting with each cigarette - not including nicotine. He prescribed Wellbutrin and I have begun taking it. I believe it is beginning to help. This site has helped me on the road to Freedom and I am grateful. Thanks for your encouraging words.
Bev
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

January 3rd, 2002, 4:19 am #31

rough time of the year now for most of us. The holidays over, winter setting in and lots of different emotions surfacing. remember...this only lasts a short time. KEEP SMILING!!
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

March 11th, 2002, 6:57 pm #32

for Milly
if you get a chance, treat yourself to a little something special today....anything that will make you smile...a CD, a book, a few fresh flowers, a plant, a new bottle of nail color....anything.

this feeling will pass, but in the meantime, there is no rule that says you can't treat yourself with something of beauty. Even a short walk can do wonders, especially in the spring which is full of the renewal of life. Listen to the birds, look for the new perrenials to poke their heads through the ground, listen to children laugh and remember that you too are healing as well and soon you will be feeling so much better.

The greatest gift you can give yourself is time...time to heal and time to adjust and time to realize that a whole new life is unfolding before your eyes....yours!

yqs, Linda
2 years plus
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

March 12th, 2002, 12:03 am #33

EXCELLENT STRING TO BRING UP LINDA.

ROGER
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Joined: January 7th, 2009, 8:33 pm

May 3rd, 2002, 7:04 am #34

Wow...I really needed to read this today! There have been no specific triggers, just that "empty" feeling that my junkie thinks can be filled only with that killer drug, nicotine. I feel reassured knowing that I am still in the process of healing.

Thanks, Linda

Carolyn
Choosing to be nicotine free for two weeks, five days, 8 hours, 17 minutes and 19 seconds. 386 cigarettes not smoked, saving $58.04. Life saved: 1 day, 8 hours, 10 minutes.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:59 pm

June 9th, 2002, 1:15 pm #35

I really needed to read this today. I found myself not only craving cigarettes, but overeating to compensate as well. Couldn't really figure out why I was doing this, but have been digging deep, journaling, and getting honest in order to stop this behavior. It was getting pretty depressing. How soon I forgot that this was junkie thinking? Gosh!
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:03 am

June 9th, 2002, 3:27 pm #36

Woooh! What a day. Grumpy or what! I was to have the weekend to myself, hubby was heading to our cottage for the weekend. Lo and behold the weather forecast was pouring rain all weekend. He ended up coming back early this morning. So, needless to say I was Ms. Grouchy,Touchie, Out of My Face mood today. Did a lot of reading at FREEDOM. My quit had been relatively easy until this past week and I even went GREEN. Go figure. My patience level is very short right now. Been doing a lot of deep breathing. I keep telling myself this will pass. Oh, I even yelled out a good scream today. Never did that before! There was no one home luckily! One day at a time........ Phew....NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.
I needed a good ramble.
Catherine

I have chosen not to smoke for 1 Month 3 Days 1 Hour 35 Minutes 2 Seconds. NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
Last edited by Kit Cat (Gold) on January 13th, 2010, 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

July 9th, 2002, 1:08 am #37

Thank you, her grumpiness, this is just what I needed today!!

While I am certainly less and less uncomfortable, I am not really more comfortable yet - you know?!

I continue ONE DAY AT A TIME - and have never faltered on my course to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF - but do find myself growing impatient sometimes!!!! It is so reassuring to read about the experiences of others who have struggled through this "empty feeling" that has haunted me for the last few days.

Thankfully YQS,
Alyson
13D16H5M
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

July 9th, 2002, 1:40 am #38

And thank you Lorraine for bringing this to the top!

Alyson
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Joined: January 7th, 2009, 7:12 pm

August 24th, 2002, 3:34 am #39

Thanks for this thread...really needed to read this today. I've been on the rollercoaster since I got up this morning...

Took a look at the "savings jar" I started since I quit. I think there's enough in there for a little giftie-something this weekend...

TDQ -- thedreadedquitter

Da numbas:
1 Week 2 Days 16 Hours 52 Minutes 9 Seconds.
242 cigs not smoked, saving $60.64.
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

October 15th, 2002, 4:35 am #40

for MoodyEsther from GrumpyOMrsS.

hang in there sweetheart and never make apologies for going through withdrawal. you will feel lots better, soon. I promise.

Linda
two years, nine months free
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:59 pm

October 15th, 2002, 4:43 am #41

Hang on, feel whatever feelings there are, doesn't it feel good to not use nicotine to cover those up any more? Thankfully, the rollercoaster of emotions rolls to a stop. Whew!

your quit sister,
mish
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:59 pm

January 15th, 2003, 12:06 am #42

For Tisy and Nana......it gets better!
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:59 pm

March 12th, 2003, 3:08 am #43

thank you golden billw for the recommendation of this article, and thank you linda for writing it.
i really needed to read this.
nadette
1wk, 1d
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Joined: January 7th, 2009, 7:24 pm

March 12th, 2003, 1:37 pm #44

Thanks, I needed this post today. I feel a little blue, but for once no tears at the drop of a hat. Maybe I'm fighting them off, I don't know, I'll wait until I lay in my bed thinking of what a wonderful day I had not smoking. Then when I cry I turn the tears into tears of happiness. For some reason, even though I've had some rough times, I know deep within that nothing would have been different if I smoked, and I don't think the way I've dealt with everything would have been any easier emotionally either if I smoked. I feel calmer and more relaxed, although, no one notices, I feel this way inside. I'm relieved to have kicked off the habit, and three weeks feels like years compared to the 18 years I've smoked...continuously, one after another..., killing my lungs...

What a tragedy, what a horrible tragedy. Ok, I'm stopping now, I don't want to cry for unhappiness, just happiness. Am I crazy? Oh well, at least I crack myself up with laughter sometimes during my craziness times. Thanks, for your kind words, and encouragement, it helps!!!

Jamster, 3 weeks, 36 minutes, 27 seconds
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Joined: January 7th, 2009, 7:33 pm

June 8th, 2003, 11:18 pm #45

I had to come to Freedom this morning. I have been bothered by nickodemons since yesterday. I'm almost 4 weeks into my quit [May 13] and got hit by a bad crave, I fought it, even had a good cry for myself. Then I dreamed 2 people came in the store where I worked, smoking cigarettes, and instead of telling them to put them out, I asked for and took a puff.
I couldn't believe I did that and began to cry for my lost quit.

I woke up, tears still on my face, and joy that it was only a dream. I immediately logged on to Freedom to read about Depression and how others handled that type of feeling.

I was thinking maybe I should ask my Dr. about Wellbutrin , but like others, I do not want to take medication. Maybe it was just this weekend and this crave that did it. I don't have too much support at home, Hubby is glad I quit but doesn't have much to say about it, kids are glad too but no one reenforces my need to hear that I'm doing great.

When I smoked, every day someone said "when are you going to quit?" "You need to quit" Now that I've quit, no one says anything. No one feels or understands the struggle I'm going through[ they never smoked]. Oh I guess this is just another pity party for me. I needed to come on here for my re enforcements. I do realize I am proud of me and my quit, I didn't think I could get this far.
Ms Grumpys post and the other articles on depression have helped and so I'll go do something good for myself and keep on breathing deeply and
never take another puff [even in my dreams]

June 13th will be my GREEN PARTY Almost there!
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