Romancing the Drug, Recognizing the Junkie

RobinS614
Joined: 17 Jun 2006, 07:00

06 Aug 2006, 14:15 #21

Wow, what an incredibly powerful read. Blew me away. And thanks for bring this up.

As someone coming up to the 2 month mark, I was making a mental note as I read Erica's post to compare her experiences to mine and I ticked off most of the comparisons and I can therefore truly appreciate the power and reality of every word Erica has penned down.

It's 1 thing to feel something. But to able to accurately describe those feelings in writing as Erica so spectacularly does is truly a gift that very few possess.

If Erica still visits these Boards, I think everyone would be thrilled to hear your version of life at double gold plus silver plus a bit

Robin - 6 days from double green
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kattatonic1 gold4
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Jan 2007, 03:30 #22

I took a vacation in Arizon when I turned Gold. I had to transfer flights in Las Vegas. At the Las Vegas airport there was a crying woman. We spoke. She was awaiting a long delayed connecting flight to San Francisco, on her way to her sister's funeral. Her sister was 23 and died suddenly in an accident. During the hour we sat together she repeated and repeated that a cigarette would make her feel "better". She had flown from Florida and was many hours without a smoke. She was in withdrawal.

She kept saying a cigarette would make her feel "better". She was in withdrawal.

She kept saying a cigarette would make her feel "better". She was in withdrawal.

She kept saying a cigarette would make her feel "better". She was in withdrawal.

All I could think was,

What could possibly make you feel worse on the day your sister died?

Being an active addict -- that's what.

Kay (Gold x 3)
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kattatonic1 gold4
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Jan 2007, 03:42 #23

I should elaborate for those reading these concepts for the first few times.

She would not have physically felt that bad if she were not an active addict. Non-smokers do not go into withdrawal. Ex-smokers have gone through withdrawal and will never have to go through it again if they never take another puff.

The "better" she would feel would only bring her nicotine serum level up to a comfortable level for maybe 20 minutes. Cigarettes do not bring your dead relatives back to life. Cigarettes do not mend broken hearts, not even temporarily.

Sorry if this example reads in any way disrespectful of grief. I thanked the universe for such a powerful reminder on my way to Gold.

Kay (Gold x 3)
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JoeJFree Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

25 Jan 2007, 19:57 #24

Take the time to read ALL the replies in this string. Read what some of the senior members of this forum said about 'Romancing the Drug & Recognizing the Junkie'.

I recognize the 'Junkie' as me. We are inseperable. I learned here that we leave nothing of value behind when we make the decision to go forward with our recovery and reclaim our lives as they are intended to be, nicotine clean and free.

JoeJ Free a couple years
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idrvthe5
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

29 Jan 2007, 00:37 #25

Even in the short amount of time that I've been free from nicotrine (3 weeks) in comparison to all of the long term quits posting here, I've seen so much of the aforementioned junkie behaviour.
The most powerful weapon I have against nicotine is my ability to think. I see and hear people rationalize their addictions each and every day. I cannot believe I participated in the constant glorification of an inanimate object for so many years.
I try to avoid berating smokers with the evangelical zeal of the convert, yet they seem so stupid. Not stupid for becoming addicted, or being addicted- that's easy, anyone can do that, but the mentality amazes me. I see and hear this behaviour and I think "Mike, old boy, that was you about 3 weeks ago- looks dumb from here doesn't it?".
I hear the same weak and overstated props for addictions from people every day.
"I just like to smoke." "I have too much stress to quit right now." "Smoking makes me feel better."
After just 3 short weeks of nicotine free living, these phrases all seem so shallow, and empty. Dusty, shadowy defenses of a completely irrational thought process. Yet 3 weeks ago, I used them frequently. I- me, the guy who prides himself on his common sense, and judgement! My uncle said something to me once, one of the most important things ever said to me by a non-smoker in reference to smoking. He said: "You're an intelligent guy, I'm sure you'll quit." That phrase tweaked something in my heart years ago when he said it. The phrase itself wasn't that powerful, more so was his delivery. He, as a non-smoker, couldn't believe that any rational, intelligent person would willingly participate in behaviour guaranteed to bring about their certain demise!
As smokers, we constantly produced these props, and defenses, both to ourselves and others, to hide the fact that we are out of control addicts. We were ashamed of our habits, knew we were addicted, and unable to do anything to stop our self destructive behaviour. So we rationalized the **** out of our nicotine addiction.
Where I stood three weeks ago, I couldn't see this.
From here, I can't believe I ever missed it!

To those who stayed with me through my ramble, thank you- mike l.

Michael S Leech - Free and Healing for Seventeen Days, 15 Hours and 44 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 10 Hours, by avoiding the use of 706 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $143.12.
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socialdarling
Joined: 15 Apr 2009, 18:36

14 May 2009, 00:23 #26

Image I feel privileged to have read this Erica ,thank you for sharing... Just what I needed for today! : )

Chris, 42 days into this amazing journey of freedom!
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rosy
Joined: 18 Oct 2009, 08:31

05 Dec 2009, 21:51 #27

GreenSolveg wrote:
At two months things are looking seriously different. The novelty has worn off, but every day is as precious as those strange initial days when I and the world were new together. When my mind forgets that I just bring it back to the thought, gently, like a wayward animal. My days now are characterized by vast stretches of time when I don't even think of a cigarette. I have gone from craving continuously to craving frequently to a situation where I don't crave at all for days, then hit a small batch of obstacles, then don't crave again for days. When I hit one of these rough patches the feeling is different: it's more cerebral. I can feel the junkie thoughts ascending from the brutal, visceral reptile-brain level, through the emotional level, up to the detached intellectual level. And so long as I don't take a cigarette they will stay there forever: in the land of abstraction and passing thoughts. Something there one moment and gone the next. But the vividness remains.
Exactly my experience now at two months : novelty over, days with peace, and then some with craves.
Today was a wobble - so doing some anti-junkie work.
Found this pic in my readings today which helps put the junkie its is place.

Image

Free & Healing
Rosy
Stopped Smoking for One Month, Twenty Seven Days, 5 Hours and 23 Minutes, by avoiding the use of 1888 nicotine delivery devices. Quit Day : 09/10/2009.
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Sarah52
Joined: 02 Dec 2009, 01:52

04 Feb 2010, 02:59 #28

Thanks Freedom, for popping this up. I've not read this one before but it is right on the mark for me, at 89 days free. I hope a lot of newbies (newer than me, LOL) soak this one up!
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Oreo
Joined: 26 Jan 2010, 16:28

05 Feb 2010, 18:10 #29

Thanks Sarah for sharing this link. I'm at the 2 way mark and it's almost the same - I think A LOT about smoking. It's not the cravings of day 3 - 5, it's just these vicious thoughts. I don't get the "good time cigarettes" or the "good cigarettes" thoughts - for me it's just a cigarette!

I'm so NOT looking forward to the possible 1 month agony but as they say no pain no gain!
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Joe J free
Joined: 18 Jan 2009, 06:57

05 Feb 2010, 20:40 #30

Try replacing the word "cigarette" with "nicotine
The 'joy' of smoking
Junkie Thinking 
Junkie's junk?  

Take the time to read ALL the replies in this string. Read what some of the senior members of this forum said about 'Romancing the Drug & Recognizing the Junkie'.

I recognize the 'Junkie' as me. We are inseperable. I learned here that we leave nothing of value behind when we make the decision to go forward with our recovery and reclaim our lives as they are intended to be, nicotine clean and free.

Joe J free
Last edited by Joe J free on 05 Feb 2010, 20:43, edited 1 time in total.
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