Quitting for Others

AuntBea (Silver)
Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 00:33

27 Dec 2002, 01:11 #11

John, that was very beautiful. Congratulations on your new life.
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neddygirl1
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 20:12

31 Oct 2003, 09:09 #12

John, that really is beautiful.
For me it's the other way around. I was the smoker that had to make excuses not to see my dad because I hid my smoking from him.
We spent the whole day together last weekend, for the first time in years, as I could never go longer than a few hours without making an excuse, like you said, to run away and be a junkie. I could tell it really meant a lot to him, but he still doesn't know why I used to leave in a bad mood all the time.
Congratulations,
love net
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

25 Feb 2004, 01:43 #13

Image
We can share our glory but it must be ours!
Last edited by John (Gold) on 30 Mar 2009, 01:47, edited 1 time in total.
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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

28 Dec 2004, 03:58 #14

"My husband can't stand it when I smoke - that is why I quit." "My wife is trying to quit, so I will stop just to support her." "My kids get sick when I smoke in front of them. They cough, sneeze, and nag me to death. I quit for them." "My doctor told me not to smoke as long as I am his patient, so I quit to get him off my back." "I quit for my dog."

All these people may have given up smoking, but they have done it for the wrong reason. While they may have gotten through the initial withdrawal process, if they don't change their primary motivation for abstaining from smoking, they will inevitably relapse. Contrary to popular belief, the important measure of success in smoking cessation is not getting off of cigarettes, but rather the ability to stay off.

A smoker may quit temporarily for the sake of a significant other, but he will feel as if he is depriving himself of something he truly wants. This feeling of deprivation will ultimately cause him to return to smoking. All that has to happen is for the person who he quit for to do something wrong, or just disappoint him. His response will be, "I deprived myself of my cigarettes for you and look how you pay me back! I'll show you, I will take a cigarette!" He will show them nothing. He is the one who will return to smoking and suffer the consequences. He will either smoke until it kills him or have to quit again. Neither alternative will be pleasant.

It is imperative for him to come to the realization that the primary benefactor in his giving up smoking is himself. True, his family and friends will benefit, but he will feel happier, healthier, calmer and in control of his life. This results in pride and a greatly improved self-esteem. Instead of feeling deprived of cigarettes, he will feel good about himself and appreciative to have been able to break free from such a dirty, deadly, powerful addiction.

So, always keep in mind that you quit smoking for you. Even if no one else offers praise or encouragement, pat yourself on the back for taking such good care of yourself. Realize how good you are to yourself for having broken free from such a destructive addiction. Be proud and remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Dec 2005, 20:45 #15

You cannot quit smoking for others. On the same token, you should never go back to smoking because of an act of another person also. I saw a post from a person who was angery at her boyfriend and because of an altercation considered taking a cigarette. Often the thought process involved in such an act is that you will hurt the other person if you take a cigarette. It is then considered a retaliatory response to a wrong inflicted by another individual.

Well the fact is if you take a cigarette to hurt someone else, you are the only one who is really going to get hurt in the long-run. In fact, I always tell my clinic participants that if in the future, any person ever ticks them off big time and they want to get even with the person, they should make every effort possible to get that other person to smoke. If the clinic person were to be the one to take the cigarette, they are the ones who are going to get burned by the process. If you get the other person to smoke, you are helping to speed along his or her death.

Hopefully there are not many people who take the advice literally. Although if someone did go out of their way to sabotage another person's quit, when it comes right down to it, it would still be the fault of the person who took the cigarette. Each and every person who has quit has to take responsibility for his or her own success or failure. Failure will only occur if a person only rationalizes an excuse to take a cigarette, such as the excuse to hurt another person. Success will only occur if a person decides that no matter what other people do around him or her or to him or her that he or she is going to continue to stick to the personal commitment he or she made to him or herself to never take another puff!

Joel
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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

25 Dec 2005, 23:40 #16

Your selection of your primary quitting motivation, and keeping it adequately fueled, is critical to permanent nicotine dependency recovery. Quitting for your unborn child all but assures nicotine relapse once you convince yourself that the greatest dangers have passed. By quitting for you, and allowing your baby to inherit the fruits of your decision, you set the stage to permanently arrest your dependency.

John
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CassataAngel
Joined: 10 Jan 2009, 01:21

13 Mar 2006, 22:05 #17

I think this sentance sums up the last 96 hours for me.

Quit for you and only you. Only you can decide to Keep the Freedom from nicotine you have chosen . Only you can throw that hard won Freedom away by decising to readminister nicotine to you now clean blood and brain.

Why would I want to throw away what I have struggled to achieve! I might have chosen to quit for my teenager, but that was day 1. I stop now because I want to remain toxic free!!!!

Cassata
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JoeJFree Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

12 Aug 2006, 04:58 #18

It is imperative for him or her to come to the realization that the primary benefactor in his giving up smoking is himself. True, his family and friends will benefit, but he will feel happier, healthier, calmer and in control of his life. This results in pride and a greatly improved self-esteem. Instead of feeling deprived of cigarettes, he will feel good about himself and appreciative to have been able to break free from such a dirty, deadly, powerful addiction. - from Joel's initial post above.
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tallmama
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 01:39

12 Aug 2006, 08:04 #19

So true! But the frightening thing is that I wonder how someone can give up their freedom! They have reached the top and felt what life is like without being chained to addiction. How can our minds forget all of that so quickly and go back to that filthy way of living? -Karen
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

04 Sep 2006, 03:40 #20

You cannot quit smoking for others. On the same token, you should never go back to smoking because of an act of another person also. I saw a post from a person who was angery at her boyfriend and because of an altercation considered taking a cigarette. Often the thought process involved in such an act is that you will hurt the other person if you take a cigarette. It is then considered a retaliatory response to a wrong inflicted by another individual.

Well the fact is if you take a cigarette to hurt someone else, you are the only one who is really going to get hurt in the long-run. In fact, I always tell my clinic participants that if in the future, any person ever ticks them off big time and they want to get even with the person, they should make every effort possible to get that other person to smoke. If the clinic person were to be the one to take the cigarette, they are the ones who are going to get burned by the process. If you get the other person to smoke, you are helping to speed along his or her death.

Hopefully there are not many people who take the advice literally. Although if someone did go out of their way to sabotage another person's quit, when it comes right down to it, it would still be the fault of the person who took the cigarette. Each and every person who has quit has to take responsibility for his or her own success or failure. Failure will only occur if a person only rationalizes an excuse to take a cigarette, such as the excuse to hurt another person. Success will only occur if a person decides that no matter what other people do around him or her or to him or her that he or she is going to continue to stick to the personal commitment he or she made to him or herself to never take another puff!

Joel
Reply