Quitting can be a very lonely experience

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

12 Jul 2004, 01:55 #11

The people who are often the loneliest quitters are those who were closet smokers. They cannot share their thoughts or feelings with others around them because saying that they are having a bad time quitting is exposing the lie that they have been living for who knows how long. Along with the other problems of being a closet smoker, (see The Closet Smoker), is the isolated feelings that go along with having to be a closet quitter. To avoid ever having to live in either of these two states is as simple now as knowing to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

06 Sep 2004, 21:53 #12

"But even the longer-term quitters still keep the significance of their quits at a level of paramount importance."

I just want to add my voice to this thread, and confirm that this is exactly true of me. Even now after nearly four years, hardly a day goes by that I don't remind myself of my quit ... and smile. I rate quitting as probably the most important decision I've taken since I got married, and I still recall that decision with a certain amount of awe and wonderment.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Sep 2004, 21:09 #13


As Marty points out, Freedom's more senior members are likely not here posting and supporting the group's newest arrivals because of any challenge of our own. To the contrary, it's likely that the calm and quiet that now fills their mind is so soothing in itself that they can't imagine ever giving it back. It's likely that they want to help you see and feel what it's like to restore neurochemical sensitivities, to arrest your dependency and end the mandatory nicotine/dopamine/adrenaline roller coaster ride, and to smile as they watch each of you gradually learn to function comfortably in a world surrounded by the chemical that once controlled you.

I join Marty in sharing my awe and wonderment at remaining free these past five years. To be frank, in the early days I never would have thought it possible. Yes, except for reading about them in old posts, my own personal memories of the early challenges have all but evaporated. It's another important reason so many of us return here to Freedom. You see, we rely upon the dreams and challenges of our newest arrivals to help remind us of the amazing journey we've made.

Support truly is a two way street and although it may sound strange, we thank each of our newbies for helping us recall what it was like living and planning life around that next mandatory feeding. You may be lonely on your own but here at Freedom the benefits are mutual. Thank you Freedom. There was always only one rule ... no nicotine today, Never Take Another Puff. John (Gold x5)
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

12 Apr 2006, 15:57 #14

I have been quit for 4 Weeks, 2 Days, 2 hours, 56 minutes and 13 seconds (30 days). I have saved £78.31 by not smoking 301 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 1 hour and 5 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 13/03/2006 06:00
thats how I feel today my husband and daughter both smoking and ignoring my quit
Im so glad Ive got this site
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:01

13 Apr 2006, 11:57 #15

My hubby, a non-smoker, (never smoked) has completely ignored my quit. I had quit for a week, before I finally gave in and mentioned it to him. Oh yea, he noticed that I had not been spending so much time in the garage. " Yea, thats good for you, so how about you lose some weight now?"
Anyway, we must toot our own horn and thank goodness for all the wonderful support we receive here! I am so thankful for all my quit angels!

aunt valeria
I have been quit for 1 Month, 2 Weeks, 3 Days, 3 hours and 27 minutes (48 days). I have saved $132.38 by not smoking 962 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 8 hours and 10 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 2/23/2006 7:30 PM
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:19

22 Apr 2006, 10:56 #16

"Being lonely from being one of the only smokers in your family and social network can last a lifetime for a person who does not quit."
Well, that WAS my lot in life, and even though there are som many reasons to quit, that was the one that did it.

Bob - Free and Healing for Eleven Days, 14 Hours and 54 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 14 Hours, by avoiding the use of 465 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $116.27.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 May 2006, 04:49 #17

For Ken -

Support is available 7/24/365. Education is available to all, anytime, anywhere. And it's all free for the taking.

No need to be lonely any longer.
Be Free, clean of nicotine, naturally, by deciding for this very moment, to NTAP!
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:53

22 Jul 2006, 21:18 #18

Joel - Trying to quit smoking has always been a very lonely experience and until now, I have not been successful. I am not ever alone as long as I turn on this computer and go to the one place I know I belong....and that is right here!!!!

At first, the people in my personal life were, once again, very happy that I made this decision, but although they didn't say, I'm certain, they didn't believe I would carry through...just another "I quit" story, they thought. Now that it's been 17 days, those that do smoke ask if I am still quit, but really do not want to discuss it any further...I'm sure they are not interested in hearing what the positives of stopping smoking have been for me and I often get the feeling, they ask because a part of them would really like for me to say "no, I broke down and didn't make it"....that would justify them continuing to kill themselves. So why would they want to discuss my success? I know when I was in denial, I didn't want to discuss something I wasn't willing to acknowledge.

The people who do not smoke don't really bring it up, I suppose because smoking is not, and never has been, an important part of their daily thoughts and actions, so it's not something they would normally even think about. (I do have one friend who quit 2 years ago, and she has been very supportive and understanding, but I cannot talk to her 24-7 nor anytime I feel the need to).

Thanks to this site, I do not allow myself to be alone with the thoughts of the "aah" that would never take place with that first puff. When the thoughts filter in, I come here. It has worked every time!!!

I would never have been able to get to even 17 days without the support of everything and everyone connected with whyquit.com. Just wanted you to know that when I get lonely in my quit, I come here as soon as I can get here. I know when I sign off, I will feel 100% better. Thank you for giving all of us this wonderful place to go.

Barb - I quit 17 days & 21 hours ago and will NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!!
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

23 Jul 2006, 00:37 #19

Barb,
I totally agree. It has been exactly the same for me. Ive tried so many times before and failed.
Now I never feel alone. When I don't know what to do with myself or I feel it's time for my "reward". ( how sad I would reward myself with a disgusting cig.) I come and read, read, read.
It's made all the difference.
Congratulations on your success!!!! Keep up the good work !
Your QS,
Neena
I have been quit for 5 Days, 17 hours, 34 minutes and 40 seconds (5 days). I have saved $13.75 by not smoking 68 cigarettes. I have saved 5 hours and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/16/2006 4:00 PM
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Joined: 10 Jan 2009, 00:15

30 Jul 2006, 02:05 #20

I am feeling that lonliness very strongly this weekend after the euphoria of quitting cold turkey 1 w 5d 2hr and 21 minutes ago. Even though I don't know anyone within 20 miles who still smokes I can see how easy it would be to ask a stranger if I could bum just one.....smokers are delighted to help hook another addict back into their stinking club.
I put this thinking aside, but at the same time try to accept the lonliness as a valid feeling. I'm having a rough time right now but have faith that I can never take another puff.
Stella
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

30 Jul 2006, 02:44 #21

I can remember this feeling the first week.....it helped me to take a walk, do some chores and find a comedy to watch that evening.
I also went to the library here and found good information on the whys and the reality that this too shall pass......as long as I didn't take a puff I was ahead of the world around me.

You can do this!!!!!!

Lianne.........
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Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

31 Jan 2007, 08:57 #22

From above:

As you encounter others in your travels through life, let them know there is help out here for them. To help return the support, always be encouraging to people quitting and always make sure they understand to stay off smoking they need to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

13 Oct 2007, 08:31 #23

Quitting is a worthwhile experience!

The adjustment period is temporary and the benefits are many.

Comfort will evolve and life without nicotine and smokes will become natural and easy.

That is why you see so many longterm quitters at Freedom lending support and giving a hand and celebrating themselves and everyone else who's quit.

Always remember why you quit.
Caring for your quit


Never take another puff, one day at a time.

Sal
Goldx4
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:07

13 Oct 2007, 17:26 #24

I come back to this post often...even put it in my notebook. The first month of quitting I was surrounded by my "fans." Friends & family who had spent years trying to get me to quit. Now they are quiet, content in the knowledge that I won't smoke again, more confident in me than I am in myself some days.

I didn't quit alone & I still need other quitters to keep me on track. With Freedom I am never alone in my quit...I am able to come here & get some words of encouragement of congratulations, or give a boost to someone who just made the committment. Thanks.
Sonja
2 months, three weeks, three days, NTAP
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

23 Oct 2007, 10:54 #25

"Quitting can be a very lonely experience"

That is exactly why this place is so important. It is the ONE place where others understand what Never Take Another Puff really means. I know I am not alone and I have support and there are people who understand.

Thank you!
Kristi
3 weeks and almost 6 days
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Jan 2008, 13:20 #26

I hope this is a good place to tie in another similarly themed and important post - When no one else cares
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Joined: 20 Feb 2009, 03:04

25 Feb 2009, 04:02 #27

It does seem lonely at times. But I am sure it will get better and I do recall feeling lonely and left out when I was standing outside smoking a cigarette at 30 below!. This feeling will go away too as long as I "Never Take Another Puff"
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Joined: 06 Dec 2008, 16:58

10 Nov 2009, 14:46 #28

From above:

I saw in another thread where a few members felt a real benefit in knowing that they were not alone in the reaction that they were having in their quits. This thread here discusses the phenomena on how quitting in a group can ease some of the fears and lonliness encountered by some people when they are quitting smoking. There is a wide range of feelings that are actually normal reactions to quitting. But normal does not mean that every one gets the specific reactions, just that it is normal for some people to get the reactions.


I sometimes get concerned when a person is having a tough time a few weeks into a quit, comes on board and other members respond that they are having the same reaction and then, sometimes go overboard and say everyone gets these kind of reactions. This can scare people who are first thinking of quitting or just a few days into their quits into thinking that they had better give up now for they begin to think that it is normal that they are going to be having these kind of problems weeks later and they feel that they don't have the fight to get through this extended time period.


So for clarification there are a few points I want to make here. First, the thoughts that can happen are not usually as strong or problematic as the thoughts that people get in the first few days of a quit. Second, is that while some other people may have similar thoughts at some times, that there are also other people who do not and in fact, depending on the reactions involved, it may be that most people are not going to have the same reaction. Normal means things might happen to a few people, not that things will happen to all people.


There is only one thing that is normal and applies to everyone. That is that it is normal to expect to stay permanently in control and smoke free as long as a person sticks with the commitment he or she made to never take another puff!


Joel

Related videos:

Video Title Dial Up Migh Speed MP3 Length Created
Telling others that you have quit smoking 2.53mb 7.58mb 4.07mb 08:57 10/17/06
Talking to others about not smoking 5.60mb 16.8mb 6.92mb 15:13 11/19/06
Dealing with people who try to undercut your quit 6.52mb 19.5mb 8.05mb 17:42 11/12/06
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Joined: 13 Sep 2010, 22:43

22 Sep 2010, 03:00 #29

Quitting really does feel lonely at times.  I think its important for me to remember that I did this for me, not anyone else.  So it really is all about me.
But I do wish others understood more of what I have been going through. 
I am thankful though for all the support and encouragement that I have found here. 
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Joined: 13 Sep 2010, 17:47

11 Oct 2010, 15:18 #30

The loneliness is really for me the supressed manner in which you have to go through this. I have had highs so high I wanted to shout how free I felt. I also have wanted to be like a four year old (probably was) and tell EVERYONE that I just quit smoking. You know like a little girl who got a new toy and tells every adult in the store? I feel like a got a bright, shiny new toy. I know I did give myself and my family a wonderful gift. I enjoy it everyday and they will too. I guess I am just the one who knows how much it cost (work invested) to obtain and the cost to secure! You appreciate things more when you have to work for them I guess! My friends & most of my family still smoke and I really can't tell them how wonderful it has been to be free. I could go on and on. They would think I am being fake or something. I tell my husband but after a while I have to give him a break!

You know what? I would never want to join the actively addicted again. With Freedom I am not alone, the folks here are my quit family and the mentors are as strict and caring as good parents should be. We may be alone in our physical lives but I have found this network more than adequate and a blessing. Thanks for being here!
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Joined: 16 Oct 2010, 19:53

17 Oct 2010, 20:43 #31

Lonely for me too! I have people not believing that I actually have quit, who are continually asking me if I am back smoking. Seems to be the reverse of supporting me, in my quit. It's like they expect me to fail.

The articles and posts here, counterbalance a lot of that lonely/isolation stuff, I guess each of us, quietly endure to varying degrees.

mo
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

17 Oct 2010, 21:00 #32

Here is another string addressing this issue: 


[font=ARIAL, GEORGIA, 'TIMES NEW ROMAN', TIMES, SERIF]When did people start to take your quit seriously?[/font][font=ARIAL, GEORGIA, 'TIMES NEW ROMAN', TIMES, SERIF] [/font]
[font=ARIAL, GEORGIA, 'TIMES NEW ROMAN', TIMES, SERIF]
[/font]
[font=ARIAL, GEORGIA, 'TIMES NEW ROMAN', TIMES, SERIF]Another side concept also in that string:[/font]
[font=ARIAL, GEORGIA, 'TIMES NEW ROMAN', TIMES, SERIF]
[/font]
[font=ARIAL, GEORGIA, 'TIMES NEW ROMAN', TIMES, SERIF]I saw where a couple of members have made a point of saying that this quit is for them so that others taking the quit serious is not important. They are right in this assessment, whether other people take your quit serious or not is not important to your success. What is important is that you take it serious. 

But there is one side benefit to quitting that this issue does touch upon. There are smokers around you, possibly family members or friends who still think that quitting is impossible. They may feel that when a person who smoked like just them tries to quit, that they will eventually fail because that is just the way it is supposed to be. 

Your quit just may help in shaking up this illusion that they have. When a smoker starts to realize that you did quit and also recognize that you are intent on staying off, it may very well stir something inside of him or her that maybe there is hope for him or her too. Even non-smokers around you may be using you as an example to help another smoker they know. 

So yes, your quit is for you and you are the primary benefactor of the benefits. But don't be surprised if just maybe one day someone else close to you quits and tells you that your success helped influenced him or her. That person too then will be the primary benefactor of his or her quit, and both of you will be able to be shining examples for others of how staying smoke free is as simple as staying committed to never take another puff! 

Joel
[/font]
Last edited by Joel Spitzer on 17 Oct 2010, 21:02, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 16 Oct 2010, 19:53

17 Oct 2010, 21:28 #33

@ Joel:

From your first post in this thread:

[font=ARIAL,GEORGIA,'TIMES NEW ROMAN',TIMES,SERIF] When did people start to take your quit seriously?[/font][font=ARIAL,GEORGIA,'TIMES NEW ROMAN',TIMES,SERIF]   

"
[/font] I suspect a lot of newer members are encountering great skepticism as to the odds of you actually quitting from family members and friends".

I guess, after the many years of my smoking and failed previous attempts, has given the people closest to me, the right to be a little skeptical.

Good point you made earlier. It is only important that I am serious in my remaining quit. Also, who knows how many of those who are still smoking, are secretly (or not so secretly, by their questions), are watching how I am doing, to learn for themselves, how it might be for them to quit.

Thanks!
mo
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Joined: 17 Aug 2010, 16:35

20 Oct 2010, 16:13 #34

Something I've never been aware of before, the chance to be a good example.  Actually, I was inspired many years ago by a favorite folk singer who'd kicked both booze and smoking, cold turkey for each.  I managed to quit drinking, but of course did less well with the smoking...till now.  Now, yes now, of the double fists of that famous singer.  And, aside from my natural selfish concerns, I hope to be a good example of the power to quit both.  Whatever pains he went through, the singer never made anything of it.  All he said, basically, was that quitting was something he needed to do.  And that he took care of business.  Along those lines, I keep my trials and tribulations to my posts on site here.  Whenever anyone outside asks, I keep my replies simple and upbeat:  if I can do it, so can you and there's a website you might want to visit...
Gratefully Gold

I escaped from the prison of smoking on August 14, 2010.  
[font]The best revenge is quitting well![/font] 
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03 Feb 2011, 15:37 #35

Wow! - thanks Joel!  so much stuff on this website that helps.  My husband and I both quit on January 15th, 2011.  I quit cold turkey with support from whyquit.com.  My husband got laser therapy - he thinks I'm foolish to do this "on my own".  I will not sabotage our recoveries but I know I'm not alone like he thinks.Hey - success is all that matters!!
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