Not Much of a Smoker

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:01

01 Mar 2004, 12:54 #11

Hi Kay~ What a great post. It sure seems to have been written with a lot of wisdom. It makes so much sense and I thank you for sharing it with us. Take care.
Michelle
free and healing for 5 months.
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 20:06

27 Oct 2004, 00:48 #12

Wow, what an inspiring post!! Thank you, Kay!!
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 20:37

27 Oct 2004, 04:19 #13

Kay,
What a great post! You must have been reading my mind. I was just at a party this past weekend with people I haven't seen in awhile and didn't know I quit. The one woman ask me if I wanted to go outside for a smoke....how tempting~! I told her I quit and she said well I don't smoke much anyway...only a half pack a day (like me)
That almost made me justify going out to smoke.....but I held strong. Thanks for your post.....it reminds me that an addict is an addict.
Cynthia
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Ann
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

27 Oct 2004, 05:03 #14

Nice voice, style, and organization, Kay! What really counts, though, is the level of thought in your post--very insightful. Your post is also challenging in an extremely positive way, and I want to thank you for making something clear to me. Like you, I "didn't smoke much" during the day. In fact, I smoked perhaps two cigarettes in the morning, one during the work day, three on the way home--and ten to fifteen at night. I honestly thought that I was really ENJOYING my during-the-day cigarettes and it never occurred to me that I was not enjoying the drug but rather putting an "end to the torture." Also, like you, I was (and still am, to be frank) amazed at the length and severity of the withdrawal symptoms I've experienced. For a "light smoker" I have had a pretty severe post-cessation cough, have experienced insomnia, have had a tough "Glory Week"--it's hard for me to face the addiction.

So in sum, thank you and bless you.

Ann (45 days)
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:56

27 Jan 2005, 22:23 #15

Kay,

For my morning reading I found your post. Wow, If this post didn't feel like a look in the mirror, I don't know what ever would. I have sat in this holier-than-thou "Not much of a smoker" seat for many years and recently have had people reinforce this to me by saying things like "I didn't even know you smoked." or "You didn't smoke much did you." The fact is I did smoke plenty. I suffered through my work day not smoking, waiting to get into the car to smoke on the way home. Interestingly, that smoke never was too good, but the nicotine fix was needed. My evenings were totally designed around smoking, the weekends were usually binge time. Blah, Blah, Blah. I am an addict! not "not much of a smoker." Thank you for your wonderful post. I am so grateful and humble to finally be free and apologize for my arrogance.

NTAP,

Annette
23 days 1 hour 45 minutes free
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

28 Jan 2005, 09:25 #16

Kay, I read your posts in support for others regularly but today, with this post coming to the top, I now feel like I know you. What a wonderful post to read and help us all guard against complacency. Ahh, faded love...
Karen Pushing 5 months after 39 years
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:10

28 Jan 2005, 09:49 #17

Kate,

I think this post is destined to become one of the 'Classics' at Freedom; referred to and linked up again and again and again.

It is thoughtful, insightful, well organized, straightforward and no-nonsense. It also hits home, because I smoked less than a pack a day, making me "not much of smoker." The irony is that in most of the circles I frequented, family, friends and work, I was the ONLY smoker. If ever anyone needed a match, I was the first person they'd go looking for!! So although I was 'not much of a smoker' in my mind, to almost everyone else I know I might as well have been "the smokiest smoker in the world."

As a corollary to this item, I'm inspired to write "That one didn't count", about the cigarettes that didn't count because they weren't finished, weren't inhaled deeply enough or came before or after an exercise session.


Terry (the California one)
right with you at 69 days quit. (2 Months, 1 Week, 1 Day, 22 hours and 41 minutes, 1,049 cigarettes, $262.29 since 11/18/2004.)
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

24 Mar 2005, 01:56 #18

...saw a post today that reminded me of this thread.
Just look at Kay now! For "not much of a smoker" back in her other days, she's one heck of a GOLDen Oldbie these days!
Last edited by Rickrob53 Gold on 12 Sep 2009, 12:07, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

24 Mar 2005, 03:24 #19

Kay,
I remember reading this once before. Your message undoubtedly strikes a chord for each and every one of us. Your essay has a new and special meaning for me now. Here's why.
I recently got together with a cousin for the first time in about 8 years. Like you she is smart, strong, and very intelligent. We've known each other since we were children. We correspond regularly but distance and living our own hectic lives has kept us apart. Anyway, suffice to say that your insightful observations and admissions have provided me with hopefully the right message to help my cousin understand what a 'controlled secret habitual compulsion for cigarettes' really is. I know it's a long shot but one I feel compelled to take. I know that this place can assist in making miracles come true, one happened for me 71 days ago.
Thanks Kay!
joejFree for Two months, one week, six days - 1804 cigarettes not smoked, saving $353.63 - Life saved: 6 days, 6 hours, 20 minutes NTAP!
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on 12 Sep 2009, 11:37, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

13 Apr 2005, 05:28 #20

I have to say -- this post is inspiring.
I wasn't much of a smoker, either, when it all came down. Even my doctor said -- Oh, heck, only that many? Just quit. He made it sound like a snap (and he'd even been a smoker, years ago... apparently he forgot, or never understood the addiction)
No one understood how difficult the concept of quitting really was. Least of all, me. I'd been justifying my "little habit" for years and years... as just that. A little habit.
Even now, having quit, I still describe my habit to non-smoking friends as a "minor habit". I've GOT TO STOP THAT!! And this post reinforces why.
Yeah -- I'm ashamed.
Yeah -- there are a lot of people who never knew I smoked.
But that's why I've started telling everyone. Today I told two people that I quit -- two people who never knew I smoked. Sure, it's changed their impressions of me. But it also forced me to face up to something that I've been in denial about for years. Now I'm being honest. Now it's out there on the table. And now I have to STAY QUIT!!

I wish it was just a nasty little habit


lo
I've made it 11 days, 14 hours, 57 minutes, 31 seconds. That translates into 139 cigarettes NOT smoked!!
Last edited by lo bluestocking on 12 Sep 2009, 12:00, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 20:37

15 Apr 2005, 23:17 #21

I too have just come upon your wonderful post today and as I have told many people and posted on this board, when urged by my doctor to quit, I have always answered, I don't smoke that much -- only ten a day. My doctor who complimented me on my weight control, exercise habits and great blood work results, commented, even if it's one, it's too many and you are negating all the good you are doing. That thought shall always stay with me and now that I am green (yesterday) with a long way to go, and taking it a day at a time, I know my doctor was right. Thanks for an inspiring post. I am passing it along to a friend of mine who is trying (?) desperately to quit. Maybe it will shed some light on her addiction.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:45

16 Apr 2005, 08:33 #22

Kay,
Thank You, for the great post. I just came across it today. Like you I thought the same I am not that much of a smoker and all sorts of people around me smoke alot more then me, I must be ok, I have control. Until I tried to quit, oh so many times.
Also like Lo, so many people did not know that I smoked and now I tell them, I guess this is because I feel SO good about not smoking now. Now I can say, I am not a smoker.
What a wonderful talent you have for writing.
Keep up the great work and congrats on your progress


Kimberly - 20 days and about 22 hours.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Apr 2005, 12:23 #23

Hello Freedom friends,
Thanks for the nice comments about my old dramatic high horsin' post. The dramatics actually embarass me now but I'll blame it on the phase I was going through being Double Green when I wrote it. (I skipped the anger phase but did other emotional swinging!)
I am very proud of you all(!) and glad that something I wrote could be of some help. I wanted to check in to show you my stats these days.
The most important thing I learned about being Not Much of a Smoker was that I was in almost constant withdrawal for years. I learned that here at Freedom and WhyQuit. I thought I loved every cigarette because each one, after several hours of abstaining, was fulfilling the dependency I had on nicotine.
Law of addiction
Are "aaahh" memories calling your name?
Now I perceive the pursuit of that feeling as an addict searching for a high. We don't usually use the word "high" with nicotine addiction but I know I was looking for that "ahh" feeling all the time, particularly when I was binge smoking. It took me a while to find my "normal" here in Quitsville , but I cannot express to you how glad I am that I did. I don't need that "ahh" feeling any more.
Believe it or not, Ripley, I haven't even wanted that "ahh" feeling for a very, very, very long time. Freedom is fantastic! Keep up the great work, friends. You are worth it!
Kay (Gold)
Celebrating 1 Year, 3 Months, 23 Days, 18 Hours and 49 Minutes of Freedom!
Forsaking 9596 rolls of burning toxic weeds and chemicals
has liberated $3,131.97 and 33 Days and 7 Hours of my life!
Last edited by kattatonic1 gold4 on 12 Sep 2009, 11:18, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

27 Oct 2005, 21:18 #24

Well Jamie,
If you liked Kay's Today is Some Day, One Day, Tomorrow and Monday
then I hope you and many others will enjoy another of the 'Kay Classics'.
JoeJ Free on Day 290 and every day I choose to NTAP!
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on 12 Sep 2009, 12:03, edited 2 times in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

27 Oct 2005, 21:45 #25

Wow how many chords does that strike with me? Let me count the ways.
I'm having another one of my "I'm not alone" moments.

I too had responses like "that's all you smoke? why bother then?"
* or *
(from an ex-smoker) "If I only smoked 4 or 5 a day I would have never quit!" - hmmm...who was I lying to then? 4 or 5 a day...puh-lease. Maybe a few times, thinking I was on my way to quitting by gradual withdrawal. Good thing I found Freedom so I could stop torturing myself. How ironic- I thought I was doing a good thing. It made me feel like I "deserved" those that I did smoke that much more.

I remember my father-in-law told me once (he's a recovering alcoholic for almost 30 years)...he told me that he used to smoke, and he had himself down to ONE cigarette a day. That's it, just one. At the end of his day in the evening. But if he didn't have that one, he'd pull his hair out. He was just as addicted to that one smoke, as I was to my "not many smokes." Just as addicted as some are to their 3+ packs a day.

Just when I think my eyes are wide open, I read another eye opener. Thank you so much Kay for writing another tremendous post.
And thank YOU JoeJ for popping it up. It's amazing that was written a mere 2 months into a quit...I have so many emotions regarding my quit but I could hardly dream of putting them down into such eloquent words.

What a great place. Freedom rocks.

jamie - workin on day 192
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

24 Nov 2005, 14:17 #26

After a night in a smoky bar celebrating my daughter's 21st - Just had to post to this 'Kay Classic'.
Oh, did I mention that the cousin I refer to in Message 19 above, her name is Kathleen.
Her nickname - Kat.
"Afterward whenever I wanted to quit, I would marvel to my doctor, "How can it be so hard for me to quit? I barely smoke compared to most people I know!" She would say, "Someone who uses 5mg of heroine a day is just as much an addict as someone who uses 200mg a day."

Doesn't matter the degree - an Addict is an Addict is an Addict! If you are not totally clean then your addiction is in control & callling the shots. You are not.

If you are totally clean then you ARE in control & calling your own shots.

Naturally, nicotine free, the way you were meant to be. NTAP!
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on 12 Sep 2009, 12:02, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

24 Jan 2006, 10:54 #27

For MJ
see also - Quitting by gradual withdrawal

Joel's Audio lessons
Joel's Audio lessons
Quitting by gradual withdrawal 2.35mb 7.54mb 1.03mb 07:13 10/18/06
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on 12 Sep 2009, 11:32, edited 2 times in total.
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Joined: 04 Apr 2005, 07:00

02 May 2006, 22:53 #28

Jason's diary entry (381) made me think of this. It is perhaps most disconcerting when we see someone relapse who has been nicotine free for an extended period of time. Denial is an insidious disease of the mind that allows us to justify our self destructive behavior without having to admit to it. "It is only a cigar, it is only once a week and it is not actually smoking because I am not inhaling."

Regardless of your delivery device, it is still nicotine addiction.

I hope he finds his way back.

Joseph
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Aug 2006, 09:59 #29

Reposting Kay's 'HighHorsin' classic For a recently arrived member who 'only smoked 1 - 3 cigarettes a day' as well as a few other reasons' near and dear to me.



Joe J exercising my Freedom of Choice for 574 Days (I know that for sure cause I looked it up on my Quit Counter) NTAP!
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

28 Nov 2006, 04:13 #30

I almost could have written this, except my Not Much of a Smoker was in the closet. Brilliantly written! Thank you so much.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:06

29 Nov 2006, 01:57 #31

Ahhh perfect timing. This string definitely needs a reference here!
50 smoking reduction & same death risks
Last edited by smokefreeJD Gold on 12 Sep 2009, 11:36, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

23 Dec 2006, 23:26 #32

If you like this post of Kay's then you may also want to read Today is Some Day, One Day, Tomorrow and Monday. Both of the essays are 'Kay Classics'.
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on 12 Sep 2009, 12:07, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:04

24 Dec 2006, 01:48 #33

I just wrote my first post on this site, and then read this which goes with what I was writing. This was great, thank you for re-posting.

Alex
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Joined: 04 Apr 2005, 07:00

03 Jan 2007, 06:21 #34

Jason's diary entry (381) made me think of this. It is perhaps most disconcerting when we see someone relapse who has been nicotine free for an extended period of time. Denial is an insidious disease of the mind that allows us to justify our self destructive behavior without having to admit to it. "It is only a cigar, it is only once a week and it is not actually smoking because I am not inhaling."
Regardless of your delivery device, it is still nicotine addiction.

Joseph
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

30 Jan 2007, 03:18 #35

I see a new member who will relate to this.
Last edited by Joel on 12 Sep 2009, 12:05, edited 1 time in total.
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