No need to apologize

Welcome to Freedom, a support group dedicated to educated cold turkey nicotine dependency recovery. Prior to applying to join, it is critical that you read: (1) The Law of Addiction (2) Our Mission Statement (3) Relapse Policy and (4) Rules.

No need to apologize

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

27 Apr 2004, 20:09 #1

I often see where a longer term member comes in to make a new post and starts out by apologizing for not having posted in a long time. Actually, the vast majority of our successful quitters don't post all that often. If every member who doesn't post too often were all of a sudden to drop on in and apologize the board would be totally flooded. We'd look like one big sorry board.



We often see where a person is celebrating turning silver or gold or off multiple years who drop in and say, "I don't post much anymore but I still drop by and read regularly. Spending time reading is probably more likely to help a person secure his or her quit than posting. When it comes down to it, our real wish is for each individual here is to keep his or her own quit secure.



All members should always know that while their posts are appreciated they are not mandated. We don't want anyone ever feeling a sense of guilt for using our site. If you are coming here to read to secure your own quit you are making us all happy, even if we never hear about it.

Now there are people who are long-term quitters who are in fact frequent posters. We really appreciate all of the work and help of these people who do stick around. You can tell from the posts of these people that they are well beyond the point of feeling insecure about their own quits. They know not to get complacent and they do want to help. If a person has the time and desire to be there for others they are great assets to our board. But for people whose time might be limited, we want them to put their time into securing their own quits more than trying to secure others.

There is one thing that makes our goal a little different than many Internet based sites. We don't want people to sacrifice time from other areas of their lives and getting hooked on the board. (See Crutches to Quit Smoking and Freedom - your journey to comfort - a highly focused forum ) In the beginning few days this is common, where new members really do spend an inordinate amount of time reading and learning and trying to strengthen their resolve. This is during the time period when many people do find their lives centered around not smoking. Over time though, life should not need to be centered around not smoking, it should be centered around living your life. Being really successful means that you have developed the ability of being with family, friends, doing your job, and meeting your normal day to day demands without constantly thinking about smoking or about quitting.

Over the long-term not smoking should still be looked at as a big deal and a major accomplishment but you shouldn't have to spend more than a few minutes on any given day reminding yourself of this fact. (see "I am not going to smoke today!" and Take it one day at a time . We don't want new members or people first looking at our site who are just considering quitting to think that quitting smoking is going to be a major time commitment or something that is going to consume the rest of their lives. Quitting smoking is going to buy you lots of time and allow you the ability to live your life to the fullest.

We know not everyone has time to stop by and write everyday. Some people don't have time to write every week or even every month. But do try to find the time to stop by and read every once in a while. Taking a few minutes to read can help to secure your quit. Securing your quit can help to buy you years and maybe even decades of extra time of a healthier and higher quality life. Make a point of stopping by every now and then to to read and strengthen your commitment and resolve to never take another puff!

Joel

Video version: No need to apologize for not posting for a while

Updated on June 27, 2014 to add video version above.
Last edited by Joel on 27 Jun 2014, 23:07, edited 2 times in total.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

29 Apr 2004, 22:16 #2




This post covers the concept of what is and is not enough posting. The priority of every member should be to spend his or her time reading to secure his or her own quit. Once a person is feeling his or her quit is secure for the day, then he or she should feel free to post to help others as much or more importantly as little as time permits. For our newer readers keeping your own quit strong and secure is the priority that you should have set and to help accomplish this goal read as much as you can of how important it is to stay committed to never take another puff!



Joel
Last edited by Joel on 27 Jun 2014, 23:09, edited 1 time in total.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

03 Jun 2004, 19:40 #3

I saw the following comment written today in a post and thought it would be good to place it here:
"I don't post much but I do read alot, so I will be following your progress and silently wishing you the very best in your quits. "

I suspect a lot of our readers would relate and agree with these sentiments. I think every person who writes here has a large number of people out there silently cheering him or her on. What is more important though is that ever person who writes here takes the time and effort to read and learn all he or she can to reinforce why he or she first quit smoking and why he or she still wishes to stay free from his or her dangerous and potentially deadly addiction to nicotine. The way to stay free from smoking and the active nicotine addiction is to simply stay totally committed to never take another puff!

Joel
Reply

Dionne (gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

28 Jun 2004, 04:00 #4

Nicely done Joel. Thanks for taking the possible guilt out of not writing for stretches of time. I may write more often than some oldies but it's because I'm sort of marooned in a third world country and have the time! And frankly, there is nothing I think is more interesting to listen to, read of, than someone who has done the work of kicking an addiction.
Of course they fortify my own quit, but it's really wonderful to read a few times a week, of the different people that are willing to step up and do the hard job of saying, "No More. I draw the line here. I want my life to be free. I want the most out of life there is. And smoking comes between me and a well-deserved active lifestyle."
I'll tell ya, people who can kick an addiction never fail to inspire me.

Today is Sunday and I'm full of grace because I am not smoking, still. And tonight I'll smile before going to sleep and say, "Nice Job Diane."

Yours, Dionne, Full of Freedom for 3 years and 8 months.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

29 Aug 2004, 22:30 #5

From above:

"Spending time reading is probably more likely to help a person secure his or her quit than posting. When it comes down to it, our real wish is for each individual here is to keep his or her own quit secure."
Reply

GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

30 Aug 2004, 11:27 #6

There is one thing that makes our goal a little different than many Internet based sites. We don't want people to sacrifice time from other areas of their lives and getting hooked on the board. (See Crutches and Freedom - your journey to comfort - a highly focused forum ) In the beginning few days this is common, where new members really do spend an inordinate amount of time reading and learning and trying to strengthen their resolve. This is during the time period when many people do find their lives centered around not smoking. Over time though, life should not need to be centered around not smoking, it should be centered around living your life. Being really successful means that you have developed the ability of being with family, friends, doing your job, and meeting your normal day to day demands without constantly thinking about smoking or about quitting.

Over the long-term not smoking should still be looked at as a big deal and a major accomplishment but you shouldn't have to spend more than a few minutes on any given day reminding yourself of this fact. (see "I am not going to smoke today!" and Take it one day at a time . We don't want new members or people first looking at our site who are just considering quitting to think that quitting smoking is going to be a major time commitment or something that is going to consume the rest of their lives. Quitting smoking is going to buy you lots of time and allow you the ability to live your life to the fullest.

We know not everyone has time to stop by and write everyday. Some people don't have time to write every week or even every month. But do try to find the time to stop by and read every once in a while. Taking a few minutes to read can help to secure your quit. Securing your quit can help to buy you years and maybe even decades of extra time of a healthier and higher quality life. Make a point of stopping by every now and then to to read and strengthen your commitment and resolve to never take another puff!

Joel



Restored Links
Last edited by GrumpyOMrsS (Gold) on 15 Oct 2009, 18:01, edited 1 time in total.
Reply

justjudi gold
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 20:30

02 Sep 2004, 00:39 #7

Joel, you hit the mark when you said, "Over time though, life should not need to be centered around not smoking, it should be centered around living your life. Being really successful means that you have developed the ability of being with family, friends, doing your job, and meeting your normal day to day demands without constantly thinking about smoking or about quitting."

My quit is a little over 19 mths old, and for the most part, I feel very secure and confident about it. However, during times of stress, I've occasionally thought, "If I only still smoked, I could suppress this *stuff* with a cigarette and pretend I didn't have to deal with it!" These are the times I log in and read or maybe post something if I think I can offer insight or support to a newer member.

I send new people here every chance I get, and I recommend the site to every smoker I know, whether I'm a regular visitor or not. I'm no longer afraid to tell them I don't think that "cutting back" is helping at all (especially since they all work their way back up to the original # of cigs daily, but that's another story). There is so much knowledge and support to be shared here, but there is also a whole world out there and an enormous array of healthy activities we can participate in now that we've gotten that horrid monkey off our backs.

thanks for the good thoughts and for just being here, and much success to all of you!
Judi
Reply

zwan girl3
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:28

04 Sep 2004, 07:23 #8

Thanks Joel. I sensed it was for me, before I even clicked. Image That's one thing I forgot to mention in my update is how awesome it is to be able to get back to your life, without CONSTANTLY thinking about smoking, or quitting for that matter. You've truly saved so many lives with your work. God bless you. Image
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Nov 2004, 09:59 #9

From the string "Where is..."
From: Joel (Original Message) Sent: 8/16/2004 9:39 AM
I just saw a case of one member asking where another member was since he or she had not posted in a few weeks.
I am lifting the comment below from the string "Come share your strength, come recognize your vulnerabilities?" In it we explain how we never want to put any undo pressure on any member to come and post. It is up to each and every member himself or herself to post whenever he or she wants to. We do hope though that members and non-members alike stop on by and read every now and then as time permits. Keeping ones own quit strong and secure is of paramount importance by all people who have quit smoking.

The practice of asking where a particular member is putting unwanted pressure on that person to post. It is also setting up a situation that can pose a real problem. There are times when a person is gone for weeks or even months at a time. If another member puts up a post asking where is so and so, there is a good chance the person will never see it and thus not respond. This can set up the perception that the person relapsed. There are times when this may be the case, but there are just as many times if not more where it was not the case. Actually, as I think back to the times when we have seen a post like "Where is what's his name," in most cases we knew the person was still off smoking, but it is not up to us to report on any specific member. Whenever we see posts come up asking about another member we are going to pull that post.

I should also point out that there are people who occasionally leave Freedom who are still not smoking. As some people grow more comfortable in their quits (see Freedom - your journey to comfort - a highly focused forum)) they find our style of operation to restrictive. Sometimes a person will pull his or her own membership because of our structure, at other times we have pulled posting privileges of members because they were trying to shape Freedom's style into one that was more relaxed and social and better fitting their current state of being. Such actions though will weaken the level of focus that we keep at Freedom and we believe that level of focus is more important than the enjoyment of any particular person or even groups of people. So there are times when a person is no longer a member and thus cannot respond to a request for information. If a person is no longer a member it may mean many things and there is no way to know for sure. Even at times when we know the status of an individual the managers won't divulge that information unless that member or past member expressly tells us that they want us to pass along his or her information.

In summary, it is impossible to know for sure the status of a person who is not posting. When it comes down to it though, the only one person any member should be focusing on is himself or herself. The people who any member should be giving assistance to or looking to support are people who are expressly asking for such help. Put all available time you have into securing your own quit and put any extra time you have at the site into helping our new members or even a longer-term member who is asking for help. As I said, it is impossible to know for sure the status of a person who is not posting. The only thing that you can know for sure though is that your quit will stay strong and secure whether you are a member or not, or, whether you ever post or not just as long as you always remember to stick to the commitment you made to yourself to never take another puff!

Last edited by Joel on 15 Oct 2009, 18:07, edited 1 time in total.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

03 Feb 2005, 23:53 #10

We know not everyone has time to stop by and write everyday. Some people don't have time to write every week or even every month. But do try to find the time to stop by and read every once in a while. Taking a few minutes to read can help to secure your quit. Securing your quit can help to buy you years and maybe even decades of extra time of a healthier and higher quality life. Make a point of stopping by every now and then to to read and strengthen your commitment and resolve to never take another puff! Joel
Reply