No need to apologize

Welcome to Freedom, a support group dedicated to educated cold turkey nicotine dependency recovery. Prior to applying to join, it is critical that you read: (1) The Law of Addiction (2) Our Mission Statement (3) Relapse Policy and (4) Rules.
Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 May 2005, 22:47 #11

I didn't want to create any confusion that we are starting to require members to post. We had an incident where a member joined last week, did a single introductory post which got a number of replies that went unacknowledged, then, a few days later put up a question about cravings that got plenty of answers and offer for support that also went unacknowledged for two days now.

While we don't require that any member posts on any kind of regular basis, if a member does post a question of concern and gets answers or help, that person should at least acknowledge that the question or concerned has been answered.

All longer-term members should still feel no pressure to have to post, yet their posts are always welcome. New members are not required to ever post either, yet know that if you are a newer member and have no intention to post that you may very well be taking away a membership slot from others who wish to actively participate at Freedom.

The only reason to apply for membership at Freedom is to be able to post. All non-members have full access to all of the materials that we have made available at Freedom and at www.whyquit.com. If the only reason a person applies for membership is just to ask an occasional question it would be better to just email your questions to [url=mailto:managers@whyquit.com]managers@whyquit.com[/url].

Again, for our longer-term members:

There is one thing that makes our goal a little different than many Internet based sites. We don't want people to sacrifice time from other areas of their lives and getting hooked on the board. (See Crutches and Freedom - your journey to comfort - a highly focused forum) In the beginning few days this is common, where new members really do spend an inordinate amount of time reading and learning and trying to strengthen their resolve. This is during the time period when many people do find their lives centered around not smoking. Over time though, life should not need to be centered around not smoking, it should be centered around living your life. Being really successful means that you have developed the ability of being with family, friends, doing your job, and meeting your normal day to day demands without constantly thinking about smoking or about quitting. Over the long-term not smoking should still be looked at as a big deal and a major accomplishment but you shouldn't have to spend more than a few minutes on any given day reminding yourself of this fact. (see "I am not going to smoke today!" and Take it one day at a time. We don't want new members or people first looking at our site who are just considering quitting to think that quitting smoking is going to be a major time commitment or something that is going to consume the rest of their lives. Quitting smoking is going to buy you lots of time and allow you the ability to live your life to the fullest.

We know not everyone has time to stop by and write everyday. Some people don't have time to write every week or even every month. But do try to find the time to stop by and read every once in a while. Taking a few minutes to read can help to secure your quit. Securing your quit can help to buy you years and maybe even decades of extra time of a healthier and higher quality life. Make a point of stopping by every now and then to to read and strengthen your commitment and resolve to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Sep 2005, 23:56 #12

I had a typo in the post above and so I deleted it. Here is what it should have said:
I wrote some new comments in the string For members not celebrating an important milestone today...
I didn't want it to appear that we were putting undo pressure on people to post their milestones, as this string talks about that we don't want people to feel any pressure at all about posting. At the same time I want people to recognize that simple posts can go on to help others. If you don't have the time or inclination to post an any given time, that is fine. There will likely be others posting. If you do though know your words are likely helping to inspire others to realize that maybe they can acheive success too by making and sticking to a personal commitment to never take another puff.
Joel
Again, from the string For members not celebrating an important milestone today... :
We have lots of people celebrating lots of different milestones, which is really great. As this post talks about though, every one reading here who has not smoked in the last 24 hours is working at and accomplishing a life-saving feat.
I've had a few people write me over the past few months saying that at times there just seem to be a lot of people posting celebrating the fact that they have quit smoking and have significant time periods of varying lengths under their belts. I think sometimes the people pointing this out seem to think that at times there are just too many of these posts on the board. I am not sure if it is really possible to have too many of these posts though.
It is important for people who are just thinking about quitting to see that quitting is possible, and more importantly, that long term success is possible. There are lots of people who say they know that they can quit for a day or two, or maybe even weeks or months, but who somehow feel that they don't believe that they can quit for really long term time periods. Our longer term posters show that long term success is really possible.
Also it is important to note that people who write saying they are off for months, a year, or numerous years, are not people who were locked up prisoners somewhere who faced no smoking temptations, problems or difficult circumstances in the time period that they have been quit. Whenever you see a post from a person who simply says that they have been off for some lengthy time period, it is safe to assume that these people have faced many little trials and tribulations of every day life, and that for people who are off really long time periods, they may have even faced some pretty major problems--like job losses, economic set backs, the illness of loved ones, and maybe even the death of family members, and yet, they still have their quits intact.
So when someone writes that they are celebrating a time period without smoking, try to read into the statement more than it says. These people have not only quit smoking for that time period--but they have proven to themselves and to others that they have continued to live their lives during that time period, probably a more healthy, productive and overall more satisfying life because they made and stuck to a personal commitment to never take another puff.
Joel
Last edited by Joel on 15 Oct 2009, 18:04, edited 1 time in total.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

14 Aug 2006, 01:30 #13

From above:

We know not everyone has time to stop by and write everyday. Some people don't have time to write every week or even every month. But do try to find the time to stop by and read every once in a while. Taking a few minutes to read can help to secure your quit. Securing your quit can help to buy you years and maybe even decades of extra time of a healthier and higher quality life. Make a point of stopping by every now and then to to read and strengthen your commitment and resolve to never take another puff!

Joel

Additional commentary for today:

I see where two people who don't come by much posted in the past few hours. One of them used to be here a lot, but as can be seen he doesn't post as much any more and really isn't reading here much any more either. It really is fine though because for all practical purposes, from what he wrote you can see that he doesn't think much about smoking anymore and I think all who know him realize that he really has learned all of our lessons very well and they are a permanent part of him. His quit has been strong for years now and I think if for some reason he ever felt like he was thinking about smoking more he would be back in a flash and reading away.

The second situation is a person who said that she only pops in once in a while, but who often thinks of the group. As this article discusses, the person has nothing to feel guilty about as far as not posting. Her not taking time to stop in and read and learn as much as she can though is a different situation for from the way her post reads she is struggling now more than she may need to be.

Her comment about thinking of the group a lot may be part of the problem. Thinking of the group or individuals on the board is not what will really help people secure their quits over the long-term. It is thinking about why a person originally wanted to quit and why a person still wants to stay off that is going to keep a person's resolve strong.

Anyone struggling should focus their attention on the lessons at www.whyquit.com and going through the various message boards that we have set up here at Freedom, especially the "Craves and thoughts" board, the "Prevent Relapse" board and the "Reasons to Quit" board. Along with the articles in these boards there is also lots of additional commentaries, all of them hitting home the point of why it was so important to quit in the first place and why it is still so important to stay off. They will all also help to hit home the one main point that to keep this quit alive and well, as well as to keep yourself alive and well with it is still as simple as reaffirming and sticking to your personal commitment to never take another puff.

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

26 Dec 2006, 21:55 #14

I recently noticed that quite a few people who used to be very regularly active posters had stopped by just to say hello. Sometimes I feel as if some people feel awkward posting because they have been away for so long. No one should feel awkward about this. Stopping by sporadically and just doing a quick hello can deliver a very powerful message of how life does go on without smoking and how over time people will not feel tethered to the board.

As this string discusses no one should feel pressured about having to post and also, no one should feel awkward about posting just because they have not posted in a long time. Your message can still pack a powerful puff to new readers.

It is neither the level of participation or your time commitment to the board that is going to make or break your quit. The thing that will ultimately determine your ability for long term success is still just sticking to your own personal commitment to never take another puff.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Feb 2007, 19:24 #15

I saw a few posts referencing the idea that a few members feel that they were spending too much time reading at Freedom. The truth is, after the first few days we don't think people need to be spending an inordinate amount of their time at this site or any quit smoking site in order to sustain their quits. I am going to kick up a few posts that address this issue.

From above:

There is one thing that makes our goal a little different than many Internet based sites. We don't want people to sacrifice time from other areas of their lives and getting hooked on the board. (See Crutches and Freedom - your journey to comfort - a highly focused forum) In the beginning few days this is common, where new members really do spend an inordinate amount of time reading and learning and trying to strengthen their resolve. This is during the time period when many people do find their lives centered around not smoking. Over time though, life should not need to be centered around not smoking, it should be centered around living your life. Being really successful means that you have developed the ability of being with family, friends, doing your job, and meeting your normal day to day demands without constantly thinking about smoking or about quitting.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Feb 2007, 20:06 #16

I saw a few posts referencing the idea that a few members feel that they were spending too much time reading at Freedom. The truth is, after the first few days we don't think people need to be spending an inordinate amount of their time at this site or any quit smoking site in order to sustain their quits. I am going to kick up a few posts that address this issue.

From above:

There is one thing that makes our goal a little different than many Internet based sites. We don't want people to sacrifice time from other areas of their lives and getting hooked on the board. (See Crutches and Freedom - your journey to comfort - a highly focused forum) In the beginning few days this is common, where new members really do spend an inordinate amount of time reading and learning and trying to strengthen their resolve. This is during the time period when many people do find their lives centered around not smoking. Over time though, life should not need to be centered around not smoking, it should be centered around living your life. Being really successful means that you have developed the ability of being with family, friends, doing your job, and meeting your normal day to day demands without constantly thinking about smoking or about quitting.

Also, below is a link to a page about a series of our videos that address the issue of how to reinforce your resolve over the long-term. The first referred to video is very specific on how people should be able to get on with their lives after the first couple of weeks while having to commit very little time to quitting.




Getting on with the rest of your life
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GailMarie481
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:17

16 Feb 2007, 01:46 #17

Hi
I'd just like to say that I liked this posting and feel like you are a person who really does care about helping people and helping to bring success to people who want to quit smoking. I find it very touching, especially when reading certain things, example being " We don't want anyone ever feeling a sense of guilt for using our site. If you are coming here to read to secure your own quit you are making us all happy, even if we never hear about it." as when people care about others without wanting anything more than the rewards of having helped another person in a real way to help his/her self, I kinda get teary-eyed...sheesh..lol But, it is very touching and you do deserve and get my respect for knowing that way of things.

As for spending time here, I'm figuring a person who wants to learn ballet would be spending time with ballet people learning how to spin and wear a tutu, and a person wanting to be a doctor would spend time taking med courses and likely be with other students who are learning and learning from teachers of medicine. I want to remain a non-smoker - duh, and even when I've become an expert at it. lol
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Feb 2007, 01:58 #18

There are many things in life that require lots of research and lots of practice in order to become proficient or to become an expert. The reason of course is the level of complexities associated with specific activities or professions. Fortunately, quitting smoking or sustaining a quit is not really a complicated process. In fact it is quite simple. It is as simple as making and sticking to a personal commitment to never take another puff.

The preface and acknowledgement in the book, Never Take Another Puff addresses this issue:
Preface
Never take another puff
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

04 Jan 2008, 04:54 #19

I see we have some people stopping on by who have not been around for a while because it is just after New Years or because they are celebrating anniversaries because they had New Year based quits.

I think sometimes people seem to feel awkward about posting because they have not posted in a while. There is no need for anyone to feel awkward about posting out of the blue even if they had not posted in months or even years. As it says above:

From above:

We know not everyone has time to stop by and write everyday. Some people don't have time to write every week or even every month. But do try to find the time to stop by and read every once in a while. Taking a few minutes to read can help to secure your quit. Securing your quit can help to buy you years and maybe even decades of extra time of a healthier and higher quality life. Make a point of stopping by every now and then to to read and strengthen your commitment and resolve to never take another puff!

Joel
Reply

FreedomNicotine
Joined: 06 Dec 2008, 16:58

08 Nov 2009, 12:52 #20

From above:

I saw a post from a new member who said she won't be posting much. Just letting her know that this is not a problem for us. As it says above:
There is one thing that makes our goal a little different than many Internet based sites. We don't want people to sacrifice time from other areas of their lives and getting hooked on the board. (See Crutches to Quit Smoking and Freedom - Your Journey to Comfort In the beginning few days this is common, where new members really do spend an inordinate amount of time reading and learning and trying to strengthen their resolve. This is during the time period when many people do find their lives centered around not smoking. Over time though, life should not need to be centered around not smoking, it should be centered around living your life. Being really successful means that you have developed the ability of being with family, friends, doing your job, and meeting your normal day to day demands without constantly thinking about smoking or about quitting.

Over the long-term not smoking should still be looked at as a big deal and a major accomplishment but you shouldn't have to spend more than a few minutes on any given day reminding yourself of this fact. (see "I am not going to smoke today!" and One day at a time . We don't want new members or people first looking at our site who are just considering quitting to think that quitting smoking is going to be a major time commitment or something that is going to consume the rest of their lives. Quitting smoking is going to buy you lots of time and allow you the ability to live your life to the fullest.

We know not everyone has time to stop by and write everyday. Some people don't have time to write every week or even every month. But do try to find the time to stop by and read every once in a while. Taking a few minutes to read can help to secure your quit. Securing your quit can help to buy you years and maybe even decades of extra time of a healthier and higher quality life. Make a point of stopping by every now and then to to read and strengthen your commitment and resolve to never take another puff!

Joel

Also from above:

Below is a link to a page about a series of our videos that address the issue of how to reinforce your resolve over the long-term. The first referred to video is very specific on how people should be able to get on with their lives after the first couple of weeks while having to commit very little time to quitting.


http://www.whyquit.com/joel/restoflife.htm href="http://www.whyquit.com/joel/restoflife.htm" target=_top>Getting on with the rest of your life
Last edited by FreedomNicotine on 08 Nov 2009, 13:59, edited 2 times in total.
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