In my 19 years of smoking cigarettes, I hardly ever bought cartons. That would have meant committing to being a smoker for 10 whole packs, and I always told myself that I might quit tomorrow. So I would pay extra money to feed my addiction, every day, for almost two decades. I repeated this cycle at least 6000 times before my actual last pack.
The reason I bring this up is that it is proof that I consistently thought about quitting for many years. I knew living as an addict was the wrong way to live. I desired freedom, and the evidence was in my purchasing habits the entire time. Thinking back on this now, it really drives home how shallow all of my use rationalizations really were. It means that every time I told myself and others that I "enjoyed smoking" I was lying. Every time I ignored or rebuked the people who loved me enough to tell me to quit, I was hiding from a truth a already knew. I knew better, I just diddn't have the mental tools to break the cycle of addiction. Thank you to everyone here who has helped me to find those tools.
Joe - Free and Healing for Twenty Seven Days, 20 Hours and 15 Minutes
extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 21 Hours
avoiding the use of 835 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $334.93.
As long as I had a pretty full supply of packs already paid for, it was the perfect reason why I couldn't quit smoking right then, it would be "wasting" all those good expensive cigarettes. So I had about 2 weeks of freedom from the nagging to quit after each carton I bought. As soon as the carton was all smoked up, I would quit--for about as long as it took to drive to the store for another carton.
I knew for sure I was ready to really quit last month when I carried a carton that was 3/4 full of good unopened packs of cigarettes straight to the garbage can, and dragged the can out to the street for morning pickup.