Negative support from others

Negative support from others

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Feb 2001, 20:24 #1

Joel's Reinforcement Library



Negative Support from Others


I actually wrote the below post to a member of Freedom a number of months ago because of someone making the comment to her that because she was such a basket case from not smoking, she should just give up. Sometimes such comments come from people near and dear to you and can become quite emotionally shattering. I'm attaching the original letter below in hopes of preparing all who read it, in the event something like this ever is said by others to you. No comment, look or stare from another person can undercut your quit. Only you can do that. The way is by simply disregarding the fact that you can NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! Joel

The comment you received is very common, at times, almost universal, where a dear family member or friend blurts out, "If this is what you are like not smoking, then for God's sake, go back." Most of the time the person making the comment is not really considering the implications of the statement. It is comparable to you telling someone on chemotherapy and who is in a really bad mood due to hair loss, nausea, and some other possible negative side effects, and hence, in a less than happy mood, that he or she should get off that stuff because he or she is so irritable that he or she is ruining your day. Of course, if analyzed by any real thinking person, the comment won't be made, because most people recognize that chemotherapy is a possible last-ditch effort to save the other person's life. The decision to stop the treatment is a decision to die. So we put up with the bad times to help support the patient's effort to save his or her life.

What family members and friends often overlook is that quitting smoking, too, is an effort to save the quitter's life. While others may not immediately appreciate that fact, the person quitting has to know it for him or herself. Others may never really appreciate the concept, but the person quitting has to.

One thing I did notice over the years was that, while the comment is made often, it is usually from a spouse, a child of the smoker, a friend, a co-worker or just an acquaintance. It is much more uncommon that the person expressing it is a parent or even a grandparent. I think that says something. Parents are often used to their kids' outbursts and moods, having experienced them since they were infants. The natural parental instinct is not to hurt them when they are in distress and lash out, but to try to protect them. I think it often carries over into adulthood and is a very positive statement about parenthood.

A tragic situation is often experienced when a person does actually encourage a family member or friend to smoke and then, months, years or decades later, the person dies from a smoking induced illness. Sometimes the family member then feels great guilt and remorse for thinking that he caused his loved one to relapse to smoking way back when he or she remembers making the remark. But you know what, they didn't do it. The smoker did it to him or herself. Because in reality, no matter what any person said, the smoker had to quit for him or herself and stay off for him or herself. How many times did a family member ask you to quit while you were still smoking and you didn't listen? Well if you don't quit for them, you don't relapse for them either. You quit for yourself and you stay off for yourself.

I am going to touch on the comment from one more angle. Sometimes when you were a smoker and someone did something inconsiderate or wrong that angered you, and you were about to take the issue on, you experienced an immediate and almost uncontrollable urge to smoke. That urge, induced by the urine acidity, all of a sudden took precedence over dealing with the person and issue at hand, and sent you off in pursuit of a cigarette. This momentary venture gave you a cooling off period and at times, you may have even let the whole event slide, feeling it was now not worth even mentioning. Consider this behavior from the other person's perspective. He or she may not even know that he or she did something offensive, and even if it is recognized, they paid no penalty for the infraction.

As an ex-smoker, you may not take that kind of behavior from another person, being wronged and accepting it without challenge. Well to the other person, now having you stand up for yourself may make you seem to be a bad or terrible person. But you know what, if they were wronging you to start with, they are the instigators of the reaction. You just may not take being walked over any more and they will just have to get used to that fact. But the odds are if this is the case, they will no longer take advantage of your "good" nature and will not repeat the offending practice. So in some ways, you are educating them to be easier to live with people too.

Whatever the situation, keep focused on the fact that you are quitting for yourself and whether or not any specific person supports your effort, you are behind it. We are behind you too. You will not find a single soul here at Freedom who will tell you to go back to smoking. We all recognize the significance of the effort. You are fighting for your health and your life. To win that fight, no matter what, NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!


Joel


© Joel Spitzer 1988, 2003
Page last updated by Joel Spitzer on August 17, 2003


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Last edited by Joel on 05 Mar 2014, 00:29, edited 3 times in total.
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

15 Feb 2001, 20:50 #2

Thanks for the timely post, Joel. I've often stated that it is unfair to expect anything from our loved ones because whatever they do will be wrong because 'nicodemon' wants to find a reason to fail. Therefore, there can be too much support that is smothering; or too little, that shows no one cares etc. etc. It's basically a no win situation. That said, I was talking with my mother last night and she started whining about the 8-10 pounds I've gained. "But you looked so nice at Christmas." "Ohhhhh, what a shame." I had to ask her to keep her remarks unstated until after we had disconnected -- even knowing that the nicodemon wants me to be weak, THE WORDS STILL HURT. (Of course, she quit cold turkey 36 years ago with no problems or weight gain -- that's just an excuse!) Just thought I'd share what a great sense of timing you have.

One month, one week, three days, 14 hours, 5 minutes and 57 seconds. 748 cigarettes not smoked, saving $112.28. Life saved: 2 days, 14 hours, 20 minutes.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

15 Feb 2001, 21:18 #3

Yes - I have to comment on this one too Joel, because exactly this happened to me. It was from my sister - of all people - the one I am closest too in the family. I think I was in my first 72 hours and still doing it really tough - and i said something about being distressed - and she said angrily "oh..why don't you go back to smoking then!!"

I was really shocked...and heartbroken.

I couldn't believe my sister would say something like that to me...even though she is a smoker herself! Then somehow our phone got cut off!..which only made it worse. I felt VERY alone in the world..and actually did have a cry! (which I was probably due for anyway!)

Then when we finally did get to talk about it .... she said it wasn't actually that she wanted to see me smoke .... she just didn't want to see me upset!! And I guess when we're still smoking we can't understand why ANYONE would want to be distressed when they can simply have a cigarette and bingo end of problem!! (I'm glad I don't think that way anymore!)

Anyway we got it sorted out..and I think it's actually a lot easier for her to accept now that I'm not going through those full-on withdrawals and hopefully seem more like my old self -yes well AINT THAT AMAZING!!

THANKS JOEL. THANKS FREEDOM

Today I understand there is no-one responsible for my Quit. No-one is responsible for my addiction - for whether I pick up or whether I stay Quit - although of course all the support I get here makes a BIG DIFFERENCE in my acceptance of myself as a NICOTINE ADDICT which all goes to help me to
NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!!

YQS Maz
Three weeks, five days, 17 minutes and 10 seconds NICOTINE FREE!!
650 cigarettes not smoked, saving $208.09. Life saved: 2 days, 6 hours, 10 minutes.
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

15 Feb 2001, 21:38 #4

AMEN! I have found that on this quit, unlike other attempts, I feel more willing to try to communicate instead of assuming the other person was trying to be hurtful & then not wanting them to think badly of me, etc.

I suppose the cooling off period w/a cig allowed me to **** my feelings down with the smoke, whereas a cooling off period w/out smoking gives perspective to deal with whatever it is in a proactive way (vs. just ignoring it). I am sure that I have ruined a number of my attempts with this exact issue. I didn't want to deal with it, so I felt the need to smoke -- then it would all "go away."

During this quit, it feels good to deal with issues in a positive manner. ****, it feels good to deal with issues period (!) instead of just sucking them down with the smoke.

Man, does it feel great to finally get over a hurdle I haven't been able to clear for years! thanks for the timely post!

peace,
happycamper
day 7
NEVER QUESTION YOUR DECISION TO QUIT
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Feb 2001, 22:07 #5

Hi Joel, great article. I need to comment, too, because my spouse was upset with me (actually at my short temper and negative behavior) during my early quit. He wanted me to go back to smoking, he couldn't take another minute. I am sure he didn't think it was worth it, he had seen me do this so many times, only to go right back to my deadly regiment of smoking. It hurt a lot, but this time around I was desperate to succeed, my future was at stake, my life. With strong determination and finding on line support, my prayers had been answered. Being around others who were walking the same walk made a big difference. I participated heavily and found my way. Quitting smoking turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I have learned about my addiction, never again will I take my life and the lives of those around me, lightly.

I had to give my two cents. lol Still, until this day, my husband doesn't want me to mention my quitting smoking....even with my work here at Freedom...he doesn't quite understand what all the hoopla is about. How could he, he quit cold turkey (3 pack a day smoker) many years ago and never gave it another thought. (not all of us are so blessed)

Here is an old post that was written about family support. It was during my early quit, it meant a lot to me, so I saved it. As long as we are on the subject of family support.

Thanks again, Joel, and to those who gave their input on this.

Free at last!

Joanne



Family Support…Or Not


The arrival of Quit Day is a momentous occasion, not only for the smoker, but for his/her non-smoking circle of friends and family as well. While the smoker usually awaits this day with a varying degree of anxiety, non-smoking spouses and children lean more toward excitement and happiness. This change in your life strongly affects them as well. From this day forth they won't have to put up with something they loathe. No more kissing someone who tastes like an ash tray, no more stench in the house or the car, no more burn holes in clothing or upholstery…of course they're thrilled. More often than not, they will do whatever they can to support your quit.

The first days and weeks are filled with concern as well as joy for you, the ex-smoker. The passage of time not smoking is tracked in days, sometimes even hours or minutes; one day, one week, two weeks, etc. are often celebrated as if you had won the Nobel prize. Your non-smoking family becomes your cheerleading squad that fills you with pride for your accomplishment and propels you to make it just one more day… They will usually understand that you get crabby and angry and they generally put up with a lot of **** as you go through withdrawal. It is very important to have your family's support early on, and the more involved they are, the better your chances are for success.

At some point after the one-month anniversary has been celebrated, you will most likely see a change in family support. Their enthusiasm for your quit can fizzle to the point where you may tend to wonder if they even care any more. When I stopped smoking, that change started in the third month of my quit and came to a head when nobody remembered my three-month anniversary. I couldn't believe that the people who only weeks before celebrated me as their "hero" would forget to honor me for this big milestone. Talk about a roller-coaster ride of feelings….anger, despair, loneliness, doubt and more all came to surface during that time.

There I was, in the throes of fighting my addiction, and to my family it was already over and done with, a closed book, a seemingly forgotten memory of the past. Fortunately, I turned to several online support groups and quickly found that other ex-smokers were experiencing a similar loss of enthusiasm by family members. By comparing notes, we were able to determine that the most distinct loss of interest is found in families where the spouse of the addict is a non-smoker. This apparent phenomenon led to a search for an explanation, because a behavioral pattern that transcends race, religion and socioeconomic backgrounds and affects a quit so strongly needed to be understood, so that newer ex-smokers joining the group could effectively cope with its arrival.

I came to the conclusion that we cannot and actually must not expect our non-smoker relatives to be continually supportive. Seeing as though they do not have the addictive personality that we have there is just no way they can possibly understand what we are experiencing. To them, the addiction is over once we physically stop smoking. They do not and cannot comprehend the battle that we fight every day to control the addiction and keep from picking up. They just don't know. Once we, as addicts, understand that the ebbing of their enthusiasm after one or two months is brought on by an inability to understand rather than a lack of interest, the importance of support given by fellow ex-smokers becomes all the more apparent.

Only the addict can fully appreciate, understand and help another addict. We know what it means to go through the lunacy of physical withdrawal. We know what it means to crave, to "need" that cigarette at two in the morning. We know what it means to desperately want "just one." We know what it means to still be fighting after months of not smoking. We know…they don't…plain and simple. Whether you join a Nicotine Anonymous group in your local area or an online support group, the best support you can possibly find will always come from a fellow ex-smoker.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

25 Mar 2001, 22:28 #6

I just came across this thread and realized it was a good response to the post yesterday about comments and observations of others. Hope this helps people affected by these situations. Comments can make you feel bad, for the moment. But comments and actions of others can't hurt you the way you can hurt yourself. Others can temporarily sadden you or anger you, but they can't cause you to relapse. Only you letting down your guard can do that. Relapsing does more than make you feel sad or hurt. Relapsing can make you feel sick, and be sick, and if left to its ultimate conclusion, cigarettes will cripple you and eventually kill you. You are quitting for yourself and the victory and benefits are yours in spite of what anyone else feels. To keep feeling good, because you are keeping yourself well always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 Apr 2001, 02:55 #7


Last edited by John (Gold) on 01 Apr 2009, 11:38, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

19 May 2001, 02:11 #8

Oh my God!!!

Thanks Joanne and Joel. What incredible truths. It feels good to know that I am not the ONLY one experiencing these feelings. This is NORMAL. I am normal. Thank you for making me realize. I guess, as we grow and experience new feelings it is almost humbling and at the same time exciting to know that we are not alone in our experiences and feelings.

Mals
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

29 Aug 2001, 19:54 #9

You would be surprised where negative support can come from. Over twenty years ago I had a cardiologist tell one of my clinic graduates that she was gaining too much weight after quitting. He actually told her to just smoke after meals to help. She immediately shot up to her three pack per day addiction and the cardiologist blew up at her and said he didn't want to be her doctor anymore if she was going to smoke so much. The man did not even recognize he prescribed the relapse to her. Needless to say, I found out about it when she came in to quit again and was under the care of another cardiologist.
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zoo
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

28 Sep 2001, 23:59 #10

Others sometimes can throw of a quit off track. Negative comments can real test your resolve. I found many times the neg coments were given by other smokers e.g. You'll smoke again someday , Why don't you just cut down or If you quit Then you'll have to figure out a way to lose weight. Even though many of these comments are not given maliciously some are given out of jealousy, which everybody has a little of. Just human nature a think. Just focus how the message here at whyquit.com and not others neg comments.
NEVER ANOTHER PUFF!


, zoo
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

16 Mar 2002, 22:17 #11

I have three friends who quit shortly after I did. My close female friend (& co-worker) who I smoked most often with, her boyfriend & another good male friend. All is them have since given in & had a few puffs. The boyfriend gave in after one week & admitted it to my friend & I after another week had passed. My female friend had a few cigarettes last weekend when drinking & so did my male friend (same situation). All of them have told me (with guilt?) about their relapses. None of them are back to regular smoking again, but I feel that these relapses do show that it is really difficult to quit (it reinforces for me that I have done very hard time quitting & I don't want to go back through all that again). I know on a past quit for me I started with the idea that I could just have a few "social cigarettes" (strange concept) & it lead me back to smoking as much (& more than before). It was also another 2 years before I quit again (that is this quit!)
Anyway, I am staying very strong & I know I will never take another puff!
Susan
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Mar 2002, 23:50 #12

Hello Susan:

Continue to watch these people over time. The odds are great that they will soon be smoking as much as ever, although hiding it as well as they can. When I do corporate clinics where people have long-term contact with each other, you often see one person "slip," give the impression that all is under control, getting the others to think that "slipping" is a harmless option, and in a short time period a whole bunch of people chain smoking uncontrollably--including the original person who every one thought kept it control. All because they played a game of follow the leader--and their leader was blind to the true addictive nature of nicotine. Whatever the outcome for your friends, your quit will stay secure as long as you know to never take another puff!

Joel

Related reading:
Buddy Systems
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

17 Mar 2002, 13:27 #13

Joel,
Thanks for your reply. I unfortunately had the same thought (soon it will be just one pack, just on weekends, just half what they smoked before . . . I can fill in the blanks from a previous experience of quitting) when I knew of the relapses of my friends.
I am holding my quit much more tightly then they did. The big difference between them & me (besides the relapses) is I have found the support & knowledge of Freedom & I rely on it everyday! It reminds me of why I can never take another puff!
Green is grand!
Susan
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Joined: 02 Apr 2004, 08:00

18 Mar 2002, 06:41 #14

Susan ,, OOOOO negative support from others eh .. I know all about that .. lol My Hubby and mum have been on hand since I quit ready to give me the sympathetic ciggie and waiting to say .. "awww well never mind at least you tried ,you did well staying off them as long as you did ,I couldnt have lasted that long ,here have one of mine I know its not ya usual brand but it will make ya feel better" !!! get the picture .. lol .. hee hee .. silly billys .. They are finally taking me seriously now .. Actually discouraging me from relapsing now " i have lasted this long" .. its like they didnt expect me to go as long as i have .Now i have entered my third week they have some faith in me and can see how serious i am about my quit .. I did consider relapsing .. got this voice in my head .. prob my mums and hubbys ..lol .it said" never mind it dont matter ,so what if you smoke .. they do .. go on you are miserable ..everyone you know accepts you as a smoker so they wont care.. hmmmmm well I fought back real hard .. told this negative voice " actually I CARE,, i like smelling nice and being fresh ,i like to wake up everyday and take my time in the mornings ( not rushing to get the ciggie lit before i can function) i like the way i can taste my coffee and have time to sit and eat brekkie , i like the fact that my breath is fresh .. i like to go to the cinema and manage to sit through a whole film without itching to go stand out in the cold halfway through the film.. i like the way my car smells fresh , i like the fact that wen my kids hug me they say " oo mum you smell like the washpowder" ,. (it smells lovely does our washpowder ,by the way) "
My hubby and i quit the same day .. he lasted from 7 am .. till 4 pm ( same day ) i had managed to get to 6 pm by the time i knew he had bought a pack .. but i thought this is my quit not his .. if he wants to blow his .. thats up to himbut hes not spoiling mine .. and here i am 2 weeks 4 days 4 hours 43 mins 42 secs .. wow look at those stats .. spooky all those 4 ,,s .. oooooooooo twilight zone or what .. hee hee.. hope this posts i know its long .. sorry to the managers .. i will try cut it down in future .. i just get so carried away .. more like i natter too much .. mwaaaaah Milly
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

18 Mar 2002, 13:07 #15

Thank you, I really needed to read this right now! Lets just say, that I not so tactfully told a co-worker (which was the one who said it most) "If one more person comes up to me and says..I am sorry to hear you quit smoking, I won't get to spend break with you anymore. Or any other such comments, I am going to kick there a** because I think it is rude and I can't believe they are SORRY that I am no longer killing myself daily! Ofcourse she just stared in shock at me and didn't say a word.

So, thank you. I really needed this thread!

Willow P.S. I am not a mean spirited person but those comments I got from people I thought cared for me...really made me see RED!!
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

18 Mar 2002, 19:09 #16

Good for you Willow for being assertive! The only comment I heard so far that irked me was "That's right, you quit, you can't smoke now" to which I said "I chose not to smoke, you have no choice today, you must smoke because you are addicted". I think that made em think!
Stay strong!
Susan
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

03 Jul 2002, 09:16 #17

I was just pondering this very thing. Today I got an email: "You hang in there. I am proud of you. You need to know I will still love you if you smoke". I'm not sure what to think of that. What do the rest of you think are the sender's intentions, consciously and/or unconsciously? (As part of this quit journey, I've begun asserting myself more with this person and really begun establishing boundaries, somewhat to her chagrin I am aware.)

I have not responded - not sure how to respond - maybe "uh, I'll need all the love I can get to ease my suffering when I die young from a painful smoking induced disease."

Alyson

8 DAYS - Oh my!!!!!!!!!!
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

03 Jul 2002, 09:34 #18

Hard to say without more background Alyson. They could be the best of intentions, based in ignorance of the realities of addiction. In that case, you might provide some of Joel's articles to help them understand what you already do. My wife used to reward me when I didn't smoke for a day by hiding a cigarette around the house somewhere, and then giving it to me as a reward for getting through the day without smoking. I can assure you her intentions were good. Like many, she simply didn't know the repurcussions to what she was doing (and what I did in response... namely, smoke it).

If it's a statement of a lack of faith in your ability to stay quit, I wouldn't take it personally. People get jaded with addicts. They get used to being disappointed by addicts. She's probably seen you try and fail in the past. Or, if not, she's likely seen many others try in the absence of education and fail. She may have seen people try "quitting" by administering nicotine through a patch, or through gum, and seen them fail, and perhaps she believes only superhumans can quit because of this.

Again, maybe the best response is to share some of the knowledge you've gained here, and explain how that knowledge is helping you. How, the understanding of this addiction for what it is, and the corresponding knowledge that the nature of the addiction forbids ever using the drug again, has opened your eyes.

At the end of the day, there is only one way to prove to people that you can quit, and that is to do it permanently by never taking another puff. She still may not be impressed (ask Marty about his wife's reaction to his success). Still, the personal rewards for quitting (health, longer life, better smell, more money, higher self-esteem) are greater than any acknowledgement your friend may or may not provide.

YQB,

Bob (5m, 3w, 6d)
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

03 Jul 2002, 11:44 #19

Glad to see this subject- I just quit five days ago and have already experienced some of this- a co-worker actually thrust a lit cigarette in my direction and encouraged me to "Just go on and smoke it, here. You won't make it anyway." Much to my surprise, I had zero desire to give in. If anything, it strengthened my resolve. He showed his true colors and I was disappointed.
Today, I called my sister and got my new brother-in-law instead. He asked how my doc. appt. was and I told him I have a headache from grinding my teeth that's lasted a few days now. He also encouraged me to smoke (to alleviate the pain, he said)! Thanks to you all and Joel's info., I know that most certainly will NOT solve the problem. Knowledge is such a powerful tool! Thanks to all for giving it! No one can take our quits from us- we are too smart to smoke anymore!
YQS, Lexi 5d, 1h, 41m I've refrained from 102 cigarettes!
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

03 Jul 2002, 11:53 #20

Joel,

Thanks for everything. I have a coworker who I believe is jealous of the fact that I am having success at this. He puts cigs at my work station to try and tempt me. I have found that if I go and watch him smoke at break it just resolves my quit in my mind that much more. most people at break will smoke 2 in a row so they won't go through withdrawl before the next break comes along. They will also sneak in between breaks as well. I know how they feel. I was them. NOT ANYMORE. NOT EVER AGAIN THANK GOD. Thanks again To Joel and all the managers here. I truly believe there is a special spot in heaven waiting for all of you.

Free for 6 days and LOVING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

16 Sep 2002, 05:56 #21

I'm glad to know that it's not just my family that does this, whether intentionally or not. A few minutes ago, my wife, a non-smoker, said that our daughter had her on the verge of smoking to calm down (typical teenager stuff). She couldn't realize that this would have an effect on me, but it did. It was saying to me, so of course you want to smoke to make this situation all better, don't you?
I just kind of ignored the comment.
But yesterday, my wife told me of a conversation she had with my mother. My mother told my wife that years ago, when my father would attempt to quit, when he wasn't the laid-back happy guy in the first few days, my mother would say, Please, please smoke. And he did.

I told my wife that if that's true, then my mother killed my father. Really, my father killed himself. Just like my mother couldn't make him stop, she couldn't make him relapse. We are in control of our selves. That is the most imoortant thing to remember, for me right now. I am in control.
6 Days, 22 hours, 34 minutes, Spent 43.42 on funner healthier stuff, chose not to smoke 159 disgusting butts, and saved 13 hours 15 minutes of this rollercoaster ride called life.
cowabunga
rg
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Sep 2002, 06:33 #22

My Support Group is Responsible! 16 4 Joel. 9/15/2002 5:32 PM
Quitting for Others 15 0 Joel. 9/15/2002 5:32 PM
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22 Sep 2002, 12:53 #23

"I am going to touch on the comment from one more angle. Sometimes when you were a smoker and someone does something inconsiderate or wrong that angers you and you are about to take it on, you have a sudden almost uncontrollable urge to smoke. That urge, induced by the urine acidity all of a sudden takes precedence over dealing with the person and issue at hand, and sends you off in pursuit for a cigarette. This momentary venture gives you a cooling off period and at times, you may even let the whole event slide, feeling it is not worth even mentioning now. Consider this behavior from the other person's perspective. He or she may not even know that he or she did something offensive, and even if it is recognized, paid no penalty for the infraction. "
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Jan 2003, 23:33 #24


The junkie mind is capable of inviting negative support. I was an expert at it. In fact, I could get so down right mean that my loved ones would offer to go purchase my relapse nicotine for me. I was a drug addict and I was good at finding excuses to get my drug back. What I did was not only wrong but extremely unfair to, and insensitive of, my loved ones. I became so irritable that I made them willing to accept by addiction on my terms.
The next few minutes are doable!
Last edited by John (Gold) on 01 Apr 2009, 11:49, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 01:47

21 Jul 2003, 10:43 #25

Thanks Joel. I have read everything you recommended plus some. On an intellectual level I know and understand everything I've read. When I first stumbled onto this site it all made so much sense to me and just rang true - I wish I would have found it sooner. There are times, however, when emotionally you just want to cry and blurt out feelings. I am very grateful for all I have learned here and believe it will make the difference and give me the tools I need to stay nicotine free.

Elaine
Last edited by gramelaine on 01 Apr 2009, 11:43, edited 1 time in total.
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