Negative support from others

zwan girl3
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:28

19 Jul 2004, 07:04 #31

ImageThanks, this one helped particularily today.Image
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 Aug 2004, 19:27 #32

Comments can make you feel bad, for the moment. But comments and actions of others can't hurt you the way you can hurt yourself. Others can temporarily sadden you or anger you, but they can't cause you to relapse. Only you letting down your guard can do that. Relapsing does more than make you feel sad or hurt. Relapsing can make you feel sick, and be sick, and if left to its ultimate conclusion, cigarettes will cripple you and eventually kill you. You are quitting for yourself and the victory and benefits are yours in spite of what anyone else feels. To keep feeling good, because you are keeping yourself well always remember to never take another puff!
Joel
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Pollydoll10
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

14 Aug 2004, 01:53 #33

thanks a million,that helped me a great deal,you just need reminding sometimes what it is all about,and that is breaking the chain of my family dying of lung cancer thanks all x
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

14 Aug 2004, 02:59 #34

What family members and friends often overlook, is quitting smoking too is an effort to save the quitters life. While others may not immediately appreciate that fact, the person quitting has to know it for him or herself. Others may never really appreciate the concept, but the person quitting has to.

One thing I did notice over the years though, while the comment is made often, it is usually from a spouse, a child of the smokers, a friend, a coworker or just an acquaintance. It is much more uncommon that the person expressing it is a parent or even a grandparent. I think that says something. Parents are often used to their kids outbursts and moods, they have experienced them since they were infants. The natural parental instinct is not to hurt them when they are in distress and lash out, but to try to protect them. I think it often carries into adulthood, a pretty positive statement about parenthood.
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Pollydoll10
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

19 Aug 2004, 16:14 #35

thanks for your replys,im hanging in there xx
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

19 Sep 2004, 19:19 #36

I saw a comment in a string about how hard it is to lose a smoking buddy. It was in reference to how a person who doesn't quit can feel about the loss of a friend who does quit. In reality, if a friendship is based on anything real, when one friend quits smoking and the other friend continues to smoke, neither friend should feel that he or she now has lost a friend.

If the whole friendship between two people is based upon smoking, it is not a real friendship. There are cases though where people do lose smoking buddies. It was referred to in the original post in this string. Here is an example of how sad it can be to really lose a "smoking buddy":
A tragic situation is often experienced when a person does actually encourage a family member or friend to smoke and then, months, years or decades later, the person dies from a smoking induced illness. Sometimes the family member then feels great guilt and remorse for putting the person back to smoking way back when he or she remembers making the remark. But you know what, he or she didn't do it. The smoker did it him or herself. Because in reality, no matter what any person said, the smoker had to quit for him or herself and stay off for him or herself. How many times did a family member ask you to quit as a smoker and you never listened. Well if you don't quit for them, you don't relapse for them either. You quit for yourself and you stay off for yourself.
Whether or not you ever feel an unnecessary sense of guilt or responsibility for the death of a smoking friend, you are going to feel bad for the loss of that friend if he or she loses his or her life to smoking.

As this article discussed though, you can't make another person smoke or quit. You can however have a potential influence on smokers you care about. You can show your smoking friends and all around you that quitting is possible and that there is life after smoking. This action may turn out to have a beneficial if not live saving aspect for your smoking buddies. It may help them finally realize that they can become non-smoking buddies too. You help to prove this every day to all aroud you as long as you continue to live with your commitment intact to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joanne Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Oct 2004, 00:51 #37

.......No comment, look or stare from another can undercut your quit. Only you can do that. The way is by simply disregarding the fact that you can never take another puff! Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

23 Feb 2005, 22:32 #38

I see where one of our new members recognizes how he practiced this kind of behavior recently when a friend of his had quit smoking before he did. It kind of shows how good people can behave like this when under the influence of a drug addiction--doing whatever it takes to protect the integrity of the drug. Once free and clear of the drug people can start to recognize just how much nicotine controlled who they were and how they acted. The realization can be quite enlightening although in some cases a bit disturbing. It is good though to remember the kind of thoughts and practices that you experienced when being an active addict. The more you remember cigarettes for what they were and the more you remember how you were when under their influence the more dedicated you will always stay to your commitment to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

20 Mar 2005, 07:05 #39

You would be surprised where negative support can come from. Over twenty years ago I had a cardiologist tell one of my clinic graduates that she was gaining too much weight after quitting. He actually told her to just smoke after meals to help. She immediately shot up to her three pack per day addiction and the cardiologist blew up at her and said he didn't want to be her doctor anymore if she was going to smoke so much. The man did not even recognize he prescribed the relapse to her. Needless to say, I found out about it when she came in to quit again and was under the care of another cardiologist.
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chel
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

23 May 2006, 17:59 #40

I so appreciate the support from this group I dont get any at home I have been quit for 2 Months, 1 Week, 3 Days, 4 hours, 59 minutes and 2 seconds (71 days). I have saved £185.13 by not smoking 712 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Days, 11 hours and 20 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 13/03/2006 06:00
Last edited by chel on 01 Apr 2009, 11:56, edited 1 time in total.
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