Negative support from others

Ladybird is Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

16 Mar 2002, 22:17 #11

I have three friends who quit shortly after I did. My close female friend (& co-worker) who I smoked most often with, her boyfriend & another good male friend. All is them have since given in & had a few puffs. The boyfriend gave in after one week & admitted it to my friend & I after another week had passed. My female friend had a few cigarettes last weekend when drinking & so did my male friend (same situation). All of them have told me (with guilt?) about their relapses. None of them are back to regular smoking again, but I feel that these relapses do show that it is really difficult to quit (it reinforces for me that I have done very hard time quitting & I don't want to go back through all that again). I know on a past quit for me I started with the idea that I could just have a few "social cigarettes" (strange concept) & it lead me back to smoking as much (& more than before). It was also another 2 years before I quit again (that is this quit!)
Anyway, I am staying very strong & I know I will never take another puff!
Susan Image
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Mar 2002, 23:50 #12

Hello Susan:

Continue to watch these people over time. The odds are great that they will soon be smoking as much as ever, although hiding it as well as they can. When I do corporate clinics where people have long-term contact with each other, you often see one person "slip," give the impression that all is under control, getting the others to think that "slipping" is a harmless option, and in a short time period a whole bunch of people chain smoking uncontrollably--including the original person who every one thought kept it control. All because they played a game of follow the leader--and their leader was blind to the true addictive nature of nicotine. Whatever the outcome for your friends, your quit will stay secure as long as you know to never take another puff!

Joel

Related reading:
Buddy Systems
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Ladybird is Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

17 Mar 2002, 13:27 #13

Joel,
Thanks for your reply. I unfortunately had the same thought (soon it will be just one pack, just on weekends, just half what they smoked before . . . I can fill in the blanks from a previous experience of quitting) when I knew of the relapses of my friends.
I am holding my quit much more tightly then they did. The big difference between them & me (besides the relapses) is I have found the support & knowledge of Freedom & I rely on it everyday! It reminds me of why I can never take another puff!
Green is grand!
Susan Image
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MSN User
Joined: 02 Apr 2004, 08:00

18 Mar 2002, 06:41 #14

ImageSusan ,, OOOOO negative support from others eh .. I know all about that .. lol My Hubby and mum have been on hand since I quit ready to give me the sympathetic ciggie and waiting to say .. "awww well never mind at least you tried ,you did well staying off them as long as you did ,I couldnt have lasted that long ,here have one of mine I know its not ya usual brand but it will make ya feel better" !!! get the picture .. lol .. hee hee .. silly billys .. They are finally taking me seriously now .. Actually discouraging me from relapsing now " i have lasted this long" .. its like they didnt expect me to go as long as i have .Now i have entered my third week they have some faith in me and can see how serious i am about my quit .. I did consider relapsing .. got this voice in my head .. prob my mums and hubbys ..lol .it said" never mind it dont matter ,so what if you smoke .. they do .. go on you are miserable ..everyone you know accepts you as a smoker so they wont care.. hmmmmm well I fought back real hard .. told this negative voice " actually I CARE,, i like smelling nice and being fresh ,i like to wake up everyday and take my time in the mornings ( not rushing to get the ciggie lit before i can function) i like the way i can taste my coffee and have time to sit and eat brekkie , i like the fact that my breath is fresh .. i like to go to the cinema and manage to sit through a whole film without itching to go stand out in the cold halfway through the film.. i like the way my car smells fresh , i like the fact that wen my kids hug me they say " oo mum you smell like the washpowder" ,. (it smells lovely does our washpowder ,by the way) "
My hubby and i quit the same day .. he lasted from 7 am .. till 4 pm ( same day ) i had managed to get to 6 pm by the time i knew he had bought a pack .. but i thought this is my quit not his .. if he wants to blow his .. thats up to himbut hes not spoiling mine .. and here i am 2 weeks 4 days 4 hours 43 mins 42 secs .. wow look at those stats .. spooky all those 4 ,,s .. oooooooooo twilight zone or what .. hee hee.. hope this posts i know its long .. sorry to the managers .. i will try cut it down in future .. i just get so carried away .. more like i natter too much .. mwaaaaah ImageMilly Image
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Willow (Green)
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

18 Mar 2002, 13:07 #15

Thank you, I really needed to read this right now! Lets just say, that I not so tactfully told a co-worker (which was the one who said it most) "If one more person comes up to me and says..I am sorry to hear you quit smoking, I won't get to spend break with you anymore. Or any other such comments, I am going to kick there a** because I think it is rude and I can't believe they are SORRY that I am no longer killing myself daily! Ofcourse she just stared in shock at me and didn't say a word.

So, thank you. I really needed this thread!

Willow P.S. I am not a mean spirited person but those comments I got from people I thought cared for me...really made me see RED!!
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Ladybird is Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

18 Mar 2002, 19:09 #16

Good for you Willow for being assertive! The only comment I heard so far that irked me was "That's right, you quit, you can't smoke now" to which I said "I chose not to smoke, you have no choice today, you must smoke because you are addicted". I think that made em think!
Stay strong!
Susan Image
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Alyson GOLD.ffn
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

03 Jul 2002, 09:16 #17

I was just pondering this very thing. Today I got an email: "You hang in there. I am proud of you. You need to know I will still love you if you smoke". I'm not sure what to think of that. What do the rest of you think are the sender's intentions, consciously and/or unconsciously? (As part of this quit journey, I've begun asserting myself more with this person and really begun establishing boundaries, somewhat to her chagrin I am aware.)

I have not responded - not sure how to respond - maybe "uh, I'll need all the love I can get to ease my suffering when I die young from a painful smoking induced disease."

Alyson

8 DAYS - Oh my!!!!!!!!!!
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OBob Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

03 Jul 2002, 09:34 #18

Hard to say without more background Alyson. They could be the best of intentions, based in ignorance of the realities of addiction. In that case, you might provide some of Joel's articles to help them understand what you already do. My wife used to reward me when I didn't smoke for a day by hiding a cigarette around the house somewhere, and then giving it to me as a reward for getting through the day without smoking. I can assure you her intentions were good. Like many, she simply didn't know the repurcussions to what she was doing (and what I did in response... namely, smoke it).

If it's a statement of a lack of faith in your ability to stay quit, I wouldn't take it personally. People get jaded with addicts. They get used to being disappointed by addicts. She's probably seen you try and fail in the past. Or, if not, she's likely seen many others try in the absence of education and fail. She may have seen people try "quitting" by administering nicotine through a patch, or through gum, and seen them fail, and perhaps she believes only superhumans can quit because of this.

Again, maybe the best response is to share some of the knowledge you've gained here, and explain how that knowledge is helping you. How, the understanding of this addiction for what it is, and the corresponding knowledge that the nature of the addiction forbids ever using the drug again, has opened your eyes.

At the end of the day, there is only one way to prove to people that you can quit, and that is to do it permanently by never taking another puff. She still may not be impressed (ask Marty about his wife's reaction to his success). Still, the personal rewards for quitting (health, longer life, better smell, more money, higher self-esteem) are greater than any acknowledgement your friend may or may not provide.

YQB,

ImageBob (5m, 3w, 6d)
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Lexi
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:58

03 Jul 2002, 11:44 #19

Glad to see this subject- I just quit five days ago and have already experienced some of this- a co-worker actually thrust a lit cigarette in my direction and encouraged me to "Just go on and smoke it, here. You won't make it anyway." Much to my surprise, I had zero desire to give in. If anything, it strengthened my resolve. He showed his true colors and I was disappointed.
Today, I called my sister and got my new brother-in-law instead. He asked how my doc. appt. was and I told him I have a headache from grinding my teeth that's lasted a few days now. He also encouraged me to smoke (to alleviate the pain, he said)! Thanks to you all and Joel's info., I know that most certainly will NOT solve the problem. Knowledge is such a powerful tool! Thanks to all for giving it! No one can take our quits from us- we are too smart to smoke anymore!
YQS, Lexi 5d, 1h, 41m I've refrained from 102 cigarettes!
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David Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

03 Jul 2002, 11:53 #20

Joel,

Thanks for everything. I have a coworker who I believe is jealous of the fact that I am having success at this. He puts cigs at my work station to try and tempt me. I have found that if I go and watch him smoke at break it just resolves my quit in my mind that much more. most people at break will smoke 2 in a row so they won't go through withdrawl before the next break comes along. They will also sneak in between breaks as well. I know how they feel. I was them. NOT ANYMORE. NOT EVER AGAIN THANK GOD. Thanks again To Joel and all the managers here. I truly believe there is a special spot in heaven waiting for all of you.

Free for 6 days and LOVING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David
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