All human, and all addicts. I remember that day like it was last week. Passing each store that could have produced a relapse-inducing pack with a stubbornness I'd lacked in previous attempts.
I finally accepted that it was okay to be miserable for a while. There was no sugar-coating it... I felt like pulling my hair out (what little of it there is) at times. But, I made a rational decision that being miserable was okay... and accepted on faith that it was temporary.
In previous attempts, I operated under the motus that everything was fine as long as I felt okay. Sometimes, I'd feel okay for a couple of days. Then, the challenge would come, and I'd capitulate... either unwilling to absorb the blows, or - more likely - under the false impression that the first blows were just the first in a lifetime of them to come.
This day, January 18th, 2002, I just decided... "okay, I'm miserable. For now. So what! It ****, but it's only for a while." Having the good folks here at Freedom to assure me that all this was temporary made it a logical decision. No, I couldn't make myself feel better on January 18th... but I knew I was investing in a longer-term comfort.
Did you ever see "The Shawshank Redemption"? Where the main character crawls through a 3 foot diameter sewer pipe for a couple hundred yards to escape prison? The pipe was the bridge. Unpleasant as it gets. But, he knew what was behind him if he turned back (prison).... and what was in front of him if he endured (freedom). He chose to endure it, and "came out clean on the other side".
We've all got to cross that bridge. For some of us it's easier than for others... but however hard it is, it's a temporary investment. The other side, in this case, IS greener
Bob (23 months free)