In search of the Perfect Smoke

In search of the Perfect Smoke

Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 20:36

24 Jun 2003, 02:52 #1

Hi All.
Today's my 28th day nic free and I love being smoke free. However, all that I can think of over the last few days are those "perfect" smokes that I used to enjoy(?). My junkie mind is trying to tell me that I can have just one but I know that's not possible. I almost feel like someone who's climbed a mountain only to reach the summit and realize that the view (a life without those perfect smokes) isn't what they expected or wanted to see.

I 'm aware that it's my junkie mind that's trying to fool me, but I have a question whose answer will help me get through this. I'm wondering what is exactly going on with my mind. I don't understand what it is that my junkie mind wants. My body no longer needs the nicotine but my brain is still trying to get me to smoke. Why is that? What physical/mental process is going on here. I'm an engineer so I tend to take things apart in order to see how they work. I guess that that's what I'm trying to do now with my addiction. I don't completely understand how drug addiction works so I'm wondering where I might find this info.

Don't smoke 'em if you got 'em - Ever!

Tim

My Quit Date: 05/27/2003
Smoke-Free Days: 27
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 551
Amount Saved: $135
Life Gained: Days: 4 Hrs: 3 Mins: 34 Seconds: 24
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

24 Jun 2003, 03:07 #2

Hi timb
Well done for posting with your thoughts,i,ii throw a few things at you and see what you think,treatment for obsessive disorders has shown that the more you try not to think of something the bigger it gets,you don,t have an obssesive disorder but i,m trying to cover many possibilities,Another thing i learned is when you are getting further down your quit junkie mind tends to tug at your shirt tail because that side of you is dissapearing and it wants attention,another possibility is you are gaining comfort in your quit and forgetting the slavery that once chained you.I,ve dealt with junkie mind either by minimising my reaction or by telling it to go away,for instance if i get a junkie thought imy answer by minimilisation is oh yeh or oh really in a sarcastic sort of way or in a dominant way i angrily say go away.you might think i,m mad but we have inner dialogue going on all the time and i like to choose my own thoughts and junkie thoughts don,t belong in my precious mind.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

24 Jun 2003, 03:09 #3

Hi Tim!

I'm allso an engineer...... What you are describing is Fixating on a cigarette. There's a lot of good information on the Preventing Relapse board, where you put your post.

Our Inner Junkie isn't logical. At least mine isn't. He threw tantrums that whole first month, and screamed that he wanted a smoke. I finally realized you can't argue with the Inner Junkie, since he only feels, he doesn't think. He wants immediate gratification.... and who cares about some future dying of lung cancer or whatever..... there is only now, and he wants it now!

So its up to us, the logical, thinking, see how it works and optimize it us, the adult us, the us that made the logical decision to quit smoking..... well, we have to win this one. You don't necessarily win by logical argument.... not with a squalling, yelling infant in the middle of a temper tantrum. You win by firmly and unanswerably taking control. "Yes, you are used to that. You can't have it. There will be a new normal soon, and you will be comfortable with that. At the moment you arn't comfortable.... but for today I'm not going to smoke."

This is where One Day At A Time has to be used some more. Dont think about forever.... Just today. Don't agree that life isn't worth living without our addiction..... it is! You just arn't quite there yet. I'd do some more reading to keep the Logical You strong.... Your Inner Junkie won't be persuaded.... but he's not in control, or you'd have already relapsed. Keep him firmly out of power, while you make the decisions for the both of you.

Some good ones:

Emotional Loss Experienced from Quitting Smoking where are you on the grieving process????

Turning the Corner... Acceptance are you still a "quitter", or are you turning the corner to becoming an ex-smoker?

YQB BillW One year, four months, two weeks, one day, 6 hours . 15007 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,963.77. Life saved: 7 weeks, 3 days, 2 hours, 35 minutes.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

24 Jun 2003, 04:11 #4

The perfect cigarette exists, but it has friends.... lots of them. One = All, and "all" ****.

I am an addict! hooray!

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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

24 Jun 2003, 04:12 #5

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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

24 Jun 2003, 04:26 #6

Also Tim, don't feel as though you have to be in a certain "place" at 27 days. We all recover differently, and we all have setbacks at different stages of our quits. It's all in how you handle them. Take a good hard look at what triggered these thoughts. Pull the trigger apart, look at it for what it is, and ask yourself if that one cigarette, that one perfect one that you enjoyed once, is going to be worth losing this quit and spending God knows how much money to cripple or kill yourself.

You don't want to lose us, either, do you?

MareBear

The Gold Club
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 20:13

24 Jun 2003, 04:41 #7

Hi Tim,

Thought I'd stick this one in for you to check out...it has really helped explain a lot of things for me when I'm feeling the same way. Some new findings on Nicotine Addiction

Congrats on 28 days!

Gr8ful Girl
46 days
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

24 Jun 2003, 04:55 #8

Hi TimB, According to some really smart consultants, I am an analytical analytic :) (seriously). I'm going to elaborate on what O'Bob wrote. Were there "perfect" cigarettes? Yes. Were they all perfect cigarettes? No. Did the number of really good cigarettes outnumber the cigarettes you smoked automatically without even noticing? No. If you smoked a cigarette right now, would it taste good? No. Would it make you feel sick? Yes.

The cigarette that you want is a fantasy. In order to have that one occasional great cigarette, you have to smoke a lot of cigarettes that you don't really enjoy. Cough, cough, gurgle, gurgle, pant, pant, wheeze, wheeze. Think about it.

Our drug, nicotine, is more addictive than heroin or cocaine. John is constantly posting articles on new discoveries on how nicotine effects various parts of our bodies and brains. It has been linked to hearing loss, breast cancer, and a whole host of other things. Our drug of choice is incredibly insidious, and not everything about it is known. Don't dwell on the fact that you can never smoke that perfect cig again. Concentrate on being free from nicotine and being able to choose what you want to do when. The perfect cig may have existed in the past when you were actively using but now it is nothing more than a fantasy. Watch people smoke, and you will know that this is true. One = All.

yqs, Janet :)
One Year Seven Months +
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Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

24 Jun 2003, 06:45 #9

Hi Tim,

I'm wondering what is exactly going on with my mind. I don't understand what it is that my junkie mind wants. My body no longer needs the nicotine but my brain is still trying to get me to smoke.

I wondered the same thing and for me the answer was learning to recognize that my mind REALLY did want something...and that I was conditioned to think it was nicotine...but that really it was a drink of water or a nap or a cry or a talk or food or a walk or time alone or......... So many things that I used to just smoke over.

This article by OBob really hit the nail on the head for me: recognizing needs

Sal
Five months, one week, four days, 16 hours, 49 minutes and 59 seconds.
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