I Want "Something"

Retraining the conscious mind

I Want "Something"

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

01 Aug 2002, 22:16 #1

About 15 Years ago, I had an emergency appendectomy. In the course of my recovery, I was given some little white pain pills that I quickly began to like--a lot! I was sitting at home a day or so after being released from the hospital and I had this craving feeling, kinda like wanting a cigarette, except I had one lit at the moment. I was wanting "something", I just didn't know what.
It dawned on me that what I was wanting was one of those pills!! I immediately got up, flushed the rest of the bottle and switched to Tylenol. I've told that story over the years, just to illustrate how easy it would be to get hooked on pain medicine. (It never occurred to me that I was just as addicted to nicotine for all those years, but I digress.)
Point is I was sitting there "wanting something". In the course of my three and a half month quit, that same feeling has been there on numerous occasions. I go through periods of a few hours, or even a few days of wanting something, just not knowing what it is. During those times I know I do not want a cigarette, or nicotine rather, but I do want "something".
There have been a few posts touching on this issue the past few days and it just got me to thinking. The Freedom library documents well the great feeling of loss that accompanies a quit--that feeling of losing a friend, the feeling of loneliness and sometimes even the boredom of a quit.
I think for many of us, this may be the biggest challenge of our quits, how to fill the void left by smoking. Obviously it can be done, look at John, Joanne, Marty, Grumps, et al, they did it. For some it may be an unconsious process where they naturally gravitate to new and different interests to fill the time. For others , we may have to make a concerted effort to re-mold our lives into something different. Maybe all we need is a hobby!!
I know this is probably just a lot of rambling navel-gazing, but I continue to be amazed at this journey I am on. The floor is open for discussion....
Image Dave

I don't smoke and I don't chew and I don't go with the girls that do. 3 Months 2 Weeks 12 Hours 15 Minutes 47 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 3692. Money saved: $507.77.
Last edited by Hillbilly(Gold) on 28 Mar 2009, 19:45, edited 1 time in total.

MareBear GOLD
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

01 Aug 2002, 22:52 #2

Hillbilly, I love that line! "I don't smoke and I don't chew and I don't go with girls that do." Thanks for giving my my first giggle of the day!
I too experience that feeling of wanting "something." Not a cigarette per se, just something. Different things help at different times. A lollipop, a walk, a toothpick, a kiss, a deep breath. It's just the process of reconditioning our minds I guess. And it certainly is a challenge, but one that you and I and everyone here have within our power to meet and conquer. And yee-haw to that! Image
Not a puff for: 2M 3D 13h 9m. Cigarettes NOT smoked: 1290, saving me $200.10. Life Saved: 4D 11h 30m.
Last edited by MareBear GOLD on 28 Mar 2009, 19:46, edited 1 time in total.

Mikey D
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:14

01 Aug 2002, 23:11 #3

Hi ya!
Know EXACTLY what you're talking about. About 8 months ago I injured my back...got a herniated disc. Well, I hear it's all a part of getting old....as much as I do not want to believe it, I must accept it as fact. Anyway, I was given a prescription for Vicadin. Damm that's good stuff! Doesn't take the pain away 100%; but, you just don't care. Now, about two weeks ago I re-injured my back. About a week before my quit. Got a refill on my Vicadin. Today is one of those days you mentioned...gots to have something. My brain is looking for candy and it don't care which kind! It's also an extremely frustrating day at work today which makes things even tougher. But, I'm here at this site and reading your message which really hit home at just the right time! So long as I have someplace to turn to, someplace to vent, someplace where I feel understood.... I find the that little bit of extra strength I need to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. And NO SUBSTITUTIONS either. Thanks Hillbilly! Good timing!

One week, three days, 12 hours, 19 minutes and 43 seconds. 262 cigarettes not smoked, saving $53.75. Life saved: 21 hours, 50 minutes.

Lilac (Bronze)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

01 Aug 2002, 23:39 #4

Aha!! My "something " surfaces. It has a name. It has a face. It is another facet of my addiction. Is there no end to it????? However, I feel, much, much,much better today and I thank all the wonderful people who make me think--even the thoughts I don't want to think. Lilac

improud (golder)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

02 Aug 2002, 01:37 #5

In the past 18 months that I have been an ex-smoker when that "I want something" comes up and it still does once in awhile ( however I don't associate it with smoking anymore) I will just go get myself a big glass of ice cold water and it does the trick. Just a little helper, but the "I want something" is getting fewer and farther between, except ofcourse if it's I want Chocolate Something (i've had a real sweet tooth lately)

Roger (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

02 Aug 2002, 02:02 #6

I want...I need....I think I want and need.

I believe everyone goes through this at one time or another. I remember the same thoughts would float by me at times. I think what is happening is a phase out of our psychological thoughts and needs. There comes a point in a quit where we conciously do not want a nicotine fix or need one. Our junkie thinking still reminds us in many ways we need something. (possibly a sub concious craving or rememberance)or something is missing. What ever they are or where ever they originate they leave us feeling empty or maybe a better term would be still feeling a fleeting loss of our best friend that accompanied all of us where ever we would go. If it was a place we could not smoke our thoughts would always turn to how nice it will be to be able to finally place our little friend between our lips and deliver the drug of choice ot our system and stop the withdrawl process for another 20 - 30 minutes.

Keep in mind you are on a journey of healing. Have some patience and let the process take place. I guarantee you this, There will come a time when the days drift by and there is not a thought of our x best friend, junkie thinking, a loss, need or emotional tie to our past practice of feeding our addiction. All we need to remember is where we come from and how we got to the point we are in our quits... Day to Day And Never Taking Another Puff.

You Can If You Believe You Can.

7 Months +

Kiwi (Gone GOLD )
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:29

02 Aug 2002, 13:02 #7

Delighted you started this thread Dave. Thank you. Was just about to do it myself, having been stuck for several days between feeling alternately awesome and horrid with a big void in the center of my being. Even had a small q mark as to whether I was now an unmasked manic-depressive person who should be rushing off for treatment.

I was also aware of Lilac posting about 'something' missing for her.This resonated with me.

We are all different, and trying to fill this hole/void with something else, be it a positive experience/thought, or a hobby just does not do it for me.

Today, I was going to try a new approach and just surf/embrace this void, (like I did with the craves during withdrawal).

I'd like to report that this has been helpful, but so far today I havn't had any voids to work with. Image

I'll just have to wait and see!

Kiwi (Gone GOLD )
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:29

02 Aug 2002, 13:06 #8

I forgot Roger. Many Thanks.
As usual, your words are both realistic and comforting.

Toast (GOLD )
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Aug 2002, 21:33 #9

Heya Dave,

I'd say the "I want .... something" during the 2, 3, 4 month or so was a surprise to me ... usually, it was wanting to step out on the porch and to have a smoke .... that was something I did several times a day, and so I can't be surprised that I noticed myself not doing it!

But do you know what I remember from before I ever smoked??? I remember having that "I want .... something" feeling too. I think maybe some of that has to do being young and not being adept or experienced enough yet to know and name my desires. Maybe smoking plugged that hole some ... giving me something I could "choose" for myself whenever I wanted - didn't depend on anyone else's vote (just my falling nicotine levels). Maybe smoking plugged that hole a little too by numbing out my emotions and making any deep inspection of my satisfaction or dissatisfaction less urgent sometimes.

Maybe once we get past the initial high drama of quitting smoking - the physical sensations, the most pressing psychological triggers, etc. - we rediscover a little bit of us that's waited stuck all those years for a chance to say, "Hey, I want ... something." And now, rather than it being about smoking, we get a chance to realize it's really about growing up, learning to know and name and act responsibly upon our desires.

Or maybe not. Image Image

All these great, thought-provoking threads have my brain in overdrive ...

Image Melissa
Gold Club

Kiwi (Gone GOLD )
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:29

03 Aug 2002, 02:05 #10

Hey MelissaImage
So glad your brain went into overdrive. I find this posting of yours very thought provoking.
Thanks for it.