I Want "Something"

Retraining the conscious mind

I Want "Something"

Hillbilly(Gold)
Hillbilly(Gold)

August 1st, 2002, 10:16 pm #1

About 15 Years ago, I had an emergency appendectomy. In the course of my recovery, I was given some little white pain pills that I quickly began to like--a lot! I was sitting at home a day or so after being released from the hospital and I had this craving feeling, kinda like wanting a cigarette, except I had one lit at the moment. I was wanting "something", I just didn't know what.
It dawned on me that what I was wanting was one of those pills!! I immediately got up, flushed the rest of the bottle and switched to Tylenol. I've told that story over the years, just to illustrate how easy it would be to get hooked on pain medicine. (It never occurred to me that I was just as addicted to nicotine for all those years, but I digress.)
Point is I was sitting there "wanting something". In the course of my three and a half month quit, that same feeling has been there on numerous occasions. I go through periods of a few hours, or even a few days of wanting something, just not knowing what it is. During those times I know I do not want a cigarette, or nicotine rather, but I do want "something".
There have been a few posts touching on this issue the past few days and it just got me to thinking. The Freedom library documents well the great feeling of loss that accompanies a quit--that feeling of losing a friend, the feeling of loneliness and sometimes even the boredom of a quit.
I think for many of us, this may be the biggest challenge of our quits, how to fill the void left by smoking. Obviously it can be done, look at John, Joanne, Marty, Grumps, et al, they did it. For some it may be an unconsious process where they naturally gravitate to new and different interests to fill the time. For others , we may have to make a concerted effort to re-mold our lives into something different. Maybe all we need is a hobby!!
I know this is probably just a lot of rambling navel-gazing, but I continue to be amazed at this journey I am on. The floor is open for discussion....
Dave


I don't smoke and I don't chew and I don't go with the girls that do. 3 Months 2 Weeks 12 Hours 15 Minutes 47 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 3692. Money saved: $507.77.
Last edited by Hillbilly(Gold) on March 28th, 2009, 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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MareBear GOLD
MareBear GOLD

August 1st, 2002, 10:52 pm #2

Hillbilly, I love that line! "I don't smoke and I don't chew and I don't go with girls that do." Thanks for giving my my first giggle of the day!
I too experience that feeling of wanting "something." Not a cigarette per se, just something. Different things help at different times. A lollipop, a walk, a toothpick, a kiss, a deep breath. It's just the process of reconditioning our minds I guess. And it certainly is a challenge, but one that you and I and everyone here have within our power to meet and conquer. And yee-haw to that!
MareBear
Not a puff for: 2M 3D 13h 9m. Cigarettes NOT smoked: 1290, saving me $200.10. Life Saved: 4D 11h 30m.
Last edited by MareBear GOLD on March 28th, 2009, 7:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mikey D
Mikey D

August 1st, 2002, 11:11 pm #3

Hi ya!
Know EXACTLY what you're talking about. About 8 months ago I injured my back...got a herniated disc. Well, I hear it's all a part of getting old....as much as I do not want to believe it, I must accept it as fact. Anyway, I was given a prescription for Vicadin. Damm that's good stuff! Doesn't take the pain away 100%; but, you just don't care. Now, about two weeks ago I re-injured my back. About a week before my quit. Got a refill on my Vicadin. Today is one of those days you mentioned...gots to have something. My brain is looking for candy and it don't care which kind! It's also an extremely frustrating day at work today which makes things even tougher. But, I'm here at this site and reading your message which really hit home at just the right time! So long as I have someplace to turn to, someplace to vent, someplace where I feel understood.... I find the that little bit of extra strength I need to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. And NO SUBSTITUTIONS either. Thanks Hillbilly! Good timing!

One week, three days, 12 hours, 19 minutes and 43 seconds. 262 cigarettes not smoked, saving $53.75. Life saved: 21 hours, 50 minutes.
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Lilac (Bronze)
Lilac (Bronze)

August 1st, 2002, 11:39 pm #4

Aha!! My "something " surfaces. It has a name. It has a face. It is another facet of my addiction. Is there no end to it????? However, I feel, much, much,much better today and I thank all the wonderful people who make me think--even the thoughts I don't want to think. Lilac
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improud (golder)
improud (golder)

August 2nd, 2002, 1:37 am #5

In the past 18 months that I have been an ex-smoker when that "I want something" comes up and it still does once in awhile ( however I don't associate it with smoking anymore) I will just go get myself a big glass of ice cold water and it does the trick. Just a little helper, but the "I want something" is getting fewer and farther between, except ofcourse if it's I want Chocolate Something (i've had a real sweet tooth lately)
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Roger (Gold)
Roger (Gold)

August 2nd, 2002, 2:02 am #6

I want...I need....I think I want and need.

I believe everyone goes through this at one time or another. I remember the same thoughts would float by me at times. I think what is happening is a phase out of our psychological thoughts and needs. There comes a point in a quit where we conciously do not want a nicotine fix or need one. Our junkie thinking still reminds us in many ways we need something. (possibly a sub concious craving or rememberance)or something is missing. What ever they are or where ever they originate they leave us feeling empty or maybe a better term would be still feeling a fleeting loss of our best friend that accompanied all of us where ever we would go. If it was a place we could not smoke our thoughts would always turn to how nice it will be to be able to finally place our little friend between our lips and deliver the drug of choice ot our system and stop the withdrawl process for another 20 - 30 minutes.

Keep in mind you are on a journey of healing. Have some patience and let the process take place. I guarantee you this, There will come a time when the days drift by and there is not a thought of our x best friend, junkie thinking, a loss, need or emotional tie to our past practice of feeding our addiction. All we need to remember is where we come from and how we got to the point we are in our quits... Day to Day And Never Taking Another Puff.

You Can If You Believe You Can.

Roger
7 Months +
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Kiwi (Gone GOLD )
Kiwi (Gone GOLD )

August 2nd, 2002, 1:02 pm #7

Delighted you started this thread Dave. Thank you. Was just about to do it myself, having been stuck for several days between feeling alternately awesome and horrid with a big void in the center of my being. Even had a small q mark as to whether I was now an unmasked manic-depressive person who should be rushing off for treatment.


I was also aware of Lilac posting about 'something' missing for her.This resonated with me.


We are all different, and trying to fill this hole/void with something else, be it a positive experience/thought, or a hobby just does not do it for me.

Today, I was going to try a new approach and just surf/embrace this void, (like I did with the craves during withdrawal).

I'd like to report that this has been helpful, but so far today I havn't had any voids to work with.

I'll just have to wait and see!
Kiwi
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Kiwi (Gone GOLD )
Kiwi (Gone GOLD )

August 2nd, 2002, 1:06 pm #8

P.S.
I forgot Roger. Many Thanks.
As usual, your words are both realistic and comforting.
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Toast (GOLD )
Toast (GOLD )

August 2nd, 2002, 9:33 pm #9

Heya Dave,

I'd say the "I want .... something" during the 2, 3, 4 month or so was a surprise to me ... usually, it was wanting to step out on the porch and to have a smoke .... that was something I did several times a day, and so I can't be surprised that I noticed myself not doing it!

But do you know what I remember from before I ever smoked??? I remember having that "I want .... something" feeling too. I think maybe some of that has to do being young and not being adept or experienced enough yet to know and name my desires. Maybe smoking plugged that hole some ... giving me something I could "choose" for myself whenever I wanted - didn't depend on anyone else's vote (just my falling nicotine levels). Maybe smoking plugged that hole a little too by numbing out my emotions and making any deep inspection of my satisfaction or dissatisfaction less urgent sometimes.

Maybe once we get past the initial high drama of quitting smoking - the physical sensations, the most pressing psychological triggers, etc. - we rediscover a little bit of us that's waited stuck all those years for a chance to say, "Hey, I want ... something." And now, rather than it being about smoking, we get a chance to realize it's really about growing up, learning to know and name and act responsibly upon our desires.

Or maybe not.

All these great, thought-provoking threads have my brain in overdrive ...

Melissa
Gold Club
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Kiwi (Gone GOLD )
Kiwi (Gone GOLD )

August 3rd, 2002, 2:05 am #10

Hey Melissa
So glad your brain went into overdrive. I find this posting of yours very thought provoking.
Thanks for it.
Kiwi
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SweetLorraine (Gold)
SweetLorraine (Gold)

August 3rd, 2002, 10:38 pm #11

Hi Dave,


One of the things that I liked about smoking was the instant reward (sick reward - but none the less) instant gratification of desire. Long after falling nicotine levels were over with memories of the "aaah" feeling would surface (triggers).



Everyone's quit is different my choices wouldn't necessarily work for anyone else. I will say that not smoking is a lot more effort in the beginning, part of that work is figuring out what you are feeling, what you want and what you need/want to do about it.



Now rather than smoking when I'm tired I rest, when I'm upset I take deep slow breaths and try to put things in perspective, if I'm angry I may yell or scrub something or go for a walk, when I'm hungry I eat. When I want a little reward for work well done I might read a chapter in a good book or play a game. Everything I ever did as a smoker I now do and do better. But all of these responses had to be learned because each of those situations used to be automatic signals to smoke.



Maybe this is way more than you had in mind. For me smoking had invaded every aspect of my life and once exorcised life is simpler and much more real.



yqf



Lorraine



Celebrating 9 months 3 weeks and 2 days of Freedom!
Last edited by SweetLorraine (Gold) on March 28th, 2009, 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Ruth Ann ( Green x 2 )
Ruth Ann ( Green x 2 )

August 3rd, 2002, 11:09 pm #12

Dave...Thank you for this thread!

Once again I get on line and stumble right to a thread that is just what I need at the moment.....I've had some rough spots when I've come here to post for help, but I haven't because I find the help through others posts....The void or wanting something is often an issue with me.....Thanks to all who posted here..you've given me alot of new insight into this subject.............Also thanks to Kiwi..I've wondered the same thing about being manic-depressive!! Now I don't feel alone in that...Whew...(unless we both really are! ) LOL..........

Ya"ll have a great week-end!!!
Ruth Ann
NOT A PUFF FOR 4 Weeks 1 Day 23 Hours 58 Seconds
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StrosinGOLD1
StrosinGOLD1

August 4th, 2002, 11:22 pm #13

Hi Dave!

Yes, this is a wonderful thread.....Marty, thank you for directing me here. Initially I was afraid of this "sensation" wondering if junkie thinking was about to take me over.

Melissa, I admire your "overdrive" as you nailed the big picture when you wrote, "And now, rather than it being about smoking, we get a chance to realize it's really about growing up, learning to know and name and act responsibly upon our desires."
That says it all!

YQS
Sharon
Nicotine free for 1 Month 6 Days 12 Hours 21 Minutes 51 Seconds
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Lilac (Bronze)
Lilac (Bronze)

August 5th, 2002, 1:44 am #14

Just wanted to add to a post I left several days ago. My "somethings" occurr much less often and are less troublesome. in the last three days. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you, Hillbilly, for the quick response you posted to me during a very low moment for me. I was in a desert and suddenly there was a friend, there, telling me of the oasis just around the next dune.. And sure enough the oasis was there.. Won't ever forget that, Lilac
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RIVERDOGgold
RIVERDOGgold

August 5th, 2002, 4:59 am #15

Yup, I've been "wantin something". Unfortunalety my insurance doesn't cover a lobotomy. So the next best remedy for this brain is the group at Freedom and my cold turkey quit.

Had that feeling Sunday (today). Actually a little bit right now... and most days still. But life goes on and perhaps the "wanting" will be less tomorrow.

Mike, 22 days, 660 smokes
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CdnpheonixGold
CdnpheonixGold

August 15th, 2002, 2:51 am #16

Hi Hillbilly Dave!
This post really touched home with me a couple of weeks ago when I first got to FREEDOM. Now that I know how to get around a bit better I've managed to find it and read it again. Still touchin' so I'm bringing it up so more people can be amazed by your insite.
As always . . . in awe,
YQS
C
3W 16h 15m 44s (-650 cigarettes)
Last edited by CdnpheonixGold on March 28th, 2009, 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hillbilly(Gold)
Hillbilly(Gold)

August 15th, 2002, 2:55 am #17

Glad it helped, C. To me it's just more of my rattlin' around in my own head. :-)
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Lilac (Bronze)
Lilac (Bronze)

August 15th, 2002, 3:26 am #18

Dear C,


Did anyone ever tell you and surely they did, that you are a very remarkable young lady-------Your passionate committment to non smoking and to the forum is something very special.

LIlac
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CdnpheonixGold
CdnpheonixGold

August 15th, 2002, 3:44 am #19

Right back atcha Lilac!

Love, Peace, & Freedom
YQS
C
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Toast (GOLD )
Toast (GOLD )

October 3rd, 2002, 7:31 pm #20

This good 'un was mentioned in another thread, and I thought it was about time it showed up on the main board again.
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John (Gold)
John (Gold)

December 28th, 2002, 12:36 pm #21

Are we really so different than any other chemically dependent humans?
There was a time not so long ago when I thought myself superior
to alcoholics, heroin addicts, or those who smoke crack.
Was I really? Who was I kidding?
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KateG (Bronze )
KateG (Bronze )

January 17th, 2003, 4:01 am #22

Dave,

This post was recommended to me by a couple of friends here, and I love it! The nebulous, squishy, slippery, wanting feeling that I've been battling for days and not knowing how to describe...you had already described it so simply and plainly, and so accurately. You've helped me understand my own experience so much better. I'll come back to this one again and again.

Thank you,
Kate
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IrishLotus GOLD
IrishLotus GOLD

April 10th, 2003, 11:19 pm #23

I am surprised I've never responded to this post. It had such a big impact on me when I first read it. As always Hillbilly, you dished out some good ole fat to chew, so I thought it couldn't hurt to pull this topic to the top of the board for some more discussion. I recommended this thread to Karen yesterday in response to her post Big Fat Quit, mostly because I thought it was appropriate for her, but also because I have been thinking a lot lately about that "something" feeling myself, and I wanted to see if this post (which I remember dearly) would offer me any new insight. As it turns out, Melissa's words in her response to Hillbilly are even more powerful than the first time I read them:

Maybe once we get past the initial high drama of quitting smoking - the physical sensations, the most pressing psychological triggers, etc. - we rediscover a little bit of us that's waited stuck all those years for a chance to say, "Hey, I want ... something." And now, rather than it being about smoking, we get a chance to realize it's really about growing up, learning to know and name and act responsibly upon our desires.

For me, cutting nicotine out of my life was only the FIRST STEP in peeling off layers of addiction and unhealthy behaviors...YEARS of "hiding" from my feelings, rather than embracing them. I think that when I first read Melissa's message, I didn't really understand that "rediscovery" she talked about, because I was still coma-tizing my feelings with comfort food and drowning my depression with drink. As I begin to use my newfound freedom to inspire me to emerge from my mindless state of slavery, however, and reclaim my body from my other addictions, I am FINALLY starting to see hints of the "real me" peeking out for a chance to say "Hey I want...something". And that is an incredible feeling. REALLY listening to your body and making conscious choices about your desires. Sometimes it is difficult for me to realize that I am 27 years old and JUST "getting" this now...and other times I rejoice at the rediscovery of "me". It is scary to enter unknown territory, but even scarier to realize that that "unknown territory" is the real me. Scary and exhilirating all at the same time.

Well, I guess my point besides sparking a conversation on the subject, is to remind all the FREEDOMITES and lurkers out there reading this, that quitting smoking is about much more than ceasing a "dirty habit". It is about rediscovery and reconnection. It is about embracing the "real" you and finding your true path to happiness. As Toast so eloqently puts it : it's really about growing up, learning to know and name and act responsibly upon our desires.

Here's a "toast" to you quit sis...thanks for the wisdom.
Lotus
Choosing FREEDOM for 6 Months 2 Weeks 3 Days 9 Hours 17 Minutes 1 Second. Cigarettes not smoked: 5951. Money saved: $1,487.90.
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Toast (GOLD )
Toast (GOLD )

April 11th, 2003, 12:24 am #24

Well now, thank you, Irish!

Still learning to name my desires, and cheering you on your journey to the Real Lotus!

Melissa
22 months
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Joined: January 16th, 2003, 8:00 am

April 11th, 2003, 7:25 am #25

I have been noticing growth-evolution-change that has all come forth since my shedding/stopping of nicotine and the slavery of smoking.
It's the new me.
Smoking stunted my growth.
Sal
Two months, four weeks, one day, 16 hours, 25 minutes and 30 seconds.
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