I Want "Something"

Retraining the conscious mind
John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

28 Dec 2002, 12:36 #21

Are we really so different than any other chemically dependent humans?
There was a time not so long ago when I thought myself superior
to alcoholics, heroin addicts, or those who smoke crack.
Was I really? Who was I kidding?

KateG (Bronze )
Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 23:22

17 Jan 2003, 04:01 #22


This post was recommended to me by a couple of friends here, and I love it! The nebulous, squishy, slippery, wanting feeling that I've been battling for days and not knowing how to describe...you had already described it so simply and plainly, and so accurately. You've helped me understand my own experience so much better. I'll come back to this one again and again.

Thank you,

IrishLotus GOLD
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

10 Apr 2003, 23:19 #23

I am surprised I've never responded to this post. It had such a big impact on me when I first read it. As always Hillbilly, you dished out some good ole fat to chew, so I thought it couldn't hurt to pull this topic to the top of the board for some more discussion. I recommended this thread to Karen yesterday in response to her post Big Fat Quit, mostly because I thought it was appropriate for her, but also because I have been thinking a lot lately about that "something" feeling myself, and I wanted to see if this post (which I remember dearly) would offer me any new insight. As it turns out, Melissa's words in her response to Hillbilly are even more powerful than the first time I read them:

Maybe once we get past the initial high drama of quitting smoking - the physical sensations, the most pressing psychological triggers, etc. - we rediscover a little bit of us that's waited stuck all those years for a chance to say, "Hey, I want ... something." And now, rather than it being about smoking, we get a chance to realize it's really about growing up, learning to know and name and act responsibly upon our desires.

For me, cutting nicotine out of my life was only the FIRST STEP in peeling off layers of addiction and unhealthy behaviors...YEARS of "hiding" from my feelings, rather than embracing them. I think that when I first read Melissa's message, I didn't really understand that "rediscovery" she talked about, because I was still coma-tizing my feelings with comfort food and drowning my depression with drink. As I begin to use my newfound freedom to inspire me to emerge from my mindless state of slavery, however, and reclaim my body from my other addictions, I am FINALLY starting to see hints of the "real me" peeking out for a chance to say "Hey I want...something". And that is an incredible feeling. REALLY listening to your body and making conscious choices about your desires. Sometimes it is difficult for me to realize that I am 27 years old and JUST "getting" this now...and other times I rejoice at the rediscovery of "me". It is scary to enter unknown territory, but even scarier to realize that that "unknown territory" is the real me. Scary and exhilirating all at the same time.

Well, I guess my point besides sparking a conversation on the subject, is to remind all the FREEDOMITES and lurkers out there reading this, that quitting smoking is about much more than ceasing a "dirty habit". It is about rediscovery and reconnection. It is about embracing the "real" you and finding your true path to happiness. As Toast so eloqently puts it : it's really about growing up, learning to know and name and act responsibly upon our desires.

Here's a "toast" to you quit sis...thanks for the wisdom. Image
Choosing FREEDOM for 6 Months 2 Weeks 3 Days 9 Hours 17 Minutes 1 Second. Cigarettes not smoked: 5951. Money saved: $1,487.90.

Toast (GOLD )
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

11 Apr 2003, 00:24 #24

Well now, thank you, Irish! Image

Still learning to name my desires, and cheering you on your journey to the Real Lotus!

Image Melissa
22 months

Sal GOLD.ffn
Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

11 Apr 2003, 07:25 #25

I have been noticing growth-evolution-change that has all come forth since my shedding/stopping of nicotine and the slavery of smoking.
It's the new me.
Smoking stunted my growth.
Two months, four weeks, one day, 16 hours, 25 minutes and 30 seconds.

SOC Silver
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:10

11 Apr 2003, 09:35 #26

Image Being 3 weeks into my quit, I find that "wanting something" is the biggest itch of my day. Not really a smoke. (A smoke at this point wouldn't give me that ahh feeling anyway! Image ) Just want something. I don't know what. So you know what I do? If I'm home, I start off by asking my husband for a spontaneous hug. A nice tight hug. Hold it for about 30 seconds. Ahhh. Dopamine level rises. I'm happy again. Or if I'm at work, I pop over to the community candy jar in my boss' office, grab ONE piece of candy (usually chocolate - he's a good boss) pop it into my mouth and savor it. Moment's passed, I'm happy again. This only happens around once a day or less, but I constantly look for new healthy ways to get that ahh feeling. These are just a couple, the hugs of course being my favorite. Oooh I see a good parade idea here! Image

~ Sandy Celebrating 3 weeks, 3 days, 17 hrs of Freedom!
420 not smoked, $84.09 not spent. Saving 1 day, 11 hrs, 0 mins of my life!

SOC Silver
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:10

03 May 2003, 12:11 #27

Image Absolutely one of my favorite threads because quitting smoking is about new
beginnings! For me it's all about learning how to deal with meals, other smokers,
stress, relaxation, tragedy, celebrations, etc. without smoking a cigarette! It is
described here as "wanting something" because until now we couldn't think beyond
"wanting" that next smoke, let alone actually dealing with whatever comes our way!
It's been a few weeks since my reply above and I can see progress! (Thank goodness I'm not still visiting that candy jar everday! lol) Just wanted to bring this up
for anyone who's new or who might have missed it.

~ Sandy Celebrating 1 month, 2 weeks, 1 days, 21 hrs of Freedom! Image

TerrysDaughter Green
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

10 Oct 2003, 09:39 #28

What a great, wonderful thread! There is some amazing wisdom in this thread. Like the fog is starting to clear. I think that my fog is starting to clear too! It is exciting that there is still more to discover. And that "something" doesn't have to be something that is self distructive. It can be something nice. (The hug part is nice!)

Live in the Moment!Image

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

10 Oct 2003, 18:32 #29

There are probably plenty of people who have lost their quits by having that i want something feeling and come up with the wrong equation that it is nicotine,if they follow through with that equation they will choke and cough and splutter but then it is too late,the fly is in the spiders web,and they would be amazed at how strong nicotines hold is as their memory had fooled them into forgetting.As roger says in patience,we have a fast moving society and we all want something right now,if i want to buy something,i wait for a week and if i want it as much, then i get it,in the past i,ve bought things on impulse and wasted time and energy,nicotine should never be administered and especially not on impulse,sorry for rambling on this classic hillbilly i just felt like responding.
Rickdabler 7 months 3 days 7hrs happily nicotine free.Image

MareBear GOLD
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

10 Oct 2003, 21:40 #30

I love this thread. Funny it should be brought up today. I was chatting with a friend last night, who quit smoking with me on my 30th birthday (6 years ago--I failed, she succeeded) and we were talking about how there are still times when it feels like something is "missing." That is pure psychological habit, because now neither one of us can picture ourselves actually enjoying the feeling of dragging on a cigarette and pulling all that toxic crud into our lungs. However, every once in a while, usually on a Sunday morning when I'm relaxing with the newspaper on the back porch, I will feel as though part of my routine is missing. Even after all this time. I understand the feeling and allow myself to feel it, because to do otherwise would be a form of denial. The extremely mild discomfort that the thought brings is what I consider to be my price for freedom. A price I gladly pay.

Let me also say that the feeling only lasts a moment and doesn't at all interfere with my comfort level. It actually brings my lovely quit to the front of my mind and brings a smile to my face. There's a reason for everything.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!
MareBear Image
Free for: 1 Year 4 Months 1 Week 5 Days 12 Hours. Not smoked: 9990. Money saved: $1,748.25. Life Saved: 1 Month 3 Days 16 Hours 30 Minutes.
Last edited by MareBear GOLD on 28 Mar 2009, 19:49, edited 1 time in total.