I just turned green, so why am I blue?

The emotions that flow from nicotine cessation

I just turned green, so why am I blue?

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Mar 2003, 04:45 #1

Dunno what is going on today. . .

Slowly but surely I am starting to be able to resume my old study habits, which used to be really intertwined with smoking. Life went on after my quit and I had to, as well, which explained why I was up most of the night last night writing a paper, and got up early this morning to finish it up before it was due. All was well, mission accomplished, and actually I really didn't even care about wanting to smoke the whole time. I still get cravings, you know, but by and large I just don't feel like a smoker anymore.

Do you know how weird that is? I think I spent a lot of last month subconsciously reveling in my craves, because they were an umbilical cord to my smoking life and an excuse to indulge in lots of positive self-talk and (a much worse idea) food. Now I am sort of waking up to the fact that I'm really not a smoker anymore, and pretty soon I'm just going to be a chubby little non-smoker.

I haven't been a chubby little non-smoker since I was 16 years old. I wasn't very happy then. I know this stuff all is very dangerous in terms of undermining quits. At the moment, however, I am rigid in my belief that I may be sad now, but if I had a cigarette I'd be positively suicidal. And the truth is, I don't even want a cigarette.

I've been tired all through one quiz, and one lengthy presentation that I had to give during one of my five classes today, and I never once thought, gee, smoking would really help me. But I did think, many, many times. . .how come I don't even want a cigarette right now? What's wrong with me? All of the triggers are in place. . .where's my crave?

Maybe I'm just tired. All of this should be making me happy, right? I don't miss cigarettes, but I miss my identity as a smoker. How sick is that?

I have chosen not to smoke for 1 Month 21 Hours 6 Minutes 48 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 462. Money saved: $115.52.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Mar 2003, 04:57 #2

Hi and I'm glad your here! Reward yourself and if your not craving be greatful.
heres something that I think goes along with what your expierancing "My cigarette, my friend"  Read it and then think about that loss. Your doing great keep up the great mind set and enjoy!
Ten months, one week, three days, 9 hours, 42 minutes and 5 seconds. 25152 cigarettes not smoked, saving $3,760.77. Life saved: 12 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 0 minutes.
Last edited by Rickgoldx5 on 09 Jun 2010, 14:32, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:08

15 Mar 2003, 05:05 #3

Hi Alex -

The feelings you describe are perfectly normal for where you are in your quit. You spent a long time smoking and it was part of who you were. I wish I knew how to do links, but I don't. The one I am thinking of is depression/or mourning the loss of your cigarette, your friend. There is a mourning process. Yes, it may sound sick - but those smokes where tied to absolutely everything you did in the past. It takes time to reprogram our sick addicted minds! Even though you are not taking smoking breaks while studying, are you remembering to take breaks? Be patient. Pamper yourself. Hang in there. I promise - comfort will come.

Your doing great! By the way - Congratulations on GREEN!


Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:08

15 Mar 2003, 05:08 #4

Just the link I was thinking of!

Thanks Rick!

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Mar 2003, 05:11 #5

Alex hello...

First off congrats for turning green. Your quit sounds like it's doing great. You're just bored it's Friday time to put the blue suede shoes on and go treat your self to a nite of fun. Maybe there will be some triggers out there just waiting for you to pounce on them so you can kick their butts. LOL

Have fun,

3w 3d 17:26 smoke-free, 738 cigs not smoked, $156.46 saved, 2d 13:30 life saved
Never take another puff... And I will not smoke today.

Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:17

15 Mar 2003, 05:33 #6

Alex, Being still what I and I am sure many others would consider a newbie, I will leave the wordly advise up to the oldbies, but I did want to jump in here and offer some encouragment for you - the board is pretty quiet this afternoon.

I am really tired this afternoon myself, so I may not be as upbeat as I should be.

I do think I know what you are saying. I too find myslef wondering/missing smoking. Also I know I am not a smoker anymore. The stage I am in, is kind of weird. I think it is interesting to look at TUBES, he is just ahead of me and he seems to be so much more comfortable - I noticed a big difference when he turned green. Everyone is different, but it is interesting to see the different stages.

I wonder where is that ugly burning thing I am use to having hang out of my mouth is. It is weird, my son use to ask me questions about it and since I have quit he hasn't said anything. I didn't tell him I was quiting, I just stopped. It would be so wonderful, if he never remembered I smoked.

Check out:

Emotional loss experienced when quitting

Screams, laughter, fears and tears

Enjoy your greening - just in time for St. Patty's day

Rember how good you are doing, remember how good you smell, look, feel, Have you spent your quit money on you yet? Shopping usually puts a smile on my face In fact, I may go spend that quit money again this weekend.


3 Weeks 6 Days 19 Hours 33 Minutes 5 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 611. Money saved: $107.09.
Last edited by Dani Bronze on 09 Jun 2010, 14:33, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:08

15 Mar 2003, 05:50 #7


Its not sickening at all. It might be quite common to go through these kind
of thoughts. I once even went to an extent that may be smoking helps me to
behave as a person who is nice. When i don't smoke i turn into a monster so
i must keep smoking!!!

I think you are overwhelmed with your studies and might be feeling tired
and/or it might be that feeling of emptiness which comes after finishing a
task to which you have give a lots of yourself.

3w of nic free life

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

15 Mar 2003, 07:36 #8

Congratulations on you
Hi Alex,
I'm still comming to your party I don't care if you are grumpy and you miss your IDENTITY as a smoker, how long have you been smoking as compared to how long you have been QUIT? ask yourself that question. Think about it. If you read back over your posts you talk about your Identity to smoking alot. Look back at all you have accomplished without the Identity of Nicotine. You have written numerious papers with in deadline you have been posting aand most of all you have accomplished GREENING IT. That sure dosen't sound like Smokers I.D. to me.
So lets Party and Celebrate have a good time Pat yourself on the back and STAND TALL.
I have chosen not to smoke for 3 Months 3 Weeks 6 Days 18 Hours 7 Minutes 31 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 5987. Money saved: $1,197.55.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

15 Mar 2003, 08:56 #9

Hi Alex, I see people have brought up the classics; "My friend" and "Emotional"

Here's some more lesser-well-used ones from "the archives"

Today Is A Good Day (It's Just Too Much Trouble) 
Why am I still having "urges?"

(I couldn't find the "Friday's GLASS HALF FULL Parade  Parade" from 5-6 months back - but if you find it it's well worth a read)

Belated congratulations on GREEN...... you've worked hard..... no time to (totally) relax just yet....

Last edited by richard This is It GOLD on 09 Jun 2010, 14:39, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Mar 2003, 10:22 #10

Hi Alex,
Not much more to say other than you're doing great. Most of us go through the same as you are now.
Hang in there, Alex. It's totally worth it. Trust me!

Think this is the link Richard mentioned
Friday's GLASS HALF FULL Parade 

4 months 3 weeks
Last edited by So gold on 09 Jun 2010, 14:39, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

15 Mar 2003, 16:59 #11

spot on, Sten... thanks !!

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

15 Mar 2003, 23:17 #12

 Hi Alex, and congrats on green...WOOHOO, 3 months is quite an accomplishment! Now with a little magic..you won't be blue any more. It is quite acceptable to be blue..just not everyday.(I think that would be called depression) I also believe we can feel blue and there not be a reason. Trying to figure out why one is sad may not ever get answered. You bring up chubby, so maybe that is bothering you. Being chubby is OK and if it bothers you..you can fix that too. Just do it one day at a time. Celebrate being a quitter! Birky 4 months
Last edited by BirkyGOLD on 09 Jun 2010, 14:40, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

17 Mar 2003, 02:56 #13

THANKS. This is such a classy website.

I quit smoking during a very stressful time in my life. . .if I hadn't stumbled across whyquit.com I'm sure the quit I had started would never have gotten anywhere near this point. I only quit because I didn't have enough money in my bank account to even withdraw the minimum $20 to go buy cigs at the gas station.

Joel says that quitting during times of stress is perfectly fine, and in some cases preferable, because it makes you realize that you don't need cigarettes to cope with the problems of life. That has proven to be true, but the more I realize it the more I understand that I really don't think I'm every going to be a smoker again. . .that there really is no excuse. And sometimes when I look into that truth, it just makes me a little sad.

Clearly, I'm still having trouble looking the truth about smoking in the eye. Thankfully, whenever my mind starts playing games with me the decision is already made (MUCH easier than my quits used to be, where if I thought I had a good enough excuse I'd smoke--but it would take me an eternity of hemming and hawing to decide I "deserved" a cigarette).

Spring has finally sprung, and it is very strange to not be enjoying this beautiful weather without a smoke on my porch. That "glass half empty" thread really helped today, so thanks, Sten and Richard. I went for the best run I've had in ages today. I was astounded at how much more stamina I have now--when I was a smoker running still felt pretty good but I'd always conk out after about 2 miles. Today at the 2 mile mark I actually got a second wind. . .I've read about such things, but smoking used to make me grateful for just having a FIRST wind.

Walking to the library is a traditional smoking trigger, and today was no different. But you know, for the first time I was really grateful that I wasn't smoking. The cigarettes actually kind of wrecked the whole experience, making me tired and slightly ill. Smoking in the sun made me want to go back indoors.

Just rambling, I suppose. I still get a little sad when I think about all the situations in which I used to smoke, that I will no longer smoke. But being smoke-free is making me a lot happier lately.

I have chosen not to smoke for 1 Month 2 Days 19 Hours 18 Minutes 53 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 492. Money saved: $123.22.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

17 Mar 2003, 04:09 #14


Learning to live your life as an x-smoker takes time just as it took time for you to learn how to become an addict. You learn this on a day to day basis as you experience the same things you experienced as an active addict. Each day that passes by and you live your life nicotine free, you are doing many of the same things you have done in the past as a smoker. Only now you are experiencing them and not actively feeding your addiciton. You have the feeling you cannot enjoy life anymore. It is easy for addicts to associate pleasures, rewards, sadness or a host of other emotions with the act of feeding our addiction. This will pass. Be patient and allow the healing to continue.

Try to focus on the positive side of your quit. In a very short time spring will be in full swing and there will be a multitude of new life blooming all around you. Take the time to enjoy all it has to offer. Look through your clear eyes, the ones not red or bloodshot by hot irritating smoke, at the flowers and birds. Take some time to smell the flowers that will be blooming. Breathe in the air and savor its freshness with your renewed sense of smell.

Yesterday I spent time cutting my lawn. The first of the season for me. When I was finished I took some time and just strolled around my property and the smell of fresh cut grass was the strongest I have smelled in years. It was refreshing. I have been putting up wood as I utilize it to heat my house. Cutting, splitting and stacking was a time I would probably burn up a pack or so doing this chore. Instead of longing for a feeding I pause for a break and pick up a fresh cut piece of wood and smell its fragrance. It is very aromatic. I take a deep breath of mountain air, deeper than I have been able to do for years.

Look for the positives in your quit Alex. What ever you did as an active addict you can do as an x-smoker or addict in recovery, and probably more due to a renewed sense of energy and healthier you.

Take the time to find the awwwww feeling associated with life Alex. It is far better than the false awww feeling of over 4000 plus chemicals and gasses assicoated with a nicotine fix.

You have a great budding this spring Alex. Give it time to blossom. It iwll continue to get better and better.

What one person sees as the end of life for a catapillar, another sees it as the begining of a beautiful butterfly.

One Day At A Time....You Can Do It 


Last edited by Roger (Gold) on 09 Jun 2010, 14:41, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

17 Mar 2003, 08:09 #15


First of all

It sure looks good on you. I just wanted to send you a brief post since I read
my name in Dani's post (Boy, I love seeing my name in print, even if it just my
nickname )

I am sure you have read somewhere here at Freedom or WhyQuit.com that
everybody's quit is different because everyone is different. Please remember that
your quit is still young, just like mine, and it will take some time as you continue
to heal both physically and mentally. For me, well, I just sort of turned a corner
here not too long ago.....I cannot explain it, nor will I try. It was like a light switch
being turned on.......I suddenly felt that, yeah, I can do this. Please do not
misunderstand......I am not being complacent....I am an addict.....but keeping
away from the smokes is just a little bit easier. I try not analyze it too much....

Take a minute....right now, this very minute and congratulate yourself. Take your
righthand and put it over your left shoulder and give yourself a pat on the back.
You deserve it. A whole month without nicotine! WOW!

Nicotine Free 1 Month 2 Weeks 9 Minutes 17 Seconds.
1134 LESS Nicotine Delivery Devices
$303.39 MORE in my Pocket
1 Wk 21 Hrs 1 Min 44 Secs MORE in The Saddle, On The Road

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

17 Mar 2003, 14:12 #16

Hi Alex
You have come so far, one whole month without a smoke, that's fantastic. I can tell you things will get better from now on. As for being a chubby non smoker, I would rather be that than be a smoker, now.
Just hang in there and never take another puff!
Four months, two weeks, 2 hours, 12 minutes and 16 seconds. 2878 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,178.92. Life saved: 1 week, 2 days, 23 hours, 50 minutes.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

21 Mar 2003, 04:26 #17

It's the strangest thing but I don't want a cigarette, I want to be a smoker.

The media image of smoking as sexy, mysterious and cool has always affected me pretty deeply and I'm having a lot of trouble shaking it. I don't really even get craves anymore, but this identity thing is really hard for me to let go of.

I just feel like such a little goody-two shoes, getting up in the morning to go for a run before class and trying to eat healthfully and not smoking like a little rebel, so people could see that I was "dark" and "artistic" despite my good grades and general wholesome-ness. A little maturity, Alex! Sigh. In college there are so many people who smoke that I admire and it is really shaking up my world a little to be a non-smoker.

I love my new life and I wish I could let go of all of this insecurity because quitting smoking is something to be proud of. As time goes by I realize that apart from all of you wonderful Freedomites I am a pretty rare bird--I don't know many people (actually, only one other of my many, many smoking friends) my age who have quit smoking successfully and I know that if I really make it and never take another puff (I truly believe that I AM going to make it) I will thank myself a thousand times over later on. I will be so glad that I saved myself from all that wasted health and money and that I quit as soon as I learned how I could and why I should.

1 month 6 days

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:06

21 Mar 2003, 05:03 #18

College may be your world right now but believe me, it won't last forever. All those people will have gone off to start their own lives. So what do you want to take with you after you leave, too? A pack of cigarettes? Nah, I didn't think so. Let it go. :)

5 Months 2 Weeks 1 Day

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

21 Mar 2003, 05:36 #19

I am not as young as you are, but I am 27 (pretty young I guess).

I understand what you mean about college. That's where/when I started smoking full time. Everyone I knew smoked…

Although I always felt guilty about smoking…. Even way back "in the day", I'd be thinking… I should quit. Here's what my thought process was over the years:

I'll quit after college, this is just a temporary thing to do while I have to stay up and study (cig study breaks) or while I am out at parties/bars.

After college I got a waitressing job before grad school… so of course I couldn't quit then…EVERY waitress smokes…everyone takes smoke breaks.

Then on to graduate school…. How could I quit in graduate school?…. 4 thirty page papers due in one week? … all nighters?… the bars of the city?… no way, not in graduate school…. I'll quit after grad school.

Grad school ends… well now I have a real job… I can't quit now, while I'm trying to settle into the real world…. I have my own apartment…this is my time to LIVE IT UP.

Get settled into "real job/real world"…. THEN I get a great boyfriend..who smokes at least a pack a day… well I'll smoke with him…sort of an ice breaker… something for us to do while we sit out on the porch and bond…

I can't stop now… It's too hard because HE smokes too….

That relationship didn't work…. Now I can quit…oh wait…no, I can't quit now, because NOW I'm SINGLE!… This is a time that I should let myself ENJOY my life and do whatever….just kick back and enjoy the single world…. And it's summer on top of it…

Now I'm adjusted to the single world…summer is over… I should quit…

But NOW I'm MOVING to another apartment… No time to exercise…and the stress of moving? I'll quit after I get settled into my new apartment…. I can't take living in a new area and being single….

I'm settled into my new apartment…and a MOUSE just ran across my kitchen floor… I'm so stressed out, I can't quit now, I have MICE….

And on. And on. And on. And on.

The cycle does not stop. Whether you choose to stop it in college or not does not matter. If you are addicted, you will constantly encounter reasons why you think it will be okay to smoke. College is just one of the many many many different environments (as my story shows above) where you will try to rationalize smoking. Keep up with your quit now and you won't have to bother with all of these rationalizations for every single event and every single phase of life or change of scenery.

When all of your smoking buddies are 27, 37, etc, and still actively smoking, they will look back and wish they had quit back when you did. Trust me.

Anyway - I think there is an "I'll Quit When" Thread. One of the "oldbies" can attach it for you I'm sure.


3 weeks, 6 days without a single puff

Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:24

21 Mar 2003, 05:59 #20

Hi Alex,
I've been following your posts for a while - but wanted to jump in now. I totally understand how you feel about not wanting to smoke and yet admiring the image of a smoker. I read somewhere that we are brainwashed from an early age to think that we need to smoke in order to live full lives. Everywhere we look, there are cigarettes, they are in cartoons, films with our favourite actresses/actors, friends, family members, peers - you name it and they will be there.

Why do most of us start smoking in the first place? Because we think we will be cool, grown-up, rebellious - different. Or because we are stressed and we see other stressed people lighting a cigarette and suddenly they can cope again... it's an image that we are sold. We get caught up in it because we are young - we have our whole lives ahead of us and we don't give much thought to how we are going to be affected by our smoking later on. And besides, we can quit any time we want.

When I think of all my family members, and all of my friends who smoke - it is me who is rebelling because I'm choosing to be different from them. I'm choosing to say that this is a life threatening addiction and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm the odd one out now... but I'm proud to be different. There are people all around me who I aspire to be like.... some of them smoke, some of them don't. Of the ones who do smoke - I have watched them try to quit many times - some swear by patches - they use them for a month or two and then they are back smoking again. When you suggest cold turkey to them they look at you as if you are crazy. Why would you want to put yourself through that when you can use a patch to ease the way. They do not see themselves as addicts who are replacing one form of nicotine with another. When we are socialising now and I see them puffing away, even though I admire them - I admire myself too because I am doing what they are hoping to do. I am an ex-smoker. I am a non-using addict.

Just keep on reminding yourself - for all that you admire some of your smoking friends - they in turn probably admire you for being able to follow through on your decision to quit. Be your own inspiration Alex... the image we sell to ourselves of smoking is just a lie because the truth of the matter is that smoking kills.

I don't know if I'm making any sense - I'm probably rambling too, but be true to youself - that is the best gift that you can give yourself. You are doing this because you want to - you want to smell sweet instead of smelling like yesterday's ashtray. You want nice fresh breath - not stale cringe worthy breath - you want to be able to run and not feel like your going to pass out... stop idolising the life of a smoker and embrace the decision that you have made. You are strong because each day you are choosing to say I am a non-smoker.

It is sometimes hard - but just remember - there are few and far between smokers who didn't wish that they could/had quit. And at some point in their lives they will attempt just what you/we and all of us at Freedom are doing. Living and loving life without nicotine.

Have a great day.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

21 Mar 2003, 06:32 #21

Holy cow. . .thank you so much, Jill, CF and Free4ever. I am going to treasure this thread for a long time. F4E, I understand exactly what you mean and you weren't rambling at all and I'm honored you wrote such a thoughtful response. CF, you made me laugh because that's just the faulty logic progression that I was noticing in my life and even though it rears its ugly head pretty often STILL, at least now the decision is made on the positive side of the bargain. . .well, this seems like it would be a good time in my life to smoke but too bad, can't take a puff today. Maybe tomorrow it will seem like a good time in my life NOT to smoke.

And Jill, all I want to take away from me from college is a degree and good memories. The active nicotine addiction I would much prefer leaving behind.

Thanks again. . .
I have chosen not to smoke for 1 Month 1 Week 3 Minutes 58 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 560. Money saved: $140.01.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

03 May 2005, 10:22 #22

Seem to think that this thread might just help some other newly green, double green, bronze or even silver members having a few struggles see:
-not the first and certainly not the last
- Milestones are just another special day in Freedom Paradise
- Enjoy the journey, the milemarkers just fall as you breeze on by.

Lo and Behold & Not a surprise, something Roger wrote above really hit home for me - "What one person sees as the end of life for a catapillar, another sees it as the begining of a beautiful butterfly".

Mr. 'Flashback' Day 112 - so much to learn and read & so little time.
NTAP, everything else will eventually fall back into place.

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

19 Feb 2006, 09:49 #23

...like JoeJ said:
" Seem to think that this thread might just help some other newly green, double green, bronze or even silver members having a few struggles see: -not the first and certainly not the last."

(Read the replies, too... )

(By the way, Alex is nearing Triple Gold)

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

26 Apr 2006, 23:16 #24

Thank you to all who pulled up this thread! It really resonates with me as i feel i have certain characteristics in common with the original poster.
I'm about a week away from being green but am having a hard time staying positive. I'm a younger quitter as well and find that there seems to be much less pressure to quit from those around me. I guess its self pity at work but i see my peers out and about smoking and not caring and it gets me down - the junkie in me actually says I have a good 10 to 20 yrs to keep smoking (I've already been smoking for 12 or so)
I'm having trouble being patient waiting for the thoughts and the fixations etc to go away. sorry for the rambling but this was/is a great thread thats given me a lot to think about and hope as well!! It helps to know that there are plenty of folks in similar circumstances going through the same thing...


2w 5d 11:12 smoke-free, 269 cigs not smoked, $100.88 saved, 22:25 life saved

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:21

26 Apr 2006, 23:59 #25

This one resonated with me also when I first read it a few days ago. It describes exactly how I feel - I no longer miss cigarettes, but I do feel like I miss being a smoker at times. I was actually thinking about this last night (I admit I run things through my head that I have read at Freedom during idle times) - and it occured to me that I also enjoy being an ex-smoker -- in fact I enjoy that identity more than I miss being a smoker. And since I can't be both at once, I'll just stcik with NTAP!

37 days