I just need to share this..

jeanne
jeanne

4:32 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #1

I don't know where to start with this, I'll try to make it brief. Two days ago my daughter's house that she rents with three of her friends from home(while away at college) had a terrible fire. One of her friends(a friend since middle school) did not make it out. My daughter and her two other roommates escaped unharmed, at least physically. What they and we are going through right now is a far cry from unharmed. I want to make two points and then I will leave this to you, all my dear co-quitters, to read and contemplate. My first point is that I will not lie, on of the first things that came into my mind after I got that dreaded call from my hysterical daughter was to THINK, I really could use a cigarette right now. If I can possibly be happy about anything right now, I am happy to say that I have not ACTUALLY, had a cigarette. My other point or fact that I want to make, is that it has not been 100% determined as of yet, but all things indicate that the fire was caused by a cigarette that her friend decided to have before going to bed. I can't say another thing... is there really anything to say...this has devasted my daughter, may family and our whole little community. I thank you for letting me share, it has helped. Jeanne F. 2 months 1 week 1 day.
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Joel
Joel

4:55 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #2

Hello Jeanne:

Over the years I have had numerous people who had experiences starting fires with cigarettes. I even once had a woman who was a paramedic who started a garbage can on fire that was particularly embarrassing because it happened in the fire station. But I have also had some people who had much more tragic situations to relate back to, having a few people who accidentally started fires that caused the loss of their homes and one time a man whose cigarettes cost the life of a family member who did not escape.

What is remarkable about many of these story is how the person who started the fire, gets out safely, and was watching their homes go up in smoke and the realization that their cigarette may very well have caused the fire. Almost every time the person would find him or herself reaching desperately for a cigarette to ease his or her stress. Remarkably there was always a neighbor around to give them one.

In retrospect, this reaching for a cigarette under such tragic conditions is sick. Here we have a product that is responsible for the loss of things of real importance, including everything in the person's home and in the one case, the loss of a family member and still a cigarette is the item the smoker turns to in order to ease his or her pain. Again, this is sick when looked at objectively.

This fire is already a tragedy. Relapsing in response to it is adding another senseless tragedy on top of it. Hopefully this story will serve to help secure people's quits as opposed to weakening any individuals quit. It will still be a tragic loss but also gives the story a little value if it helps you and everyone else here realize just another life saving reason to never take another puff!

Joel
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Toast (GOLD )
Toast (GOLD )

4:58 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #3

Dear Jeanne,

I'm terribly sorry for you, your daughter, her friends and their families. Such a tragic loss! I'm very proud of you for acknowledging and weathering the urge to smoke that this unfortunate news spurred in you. Senseless loss of life does not have to lead you back into the addiction you have chosen yourself in favor of for 2 months, 1 week and 1 day.

Melissa
22 months
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Joel
Joel

5:07 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #4

I am going to attach a link here to another string that has some additional information about the risk of fire deaths attributed to smoking and smoking materials: "I'm safe from smoking related problems by my genetic makeup."
"Smoking materials (i.e., cigarettes, cigars, pipes, etc.) are the leading cause of fire deaths and the third leading cause of fire injuries in the United States. Roughly one of every four fire deaths in the 1998 was attributed to smoking materials."
(*From NFPA's The U.S. Smoking-Material Fire Problem, April 2001, by John R. Hall, Jr.)
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John (Gold)
John (Gold)

5:39 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #5


Jeanne our prayers are with you, your daughter, her roomates and their families. We know that you're comforting your daughter but our primary concerns will be to focus on helping you stay strong!

Imagine a chemical so captivating, Jeanne, that even when we believe it to have been directly responsible for the death of a friend or loved one, that we immediately consider reaching for it ourselves, knowing full well that the odds are that it claim our life too. We can't begin to imagine what it must be like for your daughter right now but we know exactly what it would be like for you to use this terrible tragedy as your excuse to smoke nicotine.

Death knows no degree. In the end, is slow death by destroying what's inside any less death than quick death by destroying what's outside? Why would we look look upon one as an unacceptable tragedy and the other as an acceptable response to unacceptable tragedy. It is no more logical to knowingly lay down and go to sleep with a burning cigarette in the bed with us, than it is to knowingly accept a 50% of killing ourselves roughly 5,000 days early and even greater odds of dramatically diminishing our quality of life during our final years of life.

Were with you in spirit Jeanne. John
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MsArmstrongKIS
MsArmstrongKIS

6:50 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #6

Thank you for sharing that, Jeanne. I never even thought about this possibility, but there but for the grace of God. . .

Alex
1 month 3 weeks 4 days
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valeriescleanGOLD
valeriescleanGOLD

8:41 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #7

My husband is a Firefighter...can't begin to tell you some major horror stories...I thank God nothing tragic ever happened to those I love due to my active addiction.....

Valerie-Keeping Her Kids SAFE for 3 Months, 6 Days...I love Freedom!
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casper700kawa
casper700kawa

9:10 AM - Apr 08, 2003 #8

stay strong jeanne thought,s are with you and your family...yqb brad
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jeanne
jeanne

12:35 PM - Apr 08, 2003 #9

Thanks to all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I do want to let you all know that although I had the thought about having a cigarette, it was never more than that and it was very fleeting. I wouldn't even call it an urge, and I want to thank you all for that as well, as the support we all get here is a constant source of help to all of our quits. I didnt know when I had the thought about the cigarette, and its still not confirmed now that the fire was caused by a cigarette; but the thought that it could even be a possibility breaks my heart even more. Thanks again. Jeanne F.
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Golddabler1
Golddabler1

2:28 PM - Apr 08, 2003 #10

Hi jeanne
Sorry to hear about your bad news but i,m so glad you seen things clearly.I find being honest about the thought you had about a cigarette helps others.Thinking about it does,nt mean you want it,I got divorced 4 years ago and i still have occassional thoughts about my ex,it does,nt mean i want to go back with her,i spent ten years with her which is the same length of time i went to school,my father died 18 years ago and i still think about him and these things were part of my life as smoking was.The fire subject is frightening because my father lost his first wife who was expecting twins in a fire,my aunt is an alcoholic and she has set fire to her house twice with burning cigarettes and i lost an uncle in a house fire.During my past addiction this was my biggest fear,i would wake up in the morning after drinking and had the habit of smoking in bed and its something my mother would,nt let my father do.They say smoking kills you but i,m amazed at the indirect ways it causes death,I can gaurantee you if someone is on the road in front of me not paying attention and driving erratically they are either using a mobile phone or trying to light a cigarette.
Thanks for your post during a difficult time it brings to mind lurkers out there saying now is not the time because,or people relapsing because of something bad happening.
Rickdabler 4 weeks 2 days 3 hours 20mins
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jeanne
jeanne

2:47 PM - Apr 08, 2003 #11

Thanks Ridckdabler, as you can see I'm up late, having trouble sleeping with all that is going on emotionally and otherwise. I can't thank you enough for your kind words, and your analogies are just perfect, i've never heard anyone put it quite that way before, but it is so very true, cigarettes were a big part of our life at one time, just like an ex wife or husband, and although you dont want to be with them you may have thoughts. So thanks for those wise words and for understanding my reasons for posting at this difficult time in the first place. Jeanne F
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Jeanne Gold
Jeanne Gold

9:43 PM - Apr 08, 2003 #12

Oh, Jeanne, I was so sad to read of your loss. The word unharmed is often misused. I know that sometimes it feels like being the one who died would be better than being the one who survived. Your family will mend, it's just going to take time, and tears, and hugs.

Of course you briefly thought of smoking, that is what you trained yourself for years to think. But, your new training is taking hold, and that old way of thinking is fading fast. It won't be long and you'll be reacting to bad news and good news the same way that never-smokers and children do...with simple emotional reactions uninterrupted by the need to feed an addiction.

Isn't it a triumph to know that the choice to use nicotine or not to use nicotine is yours, that absolutely no outside force can make you relapse. It was the turning point in my quit when I realized that.

I'm so very proud of you and your quit. You've done a great job educating yourself and putting that knowledge to good use. Thank you for sharing your experience with us so that we can show people how very doable quitting is, even when life keeps happening.

God bless you and keep you while your family is hurting. My prayers are with you.

~Jeanne
Closing in on silver and more in love with my quit than ever!
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Dani Bronze
Dani Bronze

9:58 PM - Apr 08, 2003 #13

Thank you Jeanne for sharing this - it brought up a very good point about fire

I am very sorry to hear of your loss and what your daughter must be going through now. Stay Strong.

Dani
1 Month 3 Weeks 3 Days 12 Hours 58 Minutes 17 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 1155. Money saved: $202.28.
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jdinkcmoGOLD
jdinkcmoGOLD

10:24 PM - Apr 08, 2003 #14

Jeanne, I just wanted to add my heartfelt sympathy to you, your daughter & friends. Whatever caused the fire, the outcome was undeniably tragic. Your gut reaction about having a smoke was right on target; it's the kind of thing all us addicts would have done. Your honesty in denying the urge and then posting to us was incredibly thoughtful at such a tough time, but you'll never know how many others your sharing has helped. Please know that our prayers and "virtual" arms are around you.
Your quit sis, JD

Judy has been nic free for: 2 Months 3 Weeks 1 Day 7 Hours 12 Minutes and has NOT smoked 3748 smelly cigs, for a grand $$$ savings of $627.87 plus life of Freedom extended by: 1 Week 6 Days 20 Minutes.
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jeanne
jeanne

1:10 AM - Apr 09, 2003 #15

Many thanks to all again. You have all been so wonderful and caring I couldn't let the day go by without sending my appreciation as the next few days are the services for my daughter's friend and I may not be able to post. Thank you all and I hope that my posting about this has somehow helped someone else along the way. Jeanne F
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BubblyDoodlebug Gold
BubblyDoodlebug Gold

11:15 PM - May 27, 2003 #16

This brought back a horrible memory. My niece was five at the time and a friend of hers was killed in a fire. The little girl's father was smoking on the couch and fell asleep. This has been 24 years ago. I remember how my niece was at the time. I remember growing up how my dad would drink and smoke and fall asleep and being afraid he would burn down the house. Smoking kills people who don't smoke too.
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Carolyn green
Carolyn green

8:01 AM - May 28, 2003 #17

I am so horribly sorry to hear what happened. I know exactly what you mean when you say your first thought was to smoke, good for you for not giveing in to that. I am sure it was very hard, but that makes it all the better that you didn't. YAY.


Best wishes

Carolyn
been quit for 1W 3D 15h 59m (10 days). I have saved $31.68 by not smoking 159 cigarettes. I have saved 13h 15m of my life.
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jeanne
jeanne

11:17 AM - May 28, 2003 #18

Many thanks to doddlebug77 and carolyn for reading my post today and responding even now, almost two months later. Your thoughts and kindness are so very much appreciated. Jeanne F. 3 months 3 weeks 5 days.
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