" I Don't Want To Die " - The Bottom Line ?

" I Don't Want To Die " - The Bottom Line ?

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

02 Aug 2002, 17:00 #1

Joel wrote a superb response to a thread with his usual flair to get our addicted minds to do a bit more "realizing" than we do.
In a recent post, a member stated his "bottom line" for quitting...
I don't want to die
Anyway, I thought Joel's insight here warranted its own thread. The third sentence is great....

   It may help if you work a little on your bottom line. Quitting smoking should be done for more reasons than just because you don't want to die. You should be quitting because you want to live. Not only do you want to live, but you want to be healthy so that you can really live, not just exist as the world really lives around you but you are too weak or impaired to participate in it. You should realize that you want to live free, not under the control of a product that is hurting you. You should realize that you don't want to smell like an ashtray anymore. You should realize that you don't want to waste your hard earned money any more on sustaining an active drug addiction. You should realize that you don't want to be viewed as a weak individual or have people in general questioning your overall intelligence or your good judgment because you smoke. You should also realize you don't want to be viewing yourself the same way, wondering what is wrong with you since you still smoke. The more you realize and see smoking for what it is the happier you will be with your decision to quit and stay quit and the  easier it will be to stay committed to never take another puff!

Joel

With that I'd like to share my "bottom line" or my main reason for quitting, if you will. : )

I quit smoking over three years ago, and for quite a while, my "bottom line" was...
"smoking is too scary"
Yep, smoking is still scary but my bottom line has changed. If it was said that starting tomorrow smoking no longer posed health threats, (a conjectural analogy, I know) I'd still never go back. Why? I simply enjoy not being controlled by a drug. Especially one that was killing me. I am madly in love with the fact that my life does not orbit around a dirty, stinky, and disgusting burning piece of weed. Being duped by my own illogical mindset - induced from a powerful addiction - was very degrading. Relating to what Marty mentioned in a thread earlier this week, each night I'd get into bed and feel bad about having gone another day imposing a deadly assault to my body. Ohhhh that "icy" feeling in my lungs as my breathing pattern naturally slowed down for another night's rest. I yearned to quit and swore the next day would be different. I kept waiting for the right time or enough stamina to fight. The trap before me created a mirage leading me to think quitting was too difficult. It just wasn't true!

I am grateful for the understanding, and happy to testify, quitting truly is not difficult....our addiction is difficult. We don't have to wait for the right moment, or for great strength.....we just have to take baby steps and begin the journey - The power of knowledge builds on our logical mindset which enables us to outsmart our addiction! The "one day at a time" concept, the understanding of my addiction, along with support, were my keys to breaking free.

We lose thousands upon thousands of people a year from smoking related disease, they had to quit the "difficult" way! http://whyquit.com/whyquit/Memorial.html
Quitting is doable, don't let that mirage fool you....seek logic...life is worth it. NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
Thanks, Joel!
Joanne
Gold Club - Because I want to "really" live
Last edited by Joanne Gold on 12 Jan 2011, 01:20, edited 6 times in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

02 Aug 2002, 17:29 #2

I've spent the last 3 weeks in a car with an addict. The truth of those words was illustrated over and over again.... our ADDICTION is difficult. We'd pass hour after hour on the road (no smoking in the car) and I could feel the tension rise steadily as the withdrawal symptoms mounted in my friend. Sometimes 3 hours without a break... We'd stop, and it was straight out to get as much of a fix as he could before we set off again. He'd gulp down 2 or 3 in a 5 to 10 minute rest, just to try to get the levels back to an equilibrium.
For me, the most difficult part was how averse I've become to the smell of the smoke. A minor inconvenience compared to the forced suicide my friend went through at each infrequent stop.
Quitting ain't that tough. Smoking is.


Excellent post!
Bob (hmmm, have to bring up the meter...ahh, there it is....6 months, 4 weeks free from forced suicide)
Last edited by OBob Gold on 31 Jul 2009, 01:29, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

02 Aug 2002, 18:25 #3

Terrific thought-provoking post Joanne, even if it did take a classic Joel-ism to prompt you
Yes, our bottom line is critical, because it's that bottom line that is going to save us (or not) in that final instant before relapse. Joel was so right in highlighting that the way we phrase our bottom line is the way we think about it, and a positive statement is so much more powerful than a negative one.
I've known my bottom line since about 4 months into my quit, because before then I just didn't know what it felt like.
MY BOTTOM LINE :
I want to bask in the wonderful, warm feeling of self-esteem that I get when I think about my quit.
Marty
NOT A PUFF FOR 1 year 8 months 2 days
Last edited by marty (gold) on 31 Jul 2009, 01:30, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

02 Aug 2002, 19:12 #4

Wow! "I yearned to quit and swore the next day would be different. I kept waiting for the right time-----" After 55 years of smoking those words are incised on my soul.. How well you articulated the smoker's dilemma.. What finally brings one to take on the lifetime responsibility of quitting? We all seem to have our reasons.. But I think, in the end, we just get too tired of saying no to the inner drive to quit. Where that inner drive springs from I'm not sure. Thanks for the beautiful message.

Lilac 4 wks.
Last edited by Lilac (Bronze) on 31 Jul 2009, 01:35, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Aug 2002, 21:19 #5

Great thread, Joanne!
Great thoughts everyone ... wow, what a week we're having, big meaty threads of tremendous insight. Phew! Makes me goose-bumpy!
I'd say the driving thought in my head when I first quit was: "I don't want to die sooner than later of some horrible, painful smoking-related disease and leave my children young like my father did at 49."
I still agree with that, but so much more has revealed itself over the last year and 2 months or so ... the unexpected, positive, life-affirming benefits are working to diffuse the fearful motivations and blend them into life-building motivations. My bottom line today is: "Smoking does not accurately reflect who I am and what I want to manifest in my life anymore." That might sound sorta benign and academic, but it feels very passionate to me - I couldn't grow anymore with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.
Wow.
Melissa
1 Year 2 Months 1 Week 3 Days Free
8728 Less
Last edited by Toast (GOLD ) on 31 Jul 2009, 01:39, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

02 Aug 2002, 23:45 #6

Interesting thread, Joanne!

I think all of our bottom lines change during our quit. I was thinking of WhyQuit.com, the "gateway" site to this group. Its there that I (most of us?) found the really scarry stuff. And as newbies, we could feel in our own bodies the effects of smoking, and see the truth of the fate that awaited us.

But here at Freedom, we don't beat people over the head with gristly autopsy pictures. Instead, we hold out the hope (actually, inevitability!) that things will get better. We tell newbies the unthinkable: eventually you won't be thinking about smoking 18 hours of the day....you wont think about it at all, most days. Eventually you won't be in physical or psychological pain from quitting.....you will find comfort. Freedom leads people from the fear based, white-knuckle initial quit, into.....well, Freedom! To do that, we basically have to change each member's bottom line reason for quitting, from negative fear to positive benefits.

And thanks to all the oldbies who guided my "bottom line" transformation, so that now I'm learning to live as a free person, with all the possibility of joy, love, and comfort that that entails.

BillW Silver minus 5 days, 21 hours, 16 minutes and 41 seconds.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

03 Aug 2002, 16:32 #7

Since this thread generated so many good responses in yesterdays parade, I am attaching the link to it here: Friday's GLASS HALF FULL Parade.
This way as this post is brought up over time we will have the benefit of all of the commentaries that the post inspired showing new readers why it so important to so many of our members that they always remember why they choose to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on 31 Jul 2009, 01:52, edited 2 times in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

03 Aug 2002, 21:34 #8

Thanks so much for reposting Joel's quitting motivations post, Jo, and for building upon them!! I'm with Melissa, to watch the online evolution of this group's thoughts, as though they were some child's building blocks, is amazing. Things were always as they were. In truth, we've invented absolutely nothing, including truth. But being able to see and build truth and relate it in useful fashion is tremendously challenging, but far less so because of the blocks with which we started.

Jo, think back to how far we've come. I was directed by an email link to take a look at a post at another forum. I'm always hesitant to do so as we've got plenty of work to do here, and other sites have as much right as we do, to adopt their own approach to cessation. I shouldn't have but I clicked on the link. I now regret doing so.

It was a post by your "average" one month abrupt cessation (cold turkey) quitter wishing that there was an easier way to cope with those urge generating thoughts that at times fill the mind. She wanted to know if it was too late for her to start using nicotine products like the gum or patch. There were a few "probably not" type responses but the answer she was seeking was there too, and it must have jumped from the page - "It will really make things easier, absolutely, give a go" came the reply.

Even in Freedom's early days I doubt you'd find any old archived thread in which the advice given was so clearly wrong but at times I'm sure we weren't far from it. When Joel arrived in January 2000 we were already teaching members that it took three days to become nicotine clean but in reality that was close to the limits of our understanding of nicotine.

The post I just looked at, Jo, brought back terrible memories of our pre-Joel anything goes format that seemed to breed perpetual relapse. We were both pretty darn discouraged and with a relapse rate that must have been close to 90%, more than once we'd seriously considered pulling the plug. My gut feeling was that they'd probably be better off on their own. I still can't believe that Joel found us. I just kept asking Joanne, why would someone so knowledgeable and so skilled, share their library and wisdom with us?

Imagine someone spending every waking day of their entire adult life trying to help those dependent upon nicotine break free. If that person was a great listener, could the knowledge they'd accumulate result in the creation of over 90 building blocks of truth (Joel's Library) and a thought provoking mind (Joel) to go with them? We're glad we know the answer! Thanks Joel! You truly are a tobacco taming tool and the block upon which we build! Your student, John : )
Last edited by John (Gold) on 31 Jul 2009, 01:56, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

29 Aug 2002, 13:33 #9

Debi.......from your mouth, to my ears.....everythings' AOK with you,
right?
I hope that smile of yours is just a bright today, as it was a year ago when that picture was taken.
a big hug for you!

Linda
Last edited by GrumpyOMrsS (Gold) on 31 Jul 2009, 01:40, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

20 Oct 2002, 06:56 #10

" Quitting smoking should be done for more reasons than just because you don't want to die. You should be quitting because you want to live. "
" The more you realize and see smoking for what it is the more happy you will be with your decision to quit and stay quit and the more easy it will be to stay committed to never take another puff! "
Last edited by Joanne Gold on 31 Jul 2009, 02:05, edited 2 times in total.
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:49

21 Nov 2002, 21:03 #11

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thanks.
Last edited by TiffanyisFree on 31 Jul 2009, 02:06, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

21 Nov 2002, 21:57 #12

Joanne,

You have really kick started my day.(DAY 6+) It reminded me to take out my relapse prevention packet which includes my list of why I don't want to be an addict along with a picture of Kim's missing lung. Top of my list is I am finding it more difficult to breathe. NOT BREATHING IN BUT BREATHING OUT, expiring.Wearing an oxygen tube around my face is not part of what I have in mind for my future. My list also includes oral hygiene, stained teeth.But most of all, it includes wanting to show my children and husband I can quite using nicotine so I can enjoy my life with them.Being only positive at Day 6 is very tough, primarily because we are still hacking and coughing up years of abuse, are teeth are still yellowed and stained, and our nerves are just waiting for a visit from NICODEMON. ONE DAY AT A TIME>NEVER NEVER NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.
Birky
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

12 Dec 2002, 11:27 #13

I want to live...
Last edited by OBob Gold on 31 Jul 2009, 02:07, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

11 Feb 2003, 10:15 #14

Brought this up because I just read something that hit the nail on the head, and thought it should go here too. Thanks Blade.... you brought a tear to my eye.
(it's all about living)
From: Blade (BRONZE!) Sent: 2/10/2003 2:18 PM
I know this is really long, but this list is part of the one that I originally wrote down on the day I quit. I think it applies to this parade.
The reasons why I quit are very simple: I'm selfish and very scared. I started thinking about all of the little things that we take for granted everyday and I just couldn't bear to contribute the absence of those things any longer. Think of all that you would miss by dying or by being so physically crippled that you couldn't enjoy anything. Sometimes I labor for breath now and think to myself, what's it going to be like in 20 years? I dearly hope that I haven't caused too much permanent damage to myself but I know what's done is done. All I can do is enjoy my life one breath at a time and remember that we only get to do this once so try to love every minute of it. Following are just some of the things that I tell myself I'm giving up if I keep smoking.

Late night walks with my wife and dogs (usually cussing at the dogs)
The hugs that I wish would go on forever
The lost games of kings and the foot rub that follows

The hysterical licking that I get every day when I walk in the door

Movie day

Curling up by the fire with my wife and drinking hot chocolate

Reading books in the bathtub until I look like a living prune

Laughing so hard that my stomach hurts the next day

Sharing a private joke with my wife in a group of people

Looking at any situation and knowing that my wife is probably thinking the same thing as me

People watching

Rubbing my cat until he claws the **** out of me

Chasing my wife like a madman around the house

Las Vegas

Mountains

Cold mornings snuggled up in bed with my wife

Calling in to work to stay at home with my wife

Window shopping

The feel of a dog sleeping next to you

Being able to run

Knowing that there is a slight chance of becoming buff one day

Butterfly kisses

Finger writing on my back

Head rubs

My wife's corny jokes

Vacations

Renaissance festivals

Magic tricks

Working with my wife out in the garage

Playing poker

Going to the theatre to see a good movie

Staying in hotel rooms with my wife

Hearing my wife giggle uncontrollably when she's really tired

Hearing a really good piece of gossip

Rolling in soft grass on a warm spring day

Being amazed by a squirrel running on my fence

Going to the zoo with the only woman that appreciates it as much as me

Getting new gadgets

As seen on TV stuff

Starbucks coffee

Ice cream and milk

Peanut butter cookies

My wife babying me when I'm sick

Afternoon naps on a cold day

Hearing my wife sing to our pets

The chance of winning the lottery

Lighting storms

The sound of thunder

Spending all day with my wife walking around and making fun of people

Devlin (120lbs german shepard) rolling on his back like a little puppy

Kuma (my dog) running laps

Home cooked meals

Room service

Swords and knives

Christmas morning

Birthday week

Dreaming

New cars and trucks

Hot tubs

Giggling

The chance of being on Modern Masters one day

Meeting an alien

Actually seeing bigfoot

Skiing

Cold wet dog noses waking you up

Seeing the slight grin on my wife's face when someone calls a cougar a cheetah at the zoo

Hearing a baby laugh

Getting excited over TV shows

Chinese rice

My wife

Being able to enjoy retirement

Cashews

Taking a really hot shower on a real cold morning

Tai Chi outfits

Falling asleep on the couch

Waking up at 5am and realizing that it's Sunday and not Monday

Daydreaming

Living in Oregon some day

Parrots

Playing monopoly for hours

And the list grows every day…
Last edited by OBob Gold on 31 Jul 2009, 02:09, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

16 Feb 2003, 09:07 #15

I read this from one of Joel's inspired posts...
"You should realize that you don't want to be viewed as a weak individual or have people in general questioning your overall intelligence or your good judgment because you smoke."



Which made me think about the way a few special children viewed me... As some of you know, I train horses. I have had the good fortune to train people to ride horses too. A few years ago, I had an incredible group of children that I taught horsemanship during a summer camp type program near San Fran. It was one of the most challenging and most rewarding things I've ever done (up until quitting smoking). One day I notice my kids huddled together in what looked like a very serious discussion. I kept at my work until I saw they had finished debating and were all walking toward me looking rather determined. "What's up you guys?" I asked them. At which point their appointed spokesperson confronted me directly and said "Lorna, we need to know something..." The others nodded earnestly behind him. "OK, fire away," says I. So he asks, "well, you are a vegetarian, right?" and I say "yep" To which he continues "well, we were all just talking and we decided that it doesn't make any sense at all to us that you are a vegetarian who cares about your health and animals and the environment... and you smoke - and we were wondering when you were planning on quitting."
These were 8 through 12 year old kids. And their simple logic really hit a nerve with me...


"You should also realize you don't want to be viewing yourself the same way, wondering what is wrong with you since you still smoke."


Their question lodged itself like a splinter in my conscience, and it stayed there bugging me until 1 week 4 days 22 hours and a few minutes ago.
I have been having a really tough time of it lately. That is, in terms of my life in general. But as far as the quit I've got going goes... I quit. And as some friends of mine like to say: "there is no bad situation in my life that a smoke won't make worse." I'm not going to go into the odious details of my rather difficult little life... except to say, I have not smoked today, and that is so cool. I'll get through all the other stuff, one way or another. I know that. What I don't know is whether or not I would get through another smoke. I kinda doubt it. And I'd really rather not find out.
So, I'm glad I have this place to come to. I am learning so much - about being newly quit, about really living and about how to stay quit.
Thanks Freedom folks. Try as I might, I simply was never able to do this prior to having found you.


Lorna Mc
1 w 4 d 22 h 40 m ... wow!
Last edited by LornaMc5 on 31 Jul 2009, 02:16, edited 2 times in total.
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Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

16 Feb 2003, 09:28 #16

Hey Lorna,
You're awesome. Life can be hard...and smoking doesn't make it easier. You know that and so do I. We'll continue the journey and the adventures, and solve the mysteries..and love and laugh and cry.... and do it all without taking another puff (one day at a time). Yay YOU!
Sal
One month, three days, 18 hours, 27 minutes and 37 seconds.
Last edited by Sal GOLD.ffn on 31 Jul 2009, 02:17, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 23:55

05 May 2003, 21:11 #17

Wow, just had a moment and thought I would read a little, I so needed the reminder, today. Thanks, everytime I turn around there seems to be the right words at the right time. Tobi
---
2m 1d 2:27 smoke-free, 1,242 cigs not smoked, $310.50 saved, 4d 7:30 life saved
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

31 Jul 2003, 10:38 #18

I don't want to die vs. I want to live
Cup half empty vs. cup half full
Fear vs. desire
Which motivation is worth living for?
Last edited by John (Gold) on 16 Mar 2009, 08:44, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

15 Aug 2003, 21:14 #19

For Rllothinger...... this seems to point up the way your replies are going, with some great insights from others.....

BillW One year, six months, one week, 13 minutes and 56 seconds. 16560 cigarettes not smoked, saving $3,317.80. Life saved: 8 weeks, 1 day, 12 hours, 0 minutes.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

22 Nov 2003, 21:22 #20

It may help if you work a little on your bottom line. Quitting smoking should be done for more reasons than just because you don't want to die. You should be quitting because you want to live. Not only do you want to live, but you want to be healthy so that you can really live, not just exist as the world really lives around you but you are too weak or impaired to participate in it. You should realize that you want to live free, not under the control of a product that is hurting you. You should realize that you don't want to smell like an ashtray anymore. You should realize that you don't want to waste your hard earned money any more on sustaining an active drug addiction. You should realize that you don't want to be viewed as a weak individual or have people in general questioning your overall intelligence or your good judgment because you smoke. You should also realize you don't want to be viewing yourself the same way, wondering what is wrong with you since you still smoke. The more you realize and see smoking for what it is the more happy you will be with your decision to quit and stay quit and the more easy it will be to stay committed to never take another puff!
Last edited by Joel on 01 Aug 2009, 02:08, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

12 Jan 2004, 14:52 #21

We don't have to wait for the right moment, or for great strength.....we just have to take baby steps and begin the journey - The power of knowledge builds on our logical mindset which enables us to outsmart our addiction! The "one day at a time" concept, the understanding of my addiction, along with support, were my keys to breaking free.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:33

28 Jan 2004, 04:36 #22

Thanks Joanne,
This is a great thread! I read here every day and every day I find something new to read. Or one of the managers or oldtimers will send me exactly what I need to read. This is exactly what I was trying to say earlier today. I dont even know where I wrote it. It was to an old thread I think. Yes, I want to really Live! This is a wonderful site. I wish I could have felt like this years ago. Oh well at least I am an ex-smoker today! I feel fabulous! Even when I am having a not so good day, I am having a great day because I dont smoke.
Laurie
I have chosen not to smoke for 3 Weeks 5 Days 9 Hours 37 Minutes 28 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 844. Money saved: $105.60.
Last edited by wackylaurie on 01 Aug 2009, 02:12, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

08 Apr 2004, 23:41 #23

The power of knowledge builds on our logical mindset which enables us to outsmart our addiction!
Last edited by Joanne Gold on 01 Aug 2009, 02:13, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 00:25

09 Apr 2004, 02:37 #24

That really hits it on the head for me, thanks.
Last edited by JerrysFree on 01 Aug 2009, 02:27, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:33

12 Jul 2004, 19:05 #25

i just love this.....it is the meaning of quitting to me.
lynda.... 5months 23days
Last edited by smurfetteirl on 01 Aug 2009, 02:30, edited 1 time in total.
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