" I Don't Want To Die " - The Bottom Line ?

Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:49

21 Nov 2002, 21:03 #11

ImageThis is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thanks.Image
Last edited by TiffanyisFree on 31 Jul 2009, 02:06, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

21 Nov 2002, 21:57 #12


You have really kick started my day.(DAY 6+) It reminded me to take out my relapse prevention packet which includes my list of why I don't want to be an addict along with a picture of Kim's missing lung. Top of my list is I am finding it more difficult to breathe. NOT BREATHING IN BUT BREATHING OUT, expiring.Wearing an oxygen tube around my face is not part of what I have in mind for my future. My list also includes oral hygiene, stained teeth.But most of all, it includes wanting to show my children and husband I can quite using nicotine so I can enjoy my life with them.Being only positive at Day 6 is very tough, primarily because we are still hacking and coughing up years of abuse, are teeth are still yellowed and stained, and our nerves are just waiting for a visit from NICODEMON. ONE DAY AT A TIME>NEVER NEVER NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.

OBob Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

12 Dec 2002, 11:27 #13

I want to live... Image
Last edited by OBob Gold on 31 Jul 2009, 02:07, edited 1 time in total.

OBob Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

11 Feb 2003, 10:15 #14

Brought this up because I just read something that hit the nail on the head, and thought it should go here too. Thanks Blade.... you brought a tear to my eye.
Image (it's all about living)
From: Blade (BRONZE!) Sent: 2/10/2003 2:18 PM
I know this is really long, but this list is part of the one that I originally wrote down on the day I quit. I think it applies to this parade.
The reasons why I quit are very simple: I'm selfish and very scared. I started thinking about all of the little things that we take for granted everyday and I just couldn't bear to contribute the absence of those things any longer. Think of all that you would miss by dying or by being so physically crippled that you couldn't enjoy anything. Sometimes I labor for breath now and think to myself, what's it going to be like in 20 years? I dearly hope that I haven't caused too much permanent damage to myself but I know what's done is done. All I can do is enjoy my life one breath at a time and remember that we only get to do this once so try to love every minute of it. Following are just some of the things that I tell myself I'm giving up if I keep smoking.

Late night walks with my wife and dogs (usually cussing at the dogs)
The hugs that I wish would go on forever
The lost games of kings and the foot rub that follows

The hysterical licking that I get every day when I walk in the door

Movie day

Curling up by the fire with my wife and drinking hot chocolate

Reading books in the bathtub until I look like a living prune

Laughing so hard that my stomach hurts the next day

Sharing a private joke with my wife in a group of people

Looking at any situation and knowing that my wife is probably thinking the same thing as me

People watching

Rubbing my cat until he claws the **** out of me

Chasing my wife like a madman around the house

Las Vegas


Cold mornings snuggled up in bed with my wife

Calling in to work to stay at home with my wife

Window shopping

The feel of a dog sleeping next to you

Being able to run

Knowing that there is a slight chance of becoming buff one day

Butterfly kisses

Finger writing on my back

Head rubs

My wife's corny jokes


Renaissance festivals

Magic tricks

Working with my wife out in the garage

Playing poker

Going to the theatre to see a good movie

Staying in hotel rooms with my wife

Hearing my wife giggle uncontrollably when she's really tired

Hearing a really good piece of gossip

Rolling in soft grass on a warm spring day

Being amazed by a squirrel running on my fence

Going to the zoo with the only woman that appreciates it as much as me

Getting new gadgets

As seen on TV stuff

Starbucks coffee

Ice cream and milk

Peanut butter cookies

My wife babying me when I'm sick

Afternoon naps on a cold day

Hearing my wife sing to our pets

The chance of winning the lottery

Lighting storms

The sound of thunder

Spending all day with my wife walking around and making fun of people

Devlin (120lbs german shepard) rolling on his back like a little puppy

Kuma (my dog) running laps

Home cooked meals

Room service

Swords and knives

Christmas morning

Birthday week


New cars and trucks

Hot tubs


The chance of being on Modern Masters one day

Meeting an alien

Actually seeing bigfoot


Cold wet dog noses waking you up

Seeing the slight grin on my wife's face when someone calls a cougar a cheetah at the zoo

Hearing a baby laugh

Getting excited over TV shows

Chinese rice

My wife

Being able to enjoy retirement


Taking a really hot shower on a real cold morning

Tai Chi outfits

Falling asleep on the couch

Waking up at 5am and realizing that it's Sunday and not Monday


Living in Oregon some day


Playing monopoly for hours

And the list grows every day…
Last edited by OBob Gold on 31 Jul 2009, 02:09, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

16 Feb 2003, 09:07 #15

I read this from one of Joel's inspired posts...
"You should realize that you don't want to be viewed as a weak individual or have people in general questioning your overall intelligence or your good judgment because you smoke."

Which made me think about the way a few special children viewed me... As some of you know, I train horses. I have had the good fortune to train people to ride horses too. A few years ago, I had an incredible group of children that I taught horsemanship during a summer camp type program near San Fran. It was one of the most challenging and most rewarding things I've ever done (up until quitting smoking). One day I notice my kids huddled together in what looked like a very serious discussion. I kept at my work until I saw they had finished debating and were all walking toward me looking rather determined. "What's up you guys?" I asked them. At which point their appointed spokesperson confronted me directly and said "Lorna, we need to know something..." The others nodded earnestly behind him. "OK, fire away," says I. So he asks, "well, you are a vegetarian, right?" and I say "yep" To which he continues "well, we were all just talking and we decided that it doesn't make any sense at all to us that you are a vegetarian who cares about your health and animals and the environment... and you smoke - and we were wondering when you were planning on quitting."
These were 8 through 12 year old kids. And their simple logic really hit a nerve with me...

"You should also realize you don't want to be viewing yourself the same way, wondering what is wrong with you since you still smoke."

Their question lodged itself like a splinter in my conscience, and it stayed there bugging me until 1 week 4 days 22 hours and a few minutes ago.
I have been having a really tough time of it lately. That is, in terms of my life in general. But as far as the quit I've got going goes... I quit. And as some friends of mine like to say: "there is no bad situation in my life that a smoke won't make worse." I'm not going to go into the odious details of my rather difficult little life... except to say, I have not smoked today, and that is so cool. I'll get through all the other stuff, one way or another. I know that. What I don't know is whether or not I would get through another smoke. I kinda doubt it. And I'd really rather not find out.
So, I'm glad I have this place to come to. I am learning so much - about being newly quit, about really living and about how to stay quit.
Thanks Freedom folks. Try as I might, I simply was never able to do this prior to having found you.

Image Lorna Mc
1 w 4 d 22 h 40 m ... wow!
Last edited by LornaMc5 on 31 Jul 2009, 02:16, edited 2 times in total.

Sal GOLD.ffn
Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

16 Feb 2003, 09:28 #16

Hey Lorna,
You're awesomeImage. Life can be hard...and smoking doesn't make it easier. You know that and so do I. We'll continue the journey and the adventures, and solve the mysteries..and love and laugh and cry.... and do it all without taking another puff (one day at a time). Yay YOU!
One month, three days, 18 hours, 27 minutes and 37 seconds.
Last edited by Sal GOLD.ffn on 31 Jul 2009, 02:17, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 23:55

05 May 2003, 21:11 #17

Wow, just had a moment and thought I would read a little, I so needed the reminder, today. Thanks, everytime I turn around there seems to be the right words at the right time. Tobi
2m 1d 2:27 smoke-free, 1,242 cigs not smoked, $310.50 saved, 4d 7:30 life saved

John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

31 Jul 2003, 10:38 #18

I don't want to die vs. I want to live
Cup half empty vs. cup half full
Fear vs. desire
Which motivation is worth living for?
Last edited by John (Gold) on 16 Mar 2009, 08:44, edited 1 time in total.

BillW Gold.ffn
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

15 Aug 2003, 21:14 #19

For Rllothinger...... this seems to point up the way your replies are going, with some great insights from others.....

BillW One year, six months, one week, 13 minutes and 56 seconds. 16560 cigarettes not smoked, saving $3,317.80. Life saved: 8 weeks, 1 day, 12 hours, 0 minutes.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

22 Nov 2003, 21:22 #20

It may help if you work a little on your bottom line. Quitting smoking should be done for more reasons than just because you don't want to die. You should be quitting because you want to live. Not only do you want to live, but you want to be healthy so that you can really live, not just exist as the world really lives around you but you are too weak or impaired to participate in it. You should realize that you want to live free, not under the control of a product that is hurting you. You should realize that you don't want to smell like an ashtray anymore. You should realize that you don't want to waste your hard earned money any more on sustaining an active drug addiction. You should realize that you don't want to be viewed as a weak individual or have people in general questioning your overall intelligence or your good judgment because you smoke. You should also realize you don't want to be viewing yourself the same way, wondering what is wrong with you since you still smoke. The more you realize and see smoking for what it is the more happy you will be with your decision to quit and stay quit and the more easy it will be to stay committed to never take another puff!
Last edited by Joel on 01 Aug 2009, 02:08, edited 1 time in total.