I'M DYING!

I'M DYING!

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Jul 2001, 00:48 #1

My boss just spontaneously combusted and he had my paycheck in his pocket and now I am out of a job and cheated of my last week's pay; Or my daughter ran away to marry an escaped axe-murderer, and he is already married; Or my husband left me for a man; Or my wife left me for my brother-worse than that, she took my favorite power tools with her; Or my dog ate my neighbor and the police are hunting us down right now; Worse than that, the dog is eying me pretty strangely now-and drooling!

There are posts that pop up periodically that are quite shocking or alarming and in a way bring the board to a screeching halt. Members read the horrible scenario, don't know how to answer the person and then feel funny answering other posts because the poor victim of the horrible news will know that they have been there and didn't jump in with support.

Some problems are real and I don't want anyone to think I am making a mockery of them. But some problems are just too big to be dealt with in the confines of this board. We are a serious support and educational site; we are not a talk show here.

When catastrophes strike I want members to think a little before they post. Is the situation they are writing about something that anyone can really help with here? Does the post have anything to do with smoking? If you read the same post from another person would you see it as a cry for help or a cry for attention?

I guess that is what this is really coming down too. Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused.

Does that mean we don't want a person in crisis to come to our site? Not at all. When you are encountering a major life problem and need help, come and read all you can to refocus your thoughts on the importance of staying smoke free even under such extreme circumstances. Or if you want people to say they are thinking or praying for you, write a post and say that you are really being tested at the moment, your resolve is shaky, but leave out the sordid details. Don't make our members try to solve problems that are unsolvable in this kind of setting.

I guess its kind of like going to church in a time of crisis. When you go to a crowded church service after a real life shattering event, do you go there with the intent that you will go in front of the congregation, scream out all of the gory details for all to hear and want the service to stop and focus around you? Or do you go to the church to get back your focus, to quietly reflect and think of solutions in a safe haven kind of environment, or maybe, if deeply troubled enough you may go to your religious leader after the service for guidance? I suspect or at least hope your reason for going is for the latter--you may be looking for answers or meaning but you are not going to drag the whole congregation into it.

So please, think before you post. If something is really big and you want some advice, write the managers here off the board. Although I can tell you if the situation is beyond the realm of smoking issues, even we will be limited as to the advice we can give. We will tell you that smoking can't solve the problem at hand--it can't solve any problem. We will tell you that you may want to get outside help, and if the crises is big enough or if your reaction to a problem is serious enough you should call your local crisis center, doctor, police or someone with a real capability of dealing with you and your problem one on one right now. But we can't give you much more than that when it comes down to it, and neither can anyone else here.

So again, think before you post. Is your post a cry for help or a cry for attention? If it is the latter think hard before hitting that send key. A cry for attention will likely be deleted in the future and if repeated or if blatant enough, membership may be pulled. We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts.

Again, no matter what the crisis, smoking won't solve it. As it has been written many times here, a relapse will not solve a crisis, a relapse is a crisis. If you don't want another life-threatening problem on your hands always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
Last edited by Joel on 08 Jul 2009, 03:01, edited 1 time in total.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Jul 2001, 06:43 #2

A new member who is also active at another site felt the need to express a view that the above post was too restrictive for your normal online support group. We are not a typical support board which is the primary message above. We are a classroom that teaches and also offers support. But we have our rules and our guidelines, and most people are here because of this level of commitment to focus. We get nervous when we bring in people from other sites for they often have other ideas how sites should be run. Our Mission Statement clearly spells out who we are and what our members can expect from us as well as what we expect from them.
The above post was cleared through all managers before posted. Well three out of four but I think the other who was unavailable at the time would have agreed. Once we make our decisions on such issues we stick by them and debating is not allowed. When people don't like our decisions they are encouraged to find a site that more fits their liking. There are plenty of them out there.
So if anyone feels the need to express discontent with this or any other of our policies, e.g., cold turkey approach, relapse policies, etc., feel free to make your last post here telling us. It will be deleted when one of the managers get here and your posting privileges will be revoked.
Otherwise, feel free to participate here all you like as long as you stay within our guidelines. Not debating our management decisions is one of the rules within those guidelines. If you would like a more broad range of opinion feel free to participate elsewhere too and say what ever you like as long as it is allowed at the other site. But while here please adhere to our rules if you wish to remain a member in good standing.
Joel
Last edited by Joel on 08 Jul 2009, 02:42, edited 1 time in total.
Reply

John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Jul 2001, 08:19 #3

Joel's post was pretty darn clear and we all know why it's necessary to every once in a while remind our members of the importance of staying focused on our mission - freedom from nicotine. There are no grey areas. If you EVER feel that your quit is threatened then post your heart out - that's why we're here. If you EVER feel that your quit is threatened then post your heart out because that's why we're here. I said it twice because it's double important! But if you're just having a bad day, the marriage isn't going so well, you could use some help on your job hunt, you're out looking for companionship or a new relationship, or you are in serious need of uncessation related sympathy, instruction or advice, Freedom just isn't the place.

When a newbie arrives and reads Freedom's message board, we could care less if it has a ton of new messages on it as long as those that are there are quitting related and offer instruction, guidance and hope. We're here to help newbies quit smoking and remain clean for life and nothing more. The sign says Freedom from Tobacco, not freedom to transform Freedom into what we want it to be. We were each deadly serious when you arrived and we need your help to remain that way for tomorrow's newbie.

Are we too serious? Are we too focused? Should newbies be content to expect us to give every morsel of our ability to help educate, motivate and support their quits or should Freedom expand to offer them other services as well? Nicotine is the deadliest addiction on earth - nothing compares! This is deadly serious work that each member undertakes in both giving and receiving. We know that life is far more than quitting smoking but in the tiny bit of cyber memory space that Freedom occupies on MSN, that's all a new nicotine addict will ever find! Breathe deep, hug hard, live long! YQB Zep : )
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Sep 2001, 10:00 #4

I am not happy about bringing this one up at the moment. First because we are dealing with some real extraordinary stressful times for some of our members and second because as the string developed it got a little more forceful than I really wish that it had to. But the original message is still very important. I don't even want to accuse any person who may have experienced some real catastrophic situation of looking to seek attention. But I still want it to be clear what Freedom can do to help with smoking and what Freedom can't do to help in other life issues.

The paragraph about going to church is a very appropriate analogy here. We want people to feel safe and free to come here for support, but the support has to be on smoking cessation issues. We recognize that there may be many other major life issues that need addressing now, but if a person is really traumatized by recent events I wouldn't necessarily recommend an Internet Bulletin Board as the main form of treatment or support. Please try to find trained professionals in your real world if current life situations seem overwhelming.

As for smoking issues, we are the place to be. We will keep you focused on the fact that you can get through life smoke free as long as you always remember that your choice is to maintain your health and your life by staying committed to never take another puff!

Joel
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

11 Dec 2001, 21:01 #5

ImageFor Kughes:
I am not bringing this one up to chastise or criticize you for your posts. I honestly feel you are looking for help and answers rather than attention. But some of your issues are beyond the scope of this board, or any board when it comes down to it. They are issues that must be worked out with your doctor who knows your full history and current physical state first hand. This post while addressing the attention seeker issue, also explains the problems with dealing with issues that are too specific and beyond the scope of what an Internet site can really help with, which again is the only reason I am bringing it up here.
Again, your doctor should be able to work with you to find some solutions for your other issues, but the answer to overcoming your risk of smoking and nicotine addiction is not as complicated, it is simply remembering to never take another puff!
Last edited by Joel on 10 Jul 2009, 03:10, edited 2 times in total.
Reply

ThreecrowsGold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:14

12 Dec 2001, 06:21 #6

Well you certainly got my attention! I am very relieved that you are not really dying! Of course we will all do so some day...lol

I am thankful that you brought up the subject because I have felt that there have been some postings dealing with mental health issues that have made me uncomfortable. I have posted here when depressed and angry, guilty! But I hope I have honored the mission of this board - to help keep me nicotine free, no other reason allowed! (In my mind)

So thanks for speaking out, and feel free to delete this if you feel it may insult some people.

Many thanks for all the support.
threecrows
clean for 5 months 1 week
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

06 Jan 2002, 22:12 #7

I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worse yet, an audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.
"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."
I suspect that we are going to settle down a bit now in new applications and first time posters. But don't let the quieter times make you think we need more noise. Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on 10 Jul 2009, 03:07, edited 1 time in total.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Jun 2002, 01:33 #8

For our newest members:

I am not bringing this one up to chastise or criticize any individual for any specific post. Most people are honestly looking for help and answers rather than attention. But some issues that are often raised at Internet boards are beyond the scope of this board, or any board when it comes down to it. They are issues that should be worked out with a doctor who knows your full medical history and current physical state first hand. This post while addressing the attention seeker issue, also explains the problems with dealing with issues that are to specific and beyond the scope of what an Internet site can really help with, which again is the reason I am bringing it up here.

Again, your personal doctor should be able to work with you to find solutions for other issues, but the answer to overcoming your risk of smoking and nicotine addiction is not so complicated, it is simply remembering to never take another puff!
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

05 Oct 2002, 21:18 #9

Image I saw the I'm DYING for a cigarette!! The title made me think of this one. Not that the post related to the issue in this string, that is clearly not the case. Just the title made me think of this.
It's one of Freedom's strengths that we don't have to bring this one up often for the real reason it was written for there are really very few people here who are just trying to seek attention. Our membership is here more to seek knowledge, share support and strengthen the collective resolve of everyone reading here--member and lurker alike, that the goal to quit smoking is worth every ounce of effort that an individual puts into it for it is truly an effort to save one's health and life. To accomplish this goal is no more complicated than just knowing to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on 10 Jul 2009, 03:15, edited 1 time in total.
Reply

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

27 Nov 2002, 21:11 #10

We do seem to be having a higher amount than normal of applications and new members joining over the past few days. Thought it would be good to get this reposted to help people see how we do operate differently than many other Internet Bulletin Boards. We have no interest in being the biggest or busiest quit smoking site. We just want to be the most educational and focused site designed and to offer the kind of quality support that will help insure each and every person here that they made the right choice when they joined up and committed to never take another puff!


Joel
From: Joel. Sent: 1/6/2002 8:12 AM
I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.
"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."
I suspect that we are going to settle down a bit now in new applications and first time posters. But don't let the quieter times make you think we need more noise. Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on 10 Jul 2009, 03:17, edited 1 time in total.
Reply