I'M DYING!

I'M DYING!

Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

July 17th, 2001, 12:48 am #1

My boss just spontaneously combusted and he had my paycheck in his pocket and now I am out of a job and cheated of my last week's pay; Or my daughter ran away to marry an escaped axe-murderer, and he is already married; Or my husband left me for a man; Or my wife left me for my brother-worse than that, she took my favorite power tools with her; Or my dog ate my neighbor and the police are hunting us down right now; Worse than that, the dog is eying me pretty strangely now-and drooling!

There are posts that pop up periodically that are quite shocking or alarming and in a way bring the board to a screeching halt. Members read the horrible scenario, don't know how to answer the person and then feel funny answering other posts because the poor victim of the horrible news will know that they have been there and didn't jump in with support.

Some problems are real and I don't want anyone to think I am making a mockery of them. But some problems are just too big to be dealt with in the confines of this board. We are a serious support and educational site; we are not a talk show here.

When catastrophes strike I want members to think a little before they post. Is the situation they are writing about something that anyone can really help with here? Does the post have anything to do with smoking? If you read the same post from another person would you see it as a cry for help or a cry for attention?

I guess that is what this is really coming down too. Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused.

Does that mean we don't want a person in crisis to come to our site? Not at all. When you are encountering a major life problem and need help, come and read all you can to refocus your thoughts on the importance of staying smoke free even under such extreme circumstances. Or if you want people to say they are thinking or praying for you, write a post and say that you are really being tested at the moment, your resolve is shaky, but leave out the sordid details. Don't make our members try to solve problems that are unsolvable in this kind of setting.

I guess its kind of like going to church in a time of crisis. When you go to a crowded church service after a real life shattering event, do you go there with the intent that you will go in front of the congregation, scream out all of the gory details for all to hear and want the service to stop and focus around you? Or do you go to the church to get back your focus, to quietly reflect and think of solutions in a safe haven kind of environment, or maybe, if deeply troubled enough you may go to your religious leader after the service for guidance? I suspect or at least hope your reason for going is for the latter--you may be looking for answers or meaning but you are not going to drag the whole congregation into it.

So please, think before you post. If something is really big and you want some advice, write the managers here off the board. Although I can tell you if the situation is beyond the realm of smoking issues, even we will be limited as to the advice we can give. We will tell you that smoking can't solve the problem at hand--it can't solve any problem. We will tell you that you may want to get outside help, and if the crises is big enough or if your reaction to a problem is serious enough you should call your local crisis center, doctor, police or someone with a real capability of dealing with you and your problem one on one right now. But we can't give you much more than that when it comes down to it, and neither can anyone else here.

So again, think before you post. Is your post a cry for help or a cry for attention? If it is the latter think hard before hitting that send key. A cry for attention will likely be deleted in the future and if repeated or if blatant enough, membership may be pulled. We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts.

Again, no matter what the crisis, smoking won't solve it. As it has been written many times here, a relapse will not solve a crisis, a relapse is a crisis. If you don't want another life-threatening problem on your hands always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 8th, 2009, 3:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

July 17th, 2001, 6:43 am #2

A new member who is also active at another site felt the need to express a view that the above post was too restrictive for your normal online support group. We are not a typical support board which is the primary message above. We are a classroom that teaches and also offers support. But we have our rules and our guidelines, and most people are here because of this level of commitment to focus. We get nervous when we bring in people from other sites for they often have other ideas how sites should be run. Our Mission Statement clearly spells out who we are and what our members can expect from us as well as what we expect from them.
The above post was cleared through all managers before posted. Well three out of four but I think the other who was unavailable at the time would have agreed. Once we make our decisions on such issues we stick by them and debating is not allowed. When people don't like our decisions they are encouraged to find a site that more fits their liking. There are plenty of them out there.
So if anyone feels the need to express discontent with this or any other of our policies, e.g., cold turkey approach, relapse policies, etc., feel free to make your last post here telling us. It will be deleted when one of the managers get here and your posting privileges will be revoked.
Otherwise, feel free to participate here all you like as long as you stay within our guidelines. Not debating our management decisions is one of the rules within those guidelines. If you would like a more broad range of opinion feel free to participate elsewhere too and say what ever you like as long as it is allowed at the other site. But while here please adhere to our rules if you wish to remain a member in good standing.
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 8th, 2009, 2:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

July 17th, 2001, 8:19 am #3

Joel's post was pretty darn clear and we all know why it's necessary to every once in a while remind our members of the importance of staying focused on our mission - freedom from nicotine. There are no grey areas. If you EVER feel that your quit is threatened then post your heart out - that's why we're here. If you EVER feel that your quit is threatened then post your heart out because that's why we're here. I said it twice because it's double important! But if you're just having a bad day, the marriage isn't going so well, you could use some help on your job hunt, you're out looking for companionship or a new relationship, or you are in serious need of uncessation related sympathy, instruction or advice, Freedom just isn't the place.

When a newbie arrives and reads Freedom's message board, we could care less if it has a ton of new messages on it as long as those that are there are quitting related and offer instruction, guidance and hope. We're here to help newbies quit smoking and remain clean for life and nothing more. The sign says Freedom from Tobacco, not freedom to transform Freedom into what we want it to be. We were each deadly serious when you arrived and we need your help to remain that way for tomorrow's newbie.

Are we too serious? Are we too focused? Should newbies be content to expect us to give every morsel of our ability to help educate, motivate and support their quits or should Freedom expand to offer them other services as well? Nicotine is the deadliest addiction on earth - nothing compares! This is deadly serious work that each member undertakes in both giving and receiving. We know that life is far more than quitting smoking but in the tiny bit of cyber memory space that Freedom occupies on MSN, that's all a new nicotine addict will ever find! Breathe deep, hug hard, live long! YQB Zep : )
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

September 17th, 2001, 10:00 am #4

I am not happy about bringing this one up at the moment. First because we are dealing with some real extraordinary stressful times for some of our members and second because as the string developed it got a little more forceful than I really wish that it had to. But the original message is still very important. I don't even want to accuse any person who may have experienced some real catastrophic situation of looking to seek attention. But I still want it to be clear what Freedom can do to help with smoking and what Freedom can't do to help in other life issues.

The paragraph about going to church is a very appropriate analogy here. We want people to feel safe and free to come here for support, but the support has to be on smoking cessation issues. We recognize that there may be many other major life issues that need addressing now, but if a person is really traumatized by recent events I wouldn't necessarily recommend an Internet Bulletin Board as the main form of treatment or support. Please try to find trained professionals in your real world if current life situations seem overwhelming.

As for smoking issues, we are the place to be. We will keep you focused on the fact that you can get through life smoke free as long as you always remember that your choice is to maintain your health and your life by staying committed to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

December 11th, 2001, 9:01 pm #5

For Kughes:
I am not bringing this one up to chastise or criticize you for your posts. I honestly feel you are looking for help and answers rather than attention. But some of your issues are beyond the scope of this board, or any board when it comes down to it. They are issues that must be worked out with your doctor who knows your full history and current physical state first hand. This post while addressing the attention seeker issue, also explains the problems with dealing with issues that are too specific and beyond the scope of what an Internet site can really help with, which again is the only reason I am bringing it up here.
Again, your doctor should be able to work with you to find some solutions for your other issues, but the answer to overcoming your risk of smoking and nicotine addiction is not as complicated, it is simply remembering to never take another puff!
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:10 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:14 am

December 12th, 2001, 6:21 am #6

Well you certainly got my attention! I am very relieved that you are not really dying! Of course we will all do so some day...lol

I am thankful that you brought up the subject because I have felt that there have been some postings dealing with mental health issues that have made me uncomfortable. I have posted here when depressed and angry, guilty! But I hope I have honored the mission of this board - to help keep me nicotine free, no other reason allowed! (In my mind)

So thanks for speaking out, and feel free to delete this if you feel it may insult some people.

Many thanks for all the support.
threecrows
clean for 5 months 1 week
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

January 6th, 2002, 10:12 pm #7

I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worse yet, an audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.
"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."
I suspect that we are going to settle down a bit now in new applications and first time posters. But don't let the quieter times make you think we need more noise. Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

June 10th, 2002, 1:33 am #8

For our newest members:

I am not bringing this one up to chastise or criticize any individual for any specific post. Most people are honestly looking for help and answers rather than attention. But some issues that are often raised at Internet boards are beyond the scope of this board, or any board when it comes down to it. They are issues that should be worked out with a doctor who knows your full medical history and current physical state first hand. This post while addressing the attention seeker issue, also explains the problems with dealing with issues that are to specific and beyond the scope of what an Internet site can really help with, which again is the reason I am bringing it up here.

Again, your personal doctor should be able to work with you to find solutions for other issues, but the answer to overcoming your risk of smoking and nicotine addiction is not so complicated, it is simply remembering to never take another puff!
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

October 5th, 2002, 9:18 pm #9

I saw the I'm DYING for a cigarette!! The title made me think of this one. Not that the post related to the issue in this string, that is clearly not the case. Just the title made me think of this.
It's one of Freedom's strengths that we don't have to bring this one up often for the real reason it was written for there are really very few people here who are just trying to seek attention. Our membership is here more to seek knowledge, share support and strengthen the collective resolve of everyone reading here--member and lurker alike, that the goal to quit smoking is worth every ounce of effort that an individual puts into it for it is truly an effort to save one's health and life. To accomplish this goal is no more complicated than just knowing to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

November 27th, 2002, 9:11 pm #10

We do seem to be having a higher amount than normal of applications and new members joining over the past few days. Thought it would be good to get this reposted to help people see how we do operate differently than many other Internet Bulletin Boards. We have no interest in being the biggest or busiest quit smoking site. We just want to be the most educational and focused site designed and to offer the kind of quality support that will help insure each and every person here that they made the right choice when they joined up and committed to never take another puff!


Joel
From: Joel. Sent: 1/6/2002 8:12 AM
I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.
"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."
I suspect that we are going to settle down a bit now in new applications and first time posters. But don't let the quieter times make you think we need more noise. Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

January 16th, 2003, 7:03 am #11

We are in the middle of one of our busy times again. I thought I had better get this one up for our newest members to see how we really are different than most other sites. We help our members focus on the fact that not smoking is more important that the normal day to day problems they face and in most cases are equally important and probably more important than other big issues they are facing any particular day. How many decisions are you making today that going one way may actually cripple you down the line and also have the potential to bring about a premature death. I am not talking about a small chance of premature death either, but basically a 50-50 chance. I will tell you the one common issue that all of our members have today that carry this implication. It is whether today they are going to allow themselves to believe that they have a legitimate reason to relapse. There is no legitimate reason and if your decision today is to shoot for health and life always remember to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

January 30th, 2003, 12:31 am #12

For those who may have been looking at the board within the last few minutes, I deleted a post. Even though we deleted a post yesterday, for a totally different reason, I want to make it clear that we really don't delete posts often--we don't need to. But every now and then we get a post that really doesn't belong at a serious quit smoking site.

The post I deleted today very much fits into this category. It was not the first time the person made such a post, in fact there was another last week that used the exact same tactic, just with different terrible life circumstances.

The original post here presents why attention seekers can hurt a serious site. There are plenty of sites on the Internet who can accommodate attention seekers but we are not one of them. Our people are here because they have come to the point that they know that no matter what life circumstances occur around them, that smoking is not going to solve any of them.

The one way to avoid one total calamity that can really disrupt your life, even end it prematurely one day is to know that no matter what else happens if you want to stay smoke free you must never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

February 5th, 2003, 3:23 am #13

A manager came across a string today that needed to get deleted. The reason being that it was evident from some of the replies that were attached to the string that the post was upsetting people. What was upsetting was not that the person was going to relapse, or even that the person was saying that his or her quit was in dire straights. It just had a title of, "Today is the Worst Day of my Life" and then went on to showing a piece of artwork that made the writer feel good. There was also some comment made about not smoking even though there was hypocrisy in the world.

This post had almost nothing to do with smoking from the image used and the words that were written yet it's title brought in people wanting to offer help. Again, it seemed once in the post that there was no help really being needed. The title then appeared to be an attention getting device.

I will be honest here, I don't know what the true intent was by the person posting. Neither did the other manager involved but it was evident that the post was creating a diversion and controversy. If the person posting was trying to get the message out that even under adversity not smoking was doable, I hope he or she knows that we appreciate that effort.

But the way posts are titled here at Freedom are important for those titles are indeed what brings people in to a specific string. People don't like to get duped here at Freedom. Cries for help are not treated lightly and should never be. But they should not be used or more accurately abused here either when clearly not warranted. We often go days, weeks and sometimes months without desperate calls for help. The reason this is true is that if people are reinforced and totally committed enough, very few things in life can actually rattle them or shake their resolve to stay quit. Yes life goes on without smoking and occasional traumas will be part of life, but over time even in periods of great trauma and stress not smoking is going to be the clear choice for the truly dedicated member of Freedom.

I saw the string on Diversions was already brought up today, but I felt that this string too clarifies some proper etiquette to keeping our board serious and effective at helping people to stay totally focused on why they have committed to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

April 4th, 2003, 8:27 pm #14

I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.

We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.

"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."

Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

May 28th, 2003, 2:24 pm #15

.......We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.
"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."
Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joanne Gold on July 10th, 2009, 3:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

May 28th, 2003, 7:08 pm #16

When you are encountering a major life problem and need help, come and read all you can to refocus your thoughts on the importance of staying smoke free even under such extreme circumstances. Or if you want people to say they are thinking or praying for you, write a post and say that you are really being tested at the moment, your resolve is shaky, but leave out the sordid details. Don't make our members try to solve problems that are unsolvable in this kind of setting. I guess its kind of like going to church in a time of crisis. When you go to a crowded church service after a real life shattering event, do you go there with the intent that you will go in front of the congregation, scream out all of the gory details for all to hear and want the service to stop and focus around you? Or do you go to the church to get back your focus, to quietly reflect and think of solutions in a safe haven kind of environment, or maybe, if deeply troubled enough you may go to your religious leader after the service for guidance? I suspect or at least hope your reason for going is for the latter--you may be looking for answers or meaning but you are not going to drag the whole congregation into it.

So please, think before you post. If something is really big and you want some advice, write the managers here off the board. Although I can tell you if the situation is beyond the realm of smoking issues, even we will be limited as to the advice we can give. We will tell you that smoking can't solve the problem at hand--it can't solve any problem. We will tell you that you may want to get outside help, and if the crises is big enough or if your reaction to a problem is serious enough you should call your local crisis center, doctor, police or someone with a real capability of dealing with you and your problem one on one right now. But we can't give you much more than that when it comes down to it, and neither can anyone else here.

So again, think before you post. Is your post a cry for help or a cry for attention? If it is the latter think hard before hitting that send key. A cry for attention will likely be deleted in the future and if repeated or if blatant enough, membership may be pulled. We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts.

Again, no matter what the crisis, smoking won't solve it. As it has been written many a times here, a relapse will not solve a crisis, a relapse is a crisis. If you don't want another life-threatening problem on your hands always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

June 17th, 2003, 8:12 pm #17

This is a real important post. Last night we pulled a post from a member that went into far too much more detail than necessary of a real life problem that he or she was experiencing. As the post above spells out, "We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts."
A quit smoking site is not the place to solve major life traumas. A quit smoking site may be the best site to deal with smoking, depending on the site, and there may be some other specialized sites that are helpful in dealing with other traumas too, but often people on an Internet sites may not have the best training or understanding or be the best prepared for dealing with the specific problem at hand. You may find people who really want to help but who may not in fact be the best people to deal with the problem you are facing.
If a member encounters real life tragedies they should seek help from professionals. If your car breaks down call a mechanic. If your computer suddenly dies you don't call a friend whose computer also died and has not been able to get it going again. If your home plumbing explodes you don't get right on the Internet and time chatting on a bulletin board about how bad everything smells without first calling a plumber to actually fix the problem. If your house all of sudden starts on fire you don't go to the Internet and compare notes with others who may have lived through a fire experience--you call the fire department. If someone breaks into your home while you are still there you don't go to the Internet to talk out your fears. You either call the police or try to escape from your home. If you are experiencing sudden chest pains or maybe all of a sudden lose vision in one eye you shouldn't spend time looking up symptoms on the Internet or chatting with others who may have had a similar experience at one time, you call for paramedics. If something emotionally big is happening in your life and you find yourself spinning out or control you need to seek professional help too. It may mean calling your doctor, a professionally sanctioned crisis hotline in your town who can offer real live support, going to a local emergency room, calling 911 or what ever emergency number is set up in your area by local authorities, depending on the severity of the problem and how fast you can get action.
This list could have gone on but hopefully everyone gets the point here. If you ever find yourself in a medical or psychological crisis seek professional assistance, meaning, seek a professional in the arena of the specific problem you are encountering.
Again, depending on the problem you are facing there are professionals who can help. There are professional mechanics, plumbers, firemen, police, paramedics, crisis counselors, psychologists and physicians. Deal with emergencies head on when they occur. At the same time stay focused on the fact that whatever the problem, taking a cigarette will not help it.
Once you have dealt with the crisis, and your full attention is not needed to get out of the immediate danger, then is the time to come to a quit smoking site and reinforce your resolve to stay smoke free, either by reading or maybe even posting. Hopefully if you come back in to post, the essence of the post will be saying how you have proved to yourself once again that even under the most extreme of circumstances that you are able to stay smoke free by just sticking to your commitment that no matter what else is going on around you that you still know to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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October 13th, 2003, 8:50 am #18

I just saw a new string title "I'm Alive" that made me think of this string, "I'm Dying." As you can see we seem to have posts for all occasions. :)

I am glad that we really don't have many occasions when we need to bring this thread up, our members by in large are really good at keeping our site serious and really quite focused on the fact that no matter what happens in life we are staying totally committed to never take another puff!

Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

December 11th, 2003, 12:08 am #19

  • PERSONAL ISSUES - If any member ever feels that their quit is threatened by a factual situation then feel free to share the basic facts in your request for help. Unnecessary posting of detailed personal issues that involve controversial lifestyle choices or that expresss personal opinions on such issues as religion, gambling, drinking, drug use, premarital or extramarital affairs, sexual orientation, sex, gun control, child rearing problems, caring for the elderly, politics, and a host of other real life issues, do nothing to promote Freedom's mission and are not appropriate. Such real life issues exist for all of Freedom's members and no one should ever feel that their inability to air such issues will in any way impede his or her ability to stay nicotine free.
  • GENERAL SOCIALIZATION - Freedom's message boards are reserved for giving and receiving nicotine cessation support and not for general socialization. There are thousands of fun MSN and AOL sites and each has a link that allows you to send invitations to your friends, requesting that they join you! Help us keep Freedom a serious and supportive classroom that helps save and extend human life!
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

January 11th, 2004, 2:57 pm #20

We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.

"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."

Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

January 25th, 2004, 3:59 am #21

"....I guess its kind of like going to church in a time of crisis. When you go to a crowded church service after a real life shattering event, do you go there with the intent that you will go in front of the congregation, scream out all of the gory details for all to hear and want the service to stop and focus around you? Or do you go to the church to get back your focus, to quietly reflect and think of solutions in a safe haven kind of environment, or maybe, if deeply troubled enough you may go to your religious leader after the service for guidance? I suspect or at least hope your reason for going is for the latter--you may be looking for answers or meaning but you are not going to drag the whole congregation into it.


........ think before you post. Is your post a cry for help or a cry for attention? If it is the latter think hard before hitting that send key. A cry for attention will likely be deleted in the future and if repeated or if blatant enough, membership may be pulled. We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts.
Again, no matter what the crisis, smoking won't solve it. As it has been written many a times here, a relapse will not solve a crisis, a relapse is a crisis. If you don't want another life-threatening problem on your hands always remember to never take another puff!

Joel"
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

March 11th, 2004, 11:22 am #22

From: Joel Sent: 5/24/2003 9:33 AM
I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.

We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.

"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."

Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!

Joel

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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

April 19th, 2004, 12:32 am #23

Last edited by GrumpyOMrsS (Gold) on July 10th, 2009, 3:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

April 19th, 2004, 12:35 am #24

From: Joel Sent: 7/20/2003 5:11 PM
A quit smoking site is not the place to solve major life traumas. A quit smoking site may be the best site to deal with smoking, depending on the site, and there may be some other specialized sites that are helpful in dealing with other traumas too, but often people on an Internet sites may not have the best training or understanding or be the best prepared for dealing with the specific problem at hand. You may find people who really want to help but who may not in fact be the best people to deal with the problem you are facing.

If a member encounters real life tragedies they should seek help from professionals. If your car breaks down call a mechanic. If your computer suddenly dies you don't call a friend whose computer also died and has not been able to get it going again. If your home plumbing explodes you don't get right on the Internet and time chatting on a bulletin board about how bad everything smells without first calling a plumber to actually fix the problem. If your house all of sudden starts on fire you don't go to the Internet and compare notes with others who may have lived through a fire experience--you call the fire department. If someone breaks into your home while you are still there you don't go to the Internet to talk out your fears. You either call the police or try to escape from your home. If you are experiencing sudden chest pains or maybe all of a sudden lose vision in one eye you shouldn't spend time looking up symptoms on the Internet or chatting with others who may have had a similar experience at one time, you call for paramedics. If something emotionally big is happening in your life and you find yourself spinning out or control you need to seek professional help too. It may mean calling your doctor, a professionally sanctioned crisis hotline in your town who can offer real live support, going to a local emergency room, calling 911 or what ever emergency number is set up in your area by local authorities, depending on the severity of the problem and how fast you can get action.

This list could have gone on but hopefully everyone gets the point here. If you ever find yourself in a medical or psychological crisis seek professional assistance, meaning, seek a professional in the arena of the specific problem you are encountering.

Again, depending on the problem you are facing there are professionals who can help. There are professional mechanics, plumbers, firemen, police, paramedics, crisis counselors, psychologists and physicians. Deal with emergencies head on when they occur. At the same time stay focused on the fact that whatever the problem, taking a cigarette will not help it.

Once you have dealt with the crisis, and your full attention is not needed to get out of the immediate danger, then is the time to come to a quit smoking site and reinforce your resolve to stay smoke free, either by reading or maybe even posting. Hopefully if you come back in to post, the essence of the post will be saying how you have proved to yourself once again that even under the most extreme of circumstances that you are able to stay smoke free by just sticking to your commitment that no matter what else is going on around you that you still know to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:59 pm

November 27th, 2004, 11:26 am #25

No, NannySue, you are not dying.
Dying from smoking related illnesses can take years. Quitting takes a lot less time, if you dig in and get your education (read, read, read!!!!!) and have a postive attitude.
Yes, you can wallow forever wanting a cigarette.... see Fixating on a cigarette . I suppose with infinite willpower someone could even make themselves miserable forever: staying quit, and hating every minute.

(And many still "craving" have probably gone and "cheated" now and then, a method that is guaranteed to maintain active addiction)

SO: see
for some encouragement. You can and are doing this!

YQB BillW Two years, nine months, two weeks, four days. 30676 cigarettes not smoked, saving $6,058.67. Life saved: 15 weeks, 1 day, 12 hours, 20 minutes.


and long since very, very comfortable.
Last edited by BillW Gold.ffn on July 11th, 2009, 1:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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