I'M DYING!

Joel
Joel

January 16th, 2003, 7:03 am #11

We are in the middle of one of our busy times again. I thought I had better get this one up for our newest members to see how we really are different than most other sites. We help our members focus on the fact that not smoking is more important that the normal day to day problems they face and in most cases are equally important and probably more important than other big issues they are facing any particular day. How many decisions are you making today that going one way may actually cripple you down the line and also have the potential to bring about a premature death. I am not talking about a small chance of premature death either, but basically a 50-50 chance. I will tell you the one common issue that all of our members have today that carry this implication. It is whether today they are going to allow themselves to believe that they have a legitimate reason to relapse. There is no legitimate reason and if your decision today is to shoot for health and life always remember to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joel
Joel

January 30th, 2003, 12:31 am #12

For those who may have been looking at the board within the last few minutes, I deleted a post. Even though we deleted a post yesterday, for a totally different reason, I want to make it clear that we really don't delete posts often--we don't need to. But every now and then we get a post that really doesn't belong at a serious quit smoking site.

The post I deleted today very much fits into this category. It was not the first time the person made such a post, in fact there was another last week that used the exact same tactic, just with different terrible life circumstances.

The original post here presents why attention seekers can hurt a serious site. There are plenty of sites on the Internet who can accommodate attention seekers but we are not one of them. Our people are here because they have come to the point that they know that no matter what life circumstances occur around them, that smoking is not going to solve any of them.

The one way to avoid one total calamity that can really disrupt your life, even end it prematurely one day is to know that no matter what else happens if you want to stay smoke free you must never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joel

February 5th, 2003, 3:23 am #13

A manager came across a string today that needed to get deleted. The reason being that it was evident from some of the replies that were attached to the string that the post was upsetting people. What was upsetting was not that the person was going to relapse, or even that the person was saying that his or her quit was in dire straights. It just had a title of, "Today is the Worst Day of my Life" and then went on to showing a piece of artwork that made the writer feel good. There was also some comment made about not smoking even though there was hypocrisy in the world.

This post had almost nothing to do with smoking from the image used and the words that were written yet it's title brought in people wanting to offer help. Again, it seemed once in the post that there was no help really being needed. The title then appeared to be an attention getting device.

I will be honest here, I don't know what the true intent was by the person posting. Neither did the other manager involved but it was evident that the post was creating a diversion and controversy. If the person posting was trying to get the message out that even under adversity not smoking was doable, I hope he or she knows that we appreciate that effort.

But the way posts are titled here at Freedom are important for those titles are indeed what brings people in to a specific string. People don't like to get duped here at Freedom. Cries for help are not treated lightly and should never be. But they should not be used or more accurately abused here either when clearly not warranted. We often go days, weeks and sometimes months without desperate calls for help. The reason this is true is that if people are reinforced and totally committed enough, very few things in life can actually rattle them or shake their resolve to stay quit. Yes life goes on without smoking and occasional traumas will be part of life, but over time even in periods of great trauma and stress not smoking is going to be the clear choice for the truly dedicated member of Freedom.

I saw the string on Diversions was already brought up today, but I felt that this string too clarifies some proper etiquette to keeping our board serious and effective at helping people to stay totally focused on why they have committed to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joel

April 4th, 2003, 8:27 pm #14

I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.

We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.

"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."

Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

May 28th, 2003, 2:24 pm #15

.......We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.
"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."
Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joanne Gold on July 10th, 2009, 3:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joel
Joel

May 28th, 2003, 7:08 pm #16

When you are encountering a major life problem and need help, come and read all you can to refocus your thoughts on the importance of staying smoke free even under such extreme circumstances. Or if you want people to say they are thinking or praying for you, write a post and say that you are really being tested at the moment, your resolve is shaky, but leave out the sordid details. Don't make our members try to solve problems that are unsolvable in this kind of setting. I guess its kind of like going to church in a time of crisis. When you go to a crowded church service after a real life shattering event, do you go there with the intent that you will go in front of the congregation, scream out all of the gory details for all to hear and want the service to stop and focus around you? Or do you go to the church to get back your focus, to quietly reflect and think of solutions in a safe haven kind of environment, or maybe, if deeply troubled enough you may go to your religious leader after the service for guidance? I suspect or at least hope your reason for going is for the latter--you may be looking for answers or meaning but you are not going to drag the whole congregation into it.

So please, think before you post. If something is really big and you want some advice, write the managers here off the board. Although I can tell you if the situation is beyond the realm of smoking issues, even we will be limited as to the advice we can give. We will tell you that smoking can't solve the problem at hand--it can't solve any problem. We will tell you that you may want to get outside help, and if the crises is big enough or if your reaction to a problem is serious enough you should call your local crisis center, doctor, police or someone with a real capability of dealing with you and your problem one on one right now. But we can't give you much more than that when it comes down to it, and neither can anyone else here.

So again, think before you post. Is your post a cry for help or a cry for attention? If it is the latter think hard before hitting that send key. A cry for attention will likely be deleted in the future and if repeated or if blatant enough, membership may be pulled. We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts.

Again, no matter what the crisis, smoking won't solve it. As it has been written many a times here, a relapse will not solve a crisis, a relapse is a crisis. If you don't want another life-threatening problem on your hands always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joel

June 17th, 2003, 8:12 pm #17

This is a real important post. Last night we pulled a post from a member that went into far too much more detail than necessary of a real life problem that he or she was experiencing. As the post above spells out, "We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts."
A quit smoking site is not the place to solve major life traumas. A quit smoking site may be the best site to deal with smoking, depending on the site, and there may be some other specialized sites that are helpful in dealing with other traumas too, but often people on an Internet sites may not have the best training or understanding or be the best prepared for dealing with the specific problem at hand. You may find people who really want to help but who may not in fact be the best people to deal with the problem you are facing.
If a member encounters real life tragedies they should seek help from professionals. If your car breaks down call a mechanic. If your computer suddenly dies you don't call a friend whose computer also died and has not been able to get it going again. If your home plumbing explodes you don't get right on the Internet and time chatting on a bulletin board about how bad everything smells without first calling a plumber to actually fix the problem. If your house all of sudden starts on fire you don't go to the Internet and compare notes with others who may have lived through a fire experience--you call the fire department. If someone breaks into your home while you are still there you don't go to the Internet to talk out your fears. You either call the police or try to escape from your home. If you are experiencing sudden chest pains or maybe all of a sudden lose vision in one eye you shouldn't spend time looking up symptoms on the Internet or chatting with others who may have had a similar experience at one time, you call for paramedics. If something emotionally big is happening in your life and you find yourself spinning out or control you need to seek professional help too. It may mean calling your doctor, a professionally sanctioned crisis hotline in your town who can offer real live support, going to a local emergency room, calling 911 or what ever emergency number is set up in your area by local authorities, depending on the severity of the problem and how fast you can get action.
This list could have gone on but hopefully everyone gets the point here. If you ever find yourself in a medical or psychological crisis seek professional assistance, meaning, seek a professional in the arena of the specific problem you are encountering.
Again, depending on the problem you are facing there are professionals who can help. There are professional mechanics, plumbers, firemen, police, paramedics, crisis counselors, psychologists and physicians. Deal with emergencies head on when they occur. At the same time stay focused on the fact that whatever the problem, taking a cigarette will not help it.
Once you have dealt with the crisis, and your full attention is not needed to get out of the immediate danger, then is the time to come to a quit smoking site and reinforce your resolve to stay smoke free, either by reading or maybe even posting. Hopefully if you come back in to post, the essence of the post will be saying how you have proved to yourself once again that even under the most extreme of circumstances that you are able to stay smoke free by just sticking to your commitment that no matter what else is going on around you that you still know to never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joel
Joel

October 13th, 2003, 8:50 am #18

I just saw a new string title "I'm Alive" that made me think of this string, "I'm Dying." As you can see we seem to have posts for all occasions. :)

I am glad that we really don't have many occasions when we need to bring this thread up, our members by in large are really good at keeping our site serious and really quite focused on the fact that no matter what happens in life we are staying totally committed to never take another puff!

Joel
Last edited by Joel on July 10th, 2009, 3:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

December 11th, 2003, 12:08 am #19

  • PERSONAL ISSUES - If any member ever feels that their quit is threatened by a factual situation then feel free to share the basic facts in your request for help. Unnecessary posting of detailed personal issues that involve controversial lifestyle choices or that expresss personal opinions on such issues as religion, gambling, drinking, drug use, premarital or extramarital affairs, sexual orientation, sex, gun control, child rearing problems, caring for the elderly, politics, and a host of other real life issues, do nothing to promote Freedom's mission and are not appropriate. Such real life issues exist for all of Freedom's members and no one should ever feel that their inability to air such issues will in any way impede his or her ability to stay nicotine free.
  • GENERAL SOCIALIZATION - Freedom's message boards are reserved for giving and receiving nicotine cessation support and not for general socialization. There are thousands of fun MSN and AOL sites and each has a link that allows you to send invitations to your friends, requesting that they join you! Help us keep Freedom a serious and supportive classroom that helps save and extend human life!
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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

January 11th, 2004, 2:57 pm #20

We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.
We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.

"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."

Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

January 25th, 2004, 3:59 am #21

"....I guess its kind of like going to church in a time of crisis. When you go to a crowded church service after a real life shattering event, do you go there with the intent that you will go in front of the congregation, scream out all of the gory details for all to hear and want the service to stop and focus around you? Or do you go to the church to get back your focus, to quietly reflect and think of solutions in a safe haven kind of environment, or maybe, if deeply troubled enough you may go to your religious leader after the service for guidance? I suspect or at least hope your reason for going is for the latter--you may be looking for answers or meaning but you are not going to drag the whole congregation into it.


........ think before you post. Is your post a cry for help or a cry for attention? If it is the latter think hard before hitting that send key. A cry for attention will likely be deleted in the future and if repeated or if blatant enough, membership may be pulled. We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts.
Again, no matter what the crisis, smoking won't solve it. As it has been written many a times here, a relapse will not solve a crisis, a relapse is a crisis. If you don't want another life-threatening problem on your hands always remember to never take another puff!

Joel"
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John (Gold)
John (Gold)

March 11th, 2004, 11:22 am #22

From: Joel Sent: 5/24/2003 9:33 AM
I like to bring this string up occasionally to prevent potential problems as opposed to having to deal with a problem. We are not a site that is right for people who are looking for a social network or worst yet, and audience to air their life's woes. We are a quit smoking site.

We work on developing a positive outlook on life without smoking. That is not saying that there are not problems that people will have in their lives after quitting smoking--it is just saying that after the first few days, quitting smoking isn't going to be the cause of these problems and more important--going back to smoking isn't going to fix any of these problems. We view people who start bringing in a host of other issues of their personal life into Freedom as attention seeking people. The paragraph from the original post addresses this situation.

"Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused."

Every new person still coming in here deserves the same serious information and support as every one of our longer-term established members found on his or her arrival. They found a site that was dedicated to one simple principle--to help each and every member stay committed to his or her life saving goal to never take another puff!

Joel

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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)

April 19th, 2004, 12:32 am #23

Last edited by GrumpyOMrsS (Gold) on July 10th, 2009, 3:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)

April 19th, 2004, 12:35 am #24

From: Joel Sent: 7/20/2003 5:11 PM
A quit smoking site is not the place to solve major life traumas. A quit smoking site may be the best site to deal with smoking, depending on the site, and there may be some other specialized sites that are helpful in dealing with other traumas too, but often people on an Internet sites may not have the best training or understanding or be the best prepared for dealing with the specific problem at hand. You may find people who really want to help but who may not in fact be the best people to deal with the problem you are facing.

If a member encounters real life tragedies they should seek help from professionals. If your car breaks down call a mechanic. If your computer suddenly dies you don't call a friend whose computer also died and has not been able to get it going again. If your home plumbing explodes you don't get right on the Internet and time chatting on a bulletin board about how bad everything smells without first calling a plumber to actually fix the problem. If your house all of sudden starts on fire you don't go to the Internet and compare notes with others who may have lived through a fire experience--you call the fire department. If someone breaks into your home while you are still there you don't go to the Internet to talk out your fears. You either call the police or try to escape from your home. If you are experiencing sudden chest pains or maybe all of a sudden lose vision in one eye you shouldn't spend time looking up symptoms on the Internet or chatting with others who may have had a similar experience at one time, you call for paramedics. If something emotionally big is happening in your life and you find yourself spinning out or control you need to seek professional help too. It may mean calling your doctor, a professionally sanctioned crisis hotline in your town who can offer real live support, going to a local emergency room, calling 911 or what ever emergency number is set up in your area by local authorities, depending on the severity of the problem and how fast you can get action.

This list could have gone on but hopefully everyone gets the point here. If you ever find yourself in a medical or psychological crisis seek professional assistance, meaning, seek a professional in the arena of the specific problem you are encountering.

Again, depending on the problem you are facing there are professionals who can help. There are professional mechanics, plumbers, firemen, police, paramedics, crisis counselors, psychologists and physicians. Deal with emergencies head on when they occur. At the same time stay focused on the fact that whatever the problem, taking a cigarette will not help it.

Once you have dealt with the crisis, and your full attention is not needed to get out of the immediate danger, then is the time to come to a quit smoking site and reinforce your resolve to stay smoke free, either by reading or maybe even posting. Hopefully if you come back in to post, the essence of the post will be saying how you have proved to yourself once again that even under the most extreme of circumstances that you are able to stay smoke free by just sticking to your commitment that no matter what else is going on around you that you still know to never take another puff!

Joel
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BillW Gold.ffn
BillW Gold.ffn

November 27th, 2004, 11:26 am #25

No, NannySue, you are not dying.
Dying from smoking related illnesses can take years. Quitting takes a lot less time, if you dig in and get your education (read, read, read!!!!!) and have a postive attitude.
Yes, you can wallow forever wanting a cigarette.... see Fixating on a cigarette . I suppose with infinite willpower someone could even make themselves miserable forever: staying quit, and hating every minute.

(And many still "craving" have probably gone and "cheated" now and then, a method that is guaranteed to maintain active addiction)

SO: see
for some encouragement. You can and are doing this!

YQB BillW Two years, nine months, two weeks, four days. 30676 cigarettes not smoked, saving $6,058.67. Life saved: 15 weeks, 1 day, 12 hours, 20 minutes.


and long since very, very comfortable.
Last edited by BillW Gold.ffn on July 11th, 2009, 1:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

December 31st, 2004, 11:51 am #26

Some problems are real and I don't want anyone to think I am making a mockery of them. But some problems are just too big to be dealt with in the confines of this board. We are a serious support and educational site; we are not a talk show here.

When catastrophes strike I want members to think a little before they post. Is the situation they are writing about something that anyone can really help with here? Does the post have anything to do with smoking? If you read the same post from another person would you see it as a cry for help or a cry for attention?

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nickstjohn
nickstjohn

June 4th, 2006, 8:21 am #27

I hear you loud and clear- I quit may 6th of 2006- since then my father has had a stroke and still I am not smoking - I am around many smokers including my wife- I find just even logging on to site gives me strength- this site has saved my life--
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