How do you handle being with smokers?

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

22 Dec 2000, 21:21 #21

Since Linda brought up my posts for the morning I thought I would bring up other peoples. More important, because of the holiday get togethers that many of us will soon be experiencing, getting together with specific people who we may not have seen since first quitting, many new triggers may be abound. So be psyched up everybody. Remember, you don't want to be a smoker no matter how much you may think a cigarette would seem good or just seem right at the moment. That is the key, the thought is of the moment, the result could be a relapse followed by a lifetime of smoking, albiet a shorter lifetime. If you base your decision on the long-term implications and I am sure the decision will be to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

30 Dec 2000, 04:09 #22

Thank you, that was a badly needed one. Very.
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Deb
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:03

30 Dec 2000, 13:08 #23

Zep,
Thank-you for posting this. I have been thinking about this very issue. And was touched that you feel I could handle anything. Well I try my best. Any way I know that I am strong in my quit. I have no doult that the issue is settled. I'm an addict but have found Freedom and plan on holding onto it with every thing that is with in me. I share this because I don't want you to think I'm in trouble. But I've been dealing with thought. Otherwise known as "stinkin thinkin." or "junkie thinking". Either way it's no fun. Let me explain. It isn't always easy to be around or leaving with some one who smokes when you've quit. The triggers I use to have, have lessened in number and severity. I'm much stronger and ready to go on-line and encourage anyone I can. But what makes me feel bad is the guilt I feel when I have a thought about a killerette. I know the thought caused me to give up on my quit but I feel like I have lost something. Anyway, after the thought I just get busy doing something else and the thought goes away. I guess my question is, is this normal? And if so how long before it goes away? I've read some who so they no longer have any thought about killerettes. To them they are a foreign subject. It's like having a mind of child that has never hear of a cigerette much less what one looked like or what to do with it. Is it really possible to get to this point. Or could my constant surroudings of my husband habit be effecting me to some how to not recievce total Freedom? I also want you to know that I know a thought c an't hurt you but what can is what you do with the thought.
Awaitting your answer.
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:30

30 Dec 2000, 17:24 #24

I am fortunate or rather unfortunate (not sure), but since day one I have been surrounded by smokers at my work place. Now I don't even think when people smoke around me, sadly it is the norm here in Hong kong I just try to avoid as much second hand smoke as I can.

One thing very inportant although is too see the other side of smoking, this you can do when you are surrounded by smokers, their coughing, their poor health and lack of energy, to see them now still lighting up and knowing that each and every one of them would really like to quit, this just reinforces my determination to stay quit.

John
Four months, two weeks, four days, 14 hours, 23 minutes and 49 seconds. 2811 cigarettes not smoked, saving $4,217.98. Life saved: 1 week, 2 days, 18 hours, 15 minutes.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

30 Dec 2000, 21:08 #25

Hello Deb:

I wrote a reply to you under the string "The Urge Hits." I think it addresses your issue. It sounds like you feel guilty that you still get the thought for cigarettes. Don't let that discourage you and don't feel guilty about them either. We our all human, we can't always control our thoughts, what is important is that we control our actions. This is true in all walks of life, but in addiction it has literal life and death ramifications. Anyway, read my post to you and the original article under the string mentioned above.

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Jan 2001, 08:58 #26

For Bugs
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

31 Mar 2001, 21:33 #27

Let the healing continue
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

02 Apr 2001, 08:17 #28

When I'm with a smoker I think of people I loved that I watched die because they smoked. I refuse to do that to my children or myself. Sometimes now I leave and just cry, I go into the feeling all the way, I will never take another puff. Yes I do say things to people that smoke, and no I am not gentle In fact maybe I drive them nuts. I am going to make up some cards that say, when you are ready for freedom please go to whyquit.com. Then I won't have to say so much. I can bite my tongue, and pray they come here. Thats my 2 cents worth.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

02 Apr 2001, 11:16 #29

Hey Phoenix - I love the idea about the cards!!

"When you are ready for Freedom....... you can try whyquit.com"

It would save me going into (what people think is) a lecture - the minute you start talking about smoking! That's how I used to think anyway.. I'd just switch off because I knew (??!!) I couldn't stop!!
(Amazing what some honest education and support can do!!)

Since I've Quit, I've got into saying.... "well you can go to this website/ you don't have to stop straight away/you can just read..... and when you're ready ...... etcetcetc" It all seemed a bit longwinded...when next time someone asks me how I stopped smoking.... I could just give them a card!! And a !
Then it's up to them!!

For someone who has been through some tuff times Phoenix - you are full of great ideas! Must be making you stronger!! Hopefully me too!!

Actually I could really get creative here..... How about:
"When you are ready for Freedom.......
you can try whyquit.com"

on one side, and
"NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!!"




I better stop!!
yqs Maz
Two months, one week, five days, 14 hours, 15 minutes and 4 seconds of FREEDOM!!
1789 cigarettes not smoked, saving $572.75. Life saved: 6 days, 5 hours, 5 minutes.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

21 Apr 2001, 11:02 #30

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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

21 Apr 2001, 11:39 #31

Thanks Zep,
After reading this thread I have decided that I'm too new at my quit to have the strength or experience with the craves to sit on break with my friends who smoke. With all my other quits, I relasped while on break with those said friends. I don't want to be tempted before I'm ready for it. I'll wait..
Thanks Again..
Kim (SewQuilts)
5days, 23hours, 53mins 10sec. since I used nicotine..
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

21 Apr 2001, 11:54 #32

You know what's best for you Kim. Trust your judgment !! Just don't wait too long and when you do, don't stay but a few minutes or until your triggered crave arrives and then do what I did a couple of times (run like h_ll). I'm embarassed to admit that I waited 22 months before touching my first cigarette. I wouldn't even pick up cigarette butts that folks had thrown in the street, it was terrible. Talk about a phobia! I knew that some day I'd have to but I put it off far longer than I should have. There is nothing that you need to give up but your nicotine, absolutely nothing!
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:00

21 Apr 2001, 12:27 #33

At 3 month's of freedom, I should be stronger about this subject, but I still do not want to be around smokers for fear of relapse & also because I have had enough of the poision - nicotine. I have failed in my previous attempts because I thought that I could handle being around smokers - THAT WAS A BIG MISTAKE - this time I go by the laws of addiction - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF & right now I avoid all smoking situations - Hannes @ 3m of fresh air freedom. NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF & TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

21 Apr 2001, 12:40 #34

You sound like me Hannes! I don't go in the pub at the end of the day with the guys anymore but only because I've punished these lungs for far to long to ask them to endure the cloud of second-hand smoke that lives inside. I spoke with one of the guys at length by phone today and I tried explaining but I really don't think he understands. I promised to drop in once next week but I already know that I won't be staying long. I love them to death but I'm putting my air first. Hopefully they'll drop by and we can spend time together away from the cloud.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 Jun 2001, 22:16 #35

Zep's average encounter with a smoker:
"Do you want to quit? You do!"
"Do you have access to a computer? You do! Great!"
"Can you remember www.whyquit.com?"
"Yes, why quit, it's just one word with no space in between."
Last edited by John (Gold) on 05 Dec 2011, 09:43, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

01 Jun 2001, 22:51 #36

When I first quit, I was determined not to become an evangelist, one of those people that I had (until the day before) always hated. You know, "the worst ones are the ex-smokers", people who stuck their aggressive new-found purity right in your face. And I also used to feel that to preach quitting to others was hypocritical.

So when I quit, I told no-one , and inevitably I couldn't avoid friends or work colleagues who were smokers. In fact, I never regretted that because being with smokers, watching them smoke, and smelling smoke never had any effect on me. It was entirely neutral. I didn't like or dislike it. It certainly never made me want to smoke, and often I hardly noticed it was happening.

About a month into my quit, after I told people I had quit, many people would then ask me if I minded them smoking. I have to admit that I got a kick out of casually telling them it was no problem for me. After 3 months (when I started to get an education here ) I then used to add "but it sure is a problem for you". If they asked why, I quietly turned into the once-hated evangelist .

The biggest change took place at 4 months. I remember it started when I experienced an extraordinary 24 hours when all the benefits of my quit came together and hit me in the face. I made a post about it here. Since that day, I have started to worry about people I see smoking, worry about their health and their sanity. I have big-time problems seeing young people and friends smoke. Now, for the first time since I quit, I tell people I'd rather they didn't smoke. I've always been squeamish (I cannot watch TV programs showing operations and so on) and I am now squeamish about smoking. I get mental pictures of their lungs, I get a vision of the person looking like Bryan Adams, and so on.

None of this threatens my quit. That is mine alone to have and to hold. But it has created a whole new feeling of discomfort, and sometimes agony, that I will now have to learn to live with.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 Jun 2001, 23:32 #37

I think it's a phase that most of us go through Marty. My own quit pride was initially far greater than my concern about the harm to other smokers too. But, as I slowly grew to deeply believe that any smoker who desires to quit can quit, I began to feel guilty for passing them by without offering any hope at all. I'd done nothing. The knew the path to glory and I'd kept it to myself. Would they live another year? I had no idea. So what if they get upset with me for reaching out, so what if they've never layed eyes on me before, so what if I interrupt their life for a few seconds to hand them a key, so what if they forget how to find us, the message has been delivered - there is "hope." Can you imagine being Joel walking up to a group of smokers standing outside a door like the one above. I'd love to be a fly on that wall
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

01 Jun 2001, 23:36 #38

Fly on the wall? You could sell tickets. LOL
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 Jun 2001, 23:46 #39

Wouldn't it be fun for a group of Freedom Oldbies to get together and gang up (in a very loving way) on a few hundred of our brother and sister smokers. What would it be like for them? Their jaw would probably drop to somewhere down around their ankles. It would be fun working as a team - sort of like taking "Freedom" on the road! We could visit each major city of the world for just a weekend. I can see us now
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

02 Jun 2001, 01:53 #40

I'm going to reply to this thread, because I've had to handle being around smokers since day 1 of my quit. Because of this, I've though a lot about the temptations this poses, as well as what I can learn from still-smokers. First of all I call them still-smokers because I hope that one day they will all quit. And yes, I've become one of those rude, aggressive ex-smokers that bother everyone while they are just trying to get their nicotine fixs. But I can't help it.
My step-father is a smoker, he's smoked since he was 14-he's now 60. Currently I live with this man. I can honestly say I've never been tempted to relapse when I've been around him. I think it's because of his age, but I can so clearly see what his addiction is costing him. He hacks when he lits up, and his face is covered with black heads probably due to the all the soot from his smokes. He has HUGE bags under his eyes, he can't sleep a whole 8 hours without getting up to smoke. I've pasted the web address for the why quit site to the computer. Beyond that all I can do is pray that he will try to quit one day soon.
However, with my friends, all of whom smoke, I have been very tempted. They all have kids around the age of my daughter and our usual routine is to get together for a play date and sit outside while watching our kids run around.
I waited until after my 72 hours to hang out with them. I knew I had to face it quickly though or both my daughter and I would feel isolated and lonely. The first play date was the hardest but I came prepared. I read everything in Joel's library on watching smokers. I also brought a two pound bag of carrots and a HUGE jug of cranberry juice. The urges came fast and furious, and there were two times that I had to go inside and cry. But I made it though and it's never been so tough since. Now I watch them smoke, and you know what? I don't see them enjoying themselves at all. I see addicts who are under the control of the nicodemon and it scares me that I was once one of them.
Yes, they have all offered me a smoke, especially in the beginning. But now they have realized I've broken free of the chains that hold them still. I think it's embarassing for them to see me, cool and calm in the face of a past addiction-one that they still haven't beaten. As far as touching cigs go. I've done that too. The first time I was shocked by the feel of a cig in my hands, I had never noticed how smooth they are or how hard they feel. When I was still smoking I never had the energy to notice things like that. All I had time for was quickly lighting up so I can get my fix of nicotine. I remember many a time where my hands shook so hard I couldn't lit the smoke myself and had to get a friend too.
Now I'm like that recent commercial against smoking pot. I sit in a circle of my friends and I can pass their drug of choice around but I don't have to join in and that's fine by them. And it makes me feel TERRIFIC! Sometimes I see one of them staring at me and I hope that soon they will find the strength to quit as well.
Alright I can hear some of you saying "but what do you do with your hands?". Well I felt akward just sitting there doing nothing except changing oxygen into carbon monoxide so I started bringing out my cross stitch with me. I sit there and cross stitch and snack; and talk to my friends. The last two times we've gotten together (and let me tell you, it's almost a daily occurence for us) I haven't even had one urge to smoke.
The only thing I've noticed is that the smoke stuffs up my nose and I'm constantly blowing it the next day. I've also noticed that the smell of a cigerette still smells nice to me. But I also learned here at Freedom that they are suppose to, they have tons of things in them to make them smell nice. So I no longer feel quilty about that. After all I enjoy the smell of coffee, but that doesn't mean I'll ever drink it.
So ya'll, here's my book on this thread. Now I have to go back to packing the car. (ugh!)
YQS Keilit
Four weeks, one day, 17 hours, 51 minutes and 0 seconds. 297 cigarettes not smoked, saving $63.21. Life saved: 1 day, 45 minutes.
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

02 Jun 2001, 06:30 #41

When I'm confronted with smokers I tend to feel sorry for them...quitting was my decision, and I hated the way I felt when I smoked....especially because I always knew that I had to quit or it would kill me. I could be them, puffing my way to death if I so chose...I choose not too...

Kalie

---
1w 3d 15:42 smoke-free, 374 cigs not smoked, $93.50 saved, 1d 7:10 life saved
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

02 Jun 2001, 07:06 #42

Zep,
Good question/thread. Most of the time I notice if a person is smoking around me but from time to time it's weird but I haven't actually noticed that another person has been smoking and I only think about it a lot later. When I first quit I did not want to be around other smokers altho' my partner was smoking at the time. I got more used to them because John was smoking and I never found the "way" that he smoked very appealing/attractive. Two very close friends of mine have always been instrumental in me not being able to keep a quit because I've always socialized with them in that context. However, since I've come to Freedom, I have discovered that I have more intestinal fortitude with them especially and their smoking hasn't really bothered me at all. As it happens, I have mentioned this web site to both of them in the hopes that they, too will find their way here and try not to be a huge pain in the butt (!!!) so I won't turn them off the idea. Attraction rather than promotion is how I'm handling it. However, I am not really keen on the idea of going into a bar that has a lot of smokers in it and it's not because I'll get into a crave situation it's that they are beginning to look really disgusting and dirty to me and I don't want to be hacking and coughing in the morning. Not really worth it - rather go to the movies.
Diana
have not smoked for: 2 months, 3 days, 1 hour
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Jul 2001, 18:50 #43

Again with the holiday coming up in the next few days it is important for everyone to be psychologically prepared for encountering people who are smoking. Just keep your reasoning up of why you initially quit and why you don't want to ever have to go through quitting again and worst yet, you never want to go through smoking again. Remember both perspectives accurately and you will always choose to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

30 Jul 2001, 05:35 #44

How do I handle being around smokers?
I invite them to Freedom!
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Aug 2001, 21:45 #45

For Kristen and other newbies venturing out around smokers this weekend!
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