“How can I get my family and friends to quit smoking?”

Blue1451
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Apr 2006, 13:08 #31

Thanks Sal for bringing this post up!
I really needed to read this!!!!
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chel
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

16 Apr 2006, 15:41 #32

Read your message about your smoke partner my hubbie is very similar when I relapsed after 3 years (thinking I could control my smoking) he put a picture up in the kitchen of me smoking with a caption "smoking is so good for you"
This time there is no going back Im working on detaching and not being judgemental However for the safety of my quit I will not be with him in the same place when he smokes
I have been quit for 1 Month, 3 Days, 2 hours, 41 minutes and 4 seconds (34 days). I have saved £88.69 by not smoking 341 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 4 hours and 25 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 13/03/2006 06:00
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 May 2006, 20:15 #33

Below is a portion of an e-mail we received and a portion of my reply:



"I still get on my soap box when my husband and friends smoke around me. I recite stories from WhyQuit and tips from the forums. I am mostly trying to encourage them to join me in my freedom."

"So far my quit has motivated a good friend and her husband to quit and my husband's best friend has just told me he has set his quit date. I am hoping that this will be the motivation my husband needs to finally quit. He has tried a few times over the last 6 months, just not succesfully."

Ex-smoker



As for working with smokers around us, do you remember what it was like when those who used to smoke around us somehow managed to quit and were throwing it in our face, encouraging us to quit too? Somehow they seemed the worst. I believe our feelings toward them involved multiple factors.

First, they appeared to be doing something that deep down we may have then felt that we couldn't. Their excitement did little for us other than possibly generate acid producing anxieties that had us needing to smoke even more. Didn't they realize that they were toying with our personal dream of quitting, at a time of our choice and in the manner we saw fit? Why should we cast our own dream aside and take this person's advice? On top of that, if we succeeded while using their advice then they would have likely taken credit for our quitting, for the rest of our life. It would be like them having two birthdays, theirs and ours.

A drug addict's rationalizations are for the most part totally irrational but they are also totally theirs. The smart friend searches for subtle ways to allow them to include resources like Joel's Library, WhyQuit, Freedom and Ask Joel into their dream instead of replacing it. Maybe just an article printed and left for them to read, maybe an entire copy of Joel's Library (or his Never Take Another Puff book - http://whyquit.com/joel/ntap.pdf ). If you feel resistance then back track a bit by letting them know that knowledge is simply a tool to be used or ignored, that you cannot endure a single crave for them and that any victory will be 100% theirs.

John

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Just Hannes
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2007, 02:48 #34

After a couple of weeks in my quit my wife realized I was still alive. I didn't die of quitting. I didn't push her, I only emphazised the good things in life now I had quit. I also told her some of Joel's wisdom so now and then.
Standing alone outside the restaurant getting her fix also wasn't that funny.
But I never pestered or asked her to quit. This string was very educating for me.

So she quit and celebrates with me almost every day. She is 4 months now, I almost 6.

Frits
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Chipits GOLD.ffn
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2007, 03:04 #35

ImageLove
ImagePatience
ImageHope

ImageTheir light bulb moment
ImageWhat a gift we give each other!
ImageHappy and proud for both you and your wife Frits!

ImageWendy...
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Jul 2007, 21:26 #36

I see where a few people are facing the dilemma of how to help influence friends and family members to quit smoking. The best way to help is setting the example that not only is it possible to quit, but that overall life is better once you did quit. The odds are pretty good that when you were a smoker you didn't think either of these situations were possible or likely. But you can't dwell on the topic with them if they are not ready or willing to hear it. If you say anything about smoking, say it infrequently, but let your example of not smoking and smiling speak for itself. Whether you say it or not you are setting the example. If you have physical improvements, subtly bring it up, maybe not even mentioning smoking. If you are out shopping and see something you like while with them, buy it and say it is a little reward for yourself. Don't say why, just be cool and nonchalant about it. Most important, just carry on your normal existence to the best of your ability when around these people. You will be quietly teaching them that there really is life after smoking.

If it does eventually influence them and they are ready to quit, they will likely come to you for advice. Then you can refer them here, or print out materials from here and give it to them, or come read yourself the materials and translate into a personally delivered philosophy. Keep it simple for them. Quitting is not complicated or expensive. All it involves is getting nicotine out of the body. And staying off is not complicated either, it is simply a matter of remembering why you quit, remembering why you don't want to go back to smoking, and then remembering the way not to go back is to never take another puff!

Joel
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 Mar 2008, 06:06 #37

Hello Joel,

Although I've never taken your seminar, you have undeniably helped me and 7 other people quit smoking in the past 38 days.

Caroline - Free and Healing for One Month, Seven Days, 18 Hours and 21 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 3 Days and 8 Hours, by avoiding the use of 969 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $359.15.

I decided to quit smoking to buy my brand new baby : a 2008 electric blue car. The ticket price was high, but I wanted it. I wanted it more than I wanted smoking and I knew it. I had to find $150.00 a month that I was already spending - smoking. I actually spent more than that as you can see above…

I had been a smoker for over 4 years.. not nearly the stretch as some others but I was one of those smokers. Kind of like the poster child of smokers. I was addicted - horribly addicted - I have one of those personalities… I've worked my way out of every time of addiction in my life… I mean every. I did them all alone. But smoking was different - I could buy smokes anywhere, any time. I needed help.

The first day I quit I knew I didn't want to smoke and that I wasn't going to - I just didn't know how. I didn't have a clue in fact. So I googled "how to quit smoking" and came across whyquit.com. It was exactly what I needed! I read, and read, and read. I couldn't focus, my head was in a fog, I was restless and exhausted. Then I found the timeline about how I would feel in the first 72 hours. It all became clear to me about what I had to do to ease those first 3 days and what was happening.

I'm an analyst, I love information and numbers. I saturated myself with the information, suggestions and lessons in your articles. I took them on like a new religion. I have been quit for 38 of the best days of my life because of your website.

Where do these other 7 people come in? Like I said, I took it on like a new religion. I was inadvertently preaching to the closest smokers to me. They were all in shock and awe that I had quit. I never told anyone until I was two days in. knowing myself I would had slapped anyone if I had to hear "way to go! Keep it up!!" in those first 48hrs…. These 7 people were like you describe, they didn't smoke because they wanted to but because they had to. On some level most smokers want to quit, but think they can't or don't know how. They all have confided that I just made it seem easier. They saw that I was happy and coping with not smoking, so I broke their irrational thought process of "I need to smoke because…".'

So Thank you Joel. Thank you 8x over, from all of us. Soon there will be 4 more,at least, I'm positive of it. I have started something at my company - they have no incentive policy for those who quit smoking, but human resources has started talking about it. They just never dealt with this before - an employee who quits, and gets a whole bunch more to quit too! Honestly, I don't care about incentives, I care about the people in my life and who work with me. But if this starts a movement within my company, I will be proud of not only the people who I have directly helped quit but everyone who will indirectly quit because of me.

It was never even a thought when I was going through my "Glory Week"…. People quitting because of me? Again, I never took your clinic, but your article "Come Share Your Strength Come Recognize Your Vulnerabilities" has made me want to share my story with you. So I kindly request that you share mine with those who are lucky enough to take part in your clinics in person.

Best regards,

Caroline
Quebec, Canada
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OBob Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

18 Jul 2008, 02:15 #38

Personally, over time, I've found that being an example is the foundation for persuading others to quit. People that I know who smoke eventually find out that I quit many years ago, and they see that I'm visibly comfortable with it, and happy I did. Eventually, one of them will ask me how I did it, or mention that they're trying to quit. At that point, I point them here, tell them how the education here has helped not only me but so many other friends and acquaintances, and answer any questions they have.

Be an example. People will seek you out.

ImageBob (6+ years free)
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soulagement
Joined: 26 Feb 2009, 11:38

16 Jul 2010, 10:05 #39

Well, two and a half years into my quit and into my cherished freedom, I am in the midst of a some very heavy emotional conflict stemming from the fact that my dear husband "relapsed" , slowly but surely, some 6 months ago and is now smoking as heavily as before.  While I will save the details and venting for my own journal, I am scouring whyquit and Freedom for ideas on how to deal with both the emotions and the reality of day-to-day life, up close and personal, with a smoker.  I tried playing it cool, but now it is becoming increasingly difficult to "take the high road" and I'm falling into the trap of negatively commenting on his smoking and literally holding it against him. 

Sorry if this is perhaps the wrong thread to write this in.  I will expand on it in my journal, but maybe by mentioning it here, some long-term freedom fighters will see it and step in with links to helpful threads I may not have found or timely advice.  Thanks all.

NTAP and stay free
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Joel Spitzer
Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

15 Aug 2012, 17:29 #40

Video that ties in well with this string:

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