“How can I get my family and friends to quit smoking?”

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

13 May 2003, 03:29 #21

Today I did a program for 110 sixth graders. There were many questions both during and after the program from kids concerned about their parents smoking. One of the students father had just suffered a heart attack within the past few weeks and was in the process of quitting. I encouraged the group to refer their parents to www.whyquit.com as well as their siblings and other people they encounter.

I pointed out we try to cover issues at www.whyquit.com that are pertinent to people who smoke and want to quit, as well as providing materials for people who smoke and may still need a little extra motivation as to why they should quit, as well as for kids who do not smoke yet and want to reinforce their resolve to stay smoke free.

These kids are at the age where they are facing a huge amount of peer pressure to smoke and they need to have solid reasons if they are going to resist this kind of pressure. I am bringing up a few posts that are pertinent to them, and in the event that they do pass along the site to their parents and other adults, I am bringing up materials for these people also.

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

18 Jun 2003, 22:19 #22

One more way you may be able to help someone quit smoking is to email them a link to our new e-book at www.whyquit.com/joel/ntap.pdf.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

06 May 2004, 04:53 #23

Post from last year:
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From: Joel Sent: 5/12/2003 2:29 PM
Today I did a program for 110 sixth graders. There were many questions both during and after the program from kids concerned about their parents smoking. One of the students father had just suffered a heart attack within the past few weeks and was in the process of quitting. I encouraged the group to refer their parents to www.whyquit.com as well as their siblings and other people they encounter.

I pointed out we try to cover issues at www.whyquit.com that are pertinent to people who smoke and want to quit, as well as providing materials for people who smoke and may still need a little extra motivation as to why they should quit, as well as for kids who do not smoke yet and want to reinforce their resolve to stay smoke free.

These kids are at the age where they are facing a huge amount of peer pressure to smoke and they need to have solid reasons if they are going to resist this kind of pressure. I am bringing up a few posts that are pertinent to them, and in the event that they do pass along the site to their parents and other adults, I am bringing up materials for these people also.

Joel

I went back to the same school mentioned above and did a presentation to probably another 110-120 sixth graders. While the group was made up of different kids with slightly different stories, the basic issues talked about above are the same. Actually, this is the 24th year in a row that I have talked to this school. I suspect I have students in this group who are children of students I talked to many years ago.

As always when I am doing school groups, I like to pop up a few extra posts that are directly addressing the concerns of young people, hopefully before they ever find themselves trapped into years of addiction. If any of our regular members have posts that they think will help influence these kids, today would be a good day to bring them up. Hopefully we can help some young people to never take up smoking, and in the event that there were some who have already started with experimentation, we will be able to help influence them to commit now to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

22 Mar 2005, 04:59 #24

I see where a few people are facing the dilemma of how to help influence friends and family members to quit smoking. The best way to help is setting the example that not only is it possible to quit, but that overall life is better once you did quit. The odds are pretty good that when you were a smoker you didn't think either of these situations were possible or likely. But you can't dwell on the topic with them if they are not ready or willing to hear it. If you say anything about smoking, say it infrequently, but let your example of not smoking and smiling speak for itself. Whether you say it or not you are setting the example. If you have physical improvements, subtly bring it up, maybe not even mentioning smoking. If you are out shopping and see something you like while with them, buy it and say it is a little reward for yourself. Don't say why, just be cool and nonchalant about it. Most important, just carry on your normal existence to the best of your ability when around these people. You will be quietly teaching them that there really is life after smoking.

If it does eventually influence them and they are ready to quit, they will likely come to you for advice. Then you can refer them here, or print out materials from here and give it to them, or come read yourself the materials and translate into a personally delivered philosophy. Keep it simple for them. Quitting is not complicated or expensive. All it involves is getting nicotine out of the body. And staying off is not complicated either, it is simply a matter of remembering why you quit, remembering why you don't want to go back to smoking, and then remembering the way not to go back is to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

27 Apr 2005, 08:17 #25

Until now I have been so preoccupied with my own quit that I have never mentioned this issue before. But now the time has come to talk about it. My dearest is a smoker, big time smoker, who has never even thought about quitting and claims that he actually 'enjoys' it.
During our life together I have attempted to quit several times and when one day I again joined him for a cigarette, his expression was telling something like"Well, it was time that you started again.". He has not really said anything negative about my quit attempts, but was not supportive either and seemed to be sure that I will go back to smoking soon.
This time (almost three weeks now) has been different in many ways, also my husband's reaction was different. He was not supportive at all and even hostile towards me. He seemed to sense that I meant it for real this time and that he was definitely loosing me as his 'smoke partner'. Without really saying it directly he seemed to do all to make it even more difficult for me, for example leaving cigarettes everywhere and announcing it every time before having one. My determination scared him, I think.
It has been sad to realize how smoking is more important to him than my health, because otherwise he would have been more helpful and more supportive. But I don't really blame him for that. My quit is still so fresh that I can well remember how powerful it's grip is.
Couple of days ago my dearest said that he has been thinking about joining me. We didn't talk about it more. But already this remark is a huge change in attitude. I will not pressure him and just hope that I can help him through my example.
Ivano - enjoying my 21st day of nicotine free life
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

21 May 2005, 02:49 #26

While non-smokers may offer their love, patience and understanding, you, as an ex-smoker, have the unique ability to be a highly supportive and credible source to the individual attempting to quit smoking. You knew what it was like to smoke. You know how much nicer it is to go through life as an ex-smoker. Share this knowledge. Be honest-if you still have thoughts for a cigarette, tell them. But clarify what the thoughts are like. If you are a typical ex-smoker, the thoughts occur quite infrequently, and even when they do occur they last only seconds and are just a passing desire rather than a real painful episode such as those encountered during initial cessation.

People giving up cigarettes need to know this natural evolutionary process of smoker to ex-smoker. When they encounter urges after the first two weeks, they are no longer experiencing physical withdrawal, rather they are responding to a psychological trigger. They are experiencing a new situation for the first time without a cigarette. The urge will pass and they will have learned how to face all future similar experiences as an ex-smoker, with no discomfort.

Share with them the information we shared with you during the clinic. Give them the same support that the others in your clinic gave to you. Most important, once smokers give up their cigarettes, offer periodic support to them letting them know you care about them, and always reinforce one concept to guarantee success in their continued non-smoking status-NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

20 Aug 2005, 12:28 #27

Joel,
I was stopping by and this thread caught my eye. I just wanted to say thank you! I used your advise (from this thread and many others) and I have been living with a smoke free wife for nine months. Thank You!!

Kevin
Clean a year and some.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

20 Jan 2006, 09:38 #28

For Ivano
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

20 Jan 2006, 09:48 #29

Thank you, mslindy6.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Mar 2006, 18:08 #30

While non-smokers may offer their love, patience and understanding, you, as an ex-smoker, have the unique ability to be a highly supportive and credible source to the individual attempting to quit smoking. You knew what it was like to smoke. You know how much nicer it is to go through life as an ex-smoker. Share this knowledge. Be honest-if you still have thoughts for a cigarette, tell them. But clarify what the thoughts are like. If you are a typical ex-smoker, the thoughts occur quite infrequently, and even when they do occur they last only seconds and are just a passing desire rather than a real painful episode such as those encountered during initial cessation.

People giving up cigarettes need to know this natural evolutionary process of smoker to ex-smoker. When they encounter urges after the first two weeks, they are no longer experiencing physical withdrawal, rather they are responding to a psychological trigger. They are experiencing a new situation for the first time without a cigarette. The urge will pass and they will have learned how to face all future similar experiences as an ex-smoker, with no discomfort.

Share with them the information we shared with you during the clinic. Give them the same support that the others in your clinic gave to you. Most important, once smokers give up their cigarettes, offer periodic support to them letting them know you care about them, and always reinforce one concept to guarantee success in their continued non-smoking status-NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Apr 2006, 13:08 #31

Thanks Sal for bringing this post up!
I really needed to read this!!!!
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

16 Apr 2006, 15:41 #32

Read your message about your smoke partner my hubbie is very similar when I relapsed after 3 years (thinking I could control my smoking) he put a picture up in the kitchen of me smoking with a caption "smoking is so good for you"
This time there is no going back Im working on detaching and not being judgemental However for the safety of my quit I will not be with him in the same place when he smokes
I have been quit for 1 Month, 3 Days, 2 hours, 41 minutes and 4 seconds (34 days). I have saved £88.69 by not smoking 341 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 4 hours and 25 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 13/03/2006 06:00
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 May 2006, 20:15 #33

Below is a portion of an e-mail we received and a portion of my reply:



"I still get on my soap box when my husband and friends smoke around me. I recite stories from WhyQuit and tips from the forums. I am mostly trying to encourage them to join me in my freedom."

"So far my quit has motivated a good friend and her husband to quit and my husband's best friend has just told me he has set his quit date. I am hoping that this will be the motivation my husband needs to finally quit. He has tried a few times over the last 6 months, just not succesfully."

Ex-smoker



As for working with smokers around us, do you remember what it was like when those who used to smoke around us somehow managed to quit and were throwing it in our face, encouraging us to quit too? Somehow they seemed the worst. I believe our feelings toward them involved multiple factors.

First, they appeared to be doing something that deep down we may have then felt that we couldn't. Their excitement did little for us other than possibly generate acid producing anxieties that had us needing to smoke even more. Didn't they realize that they were toying with our personal dream of quitting, at a time of our choice and in the manner we saw fit? Why should we cast our own dream aside and take this person's advice? On top of that, if we succeeded while using their advice then they would have likely taken credit for our quitting, for the rest of our life. It would be like them having two birthdays, theirs and ours.

A drug addict's rationalizations are for the most part totally irrational but they are also totally theirs. The smart friend searches for subtle ways to allow them to include resources like Joel's Library, WhyQuit, Freedom and Ask Joel into their dream instead of replacing it. Maybe just an article printed and left for them to read, maybe an entire copy of Joel's Library (or his Never Take Another Puff book - http://whyquit.com/joel/ntap.pdf ). If you feel resistance then back track a bit by letting them know that knowledge is simply a tool to be used or ignored, that you cannot endure a single crave for them and that any victory will be 100% theirs.

John

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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2007, 02:48 #34

After a couple of weeks in my quit my wife realized I was still alive. I didn't die of quitting. I didn't push her, I only emphazised the good things in life now I had quit. I also told her some of Joel's wisdom so now and then.
Standing alone outside the restaurant getting her fix also wasn't that funny.
But I never pestered or asked her to quit. This string was very educating for me.

So she quit and celebrates with me almost every day. She is 4 months now, I almost 6.

Frits
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2007, 03:04 #35

Love
Patience
Hope

Their light bulb moment
What a gift we give each other!
Happy and proud for both you and your wife Frits!

Wendy...
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Jul 2007, 21:26 #36

I see where a few people are facing the dilemma of how to help influence friends and family members to quit smoking. The best way to help is setting the example that not only is it possible to quit, but that overall life is better once you did quit. The odds are pretty good that when you were a smoker you didn't think either of these situations were possible or likely. But you can't dwell on the topic with them if they are not ready or willing to hear it. If you say anything about smoking, say it infrequently, but let your example of not smoking and smiling speak for itself. Whether you say it or not you are setting the example. If you have physical improvements, subtly bring it up, maybe not even mentioning smoking. If you are out shopping and see something you like while with them, buy it and say it is a little reward for yourself. Don't say why, just be cool and nonchalant about it. Most important, just carry on your normal existence to the best of your ability when around these people. You will be quietly teaching them that there really is life after smoking.

If it does eventually influence them and they are ready to quit, they will likely come to you for advice. Then you can refer them here, or print out materials from here and give it to them, or come read yourself the materials and translate into a personally delivered philosophy. Keep it simple for them. Quitting is not complicated or expensive. All it involves is getting nicotine out of the body. And staying off is not complicated either, it is simply a matter of remembering why you quit, remembering why you don't want to go back to smoking, and then remembering the way not to go back is to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

01 Mar 2008, 06:06 #37

Hello Joel,

Although I've never taken your seminar, you have undeniably helped me and 7 other people quit smoking in the past 38 days.

Caroline - Free and Healing for One Month, Seven Days, 18 Hours and 21 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 3 Days and 8 Hours, by avoiding the use of 969 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $359.15.

I decided to quit smoking to buy my brand new baby : a 2008 electric blue car. The ticket price was high, but I wanted it. I wanted it more than I wanted smoking and I knew it. I had to find $150.00 a month that I was already spending - smoking. I actually spent more than that as you can see above…

I had been a smoker for over 4 years.. not nearly the stretch as some others but I was one of those smokers. Kind of like the poster child of smokers. I was addicted - horribly addicted - I have one of those personalities… I've worked my way out of every time of addiction in my life… I mean every. I did them all alone. But smoking was different - I could buy smokes anywhere, any time. I needed help.

The first day I quit I knew I didn't want to smoke and that I wasn't going to - I just didn't know how. I didn't have a clue in fact. So I googled "how to quit smoking" and came across whyquit.com. It was exactly what I needed! I read, and read, and read. I couldn't focus, my head was in a fog, I was restless and exhausted. Then I found the timeline about how I would feel in the first 72 hours. It all became clear to me about what I had to do to ease those first 3 days and what was happening.

I'm an analyst, I love information and numbers. I saturated myself with the information, suggestions and lessons in your articles. I took them on like a new religion. I have been quit for 38 of the best days of my life because of your website.

Where do these other 7 people come in? Like I said, I took it on like a new religion. I was inadvertently preaching to the closest smokers to me. They were all in shock and awe that I had quit. I never told anyone until I was two days in. knowing myself I would had slapped anyone if I had to hear "way to go! Keep it up!!" in those first 48hrs…. These 7 people were like you describe, they didn't smoke because they wanted to but because they had to. On some level most smokers want to quit, but think they can't or don't know how. They all have confided that I just made it seem easier. They saw that I was happy and coping with not smoking, so I broke their irrational thought process of "I need to smoke because…".'

So Thank you Joel. Thank you 8x over, from all of us. Soon there will be 4 more,at least, I'm positive of it. I have started something at my company - they have no incentive policy for those who quit smoking, but human resources has started talking about it. They just never dealt with this before - an employee who quits, and gets a whole bunch more to quit too! Honestly, I don't care about incentives, I care about the people in my life and who work with me. But if this starts a movement within my company, I will be proud of not only the people who I have directly helped quit but everyone who will indirectly quit because of me.

It was never even a thought when I was going through my "Glory Week"…. People quitting because of me? Again, I never took your clinic, but your article "Come Share Your Strength Come Recognize Your Vulnerabilities" has made me want to share my story with you. So I kindly request that you share mine with those who are lucky enough to take part in your clinics in person.

Best regards,

Caroline
Quebec, Canada
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

18 Jul 2008, 02:15 #38

Personally, over time, I've found that being an example is the foundation for persuading others to quit. People that I know who smoke eventually find out that I quit many years ago, and they see that I'm visibly comfortable with it, and happy I did. Eventually, one of them will ask me how I did it, or mention that they're trying to quit. At that point, I point them here, tell them how the education here has helped not only me but so many other friends and acquaintances, and answer any questions they have.

Be an example. People will seek you out.

Bob (6+ years free)
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Joined: 26 Feb 2009, 11:38

16 Jul 2010, 10:05 #39

Well, two and a half years into my quit and into my cherished freedom, I am in the midst of a some very heavy emotional conflict stemming from the fact that my dear husband "relapsed" , slowly but surely, some 6 months ago and is now smoking as heavily as before.  While I will save the details and venting for my own journal, I am scouring whyquit and Freedom for ideas on how to deal with both the emotions and the reality of day-to-day life, up close and personal, with a smoker.  I tried playing it cool, but now it is becoming increasingly difficult to "take the high road" and I'm falling into the trap of negatively commenting on his smoking and literally holding it against him. 

Sorry if this is perhaps the wrong thread to write this in.  I will expand on it in my journal, but maybe by mentioning it here, some long-term freedom fighters will see it and step in with links to helpful threads I may not have found or timely advice.  Thanks all.

NTAP and stay free
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

15 Aug 2012, 17:29 #40

Video that ties in well with this string:

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