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|From: Alyson-GOLD||Sent: 9/15/2003 12:34 PM|
|Recovery is a lifelong journey. Recent months have kept me so busy that I haven't had time for posting but I do read at Freedom at least every couple of days. I return so that I'll always appreciate my journey and acknowledge all of its aspects. |
Once in a great while a smoking thought will pass through my brain. I appreciate the reminder that as a smoker, I was not the master of my own time, my own activities, my own life - I was so much at the mercy of my addiction that AT NEARLY 15 MONTHS CLEAN, the siren can still sing out. It's a potent reinforcement of the fact that nicotine cravings ruled me for twenty years. I am forced to remember how I responded immediately, a slave to my drug, over and over, all day long, every day. I was a gerbil on a wheel.
Now, I'm gratefully back in charge and life on this side of the bars is so much better in so many ways. So, when a brief thought visits me, I accept it as evidence that I have been permanently altered and proof that I can never take another puff. I remember how nicotine was integrated at every level of my conscious and subconscious life like a parasite and take the opportunity to celebrate reclaiming my birthright to exist free. I walk on and walk tall.
I never have to smoke again.
What a relief.
What a joy!
14+ months (and 4 years and a month or so)