Do members of our board seem to be too happy?

Do members of our board seem to be too happy?

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

14 Nov 2004, 22:08 #1

A number of months back a new member had wrote the comment that the people at our board seemed to be "too cheery" for people who had quit smoking. There are plenty of Internet sites that people can go to if they ever want to be cheered down a bit. If you can find sites that are dedicated to supporting people who are facing the ravages of smoking you will likely find lots of people who just won't seem overly happy or optimistic with their current situation. Is it right that so many of our members seem happy that they quit? Of course it is for if people realize just what they have accomplished by quitting and the terrible fate that they would likely have faced if they did not stop they will likely stay forever happy, proud and thankful that they have stuck to the commitment that they had made to themselves to never take another puff!

Joel

P.S. If anyone is still looking to get a little more depressed today go check out the following links at www.whyquit.com:
We Died Young
Bryan Lee Curtis - age 34
Noni Glykos - age 33
Sean Marsee - age 19
Famous Victims - under 60
Your Story
Our Living Nightmares
Kim's Missing Lung
Family Victims
Your Story
Cancer, COPD & Heart Groups

A couple of my depressing pieces:

The Isolation of a Widowed Smoker

"I Can't Quit" or "I Won't Quit"

A Tribute To Joel's Friend Joe

Past FAILURES
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DubiouslyDos
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

14 Nov 2004, 22:32 #2

Thanks Joel. For those reading this site and the posts of our members, I'd just like to share somehting. Part of the cycle of nicotine addiction for me was to focus on what was wrong with my life, my family, my job, myself. After I stopped injesting nicotine, I needed to learn how to change my focus each day and how to get through those irrational moments when my brain would tell me that smoking would "fix" the way I feel.

Today I know that nicotine is not the answer to the ups and downs of life. Part of my recovery from nicotine addiction is sending the message that there is a good life without nicotine. I am so thankful that I found people who were happily living without using tobacco or nicotine products.... because it gave me hope. I did what they did, and I got what they got.... Life without nicotine does is not "giving up" something wonderful. Life without nicotine is taking something wonderful BACK. Having experienced this first hand.... that's something to be really, really happy about.

Image
Dubiously Dos
I have been quit for 2 Years, 5 Months, 3 Weeks, 22 hours, 27 minutes and 25 seconds (905 days). I have saved $4,076.70 by not smoking 27,178 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Months, 2 Days, 8 hours and 50 minutes of my life.
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Golddabler1
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

14 Nov 2004, 23:14 #3

Hi joel
I certainly would,nt think that quitting is a bed of roses but i do see people who have quit without education continually mourn the loss of their so called friend months and years after quitting,this is because of hanging on to the fantasy of nicotine days being a constant pleasure,thankfully last night a friend of mine who has some nicotine education from another source and also from me announced that at 7 months free she is so happy to be free of the slavery,so i will continue to be happy and joyfully present my stats.
Rickdabler 1 year 8 months 1 week + happily nicotine free.
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SueB911
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:06

14 Nov 2004, 23:47 #4

I am always fighting the "cup half empty" thinking, not just in regards to smoking, but in all areas. Sometimes I need a kick in the pants about my attitude. I come to this site and, thanks to everyone willing to share their lives, I get the gratitude therapy I need!
It's awesome living every day without the constant need for a fix. Sometimes I need to be reminded just how free I am.

Sue
I have been FREE for 2 Months, 3 Weeks, 1 Day, 8 hours, 17 minutes and 18 seconds (83 days). I have saved $250.03 by not smoking 1,666 cigarettes. I have saved 5 Days, 18 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 8/23/2004
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Just Gie Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Nov 2004, 01:21 #5

One of the things I've learned in the past 10 months, is how much perception can affect reality. In fact, in many circumstances perception IS the reality. If I choose to perceive that I've gained a bunch by quitting smoking, then it is so. If I choose to perceive that I'm rich, then it is so. So on and so forth. It's odd how many things I did not attempt before, because my perception told me it was too hard or not possible. It's all a matter of how to look at it.
Angie - 10 Months 18 Hours 15 Minutes 31 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 2446. Money saved: C$978.43 I've reclaimed 2 Wks 2 Days 23 Hrs 40 Mins 51 Secs of my life.
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TickTockGold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Nov 2004, 02:53 #6

Hi Joel, I remember that "too cheery" post. It struck me with an intense feeling of anger. I was very proud of my accomplishment, and the accomplishments of all our members. (Maybe I was still going through that angry withdrawel process at the time.) I am of the firm belief that being upbeat and positive makes anything possible. Smoking is such a bad addiction why would we not be cheery when we are daily proving to ourselves that we can live much better without the nicotine.
Thanks for the post Joel, A good reminder for all of us to stay focused on the positive of side of not smoking.

Dina - Free and Healing for Seven Months, Twenty Eight Days, 12 Hours and 18 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 20 Days and 23 Hours, by avoiding the use of 6038 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $2,195.33.
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kindness68
Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 23:29

15 Nov 2004, 02:54 #7

Hi all,

Today I feel a bit sad of sort. I've just spent time reading thru Joel;s post and it makes me sad that I found the truth and sooo many others have not. When I told my mother I quit (she smokes) she was mad??? Maybe her anger will turn into a rage to quit. My older sister smokes and although very happy for me, she could NEVER do it..My younger sister smokes, but not in front of the boyfriend#*@. Says she going to quit.

Today I'm a bit sad that knowing the truth has refreshed, restored and renewed my life in so many ways, yet there are so many who live a lie, live in denial, live in a fantasy....as I once did.

pat

I have been quit for 3 Weeks, 6 Days, 14 hours, 52 minutes and 58 seconds (27 days). I have saved $172.62 by not smoking 690 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Days, 9 hours and 30 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 10/17/2004
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BillW Gold.ffn
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

15 Nov 2004, 05:59 #8

Ya know, Joel, some days are not happy since I quit smoking, almost three years ago.

But now I know that it is never due to the fact that I quit smoking...... Its due to the fact that I'm having a bad day.

When I drop by here, I'm not going to take out my bad day on someone still struggling with physical or psychological withdrawal. Why would I dump on them? They need to hang on, One Day At A Time, and It Will Get Better.

...... or at least you'll realize you have other problems to deal with once you've gotten quitting smoking off the front burner. Image

So I come by to offer the absolute assurance that It Will Get Better if you Never Take Another Puff! (withdrawal and craving, that is. I make no guarantees about your love life, stock portfolio, family, etc.... )

BillW Two years, nine months, six days. 30309 cigarettes not smoked, saving $5,986.22. Life saved: 15 weeks, 5 hours, 45 minutes.
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GoldenDivamom1972
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

05 Mar 2005, 12:40 #9

Now that I've processed what I've been going through these last few days, I am good and ready to be "too cheery" about my quit. No matter what sort of insanity is going on in my 3-D life, my life will always be better since I decided to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.

Feeling good, but *sleepy*,
Amy
Free and Healing for One Month, Thirty Days, 17 Hours and 40 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 6 Days and 7 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1822 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $456.66.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Mar 2006, 20:54 #10

Below is a commentary that we have in the string Bringing negative posts to the top after the crisis has passed. It too talks about how we are not trying to make it appear that all of our members are always happy and having a wonderful time or have a great attitude 100% of the time. At the same time we never want to ever give the impression that it is normal for people who have quit smoking to be miserable all of the time or be suffering from extended physical symptoms or emotional turmoil simply because they don't smoke anymore. As it says in the string Bringing negative posts to the top after the crisis has passed:
There were two instances today where a certain kind of negative post was raised to the top. One was from a person who was having a tough time a couple of days ago, and the other was from a person who was a member for a short time, put up a post saying he was thinking he wanted to go back to smoking. I want to use this thread to address these two types of incidents and to have it available to bring up in the future when such events occur.
Again, in the first example the person was having a bad time a few days back. When she put up the original post, a few people responded back with a few well thought out and supportive posts. The person who put up the original post wrote back in another string saying that she was now better and that time of the crisis had passed. This was a good example of how a few quick and well thought out replies can really do the trick of helping a person get through a bad time. It is not the quantity of responses that is going to get a person through a moment--it is the quality of the information and support that he or she will get.
When a person cries out for help, gets it, comes back and responds that they have ridden out the moment and our now better, and then maybe one or two people respond quickly that they are glad to hear that the person got through the bad times--then it is time to let the post drop. Bringing it up over and over with comments like I am glad you are better is just making a person looking in for a quick look at the board think that the person is still in distress and in need of help--maybe hours and then days after the real problem existed.
The second example from today is where a member wrote that he was thinking of going back to smoking, that quitting just didn't seem worth it. Again, there were numerous members who wrote a response back to him and suggested articles for him to read. Actually, the articles I had suggested for him to read were the following:
"I made a conscious decision to smoke."
"I think I have decided to go back to smoking"
The Smoker's Vow

The man never replied back, and this was from well over a week ago. Then today a member brought back the post today asking how he was doing and telling him to hang in there and post.
The member who made the first post has either relapsed and can't post or has not taken the time to read the replies and acknowledge that he is okay or to let the people know who have tried to help him that their efforts were helpful and appreciated. We honestly don't know which situation is involved here. Either way, there are reasons why this post should not have been raised to the top today. There are a few already existing strings that address why we feel this way. They are:
Misery Love Company (If you have not already read this one today please do and pay special attention to post 10 in that string.)
"Please don't smoke."
Acknowledge the negative--but dwell on the positive
Buddy Systems
Each of these string address issues that are likely explaining some of the possible reasons that this post did get raised today. There was no real reason for this man's post to be singled out.
If you go back over the board for the almost three years since Freedom has existed, there are hundreds of people whose posts like this could be brought up every day if we wanted to. Why pick out one and forget the others? Why are we not working at dragging all these people into posting and maybe quitting?
The reason is we are not here to force anyone into quitting and we are not here to enforce personal resolve. We are here to help people who have already decided to quit and are sticking with that committment. (See Our Mission Statement) We want people who are in fact putting in a one hundred percent commitment. If the man had come back and said he was still off and still in dire straights, you can bet he would have been inundated with help and support. If our membership saw he was needing more, they would have delivered it. But at this point we have zero indication of what this individual is thinking or doing.
The one thing that these two posts have in common is that they were bringing negative posts to the top, giving the impression these people were quitting and in trouble. In the first case the person was not in trouble, at least not in trouble with what was being addressed in the particular string, and the second case we don't know if the person is even quitting, let alone in trouble.
I hope that each and every one of our members would try to think back to what the board was likely like the day that you arrived. What made you realize that you wanted to join Freedom? Was it a whole bunch of posts of people complaining about the bad lives they are having since they quit smoking, or was it from a balance of posts?
The odds are the kind of posts that made you want to join were seeing people who were successfully quitting. There were likely some posts from longer-term members who were relating what it is like 99% of the time since they had quit smoking and not really thinking about cigarettes. Other posts were probably from people who were first quitting but who recognized how their lives were in many ways being wrecked from cigarettes and were totally out of control while they were still smoking. It is also likely that there were other posts that had a very strong educational component trying to get the message out that the effort being put forth by all of our members was truly a struggle for your Freedom, your health and your very life.
Try to think back what pulled you into Freedom and ask yourself is what you are posting now really helping others to want to quit smoking too. I suspect if you do this you will consider how you post and how you respond and will much more likely write posts that will not only better help the individual you are writing to, but also all others reading your words to stay determined to never take another puff!
Joel



I

want to make it clear that it is not that we are trying to stop people from writing when they are experiencing bad times and thus having negative posts. It is the act bringing up the thread over and over thoughout the day or worse yet, resurrecting old negative posts at a time when they are no longer current or relevant. These actions are giving the thread and inordinate amount of play. This can make the quitting experience seem overall tougher at times to all readers than it may actually be for the person who wrote the string that is getting all of the attention. Does quitting have the potential of causing some discomfort and can the adjustments to life without smoking cause some difficult times? Sure it can. But when contrasted to the pain, agony and disruption that smoking can cause, the effects experienced from quitting are minor in comparison. Smoking will cost you a fortune and can cause pain, agony, suffering AND death. To some degree it does the first three effects to most smokers at one time or another, and as far as the last effect-killing the individual, it ends up doing this to one out of every two smokers. To avoid the pain, agony and total loss of everything that can be caused by smoking always stay resolute in your resolve to never take another puff!

Joel
Last edited by Joel on 26 Apr 2009, 06:48, edited 1 time in total.
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