lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

May 3rd, 2005, 10:29 pm #76

Thanks for sharing your stories, guys!
I feel privileged to be here among so many successful quitters!

I'm not really sure what to write today... so I'm going to start a collection of my favorite readings. Obviously I won't put them all here in one post -- but I'm starting my collection. And when I need support, I'll have my diary to come back to for suggetions...

"My Cigarette, My Friend?" - Gosh, how many times did I say THAT??

The ironic thing about this one is that I have HUGE standards for my friendships. I'm a fiercely loyal friend -- and I have high expectations for those people that I choose to spend my time with. I would NEVER keep a friend who was such a huge liability as cigarettes... unless I was massively addicted. Realizing that fact was when the truth really hit me. Hard.

Breaking Links to Our Crave Generator - Some of the best inspiration I got during the first weeks of my quit was caught up in my education about my ability to overcome the cravings. Seeing them as purely psychological triggers was KEY for me... and interesting to boot.

Nicotine Cessation Caffeine Anxieties - I had a HUGE coffee habit that went along with smoking. These days, I still drink coffee (love the flavor), but I'm more careful with my consumption.

Fixating - This was another huge one for me. I went into this quit not quite certain that I would give up my nicotene forever. But realizing the chance I'd be taking if I took even ONE puff... made me rethink a lifelong fixation.


Am hoping that I can share a bit more as time wears on. But that's all for now.

Am celebrating 33 days of freedom...
lo
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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

May 6th, 2005, 11:48 pm #77

DIARY ENTRY: Day 36.

I sat in contemplation yesterday -- trying to figure out how to make this diary useful again. These days I don't have much to report. I keep reading and rereading the post Turning the Corner... Acceptance ... and I think I'm reaching that stage. I'm finding it difficult to be hyped up about my quit these days.

Yes -- I'm thrilled to be smoke-free. I keep looking around at my life and being amazed at how great things are, even now that I'm not smoking my life away. When I get dressed in the morning, I celebrate the fact that I still look basically the same -- but I SMELL so much better. When I go to bed at night, I rejoice in the simple action of taking a nice deep breath and not feeling the effects of an entire day of nicotene and tar inhalation.

The complicated thing is that I'm not ready to leave the boards yet.
I still come here and read every day -- just to reinforce all the good behaviors that I've picked up. I still come here to get a little bit of reinforcement from the oldbies that I'm on the right track. In some ways, I feel as if this trip was too easy. Too clear-cut. I am stunned at the difference that my education made in the ease of this quit. And if there's ANYTHING that I want to share with a newbie or a 'thinking of quitting' quitter, it's the idea that quitting might just be EASIER than you ever thought possible. Don't let all those nay-sayers get to you. QUIT. You'll be amazed.

As for the theme of this diary... the reforming "health nut" is doing well. I've learned a great deal about the damage I was doing to my "otherwise healthy" body all those years that I spent smoking. And it's great to know that I'm on a FAR better track these days.

The few extra dollars I've saved each week from not smoking is going into a subscription to my local CSA for the summer, so I'll be able to reap the benefits of great, locally grown organic produce. I haven't yet gotten back to regular exercise -- but that's the next on my list, and I'm hoping I can jump start that with a bit of gardening in the next few weeks.

Very proud of all of it...

lo
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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

June 15th, 2005, 3:44 am #78

Just checking in after a fairly long hiatus. Am still coming by to do a little bit of reading here and there, but by-and-large, I've weaned myself OFF of these boards. Still, it's great to come back and see old friendly faces as well as all the newbies. So encouraging!

I can't believe it's been over a month since my last post. I suppose that's a good thing. I often used my journal to check in and write about milestones... triggers overcome... that sort of thing. These days, I think that the whole habit of NOT SMOKING has become normal to me. And that's a pretty darned good feeling.

In some ways, my journey feels as if it has been going on for a terribly long time now. The idea of being a nonsmoker isn't a new one anymore, and the idea of being persistently on-guard is as familiar as brushing my teeth in the morning. And yet -- when I look at my quit meter and realize that it hasn't even been three months yet... it's truly strange. And it reminds me that I'm still terribly green in many ways.

In the past few weeks, I've happened upon a new season -- and so I've confronted new triggers. I've had one or two moments where I contemplated the idea of smoking. Both triggers were new "warm weather" moments -- sitting out on the front porch with DH and a glass of wine late at night and eating out on a restaurant patio with a couple of smoking friends. Both moments, I found it fairly easy to put the smoking thought aside and recognize that it wasn't REALLY a cigarette that I wanted.

For me, it's been a true revelation to realize that it's NOT a cigarette I'm craving -- it's an idealized memory of a situation that only existed in my mind's eye. That idea of what a cigarette was supposed to FEEL LIKE... the sense of calm it was supposed to bring... it was always an illusion. It's just that now I can recognize it for what it was. (WANTING vs. THINKING)

For a long time, I struggled with the notion that I was really giving up something that I'd enjoyed. These days, I know I'm giving up an addiction that controlled me (What did you love about smoking?). It does help to read a post like Do I know a real "occasional" smoker? since it reminds me why I see those people who light up every now and again, but who don't seem to ever "start" smoking.

These days I'm reveling in other things -- especially in the SWEET SMELL of being a nonsmoker. Along with the GREAT smells, I've also noticed that I now smell just about everything... good AND BAD (I know there's a post around here about this, but I can't find it!)! I smell the garbage truck from miles away. I smell the body odor of the man in the grocery store. But you know what?? It's so totally worth it. These days, when I'm cooking, I can SMELL when my soup is seasoned to perfection. I can catch the slightest whiff of something amazing (like truffle oil) in a pasta dish. And I can identify flowers from a mile away. This spring was one of the first that I could truly appreciate the smell of the lilacs out in my front yard... and it was divine.

Among other things, I'm grateful to know that I'm going to live a longer, more productive life with my DH. He, too, has made it this far with his quit. And each time we realize what that means, we have cause to celebrate. And we do celebrate. Some nights with a great meal. Other days with a hug. Sometimes just with a knowing smile.

Kudos to all of you quitters who are hanging in there It's totally worth the fight!!


lo
checking in at about 2 months, 13 days, 14 1/2 hours... and counting... (my quitmeter site pooped out on me... so that's a guess!)
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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

June 15th, 2005, 4:33 am #79

I also have to post this... before I forget.
Have also been having lots of smoking dreams lately. And am hoping that it's a sign that my brain, deep-down, is NOT in danger of becoming complacent, even as comfort begins to set in.

I'm actually hugely indebted to MARTY, who posted THIS comment to a thread about complacency: "[...]it's my belief that anyone who invests their time and mental energy here reading and learning, and who allows that knowledge to turn into a true understanding of smoking and quitting, has every reason to be confident in their own future."
(taken from Complacency ... which was taken from Emotional Loss Experienced from Quitting Smoking )

I'm hanging on to that thought... and plugging onward :)

lo
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Starshinegrl Gold
Starshinegrl Gold

June 15th, 2005, 3:28 pm #80

Hi lo,

were you looking for Is it true that everything smells and tastes better after quitting?

Nice to see you again. You and your DH are doing great. Congrats to both of you and wishing you another great nicotine free day!

Gitte
201 days and a bit
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johnnynonic
johnnynonic

June 16th, 2005, 8:11 am #81

Hey Lo,

Good to hear from ya' and congratulations on passing......
......................................... DOUBLE GREEN!!
Glad to see you're still on this journey. Keep up the good work and remember to Never Take Another Puff!


JohnnyNoNic
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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

June 21st, 2005, 12:57 am #82

That EXACTLY it, Gitte -- Thanks for posting that here. Now I'll be able to find it any time I feel like it!

Thanks for the congrats, Johnny... I didn't even think about the fact that I passed DOUBLE GREEN during my hiatus! Am counting down the days to that three month mark... Is that BRONZE already? Gotta go back and check...



Diary entry:
Checking in today to say that I had a couple of doozie thoughts over the weekend. Was walking around at the farmer's market (of all places), and I saw a cute little 20-something lighting up.

Would you believe my first thought was: "GOSH, that looks/smells good." ????!!!!

Only after a moment of catching my breath and regaining sanity did a sense of sadness and pity overtake me. I'm not sure which is worse -- having a big, nasty craving after this long, or really feeling badly for someone else who hasn't yet seen the light and kicked that nasty addiction.

DH and I have taken to reinforcing one another's quits... which has worked well so far. We tell one another when a craving hits. And the other is sane enough at this point to point out how BAD that drag would really taste and silly it would be to turn back now. Even when we're both craving pretty badly, it's been a pleasure to throw each other knowing looks.

As a joke the other day, as we were leaving for a weekend road trip, I asked DH as I always used to whether or not we had "enough cigarettes for the trip"? It took him a second before he realized that I was just kidding, but I could see the relief in his face when he realized that it was yet another thing we didn't need to remember.



(On a good note, these cravings are few and far between. And I've SO beaten the big ones... like the road trip craves, the working in the garden craves, and (the new summer) grilling craves. So, that's really something to celebrate.)
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johnnynonic
johnnynonic

June 23rd, 2005, 8:52 am #83

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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

June 25th, 2005, 3:20 am #84

Hey Johnny - thanks for honoring my quit. It's a tribute to you that you took the time to think so highly of me.

I'm blushing.
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LisaT774
LisaT774

June 25th, 2005, 5:00 am #85

Hi, lo. It seems you and I are on the same wavelength. I have not checked in here in a while, so congratulations on double-green and almost bronze! I have not been here since I celebrated double green almost a month ago, either. I've also had more smoking dreams lately than when I first quit, but have experienced the same ability to quell any thoughts of smoking with my knowledge of that nicotine delivery device and the certain relapse of our deadly addiction.

I'm glad to hear you and your DH are doing so well in your quits. My coworker who also chose a better, smoke-free life last month is still on the wagon and I'm so glad to have at least one person to share my occassional thoughts and difficulties with, but I suppose I can always come here, too! Although, lately I've had a lot of people working in my lab and on my computer, so I don't get time enough to actually log in and type anything anymore. Luckily, this Friday every one is going home early or is harvesting in the field, so I am by myself for a few hours for the first time in a long while.

Again, congratulations to you both and yeah for us for almost turning bronze!!!

From another reformed healthnut,

Lisa

Lisa - Free and Healing for Two Months, Twenty Seven Days, 16 Hours and 39 Minutes. I'm finally free and enjoying every minute of my life!
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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

July 26th, 2005, 4:26 am #86

Well, here I am ... having missed YET ANOTHER of my milestones (I'm bronze... I'm bronze!!)
I guess that's a good sign in many ways. It means that I've moved on in my quit -- to a place where I'm not living so much in the day-to-day. My focus has returned to the big picture, and sometimes I don't even think about where I am in my journey anymore.

I am stopping by to report that I'm still hanging in there... celebrating each day and (at this point) looking forward to that 6-month mark, which for some reason has always seemed like the first BIG landmark to me.

DH is also still "on the wagon" -- in fact, in many ways he's doing better than I am. He was a much heavier smoker than I ever was (and often talked about how quitting would be so very difficult for him) -- so in many ways, that feels like a true victory. His success is a constant reminder for me of the extraordinary physical benefits of our quit. He used to wake up wheezing and coughing. These days, he is free of that. Just the other evening as we sat out back at our new patio table, he remarked about how he REALLY doesn't miss smoking. THAT bowled me over. I think I actually have more psychological "cravings" than he does at this point.

But when I talk about cravings... gosh, those are few and far between. Almost to the point where I could find myself being a little bit TOO comfortable. But I'm on the ready... armed with my resolve to NTAP.

And just in case I forget... a message to myself. Hey Lo -- this was easier than you expected. Don't let all that time go to waste. You're free. Celebrate it!
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lifeisasmokefreegarden
lifeisasmokefreegarden

July 26th, 2005, 4:57 am #87

Hi lo,

I really enjoyed reading your posts. I also check in often but find I am not posting as much as I once did. I do think of all the people here that have helped support me and wonder how so much time has passed and how much I miss reading their posts and replies to my posts. Everyone here has been so good to me.

It looks like you have a fantastic understanding of what it takes for an individual to stop using nicotine. Your posts also have a descriptive quality that makes them very interesting to read :-)

Congratulations on being bronzed! That is great news. You must be so very proud of yourself!

Craig - Free from nicotine for Six Months, Twenty Days, 17 Hours and 22 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 7 Days and 1 Hour, by avoiding the use of 2037 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $719.04.
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Clg9876
Clg9876

July 26th, 2005, 5:34 am #88

Lorilei,

Congratulations on your wonderful accomplishment. You are bronze and that is a really big deal! A beautiful, beautiful, bronze.



Don't forget to add your name to the
Candis - Free and Healing for Two Months, Fifteen Days, 19 Hours and 4 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 7 Days and 23 Hours, by avoiding the use of 2304 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $346.67.
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JoeJFree Gold
JoeJFree Gold

July 26th, 2005, 10:14 am #89

This message has been deleted by the author.
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JoeJFree Gold
JoeJFree Gold

July 26th, 2005, 10:16 am #90

Please accept my Congratulations for you and DH, Dear Lorelei!

Time for a limo ride and Celebration for you and DH!
Great to hear that Bronze plus is bringing you a sense of comfort with your quit decision. Just wait, it continues to get better and more peaceful. Seems to happen at different speeds, as your husband attests to. Seems his quit resolve is strong, kinda like he said to hinself, "I've quit, that's it, end of discussion, lets move on to living nic-free and loving it!" Amy DivaMom calls it a "Done Deal".
A Golden guy named lohnnyLirish wrote about just that the other day - Stocking Up.
The comfort and peaceful easy feeling in the mind will come for each of us, as long as we continue to believe we will NTAP.

your quit bro - joej
Free and Healing for Six Months, Fifteen Days, 11 Hours and 57 Minutes, (196 days)
I've not smoked 4912 death sticks, and saved $983.04.
I've recaptured 27 days, 6 hours and 59 minutes of my life to enjoy as I Choose.

NTAP!
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TickTockGold
TickTockGold

July 27th, 2005, 6:25 am #91

Wooohooooo
Lo is bronze.
Congratulations Lo
you are doing great and I am so proud of you.
Welcome to the bronze club.
YQS Dina - Free and Healing for One Year, Four Months, Eight Days, 16 Hours and 44 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 43 Days, by avoiding the use of 12392 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $4,553.41.
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johnnynonic
johnnynonic

July 27th, 2005, 7:34 am #92

Lo is BRONZE (& Mr. Lo too),
Welcome to the Bronze Club! And to keep upgrading your club memberships just keep remembering to NTAP.
JohnnyNoNic
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ElevenPinkFlowers
ElevenPinkFlowers

July 27th, 2005, 7:03 pm #93

Wow, Lo, I remember the Green stockings you were given at your last party so well - it might have been yesterday. But then, it wasn't: For you have not smoked for a wonderful three months!

Lorilei is BRONZE!


Congratulations to you and Mr. Lo!

PinkFlowers
* 2 March 2005
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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

August 17th, 2005, 2:24 am #94

I'm nearly a month late in getting back... and it feels SO GOOD to see all those congratulations chiming in on my diary!! One of the things I've noticed about this stage of my QUIT is that there are a LOT of people who don't fully realize how AMAZING it is to be free of an addiction for a period of months. Seems some people think that once it's been a month or two that there is no more struggle -- or that somehow the victory is less sweet.

But I'm realizing that the amazing blessings of my quit follow me everywhere that I go. And the victory is NO LESS sweet after this amount of time. In fact, it gets sweeter every day. To know that I'm in control of my life again is a huge victory... and I can't envision that changing anytime soon.

I still can't believe that it's been so long... nearly five months at this point (5 months on Sept 1)... And the miracle of that is that I have an entire life ahead of me during which I can enjoy the fruits of my quit.

Sadly, I've gained a bit of weight in the last couple of months. I can't directly correlate it to my quit -- so I won't place blame. But I'm SUPER grateful that, BECAUSE OF my quit, I can walk and exercise and BREATHE. Something tells me that (as soon as I can get my butt into being truly active again) I'm going to be able to beat the weight gain far easier this time than ever before. And it cheers me to think that the 5-8 pounds I've put on can't POSSIBLY compare to the damage I was doing while I was still smoking...

In any case -- thanks all.
It's good to be back -- and great to see ALL OF YOU making progress toward a thing that will continue to bless you for years to come.

lo
(I have to get over to the Bronze club now and claim my status. LOL!!)
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lo bluestocking
lo bluestocking

August 17th, 2005, 2:30 am #95

And hey JOE -
Thanks for that STOCKING UP article... great stuff there!!

I've been a bit lax in my reading of late. But I find that when I do come back here after a hiatus... that EVERYTHING makes so much sense! :)
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JoeJFree Gold
JoeJFree Gold

August 17th, 2005, 9:47 am #96

Hello Lo -

Twasn't me but a great goldie named JohnnnyLIrish from over Chicago way who wrote bout Stocking Up. I'm linking it back here cause I really liked what you added to the string Lorilei. I too mistakenly thought cigarettes were an essential part of my persona. WRONG Again! Same as We ever was, but better you see cause now we're living nicotine free. Good to 'hear' you voice cause as usual you've lots of good insight to share.


JoeJFree - Free and Healing for Seven Months, Six Days, 11 Hours and 31 Minutes, (218 days)
I've not smoked 5462 death sticks, and saved $1,094.00.
I've saved 30 days, 8 hours and 16 minutes of my life.
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