Desperate Addicts Parade: Have You Ever...

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Sep 2008, 06:45 #251

Every time I read this post, I remember when:

I first started smoking at the age of 17. I hadn't yet bought my own pack or lighter (I didn't realize I was addicted) and used to dig around my mom's ashtray trying to find the longest smokable butts and then furtively light them on various kitchen appliances. I once burnt my chin lighting a very short butt on the stove. I think I lost a few nose-hairs and eyelashes as well. Another time, I tried lighting a butt with the toaster (don't try this at home). The butt slipped in and started to toast. I stuck my fingers in to try to recue it but then let it go when Mom suddenly entered the kitchen and asked what the smell was. I pretended it was toast. She left and I saw the butt had caught fire so I turned the toaster upside down and started shaking it furiously. Now all the crumbs caught fire. I nearly burnt down the kitchen...

I was mortified by these desperate acts but would have sooner suffered these humiliations than admit I was a desperate addict. What a strong grip nicotine has!!!!!!!


Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

17 Nov 2008, 22:37 #252

Ever tried to light a smoke from a hot lightbulb because you had no gas in your lighter?

That having failed, ever tried to light a smoke from just the spark from the lighter by continuously flipping the wheel?

Ever wondered what the funny burning smell in the car was, only to discover a hole in your clothes when you took them off?

Ever thought it was cool to be able to blow smoke rings?

Ever had the cig stick to your lips when taking it from your mouth, thus burning between your fingers. And then making your lip bleed pulling the cig off?

Ever looked at your cig and wondered exactly where the hot end had fallen off and whose coat it was stuck to the back of?
Or burnt your fingers trying to pick it up off a friend's carpet?

34 days

Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 23:27

18 Nov 2008, 05:26 #253

Have you ever been that sick that you could hardly breath but managed to draw back on a ciggie (but only just)
I have im a drug addict
Have you ever been out smoking when your 2 and 3 year old come over for a cuddle and you just push them away and tell them to come back later
I have im a drug addict
Have you ever been up and down the road looking for a strangers thrown out smokable Ciggie.
I have im a drug addict
Have you ever bought a pack after a relapse, had just two then thrown the packet out only to be in that same area one hour later looking all over the place to find them to have JUST one more
I have im a drug addict
Have you ever told your husband that you have quit and then spend the next month smoking behind his back, finding every excuse under the sun to go to the shops so you can have a smoke and then have to find a public toilet with a soap despenser so you can scrub your face and ever rinse your mouth with it.
I have im a drug addict
Have you ever been pregnant and tried to hide your stomach from people as to stood behind your car in a car park to get your fix. Couldn't smoke at home because no one else knows that you are smoking again
I have im a drug addict
Have you ever burnt nearly all the hair on you face trying to light a smoke off the stove
I have im a drug addict
Have you ever kept your distance from your own children spent most of the day on the outside looking in as they played and you stood outside smoking ciggies. Then to make it worse have the right to yell at them for making a mess of the house
I have Im a drug addict.

TO MY TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, Wren and Lior I promise to never abuse you like that again

Epigal 12 days

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

18 Nov 2008, 22:16 #254

Wow, the memories!!! Great thread.

Ever set your (acrylic) finger nails on fire while trying to light a cigarette?

Ever sat at the Nurses station smoking while charting on your patient's?

23 days free........................

Joined: 18 Jan 2009, 18:47

13 Sep 2009, 22:56 #255

[img]file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/GIFS/bump.gif[/img]Almost a year since this thread has been circulated. Some powerful, pitiful and poignant portraits of addiction are penned. Sobering reading, for sure. Makes me so glad I have forgiven myself for my own pathetic actions I was guilty of when I was a smoker.

Have you ever spent more time outside smoking with the small number of smoking guests at your wedding reception, than inside enjoying the fellowship and fun? We did. We planned our honeymoon around places where we could still smoke. How limiting. How pathetic.

Only too well we remember the angst of being on the fence of indecision. Only too well we remember the relief at having finally quit. Now that our addiction desperation is in the past, "Let us all STAND TALL and be PROUD." as QS Melrose is known to say.

Wendy&RandyUsing our smarts!Healing our parts! for 3 yrs.2m & 2 yrs.9 m.[img]file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/GIFS/bump.gif[/img]

Joined: 04 Mar 2010, 14:55

26 Mar 2010, 15:52 #256

Have you ever dug in the nasty public ashtray at your apt complex and smoked people's butts to avoid going to the store and buying cigs so as not to be a smoker?  Have you ever bought a pack, smoked half and then torn up the rest, only to dig them out of the trash later to salvage a few puffs?  I have.  I'm an addict. 

But today, I'm free!! 

Krissy - Free and Healing for Twenty Five Days, 10 Hours and 56 Minutes by avoiding the use of 509 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $152.89.

Joined: 27 Mar 2010, 22:43

27 Apr 2010, 18:16 #257

~ Awesome Thread!!! ~

Have you ever given birth without 'drugs' cause you don't like 'drugs' and 'medicine'
then complained you couldn't smoke for three days while in the hospital?

Have you ever
given birth (3 kids and 9 yrs later) and told the nurse you were just too exhausted to get up and walk around right now,
then, when you found out they actually let you get dressed and go outside, THREE FLOORS DOWN and around the entire building to smoke
you were practically RUNNING to the elevator?

Have you ever sat outside the hospital (being the patient) and chain smoke cause you knew you were going to be getting your brand new baby for the entire night and you wouldn't be able to leave?

~and yes the hospital really did let us new mommys go outside TO SMOKE!!!~

*Funny thing* is I was just wondering why I even had my cigs with me ... then I realized it was so I could smoke as soon as I got outta there ...
while my husband put the baby in the car seat and fit the new car seat in the car and belted it in ... hey there was time to smoke TWO while he made sure the baby was safe!!!

Have you ever been in a wedding party and stuck a lighter and a cig in your bra and another cig in your bouquet, so you could smoke immediately after the ceremony ended? It's ONLY about an hour long ~ but I needed TWO!!!


Joined: 19 Oct 2010, 15:46

24 Oct 2010, 18:41 #258

Have you ever scraped up moldy rolling tobacco spilled behind a couch on someones front porch, cleaned out the rat droppings, crushed and worked a piece of brown paper bag until it was plyable and rolled your tobacco treasure up and smoked up while holding the brown paper together because it wouldn't stick?

Have you ever snuck a drag off of someones cigarette when they left the room and sucked spit bubbles, grossed out, then took another drag?

I did this and more as a teenager. I am a nicotine addict. But I vow to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.

I am John - Free and Healing for Eight Days, 11 Hours and 40 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 14 Hours.

Joined: 29 Nov 2010, 15:16

06 Dec 2010, 16:45 #259

Okay, the only way to maybe get this thread going again is to come 100% clean...

Have you ever made friends feel bad about their own quit just because you couldn't stand to smoke alone?
Hav you ever borrowed money from your family and friends and told them it was for food when you really were buying cigarettes and foregoing food for days on end?
Have you ever gone to clean your house and found, on your desk, a full ash tray that overflowed onto the desk, with about three soda cans also full of butts, with ashes all over the desk and computer keyboard, and one or two beer bottles completely FULL of butts, and about five or six buts that had fallen from the ashtray to to the table to the floor?
Have you ever stopped to think about your poor pet who was involuntarily present for all of those smokes?
Have you ever told someone you loved that "the world is full of non-smokers--if you feel so strongly about it why not break up with me and find one of them to date" and then had her actually do it the next day?
Have you ever destroyed what was once a pretty good singing voice by smoking non-stop for years?
Have you ever left a memorial service for a friend who had died of lung cancer just long enough to smoke two back-to-back, then returned and had to hug the decedent's two crying adult daughters while you reeked of smoke?

I have done all of these things. I am a nicotine addict. I promised myself 10 days and 8.5 hours ago that I would wake up every morning for the rest of my life and vow to not administer nicotine to myself that day, and go to bed each night that I was successful and smile, knowing that that gave me my best chance to NTAP. Thanks to everyone who posted to this thread over the past decade. It is the most powerful one I have seen and it helps to keep me on my guard when my quit starts to feel easy.


Joined: 20 Oct 2010, 04:03

07 Dec 2010, 06:20 #260

Thanks Ben for bring that up to the top of the pile again, there is so much great reading on this site - very edgy and intelligent. I guess we all confront our demons in one way or another when facing drug withdrawal, and it makes for some very insightful and poignant writing. In my weeks of reading here it hadn't occurred to me to reply to an old but interesting topic so that it would be on page one for us newbies - will do so now. What a great topic! Will add some of my own once I've read the whole thing. Tess 

Joined: 21 May 2010, 21:09

09 Dec 2010, 23:08 #261

Thanks Ben for bringing this up again - it's ages since I first found this, then lost its whereabouts.
I think it would do me good to wallow in some of the despicable things that my nicotine addiction made me do. So here goes:-

The first 2 quits ended when I had family members who smoked staying in my house. I thought I was secure enough at that time so I allowed smoking in the house but didn't realise that when they left packets of cigs around I would turn into a sneak thief! I started waiting until they had gone to bed and then helping myself. I would only take one cig. if there were plenty left in the packet so it wouldn't be missed. I would have a few crafty puffs during the day but save most of the cig for last thing when I would take my dogs for a walk in the woods. The first deep drag made me so giddy I actually fell down! did that stop me? **** no! I just couldn't wait until the next day to steal another.

My 3rd quit ended when I started stealing cigarette butts from the ashtrays I was cleaning up after my AA meeting! one wealthy lady would only take 2 puffs before stubbing her cigarette out - those butts were like gold! How low can a girl sink?

A lot of my clothes had small burns in them from when hot bits of ash dropped off the end of a cigarette. I remember covering up one such a hole in my favourite jacket with a pretty brooch.

My last canine family was a mother and her 2 pups; she died of old age, having seen both her sons die prematurely of cancer. I will always wonder how much my smoking contributed to that and feel dreadful guilt. My present 2 dogs have lived half their lives with a smoker but I hope their second half will remain un-polluted.

I first decided to quit when by daughter was around 14. I chose that time because that is the age when the youngsters here tend to start smoking and I wanted to set her a good example. I couldn't do what my Mum did and lecture me about not smoking while continuing the habit herself. I survived for nearly 3 years that time but then started again as mentioned above. For many weeks I got away with it but one day I was returning home from the shops in my car, smoking a sneaky cigarette, when I got caught in a traffic jam and saw my daughter, who should have been in school but was out on some errand with a bunch of her class-mates. To my acute embarrassment, she spotted me first and shouted out loudly "Mother - you're smoking again!". OMG should have been the other way round, not teenage daughter ticking off middle-aged mum.

I am not by nature dishonest, or a thief, but my nicotine addiction was stronger by far than my moral sense of right and wrong. Thank God it is all in the past and I can live clean and honest and with integity.

Joined: 06 Dec 2010, 20:18

10 Dec 2010, 17:30 #262

Have you ever watched your sister die of cancer from smoking for 4 months and still continue to smoke
Have you ever lied to your dying sister telling her you would quit and still continued to smoke - broken so many promises I can't count
Have you ever lied to your children, your husband, your friends and still continued to smoke
Have you ever made a deal with God - and didn't live up to your end of it
Have you ever been so jealous of someone smoking that you ran to the store, bought your pack and sat in a corner with you smokes getting even
I have - I'm an addict each and every day - NTAP -

Joined: 04 Jan 2011, 23:56

05 Jan 2011, 22:09 #263

I have bad teeth. I used to think it was genetics, but I'm pretty sure dousing my mouth with poisonous gas 20 or more time a day didn't help anything.
A few months back I had to have another tooth pulled. I have had many pulled and would get a "dry socket" every time. When I told the dental nurse this - She said, "...that's what you get if you want to smoke during the first three days." Dry sockets HURT, so this time I pinched one nostril shut and stuck the cigarette up the other nostril. Then I could inhale my fix through my nose without loosening the clot in my mouth. This is disgusting and felt disgusting and tasted disgusting.

I thought I was so smart because this was the first time in my life I didn't get a dry socket.

I AM AN ADDICT and I have been quit for 5 Days, 14 hours, 57 minutes and 11 seconds (5 days). I have saved $17.34 by not smoking 73 cigarettes. I have saved 6 hours and 5 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 12/30/2010 11:00 PM

Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 04:09

02 Feb 2011, 23:32 #264

Have you ever not had a lighter been running late for work so you lit your cigarette on the stove, then before disposing of your cigarette you grabbed a fresh cigarette and lit the new cigarette with the old one for fear that you wouldn't find a lighter in your car?  I have because I am an addict.

Joined: 15 Jan 2011, 18:31

07 Feb 2011, 16:36 #265

and grabbed some butts out of  public ashtray cause you had no money to pay for them at the time , and trying to do it as fast and inconspicuously as you could , so anybody near you wouldn't believe they saw you do  what you just did....

Well I did.

Joined: 28 Jan 2011, 06:27

24 Feb 2011, 22:06 #266

Did you ever reflect on the times you took cigarette butts out of public ashtrays when you were out of money to buy them, but then in better financial times you would carefully snuff out a partially smoked cigarette in a public ashtray with the expectation that it WOULD get picked out by someone else who MIGHT NEED IT?  

Its the warped sense of charity and giving back that can only be understood by an addict.  I have done/thought this.   

Joined: 27 Jan 2011, 18:11

25 Feb 2011, 15:24 #267

Have you ever left your wife laboring in a hospital bed, within minutes of delivery, so you could run outside for one more cigarette?

I have. I'm an addict.

Have you ever shooed your kids away, just because playing with them or reading to them would not allow you to smoke?

I have. I'm an addict.

Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

25 Feb 2011, 20:29 #268

I read a lot of this thread and it brought back memories I would have rather not remembered. I'm guilty of many of the same things. I remember my young daughter reaching up to hold my hand and grabbing my lit cigarette. I remember my Golden Retriever excited to see me and ran up on my blind side and got a lit cigarette right on his eye ball. I had to take.him outside and use snow to cool his eye. I still smoked another cigarette on the way to the vets office. I took butts out of public ashtrays when desperate. I also rolled home made cigarettes out of tobacco I got from butts in the ash tray. I left part of my lips on a few cigs when my lips were chapped, and once I walked thru hurricane force wind, rain, and floods to get to a bar that was still open and could hook up their generator to the cigarette vending machine. Why ? Because I was a helpless nicotine addict, but not for the last one month and 15 days. YQB Neal

Joined: 09 Feb 2011, 13:56

03 Mar 2011, 23:43 #269

Great bump of this thread...

Have you ever:
Asked your daughter for a cigarette, standing in the patient pick up lane, after spending 5 days in the ICU for having a heart attack (at 47) with my daughter by my side the entire time and couldn't look her in the eye because I was killing myself... humbled and embarassed.

Free for 1 month!! woohoo....

Joined: 11 Nov 2008, 19:22

04 Mar 2011, 13:24 #270

Man pleads guilty to burglary,
blames  break-in on need for nicotine
March 3, 2011 -

A La Crescent, Minn., man in need of a nicotine fix in July pleaded guilty Wednesday morning to third-degree burglary.

Ura Miller, 32, admitted he used a screwdriver July 27 to break into another resident's room at Mosher Veterans Home in Dakota, Minn., while he searched for cigarettes.

"I knew where some were hidden," he said.

He admitted he did not have permission to enter the resident's room.

A report issued by investigators at the Winona County Sheriff's Office shows Miller broke into a resident's room by removing the door from the hinges.

Miller was placed on probation. He will remain in the Winona County Jail until he is transferred to an adult foster-care facility in Plainview, Minn.

Two other counts of burglary were dismissed Wednesday as part of the plea agreement.

Miller will be sentenced April 7 before Judge Mary Leahy.
Copyright 2011 All rights reserved

Story Source Link

Joined: 12 Jul 2011, 15:56

04 Aug 2011, 18:47 #271

Have you ever spent hours at work reading a huge list of horribly anti-social behaviors and realize that the only ones you haven't done are the ones you never had the opportunity to do?  I have.

For me the answers to this post go something like this;
No, but only because I don't have a child.

Scary, but thanks to all for letting me know that I'm not the only one.  It helps.

Have you spent an hour in hospice playing guitar to help fill the silence while your best friends sat waiting for their emmaciated (3 pack a day) father to die of lung cancer, then excused yourself because you couldn't wait any longer for a fix?  I have.  And I kept smoking for years after.

Joe - Free and Healing for Twenty Seven Days, 22 Hours and 45 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 21 Hours, by avoiding the use of 838 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $336.18.

Joined: 13 Jul 2011, 15:04

04 Oct 2011, 17:39 #272

Have you ever reached over the edge of a 500 foot high cliff in the smoky mountains to grab the pack of cigarettes you dropped that rolled off the edge and got caught on a protruding branch?  I have because I'm an addict. 

Alan - Free and Healing for Three Months, 13 Hours and 38 Minutes

Joined: 01 Oct 2011, 00:44

11 Oct 2011, 19:45 #273

Have you ever kept an old shirt and an old jacket in your car to slip into so that when you drove and smoked, the smell would not get on your clean shirt.  The only reason you would do this is because not only were you an addict, but you didn't want anyone to know you were an addict. 

Did you ever have have one gas station in which you bought gas, soda, etc but another gas station that you bought only cigarettes at because you didn't want the people at 1 station to know you smoked.

I used to do stuff like this alot.  I was a closet addict.  Now I am just an addict.  I've been free of nicotene for 14days.


Joined: 06 Oct 2011, 01:23

12 Oct 2011, 10:49 #274

Have you every put on a long wool coat, gloves, hat and scarf went outside in 5 degress with a 30 mph wind chill factor? And stood there shivering so you could smoke a cigarette?  I have many times because I'm an addict.


Free for 10 days.....

Joined: 16 Sep 2011, 04:28

18 Oct 2011, 02:31 #275

Oh wow -- this same thread with different postings exists under the Celebrations sub-forum.  So I'm copying mine here:

Have you ever been at work and found partially smoked cigarettes in an ashtray with lipstick stains on them and smoked them?  And you don't wear lipstick?  I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever worked for the American Cancer Society, but would go on little breaks and walk around the block so no one would see you smoking?  I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever decided you would quit smoking on your vacation and left without your smokes, then cut the vacation short and came back the next day because you needed a cigarette?  I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever had a brand new car with that great new car smell, that had never been smoked in; then you started smoking and you'd use plastic coke bottles half filled with water as an ashtray and smoke in the car with the windows rolled down (and it was 35 degrees outside)... then you'd have this disgusting thing filled with butts and your nice new car stank anyway?  I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever smoked in your car, and the lit end of the cigarette fell into the car, and you burned your fingers picking it up to throw it outside before it burned a hole in the seat?  I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever had a cigarette on the front porch late at night, put the cigarette out in a planter box... and the next morning go outside to find that the wooden planter box has been smoking and smoldering all night and half of the planter slats are now coals, and you were that close to BURNING DOWN YOUR HOUSE?

Have you ever been released from the hospital after surgery which left you with just 1/2 of ONE lung still functioning, and told the cab driver taking you home that if he didn't give you a smoke, you'd get another cab?  My grandfather did, he was an addict.

Wow... this is really awful!

Jennifer - One Month, Four Days