Days I just wanted to Die

GeorgieGirl GOLD
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

16 Jul 2003, 12:16 #21

Hi Melissa. Just got back from a wedding inter-state, back at work today and just logged on, read your post .... yes - wow. I got goosebumps all over me and my heart felt for you ... REALLY felt for you .... because I know exactly how you were feeling. As I read your story I just saw myself in so much of it. Thanks so much for sharing this part of your journey ..... Thank god we found ourselves huh? Finally there is light at the end of the dark tunnel Image.
Last edited by GeorgieGirl GOLD on 16 Apr 2009, 06:20, edited 1 time in total.

Melissa777 Gold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

17 Jul 2003, 02:33 #22

I loved reading all of your responses to my thoughts.
I knew that some would relate to one thing or another the hard time in the beginning or the rewards and peace that come after... or both.
I do realize that some have an easier time than others in the endeavor of breaking free. I just thought I would share mine to basically say that even though it was the hardest thing ever I stuck it out and feel much better no both physically and meantally.
What we are doing is and awesome and at time very challenging thing. It should be celebrated.
I cannot think of a more important thing one can do for them selves.
We are choosing life over death
we are choosing air over poison
we are choosing health over sickness
we are choosing to be strong and face what we have already done to ourselves while refusing to do anymore damage.
we are choosing freedom over imprisonment.
We are choosing to finally live and not just exist from one fix to the next.
Thank you all for reading and letting me share here in this wonderful place called freedom.
What a great Name! FREEDOM so appropriate ;-)
melissa at nine months

Suekickbutt (GOLD)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

17 Jul 2003, 14:31 #23

Wow Melissa!

I haven't logged on for literally weeks, and yours is the first post I read. It is so beautiful, and you have a real talent in putting your thoughts and feelings together.

I am not focussed on smoking/not smoking anymore, but I AM focussed on the fantastic things that come out of not smoking. I am actually going in a 14km running marathon in a few weeks. Now I was the laziest unfittest slob 14 months ago and couldn't run 10 metres without crying and wheezing, and now I can run 14 km WITHOUT STOPPING!!!! The benefits of not smoking are unbelievable and it just gets better.

Congatulations on your achievements, especially your inner peace!


I have kicked butt for 1 Year 1 Month 3 Weeks 4 Days 23 Hours 26 Minutes 28 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 12659. Money saved: A$3,797.79.

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

17 Jul 2003, 21:19 #24

I cried. I cried for NO reason at all. I cried because my brother didn't get me a beer. I cried on the 4th of July because I was too hot. I cried because my boyfriend didn't call me back within an hour - I literally thought my world was falling apart. Oddly enough, I never wanted a cig while I was having crying fits, I just kept crying. I felt like a complete basket case and I knew I needed help because it was beginning to effect my professional life as well.

I took a different path - I went to see my Doctor and got Zyban. It has helped IMMENSELY! I take a 1/2 dose (150mg) and my mood is back to normal (I am a pretty relaxed person). Many people feel as if Zyban does not help them or it makes them have side effects (I am fortunate and have not experienced any). Also, many people on the message board mentioned that it made them feel "light headed" or "out of it". I have not had that experience either. If you have the option, I urge you to speak to your Doctor to see if it is right for you. It is worth a try if you have that option!



I have been a non-smoker for 2 Weeks, 2 Days, 22 hours, 11 minutes and 50 seconds (16 days). I have saved $31.38 by not smoking 236 cigarettes. I have saved 19 hours and 40 minutes of my life.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

19 Jul 2003, 00:40 #25

Thank-you Melissa!
Truly inspirational! I sure can relate to the tough times and can't wait for "times to get better" but I too believe what you oldbies are telling us that it does get better!

Free for 3 months, 1 week and 4 days

Sal GOLD.ffn
Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

24 Jul 2003, 05:59 #26

I missed your post when it was new. Now I've read it.
Absolutely beautiful piece of writing.
Thank you for typing all those thoughts and observations out for us to read.
Sometimes the lying in bed musings are the BEST. And I too now do that because I no longer need to jump out of bed to make the coffee and smoke, smoke, smoke.
You're a gem.
Six months, one week, four days of Freedom.

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

24 Jul 2003, 21:46 #27


Thanks so much for this It is awesome and just what I needed
someone who really really understood my almost giving in



Robin Lady Di
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

31 Jul 2003, 04:37 #28

Wow Melissa, your post really hits home. I believe every word you said. You've given me more hope that I can really stay quit and know in my heart that it will get better. I just have to be patient and keep reading the message boards. I've gotten this far (18 days) I can go another day. Just take it a day at a time.

Congratulations on you commitment to quitting!

Melissa777 Gold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

28 Oct 2003, 15:28 #29

Kicking this one up in case anybody is having a hard time and needs encouragement.
I do not get on here much, not as much as I would like.
My time is limited, even now, so this was the quickest way I could think to contribute.
Who knows it may be something someone needs to read all the replies to it are insightful and inspiring too.
Hang on to your quit!
It is so worth it.
At times it may seem impossible, but please believe me when I say "you can do it just like any one else here"
You are doing it!
It will all get better. So much BETTER!
Hang in there :-)
Melissa has a year of freedom and an awesome peace.
I never knew was possible

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:01

28 Oct 2003, 15:46 #30

Hi Melissa~ I just read your post and boy, how very powerful it was. It sounded very familiar Thanks so much for the encouragement. You are doing great!! Best of luck to you.
free and healing for 3 weeks and 6 days.