confession

Retraining the conscious mind

confession

suuzann
Joined: 15 Jul 2009, 13:18

31 Jul 2009, 20:18 #1

yesterday as i was leaving work i passed a community ashtray. its right by the door as you walk in and out. well, for some reason yesterday i looked at the ashtray and saw an almost whole cigarette sticking out of the gravel and i thought, "i could smoke that".

how sick is that? i have never smoked other peoples butts even when i DID smoke and now i am imagining smoking complete strangers used cigarettes? every time i think that i am spending less time dwelling on smoking or not smoking something happens that really throws me off. i have gotten to the point where i look the other way regarding the cigarettes in my own house, i hardly even notice them and now i am taking note of discarded butts?! honestly, the way my mind works just confounds me sometimes.

suzanne
Imagenonsmoker since 07/08/09
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KMac
Joined: 01 Aug 2009, 10:42

05 Aug 2009, 11:24 #2

But you didn't smoke it, did you? THAT'S the victory - that's what you want to focus on! The fact that you thought about it for a moment - and that the thought was so hideous to you - is clearly your addict self trying to get you back to smoking. I'm not exactly a fountain of wisdom or anything, having a whopping 7 days under my belt, but I say congratulations! (And don't underestimate the power of that lizard brain/junkie mind!) Stay strong, Suzanne!
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suuzann
Joined: 15 Jul 2009, 13:18

05 Aug 2009, 14:11 #3

you're absolutely right, in the end all that counts is that i did not smoke. the route i took may be the one less traveled by the saner people assembled here, however i arrived at the desired destination all the same. thanks for the support and congrats on your quit also. i now pronounce you my fellow quitsister:)

suzanne
Imagenonsmoker since 07/08/09
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KMac
Joined: 01 Aug 2009, 10:42

05 Aug 2009, 15:25 #4

I'm honored to be your quitsister! Hey - you'll hit Green soon - something to celebrate!
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