Complacency

The emotions that flow from nicotine cessation

Complacency

Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

12 Jun 2004, 00:04 #1

Originally from the thread Emotional Loss Experienced from Quitting Smoking
I saw where a member who has been off a significant time period is seeming to be in a "bargaining" phase again. Actually, there is a phase that many people go through once they are off significant time periods that mimic bargaining. It is a stage of complacency.

The self talk a person may do when in complacency is the exact same self talk he or she may do when first quitting and bargaining. It will only be one, it'll get me through the crisis, it will be a terrible cigarette and help me secure my resolve, no one will ever know, and so on.

The only difference between the bargaining phase and the complacency phase is that when you are bargaining, you know all of the comments are lies and that you are just trying to convince yourself that you can have one. When in the state of complacency though you can believe everything you are saying. Whether you know the feelings are lies or not doesn't change the fact that they are lies.

You don't have the option of one and if you try to test the theory you are going to find yourself a smoker again. A smoker who is never going to have the support that you had last time (see Good news, our members don't relapse anymore...) and more importantly, a smoker who may never have the strength, desire or worst yet, the opportunity to quit again.

To keep this quit going is contingent on keeping your initial reasons for wanting to quit and your current reasons for want to stay quit reinforced. The more you work at securing your resolve the easier it will be and the happier you will stay in your commitment to never take another puff!



Joel


New video of this topic added August 14, 2012:



Last edited by Joel on 14 Aug 2012, 14:16, edited 5 times in total.
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Rickrob53 Gold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

12 Jun 2004, 03:07 #2

Thank you Joel. This gives me a better understanding between "bargaining" and "complacency". They really are two different concepts.

On my prior quits, I never did "bargain" myself back into smoking, because that would involve my being aware of the lies I'd have to tell myself. I was well beyond the "process of quitting" where the lies are confronted head on. So, in my mind there was nothing to lie about.

com-pla-cen-cy n. 1: Complacence; esp: self-satisfaction accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies (Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th Edition).

Yep! That's exactly how it was when I relapsed.
(I'd be willing to bet that complacency has killed more quits than bargaining).

Richard
18 weeks
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GOLDisKITTYBOO
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

21 Jun 2004, 23:56 #3

Joel (& Richard)

Thank you so very much for making this a separate thread "complacency". Although my quit is most definitely intact and concrete in my resolve to NTAP (proudly for almost 4 months now) This journey has taken a different twist..........dealing with emotional loss of anything. NTAP has taught me the different stages you go through in dealing with emotional losses; be it a person, smokes, et cetera. I had been searching to find this thread and could not remember where it was, yet the word "complacency" struck me immediately. I lost someone very close to me in the last few days who died of lung cancer after being diagnosed for only 3 months.....yet she had been suffering from many other ill effects of smoking for a few years. For any lurkers that may see this post, there are many advantages to the lessons taught in this forum; though many we may not realize until situations such as this came up for me. I was able to grasp from my "educated quit" and deal with even more of life's journey from simply making one decision almost 4 months ago to Never Take Another Puff. Just wanted to say thanks Joel.

Lisa
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UKMags1
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

08 Aug 2004, 21:55 #4

I am very familiar with the concept of complacency.
It killed a 10 year quit.
Many of you will already know that I deeply regret the loss of that quit but I comfort myself with the thought that, although it lasted 10 years, it was an uneducated quit. It's true to say that complacency led me to believe that after 10 years off cigarettes it would be 'safe' to smoke socially and I was totally convinced that not only would I be able to control the number of cigarettes smoked but that, if the worst happened, I would be able to spot that I was getting addicted and stop instantly!!! How stupid was I???? Looking back though, I simply didn't know about NTAP. I do now. If I were to make the same mistake again then that would be genuine stupidity!! (Or a deathwish maybe?). I won't be taking the chance and neither should you. You won't be able to control it any more than I could and if you decide to see if you can, you will only end up being a smoker again. That's a high price to pay to prove a point to yourself.
I know that it's often said that we learn from our mistakes but, in this case, have a go at learning from mine.

Mags
7 months + clean and staying clean for the rest of my life!!!
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Joannetta
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

05 Nov 2004, 07:53 #5

For every minute of every day we receive messages that lead us to believe that we can stay in control of nicotine. This relentless messaging is what makes it so very essential to keep our own focus and belief active and strong. The moment we become complacent, nicotine's messages will get their toe-hold.
Never, never, never take another puff.
Cheers, Joann+6e at bronze
Last edited by Joannetta on 14 Apr 2009, 06:50, edited 1 time in total.
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Rickrob53 Gold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

18 Feb 2005, 23:29 #6

com-pla-cen-cy n. 1: Complacence; esp: self-satisfaction accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies (Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th Edition).
Caring for your quit
Image
Last edited by Rickrob53 Gold on 14 Apr 2009, 06:50, edited 1 time in total.
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marty (gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

11 Mar 2005, 19:31 #7

Yep ! I guess I'm at the stage where it's very easy to be complacent, four years plus since I quit smoking. Even worse, this was my first attempt to quit. And even worse than that, I found the whole process somewhat easier than many people I speak to here at Freedom. So you might think that I have more reason to be complacent than most Image

I feel very good about myself, very proud of what I have achieved, and absolutely confident that I will never take another puff. So what stops me getting just that little bit too cocky, what is it that will prevent me indulging in a moment of madness when my guard is down ?

The answer lies in one word ... EDUCATION.

Over the last four years, the knowledge I have acquired about smoking has become deeply embedded in my psyche. I don't just remember what I have learned here, it has become a fundamental part of the way I think. I have often likened my thought processes in relation to smoking to crossing the road. When I cross the road, I instinctively look both ways to check if there are any cars coming my way. I don't do that consciously, I don't have to work at digging in my brain for an instruction on what to do, I just do it. Which doesn't mean that I'm unaware of why I do it, but it does mean that I don't have to work at it. I would do the same if I was completely drunk, or three quarters asleep, or totally distracted. The reason for all of this is simply that through childhood I was educated to do it, and I accepted that education (and the reasons that were given to me at the time).

We know that there are quitters who relapse after many years of a quit, and indeed Joel has written about some of these. But it's my belief that anyone who invests their time and mental energy here reading and learning, and who allows that knowledge to turn into a true understanding of smoking and quitting, has every reason to be confident in their own future.

So am I worried about getting complacent ? Nahhhh. But I'll still remain on guard against it for the rest of my life Image

Marty
NOT A PUFF FOR four years, three months, one week, one day; 28,111 cigarettes not smoked, saving £6,324.98; extending my life by 13 weeks, 6 days
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Starshinegrl Gold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

11 Mar 2005, 19:57 #8

Thank you, Joel, for bumping this up and thank you, Marty, for your entry.
I guess your post just gave me another Image-moment and answers this question, which I put into my diary a few days ago:
How do you know that you have reached the "comfort zone" and that you are not just complacent?
That is something I'm really afraid of ... thinking: oh, I AM quite comfortable with my non-practising addict status (which I am, most days!) and not knowing if I'm just getting complacent ...
Confidence is another key ... I've learned to cross a road here in England (where they drive on the "wrong" side) and had to change the way I look for traffic coming ... I've learnt to look to the right first and now just do it instinctively.
"But it's my belief that anyone who invests their time and mental energy here reading and learning, and who allows that knowledge to turn into a true understanding of smoking and quitting, has every reason to be confident in their own future."
Thank you! Image
Gitte
105 days and a bit
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ivanochiki007
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Jun 2005, 03:35 #9

I smoked my last cigarette on April 5, so it is a bit over two months now. Not quite sure if I am still bargaining or if this is complacency, but I have had a couple of thoughts that dangerously ressemble the ones described in this thread.
A couple of days ago when my dearest was on a business trip, I was sitting alone on the balcony and there was his pack lying around, and a lighter next to it. It is not that I actually wanted to smoke, it was more like "I could have one and nobody will ever know.' It was for only a second, but this episode really scared me. Most of the time I feel absolutely great and don't miss smoking at all. So why even for a second consider this one 'secret' cigarette?
Well, cause I am an addict.
But luckily for me, I remember, that there is not such a thing as just one. And I don't want to become a smoker, NEVER again. If that means reading my first post with all the reasons for quitting every day, so be it. Reminding myself of WHY I quit will certainly not hurt.
Ivano
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JoeJFree Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

27 Nov 2006, 08:47 #10

The subject of becoming complacent came up earlier in another string today. It was mixed in with a little Conventional Wisdom by a newer member. This is a good read in order to set the record straight and true..
The self talk a person may do when in complacency is the exact same self talk he or she may do when first quitting and bargaining. It will only be one, it'll get me through the crisis, it will be a terrible cigarette and help me secure my resolve, no one will ever know, and so on.
The only difference between the bargaining phase and the complacency phase is that when you are bargaining, you know all of the comments are lies and that you are just trying to convince yourself that you can have one. When in the state of complacency though you can believe everything you are saying. Whether you know the feelings are lies or not doesn't change the fact that they are lies.
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on 14 Apr 2009, 06:51, edited 1 time in total.
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