Buddy Systems

carvoiero gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

23 Apr 2004, 06:47 #41

Hi John,
I just read your post about Freedom's 40% 6 month cessation rate. How can you tell - if I decided not to post any more it wouldn't necessarily mean I had gone back to nicotine - and you must have lots of successful quitters who just stop posting as they get on with their non smoking lives? I would have thought that - good though 40% is - the rate was even higher than that. I don't like to think that 'the majority
of all new members will relapse'. I want us all to be winners! Do you follow up on those that stop posting to find out if they relapsed?
Whatever your answers, I know that what you are all doing for me is fantastic and I am committed to being in the 40%!
Thank you.
Marion
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whynotmee1
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

20 Jul 2004, 21:03 #42

Joel, Thanks for your advice on this one. I would have thought going threw something with someone else at the same time would be of benefit. Now, I see after reading this just what your talking about. I'm so glad I have your knowledge to turn to. I'm learning! I know I'm making mistakes, but turning those mistakes around and learning useful info is a important key to winning. Learning One Day at a Time.
DA-smokefree:11days
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

31 Dec 2004, 06:47 #43

Nobody here, whether a new quitter or a longer term quitter should be seeking help or assistance from our newest members. Newer members are here to learn and to work at securing their own quits and should not feel any responsibility or obligation to be helping others in the early stages of their quits. Newer members are here to learn and not to teach. The string The Teaching of Conventional Wisdom at Freedom also covers why newer member should not be the ones sought out to learn about how to sustain long-term success. At this point in time no new member has proven that he or she has mastered sustaining a quit. They will prove it to themselves and to us as they get more and more time behind them with their quits intact by having stuck with their commitments to never take another puff!

Joel
Last edited by Joel on 14 Apr 2009, 04:08, edited 1 time in total.
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

27 Mar 2005, 23:02 #44

The uneducated and unsupported quitter has roughly 1 in 20 odds (5%) of succeeding in remaining nicotine free for one year. Two new quitters buddying-up can all too easily become heavy reliance crutches for each other, which if one relapses spells relapse for both. Why lean upon a crutch with 95% odds of breaking? If we want to have another quitter support us in this journey it makes sense to select a person who does not face substantial odds of craving, caving and relapsing themselves.
Millions of words here at Freedom but just one guiding principle determining the outcome for all ... no nicotine today, Never Take Another Puff. John (Gold x5)
Last edited by John (Gold) on 14 Apr 2009, 04:14, edited 1 time in total.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Jun 2005, 01:49 #45

They are not cured but they are more secure and probably have a deeper understanding of not only what quitting is like, but more important what it is like not to be using after an extended time period. This is the message that the person in the middle of a quit needs to hear. Not just what today is like, they know that already. Talking with people only in this stage of the game is just sharing misery. What is more important for the person in withdrawal is to understand the importance of overcoming this time period. To hang in to see what next week, next month or even next year will be like, if they just don't smoke for these time periods. Who better to deliver this message than people off these amounts of time? Smokers who never quit smoking know what it is like to smoke. Smokers who are in the middle of their first week of quitting know what it is like to smoke and what it is like to be in withdrawal. But smokers who are off for longer time periods know what it is like to smoke, quit, and stay off. They know there is life after smoking, life after withdrawal. The people who even know more are those who have smoked, quit, went through withdrawal, stayed off months or maybe years, relapsed, quit again, and are now off a long time. They have more experience than anyone does and likely a deeper appreciation of the addiction and recognition of how precious and fragile their quit actually is. They still have to work at it, but it is among the most worthwhile work that they do any given day.
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

14 Jan 2006, 22:30 #46

Many of us have lived this Joel lesson in prior quits. Every now and Image then we'll see it here at Freedom, where two quitters are leaning so heavily upon each other that when one encounters trouble they both do.
It is ok to quit with friends or loved ones. It is ok to offer them support and encouragement along the way. What is extremely riskly is in allowing them to become your key source of motivation.
In your mind, insulate yourself now. See yourself as being fully able to continue on regardless of whether or not they relapse. Picture yourself, if need be, being the leader and fully willing to go the distance to show your smoking friend or loved one that life without nicotine is entirely do-able, and far far easier than living an endless stream of mandatory chemical feedings.
Let this be your loving gift of you to you. Hold it close and protect it above all else.
John
Last edited by John (Gold) on 14 Apr 2009, 04:19, edited 2 times in total.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Feb 2006, 23:29 #47

Smokers who are in the middle of their first week of quitting know what it is like to smoke and what it is like to be in withdrawal. But smokers who are off for longer time periods know what it is like to smoke, quit, and stay off. They know there is life after smoking, life after withdrawal. The people who even know more are those who have smoked, quit, went through withdrawal, stayed off months or maybe years, relapsed, quit again, and are now off a long time. They have more experience than anyone does and likely a deeper appreciation of the addiction and recognition of how precious and fragile their quit actually is. They still have to work at it, but it is among the most worthwhile work that they do any given day.

These people are here, and for you newbies. I am using "newbie" here as people in the first few days of their quit, even if they have been here in the past, this is a new quit for them. If you want real support, turn to the longer-term ex-smokers. They will help you in ways that you may not yet be able to help each other. But take heart here, this is not saying that you won't be able to help others too. But your primary focus needs to be on your own quit now.

Keep in mind, you will only be a smoker in the middle of a quit for a short time period. Pretty soon you will be the seasoned veteran. When this happens, remember how past seasoned veterans helped you and pass along the support. This community should only grow larger over time. Staying to help others will help secure your own quit too. Many programs use the phrase, "To keep it, you have to give it away." No where is this more true than dealing with addictions. And never lose sight that smoking is an addiction. Whether today is your first day, your hundredth day or your thousandth day, the trick to beating your addiction for today is the same, never take another puff!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Joel
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Sal GOLD.ffn
Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

08 Jan 2007, 09:17 #48

Freedom is a tool to help you with your quit. We are giving you an addiction education. But you need to keep these lessons with you, incorporate the education into your general knowledge and way of life. Your success is contingent on you and you alone. Your quit is contingent on only you remembering that to stay smoke free you must never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel Spitzer
Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

29 Jan 2009, 01:27 #49

I noticed some of the posts on this board have not been viewed by any member since we moved our site. This post had only two views. Now it is possible that new members are reading the materials at www.whyquit.com which is great. There are however numerous articles that we had at the old MSN board and now also at this new site that are not at the www.whyquit.com website. I will try to pop a few up a day for new members, but I do encourage people first joining to to through the boards that we have set up here and read through the articles. The more you read and understand, the more prepared you will be when encountering awkward times such as finding a pack or other kinds of unexpected triggers to stick to your personal commitment to never take another puff. Joel
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Joe J free
Joined: 18 Jan 2009, 06:57

19 Apr 2010, 15:14 #50

From the 4th post in this string:

"To be honest, there are a lot of boards out there for people looking for this kind of social support. We are different here, we want the longer-term quitters to be the teachers and the "newbies" to be benefit from their successful experiences. Don't be mistaken, you won't be newbies for long and we will actively want your support to help new members joining very soon. But for now, Newbies should spend more time learning than supporting others or teaching.


Again, your time for teaching will come. And you will find it a rewarding experience as well as a great reinforcement in keeping your resolve strong to stay smoke free. But for now the important issue is freeing yourself of nicotine. For that goal we offer you the Freedom Board and welcome you all."

Joel
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