Buddy Systems

GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

14 Dec 2002, 00:50 #31

Image while we tend to enjoy a "specialness" and/or a certain "bonding" with a member quitting the same time as us, or becoming members at the same time, it is more important to remember that our quits must be ours and ours alone.

Linda
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Jan 2003, 22:24 #32

Imagine two infants trying to support
each other as they take their first steps.
Does that sound prudent?
Make sure that any buddy assisting you in learning to
walk already knows how to do so themselves!
Last edited by John (Gold) on 14 Apr 2009, 03:52, edited 1 time in total.
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GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

02 Mar 2003, 08:14 #33

I read in a post today where one new member said to another that they could support each other. While it's nice to have someone who's quit the same time as a friend, we strongly recommend at Freedom that you do not lean upon that person to help you with your quit. Listen to the people who are comfortable and understand what nicotine addiction is all about, for they are truly in the position to help you understand what you are going through. The way you feel when you first quit smoking is NOT the way it feels to be a comfortable ex smoker. So read and learn and read and learn and before you know it, you too will also be a comfortable ex smoker.

Linda
3 years plus
Last edited by GrumpyOMrsS (Gold) on 14 Apr 2009, 03:53, edited 2 times in total.
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ladygrace
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:05

08 Mar 2003, 05:34 #34

Thank you, Joel. I don't need a "buddy", I need a mentor. Someone older and wiser into their non smoking life than I am. Someone with experience and the abiltiy to guide me. Thank you for being such a great mentor to all of us.
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valeriescleanGOLD
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

08 Mar 2003, 05:48 #35

Ladygrace you are right on- I have always contested that EXPERIENCE was the greatest teacher. Every day of Freedom is reason to celebrate. Heres to Freedom's Bronze, Silver adnd Gold members! They SHOW us we can do this! Golds PROVE a year is possible. Silvers PROVE triggers are overcomable and Bronzes PROVE comfort awaits! Heres to LIFE!
Valerie
2 Months 6 Days
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BubblyDoodlebug Gold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:10

09 Jun 2003, 20:02 #36

I don't have a buddy. I do have someone who has stopped smoking a few years ago who used to smoke lots more than I ever did. She is my boss and she is so supportive. When she found out I had quit she started crying. She said it scares her to see people smoke. She never gave me any advise about quitting but when I saw her cry for joy that really got to me. She also gave me a month party (a little early), she bought pizza and gave me gifts. The next day I was talking to a co-worker and told her I don't see how I could ever go back to smoking now after she gave me the party. I would feel like such a brat. I don't want to make her cry sad tears. I'm not looking for a buddy but I do keep my eye on the vets. posts because I do get a lot of wisdom reading them, I also read the newbies posts because it reminds me how hard it would be to start all over again. There are some people's posts here that I love to catch like Red Orris, she is so positive and honest and I like her style and Rickdabler seems so much fun, he makes not smoking such a cool thing to do and there are others, it is so neat to see people's personalities in their posts. Like Joel he is a caring person but also a no nonsense type of person. Taking on that nononsense attitude has kept me from relapsing, it took away the power of excuse making and the way we can justify our taking another puff. Taking on his attitude made me realize I had to be SERIOUS about never taking another puff. I knew coming into the group that I couldn't go through a trial or tribulation go back to smoking and then post about it and have everyone go on about how I can try again and baby me. Before joining the group I had to ask myself "Are you really ready to commit yourself to this because if not I'll be banished forever." Katherine
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OBob Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

10 Jun 2003, 02:54 #37

Hi Katherine. Having an experienced mentor... or multiple mentors.... that's a good thing. It's different than the buddy-system issue in that your mentor(s) is/are experienced, and aren't going through all of the early quit issues at the same time as you (they've already passed that test). So, Yeah! Keep your mentors and learn. I had a couple of real-world... more examples than mentors.... when I first quit. It helped to watch them, and to use their inspiration in times of difficulty.

YQB,

ImageBob
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Lyverbyrd
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

20 Jul 2003, 02:42 #38

My mentors are all right here.
My partner has quit smoking, and is finding it difficult but perservering. His quit is very much separate from mine, but I'm going to try to get him to come here to post; I think he lurks here sometimes anyway.

The friend I mentioned earlier on in my posts here, the one who was adamant I couldn't do it; his quit has failed, I saw him smoking earlier today, but he hasn't told me.

I think this sort of mentoring system works better for me. I have all the support I need right here without the added complication of you all truly knowing who I am. You know what I'm going through, and where I'm heading, and it means that the tough love policy of freedom is going to be more effective than the possibility of someone I'm friends with massaging my ego if I decide to relapse.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Oct 2003, 00:30 #39

I just pulled the post from a member who was saying that she was having problems and wanted people to help. Her method of asking for help though was to ask people to write her off directly via email and off the board. We do not operate that way here at Freedom. There is a good chance when any member looks for this kind of one on one help that they are looking to form a buddy system. We offer all the help we can right here on the board. We want to ensure that anyone asking for support or more likely advice is getting advice that is medically and psychologically warranted and sound. Trying to take support into the background is not taking full advantage of what we really can do here to help at Freedom. If any member ever feels that there is something of a private matter that he or she does not wish to post on the board, drop any of the managers and email. We will be glad to help.

Joel
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Feb 2004, 00:59 #40

No Crutches - Especially Ones Likely to Break
Freedom's almost 40% six-month continuous nicotine cessation rate may sound rather amazing and it may very likely be the highest InterImage net recovery rate in the world, but it still means that the majority of all new members will relapse.

Although it's great to see new members encourage and support each other, it is extremely dangerous to psychologically link their quest to yours. Root for each other, pull for each other but also know with every fiber of your being that your recovery belongs only to you and that their relapse will not stop you from completing this temporary journey of adjustment and tasting lasting comfort.
There was always only one rule, no nicotine today! John
Last edited by John (Gold) on 14 Apr 2009, 03:54, edited 1 time in total.
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