Buddy Systems

Victoria
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 18:59

07 Apr 2001, 21:42 #11

Dear Joel;
Thank you for this repost today.The clarification of why the buddy link is not advocated here makes sense to me. My quit is mine. My focus needs to be on me;my reasons to choose to never take another puff.
Victoria.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Apr 2001, 22:57 #12

I see a few people are preparing for family members to quit. It is great if they do, for them and your time together. But your quit has got to remain independent from theirs as does theirs for you. Hopefully everyone here will eventually belong to smoke free families and smoke free societies. But until that point, your life can stay smoke free no matter what other's do around you as long as you never take another puff!

Joel
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Steve K
Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:05

22 May 2001, 05:57 #13

Just a word about quit buddies -- my best friend and I have both racked up a considerable number of unsuccessful quits in the past, mostly because we WERE quit buddies! We'd quit on the same day and "support" each other, but basically we were just waiting for the other one to give up. This gave the other person an excuse to smoke too. I know it sounds crazy, but that's what happened each time we tried it. Joel is right on about the sponsor system. A buddy may be able to help you GET smoke-free (over the first few days), but they can't teach you how to LIVE smoke-free. You need people who have lived through difficult situations and can prove that it is possible to go through births, deaths, weddings, divorces, and all the rest of this roller-coaster ride we call life, without a cigarette. So how is the buddy system working today? I now have almost two and a half months smoke-free, and my former-buddy (but still best friend) is still smoking after two attempts to quit using his girlfriend as his buddy. There's a lesson in here somewhere...

Love to you all,
Steve K.

I have been Quit for: 2M 1W 6D 17h 28m. I have NOT smoked 1494 cigarettes, for a savings of $242.87. Total Life Saved: 5D 4h 30m.
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

16 Jul 2001, 22:32 #14

We seem to be getting a good number of new people in at Freedom. Often when a number of people come in at the same time, a feeling of instant rapport and affiliation by age of the quit can be formed. But as the above string illustrates, don't let this be the bond that ties you to another individual. You do not know how long this person will stay a member and you do not know how long this person will stay off of smoking. We have a lot of longer term stable quitters here, hundreds of them with dozens of them participating at any given time. Use the group for your guide, not an individual. You will be much safer and get a better overall perspective of why you quit and why you should never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

30 Jul 2001, 23:11 #15

For Iquit:
Sorry about your friends relapsing, for their sake it is a terrible thing. But your quit is independent of theirs or from anyone elses in fact either here at Freedom or in your live world. Over time people will relapse around you but that is not because relapse is inevitable, it is because they don't understand or believe the bottom line of treating this addiction. One puff and their quit is out the window. But your quit will stay secure as long as you learn from other peoples mistakes and not your own. To stay smoke free always remember that you can never take another puff!
Joel
Last edited by Joel on 14 Apr 2009, 03:47, edited 1 time in total.
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Teeisfree GOLD
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

14 Aug 2001, 08:26 #16

Hi
I do have a buddy that introduced me to the site.
Every now and then he checks in with me to see how the quit is going. Amazingly enough he usually contacts me when I am struggling.
Maybe it isn't so amazing because he can tell by my absence from the board that I am becoming complacent.
Our quits are definitely independent from one another but every now and then I am nudged back to Freedom to reinforce my quit.
My quit partner is family and is anxious for us both to succeed
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

13 Dec 2001, 05:27 #17

For Carmella:

It is great that both you and your husband have quit smoking--but it is essential that you both feel that the primary reason you have stopped is for yourself and not for each other. You both derive your own personal benefits from quitting. Your quit will stay secure whether he stays off or not as long as you always remember from now on that you want to be free and that to accomplish this goal you must never take another puff!

Joel

P.S. Pass this along for him to read to. Because for him to stay off no matter what you do entails him knowing to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

19 Dec 2001, 03:58 #18

Image For Chris:

Whenever anyone is quitting at the same time as a spouse, anger can become an issue. But not only anger from specific situations may be at play, you both my start to feel that you are depriving yourself of cigarettes for the benefit of the other.

As soon as this kind of feeling happens, you can begin to resent your quit and the other person for making you do it. Well in fact, he is not making you quit and you are not making him quit. You both are quitting in spite of the other persons wants or desires. It is crucial that you see it this way, for otherwise you can start to believe that you are depriving yourself of a cigarette as opposed to ridding yourself of smoking.

This kind of thinking can aggravate you and threaten your quit. Make sure you husband reads this one too, for his own sake. But always know your quit is secure as long as you stay focused on why you choose to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

30 Dec 2001, 00:00 #19

This is another thread we will be keeping near the top with a possible New Years influx. When we get a large number of people quitting at the same time, they often feel they have a lot more to share with people who share the same quitting day than from the more established and secure long-term ex-smoker.

People off a day or two or even a few days know what it is like to be in withdrawal and know what it is like to be in the early throws of a quit. They also know what it is like to be a smoker. But they may not yet be well versed on what it is like to be a longer term ex-smoker and what it entails to stay off.

Focusing on these last two points are going to be of greater value to a recent quitter than on what life is like early on in a quit. You will get the perspective of achieving long-term success by reading and listening to a comprehensive range of time period quitters, not just those in your same situation.

There is a great wealth and breadth of experiences here, take advantage of them all. The more you read and the more people you learn from the greater the chance that your unquestionable goal will remain to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

05 Jan 2002, 10:12 #20

I just saw we have 19 new members join in the past few days. It is natural for new members to look for people who quit on the exact same day, but be careful turning to just these people for real insights. Their experience is pretty much limited to your same perspective.

If you listen to them along with all the people at many different time frames you start to get a more accurate sense of the true spectrum of changes that will occur over time as opposed to what it is just like right now.

Basically, each of you know what it is like right now for you--what is more important is what it will be like as you get further and further away from your last cigarette. It will keep getting better and easier on many levels and stay on that course as long as you always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
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