Be Prepared: those we love are destined to die

Be Prepared: those we love are destined to die

John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

04 Jun 2002, 19:15 #1

Don't Use Death to Destroy Your Quit 


Can we prepare ourselves now to better cope and remain nicotine free during some of life's more certain hurdles by looking ahead and visualizing the steps, process or even the emotions that may be associated with them? Although we each know that there is no legitimate excuse for relapse, the addict deep within knows that some excuses are easier to sell than others. Sadly, many recovered addicts use death as an excuse for relapse. 

Death is as much a part of life as birth. If we continue to live we will each eventually lose someone we love. The death of our entire circle of friends and family is inevitable. Our parents will die, our brothers and sisters will pass away, our spouse or companion will eventually leave, our friends will each die, and sadly our children and grandchildren are all destined to eventually leave this world. 

I spent time yesterday on the telephone with Debbie who is now a pack and a half into her nicotine relapse. Debbie's mother is in ICU on life-support where her condition is terminal. The end is very near and the family is coming to terms with what must naturally follow. Although the news hit Debbie extremely hard, she knows in her mind that her final goodbye is still ahead, as well as all the steps that normally accompany the death of a loved one. 

A few years ago I held my mother in my arms as I watched her draw that final breath. Looking back, it was a very special moment but at the time I never felt more lost and alone. When I laid her down and turned off her oxygen machine it all seemed so final. They couldn't get their stretcher down the narrow hall to her room so I picked her up and carried her out. At the time I still smoked and afterwards I went into the backyard alone with just my sorrow, my memories and my nicotine. 

It wasn't long before I found myself inside this big room with about fifty different styles of coffins and this man in a blue suit was telling Dad and I to take our time in picking one out. As the oldest son I also had to write a short statement for the obituary in the paper, I was asked to briefly speak for the family at the church service, I stood by her grave as her coffin was slowly lowered into the ground, and I was expected to handle all aspects of her estate. Many of my relatives smoked and there was lots of smoking every step of the way, even at mom's grave following the funeral. 

My prayers are with Debbie and with all who must endure the loss of a loved one. Her quit was young and fragile and she fully understands that she used her deep sense of sorrow as her mind's excuse for relapse. I offer this post in hopes that it might cause others to visualize themselves enduring the death of a loved one, while at the same time keeping their quit safe and secure. 

Like most of you, I have not yet experienced death as an ex-smoker. I still face the possibility of someday losing my father and other more senior family members. Although we can never be prepared to have them absent from our lives, we can prepare to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! 

Breathe deep, hug hard, live long, 
John - Freedom's Gold Club
Last edited by John (Gold) on 13 Feb 2012, 12:33, edited 2 times in total.
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Triin (GOLD)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

05 Jun 2002, 19:41 #2

I actually remembered this story when my mom died, and thought about it. I think it helped not to start smoking.

YQS Triin Image
I have been quit for 1 year, 3 months and 1,5 weeks
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

12 Jul 2002, 00:23 #3

 





By taking a moment to reflect upon what might be the most horrific experience that you could possibly imagine and then seeing yourself remaining 100% nicotine free while navigating each step necessary to move beyond it, it might make life's less significant challenges seem far more doable.
Last edited by John (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:42, edited 2 times in total.
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Kiwi (Gone GOLD )
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:29

12 Jul 2002, 17:28 #4

At the time when a parent is lost to us through death, the only sound we can easily hear is the beating of our own heart. It can , indeed, be such a lonely time.

Today is the anniversary of my own Mother's death. I experienced her death as a smoker. Today, I deal with the memory of her loss as an ex-smoker. Today, I am sad that my Mum did not get the relief of knowing me as being in charge of this addiction. Today, I am also glad that I am in charge.

Debbie, my heart goes out to you at this time of your distress. Seek sustenance from us here ,as you are able. Stay true to taking care of yourself in your comittment to quit. You CAN do this, as well as grieving for your Mother.
XX Kiwi
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DubiouslyDos
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

13 Jul 2002, 00:29 #5

 The junkie in me wants to use the lose of my family member as a "reason" to resume my habit. Honestly some days I want to give in still...but my grandfather, who is/was my father by choice had never been prouder when I turned green here at Freedom and was able to tell him that I had finally quit. That was the last time I spoke with him....each time the nicodemon whispers in my ear to smoke...I remember how interested he was in the message boards here at Freedom (being born in 1906, he was very interested about the internet) and how wonderful he thought it was that I had found a way to truely quit smoking. Death of a loved one is not a reason to continue to feed an addiction...no matter if it's nicotine or anything else. Never take another puff....breathe easy!

Life will continue or you will suffer loss....but whatever happens....do not risk your quit!

Dubiously Dos
1 Month 2 Weeks 3 Days 1 Hour 19 Minutes
1,352 Cigarettes I did not choose to smoke
Last edited by DubiouslyDos on 11 Oct 2010, 19:42, edited 1 time in total.
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Aug 2002, 08:55 #6


We wish that none of us ever needed to experience the loss of a loved one, but in truth almost all of us will. It's highly likely that most here will live long enough to lose someone we hold very dear to our hearts. Will we consider using their death and our tremendous despair as our mind's junkie excuse to reach for nicotine and relapse? Is that how we'd honor their memory, relapse and yet another endless cycle of active chemical dependency?
There is no excuse for relapse!
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John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

11 Sep 2002, 22:30 #7

Since the beginning of time humans have banded and bonded together. When any one of them died the entire group shared the loss. In today's world of instant communications we're closer to one and other than ever before. Like extended family, regardless of where tragedy strikes we can all sense the loss. Never allow another's death to be used as an excuse to destroy your freedom by freeing your addiction. Just one puff and the healing is over!
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BillW Gold.ffn
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

17 Sep 2002, 22:27 #8

Image for those who need it this morning.....

BillW
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Joel
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

29 Sep 2002, 20:16 #9

Image For Lilac
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Lilac (Bronze)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

29 Sep 2002, 21:48 #10

No, no, no, it may have sounded as if I was using my son's death as an excuse to smoke but I would never do that. He wanted me to stop smoking through many years and I couldn't even do that for him before he died My point was how can I even contemplate putting loss of cigarettes in the same frame as the loss of my son . How could I even contemplate it? Lilac
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