Be Prepared: those we love are destined to die

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

04 Feb 2008, 07:56 #41


What a great post.

Unfortunately , I have had this happen, since being a non smoker.

Two deaths.

One on December 10th. 2007 Father in law.

One on December 31st 2007 Step Father.

This day 12/31/07 is also my quit date! one year! Wasn't as happy as I'd hoped.

I did feel prepared. I have spent the year , being aware of triggers, and I believe it got me through.

My quit is too important. I also believe the two great guys I lost, would have been crushed, seeing me start smoking. They were both soo proud of me.

I could have smoked, believe me! But they would still be gone. What would that have helped?

One interesting side note. While in Kentucky for one of the Funerals. We walked in the mortuary, and the smell of smoke could have knocked you down.
I live in Colorado, where you can't smoke in public places , (except airport bars) It's really strange to see states, that still allow smoking inside.

I pray I'll always be shocked at the smell!

Thank GOD !

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2008, 03:27 #42

John, thank you for addressing an issue that crosses all of our minds but that is sometimes difficult to talk about. I haven't lost anyone yet as an ex-smoker either but I have wondered about whether I would reach for nicotine if one of my children died. It shows you how nicotine addiction poses as a fix for despair. I say "poses" because, in reality, it is only creating the illusion of relief from despair caused by withdrawal... Unfortunately, grief also triggers loss of interest in oneself and one's own health. It's too bad, because this interest is bound to return as one heals from grief the natural way.

There is no good reason to stop quitting.

(81 days)

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2008, 04:22 #43

It is horrible for any mother or father to think about the loss of a child but should the  mind ever contemplate this horrific nightmare, let it do so still free and in charge. Ilona, Wednesday morning I received a nightmare phone call that my closest friend had died in her sleep at age 50. I'm still hoping this is some bad dream and I'll awaken soon and together we'll have a chuckle over it.

You may find this hard to believe but seeing this thread again was the very first time since learning of Harriet's passing 54 hours ago that the "thought" of smoking has entered this brain. Even now it isn't a "thought" of me smoking but my sincere hope that when life visits death upon each of you, and it will, that the insanity of adding active drug addiction to your grief will be as clear as it is to me. There was always only one rule ... no nicotine today!

Breathe deep, hug hard, live long,

John (Gold x9)
Last edited by John (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:58, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

07 Jun 2008, 08:53 #44

I just got word my ex-mother in law died. We don't have enough time nor energy for me to type why my x-in laws are very near and dear to my heart. Trust me, I call him every night as she has been ill and in a nursing home. The x-father in law and I are close buddies. It's taken many years for this to happen. I am very sorry she has passed, she had a major stroke 14 years ago than another stroke last night. Bottom line is, after several emotionally charged conversations with family members and after hearing of her passing, I didn't even think of a nicotine feed. I got off the phone & started talking about it to my hubby and went, Oh my gosh, I didn't even think of a smoke....funny how it just sneaks up on you and the craves do go away. Tho the thunderstorms this afternoon did bring on a short crave....but very short....thanks for the rant, for almost 27 days tonight at 11pm. yahoo.....!