Be Prepared: those we love are destined to die

Joanne Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

19 Dec 2003, 16:31 #21

".....if we plan on living a full life then we're each almost certain to lose someone close. "
I just love your choice of words, simple and precise. Well said, John!

This string as a whole sits high on the subject of relapse prevention. What can hurt more than the death of someone we love? Personally, I can't think of one thing. The ultimate pain we speak of here in no way provides an ultimate reason to relapse. Smoking doesn't help in a crisis, smoking is a crisis. Activating ourImage addiction cannot relieve us of pain and sorrow, believing otherwise is a falacy, an open arena of illogical thinking. Junkie thinking!

Should any of us make the decision to take a cigarette it should be understood that we don't take just one, we take them all. All of them until they cripple and kill us. The law of addiction is precise, it's all or nothing.

At this time of year some of us are in the midst of planning for a very religious holiday celebration. Our emotions can skyrocket during this time. While looking at my last post from August on this thread, my heart sort of sunk a bit. This will be our first holiday without my sister. She was taken from us unexpectedly and it is still quite hard to comprehend. As sad as this is, you must believe that there is not even a trace of junkie thinking in my mind, nothing back in August and nothing now. How do we get to this point?

As said back in August....
I clearly understand the law of addiction and you should, too. I haven't smoked for almost five years and some might say that at this point it must be the comfort that keeps me safe. It is much more than that, a lesson I learned the hard way where ignorance destroyed a six year quit. I took a puff. Take heed, a lesson in which you should learn from the mistakes of others, rather than your own.

We may never be prepared for what lies ahead but we can still be assured that we each have a quit100% guaranteed free of relapse, all we have to do is NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. (and don't forget, we do that one day at a time)


John (Gold)
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Jan 2004, 22:02 #22

Losing a loved one is a devastating yet natural part of life But  if we can picture ourselves navigating each step of this experience without reaching for nicotine then all lesser challenges will hopefully seem a bit more manageable.

The next few minutes are doable. We're with you in spirit and the millions of archived words here at Freedom boil down to one premise - no nicotine today, Never Take Another Puff! John
Last edited by John (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:43, edited 2 times in total.

GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

15 Mar 2004, 03:06 #23

Over the years we've seen many members lose close loved ones and not use their passing as an excuse for chemical relapse. If death is a legitimate reason for relapse then we need to turn off the lights right now and close Freedom's doors because if we plan on living a full life then we're each almost certain to lose someone close.

Regardless of the nature or gravity of any challenge life throws our way, adding chemical relapse to the challenge makes absolutely no sense at all. The next few minutes are all any of us can control and each will always be entirely doable. Only one rule, no nicotine today!
Breathe deep, hug hard, live long! John
Last edited by GrumpyOMrsS (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:43, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

16 Mar 2004, 08:30 #24

Thanks for was recommended and helpful. My "other" mother was a 40+ year smoker.......

Rickrob53 Gold
Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

12 Apr 2004, 23:23 #25

I felt that I needed to bring this thread to the top for a little self re-inforcement as Dad died last Thursday (4/8/04)(Mom passed 5 years ago). I'm sure that as I have my moments of feeling absolutely secure in my quit that I may also have my moments where I might feel a little less secure.

When I got the call near midnight that he was on life support, and was racing 45 miles to the hospital, all I could think about was to just get there, and that I won't smoke...I won't smoke...I won't smoke. I didn't because I recalled reading about how a life changing event won't be altered any by smoking again. That smoking would just make it worse. He died 15 minutes before I reached the hospital. I still wouldn't smoke.

The next days over the weekend were so busy that I truly did not have time to think about smoking. I feel much stronger about my quit having survived the weekend, and even though we have to still get through the service and other events, I don't sense any weakness in my resolve to stay quit.

I'm very grateful that there is so much good information about this issue on this site. I know that without it, I surely would have relapsed. Particularly, since I'm still an infant in my quit. Like I said, I just wanted to bring this to the top for me. I'm not in a crisis! But there are some articles that Joel has about this issue that I can't find. So If someone could bring them up it would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

12 Apr 2004, 23:47 #26

If we quit and continue to associate with people who continue to smoke, we are almost guaranteed to outlive a large percentage of those we care about. We have to be prepared for that eventuality and realize that our smoking will not make it better or easier.

My best friend died about a year ago of a heart attack at 55. The autopsy implicated smoking induced arteriosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) caused by smoking. He was a heavy smoker of Camel filterless. My continued smoking did not bring him back or really help with my emotional state in any way. It just made it tough to breath after I cried.

There is NO excuse for a relapse. There is NO good reason to smoke AT ALL!!!


I miss you Gary. Wish you were here.


richard This is It GOLD
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

13 Apr 2004, 02:04 #27

My sincere condolences RickRob....

Interesting you bring this post "to the top today" - it's exactly a year ago I received the phone call saying "get on a plane".

Imagerichard (another one, 2 years one month)
Last edited by richard This is It GOLD on 11 Oct 2010, 19:45, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

13 Apr 2004, 02:52 #28


I am so proud that you didnt give in during such a difficult time. I send my most hearfelt sympathies and condolences out to you for the loss of your Father. Stay strong - you won't regret that you did.
Journey beyond comfort
The journey home
Acknowledge the negative--but dwell on the positive
I hope these help. Just remember - just for this day, you will not smoke. You are doing great!
I've been quit for 1 month, 10 days, 15 hours, 52 minutes and 14 seconds (41 days).
I've not smoked 610 death sticks, and saved $268.81.
I've saved 2 day(s), 3 hour(s) of my life.
Last edited by Angelicrosegonegreen1 on 11 Oct 2010, 19:47, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Apr 2004, 08:20 #29

Thanks for bringing this thread to the top of the pile. I had never seen it before, but I am certainly glad to see it now.

I started a quit in October, 2002, and it lead to the first complete absence from nicotine for any period of time that I had known since 1960. I was so over-joyed, so certain of myself, so convinced from all I had learned, that relapse was not a risk.

Ny wife was diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer in April, 2003, and I did not smoke, or even think of smoking.

She died on the eve of our 35th wedding anniversary, July 12, 2003, and I did not smoke, or even thnink of smoking.

However, one day near the end of September, 2003, feeling a little depressed, I suppose, a little bored, I decided that "just one couldn't hurt".

I lost that quit, and could not start another until Ash Wednesday this year.

And that loss nearly killed me. Within three days, I had developed a head cold (I thought). More likely, allergic reaction to nicotine, it seems to me. It wouldn't clear up. I demanded two courses of anti-biotics (even though I suspected the smoking) and that did no good. I tried some over the counter meds to counteract what I called post-nasal drip, made me cough up phlegm all the time (even though I strongly suspected the smoking). I went to one doctor (about my 4th) who told me I had the beginnings of emphysema, if not something worse (but I didn't tell him I was smoking). I tried to cut down with the patch (even though I knew from past experience that I would never stop smoking on the patch, I would smoke AND patch, which I did). By Christmas, I had continuous chest pain, I was on some heavy duty anti-biotics and an advair puffer; and with all of that, plus three weeks in Florida, I was still not better. Coughing continously. Exhausted.

This continued all through January and into February.

Talk about the power of DENIAL and the power of this Addiction!

Then I remembered about this site, and the education I had obtained here as a lurker. I came "home". I am miraculously well again, in every particular, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

And now I know: I wasn't prepared for the aftermath of my wife's death. Oh, I handled the details just fine, planned the funeral, sorted out the estate, comforted the children, did everything that had to be done -- except -- I broke the Law of Addiction, and very nearly paid the ultimate price for it.

Still reading, still learning.

Paul - Free and Healing for One Month, Twenty Days, 2 Hours and 46 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 4 Days and 8 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1253 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $377.16.

richard This is It GOLD
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

01 May 2004, 04:01 #30

Image12 months ago today - this one kept me goingImage
Last edited by richard This is It GOLD on 11 Oct 2010, 19:49, edited 1 time in total.