Be Prepared: those we love are destined to die

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

19 Dec 2003, 16:31 #21


".....if we plan on living a full life then we're each almost certain to lose someone close. "
I just love your choice of words, simple and precise. Well said, John!

This string as a whole sits high on the subject of relapse prevention. What can hurt more than the death of someone we love? Personally, I can't think of one thing. The ultimate pain we speak of here in no way provides an ultimate reason to relapse. Smoking doesn't help in a crisis, smoking is a crisis. Activating our addiction cannot relieve us of pain and sorrow, believing otherwise is a falacy, an open arena of illogical thinking. Junkie thinking!

Should any of us make the decision to take a cigarette it should be understood that we don't take just one, we take them all. All of them until they cripple and kill us. The law of addiction is precise, it's all or nothing.

At this time of year some of us are in the midst of planning for a very religious holiday celebration. Our emotions can skyrocket during this time. While looking at my last post from August on this thread, my heart sort of sunk a bit. This will be our first holiday without my sister. She was taken from us unexpectedly and it is still quite hard to comprehend. As sad as this is, you must believe that there is not even a trace of junkie thinking in my mind, nothing back in August and nothing now. How do we get to this point?

As said back in August....
I clearly understand the law of addiction and you should, too. I haven't smoked for almost five years and some might say that at this point it must be the comfort that keeps me safe. It is much more than that, a lesson I learned the hard way where ignorance destroyed a six year quit. I took a puff. Take heed, a lesson in which you should learn from the mistakes of others, rather than your own.

We may never be prepared for what lies ahead but we can still be assured that we each have a quit100% guaranteed free of relapse, all we have to do is NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. (and don't forget, we do that one day at a time)



Joanne
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Jan 2004, 22:02 #22


Losing a loved one is a devastating yet natural part of life But  if we can picture ourselves navigating each step of this experience without reaching for nicotine then all lesser challenges will hopefully seem a bit more manageable.

The next few minutes are doable. We're with you in spirit and the millions of archived words here at Freedom boil down to one premise - no nicotine today, Never Take Another Puff! John
Last edited by John (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:43, edited 2 times in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

15 Mar 2004, 03:06 #23

 
Over the years we've seen many members lose close loved ones and not use their passing as an excuse for chemical relapse. If death is a legitimate reason for relapse then we need to turn off the lights right now and close Freedom's doors because if we plan on living a full life then we're each almost certain to lose someone close.

Regardless of the nature or gravity of any challenge life throws our way, adding chemical relapse to the challenge makes absolutely no sense at all. The next few minutes are all any of us can control and each will always be entirely doable. Only one rule, no nicotine today!
Breathe deep, hug hard, live long! John
Last edited by GrumpyOMrsS (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:43, edited 1 time in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

16 Mar 2004, 08:30 #24

Thanks for this.....it was recommended and helpful. My "other" mother was a 40+ year smoker.......
Reply
Like

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

12 Apr 2004, 23:23 #25

I felt that I needed to bring this thread to the top for a little self re-inforcement as Dad died last Thursday (4/8/04)(Mom passed 5 years ago). I'm sure that as I have my moments of feeling absolutely secure in my quit that I may also have my moments where I might feel a little less secure.

When I got the call near midnight that he was on life support, and was racing 45 miles to the hospital, all I could think about was to just get there, and that I won't smoke...I won't smoke...I won't smoke. I didn't because I recalled reading about how a life changing event won't be altered any by smoking again. That smoking would just make it worse. He died 15 minutes before I reached the hospital. I still wouldn't smoke.

The next days over the weekend were so busy that I truly did not have time to think about smoking. I feel much stronger about my quit having survived the weekend, and even though we have to still get through the service and other events, I don't sense any weakness in my resolve to stay quit.

I'm very grateful that there is so much good information about this issue on this site. I know that without it, I surely would have relapsed. Particularly, since I'm still an infant in my quit. Like I said, I just wanted to bring this to the top for me. I'm not in a crisis! But there are some articles that Joel has about this issue that I can't find. So If someone could bring them up it would be appreciated.

Thank you.
Richard
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

12 Apr 2004, 23:47 #26

If we quit and continue to associate with people who continue to smoke, we are almost guaranteed to outlive a large percentage of those we care about. We have to be prepared for that eventuality and realize that our smoking will not make it better or easier.

My best friend died about a year ago of a heart attack at 55. The autopsy implicated smoking induced arteriosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) caused by smoking. He was a heavy smoker of Camel filterless. My continued smoking did not bring him back or really help with my emotional state in any way. It just made it tough to breath after I cried.

There is NO excuse for a relapse. There is NO good reason to smoke AT ALL!!!

NTAP!!!

I miss you Gary. Wish you were here.

Lee
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

13 Apr 2004, 02:04 #27

My sincere condolences RickRob....

Interesting you bring this post "to the top today" - it's exactly a year ago I received the phone call saying "get on a plane".

richard (another one, 2 years one month)
Last edited by richard This is It GOLD on 11 Oct 2010, 19:45, edited 1 time in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

13 Apr 2004, 02:52 #28

Richard,

I am so proud that you didnt give in during such a difficult time. I send my most hearfelt sympathies and condolences out to you for the loss of your Father. Stay strong - you won't regret that you did.
Journey beyond comfort
The journey home
Acknowledge the negative--but dwell on the positive
I hope these help. Just remember - just for this day, you will not smoke. You are doing great!
Kathleen
I've been quit for 1 month, 10 days, 15 hours, 52 minutes and 14 seconds (41 days).
I've not smoked 610 death sticks, and saved $268.81.
I've saved 2 day(s), 3 hour(s) of my life.
Last edited by Angelicrosegonegreen1 on 11 Oct 2010, 19:47, edited 1 time in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

15 Apr 2004, 08:20 #29

Thanks for bringing this thread to the top of the pile. I had never seen it before, but I am certainly glad to see it now.

I started a quit in October, 2002, and it lead to the first complete absence from nicotine for any period of time that I had known since 1960. I was so over-joyed, so certain of myself, so convinced from all I had learned, that relapse was not a risk.

Ny wife was diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer in April, 2003, and I did not smoke, or even think of smoking.

She died on the eve of our 35th wedding anniversary, July 12, 2003, and I did not smoke, or even thnink of smoking.

However, one day near the end of September, 2003, feeling a little depressed, I suppose, a little bored, I decided that "just one couldn't hurt".

I lost that quit, and could not start another until Ash Wednesday this year.

And that loss nearly killed me. Within three days, I had developed a head cold (I thought). More likely, allergic reaction to nicotine, it seems to me. It wouldn't clear up. I demanded two courses of anti-biotics (even though I suspected the smoking) and that did no good. I tried some over the counter meds to counteract what I called post-nasal drip, made me cough up phlegm all the time (even though I strongly suspected the smoking). I went to one doctor (about my 4th) who told me I had the beginnings of emphysema, if not something worse (but I didn't tell him I was smoking). I tried to cut down with the patch (even though I knew from past experience that I would never stop smoking on the patch, I would smoke AND patch, which I did). By Christmas, I had continuous chest pain, I was on some heavy duty anti-biotics and an advair puffer; and with all of that, plus three weeks in Florida, I was still not better. Coughing continously. Exhausted.

This continued all through January and into February.

Talk about the power of DENIAL and the power of this Addiction!

Then I remembered about this site, and the education I had obtained here as a lurker. I came "home". I am miraculously well again, in every particular, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

And now I know: I wasn't prepared for the aftermath of my wife's death. Oh, I handled the details just fine, planned the funeral, sorted out the estate, comforted the children, did everything that had to be done -- except -- I broke the Law of Addiction, and very nearly paid the ultimate price for it.

Still reading, still learning.

Paul - Free and Healing for One Month, Twenty Days, 2 Hours and 46 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 4 Days and 8 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1253 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $377.16.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

01 May 2004, 04:01 #30

12 months ago today - this one kept me going
Last edited by richard This is It GOLD on 11 Oct 2010, 19:49, edited 1 time in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

08 May 2004, 00:53 #31

I'm bringing this up for my Mother. She died on mothers day 1996.
Her story is on the wall in june 2003.
Rick
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

08 Jan 2005, 00:30 #32

 

Over a two year period Freedom was blessed in seeing true courage in action. We developed a deep admiration, respect and/or love for Kim and then came Kelly's devistating news that she'd left us. Although the sting was deep I doubt any of us thought for a second of using her passing as our mind's excuse for relapse. Just one more invaluable lesson from a most amazing woman. We miss you Kim!
Last edited by John (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:51, edited 1 time in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

19 Feb 2005, 03:27 #33

for Harlow Cat, with all our condolences.

BillW
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Apr 2005, 09:42 #34


Hundreds and hundreds of Freedom members have lost immediate family, including all of the managers. It is the most horrific and devastating experience that most will likely ever know. But the loss of the life that we may have loved most is never a legitimate reason to surrender our freedom and health. It certainly isn't what they would have wanted.
Last edited by John (Gold) on 13 Feb 2012, 12:36, edited 2 times in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

02 Mar 2006, 22:34 #35

Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

16 Sep 2006, 03:13 #36

for someone who might draw strength from this today......

BillW
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

02 Nov 2006, 02:39 #37

I meant to attach this link to as string that is now closed down for posting.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

18 Feb 2007, 02:45 #38

 So often our lives can be an uphill struggle. These days, so many of us experience it in our personal lives as well as our virtual lives. I wrote the following thread after the loss of my Mother.

Journey beyond comfort



John Shared his personal loss with us as well by creating this thread.













Many of us allowed Kim to enter our hearts. She then shared herself & journey so freely with us. So many of us had a peice of our heart die with her when her sister Kelly broke the news of her passing. We shared in real time her message and struggle.

 Kim's Journey



We can't choose the time when we lose a loved one to life's natural cycle, but we can choose to keep a deadly drug from entering our blood serum.

One day at a time, You can if you think you can!

Roger

5 Years Golden
Last edited by Roger (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:55, edited 1 time in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

09 Jun 2007, 17:44 #39

From a Prior Post:


We can't choose the time when we lose a loved one to life's natural cycle, but we can choose to keep a deadly drug from entering our blood serum.

One day at a time, You can if you think you can!
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

04 Feb 2008, 06:41 #40

From: JoeJFree-Gold- Sent: 6/9/2007 5:44 AM
From a Prior Post:


We can't choose the time when we lose a loved one to life's natural cycle, but we can choose to keep a deadly drug from entering our blood serum.

One day at a time, You can if you think you can!

Reply
Like

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:02

04 Feb 2008, 07:56 #41

John

What a great post.

Unfortunately , I have had this happen, since being a non smoker.

Two deaths.

One on December 10th. 2007 Father in law.

One on December 31st 2007 Step Father.

This day 12/31/07 is also my quit date! one year! Wasn't as happy as I'd hoped.

I did feel prepared. I have spent the year , being aware of triggers, and I believe it got me through.

My quit is too important. I also believe the two great guys I lost, would have been crushed, seeing me start smoking. They were both soo proud of me.

I could have smoked, believe me! But they would still be gone. What would that have helped?

One interesting side note. While in Kentucky for one of the Funerals. We walked in the mortuary, and the smell of smoke could have knocked you down.
I live in Colorado, where you can't smoke in public places , (except airport bars) It's really strange to see states, that still allow smoking inside.

I pray I'll always be shocked at the smell!

Dave
GOLD
Thank GOD !
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2008, 03:27 #42

John, thank you for addressing an issue that crosses all of our minds but that is sometimes difficult to talk about. I haven't lost anyone yet as an ex-smoker either but I have wondered about whether I would reach for nicotine if one of my children died. It shows you how nicotine addiction poses as a fix for despair. I say "poses" because, in reality, it is only creating the illusion of relief from despair caused by withdrawal... Unfortunately, grief also triggers loss of interest in oneself and one's own health. It's too bad, because this interest is bound to return as one heals from grief the natural way.

There is no good reason to stop quitting.

Ilona
(81 days)
Reply
Like

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Jun 2008, 04:22 #43

It is horrible for any mother or father to think about the loss of a child but should the  mind ever contemplate this horrific nightmare, let it do so still free and in charge. Ilona, Wednesday morning I received a nightmare phone call that my closest friend had died in her sleep at age 50. I'm still hoping this is some bad dream and I'll awaken soon and together we'll have a chuckle over it.

You may find this hard to believe but seeing this thread again was the very first time since learning of Harriet's passing 54 hours ago that the "thought" of smoking has entered this brain. Even now it isn't a "thought" of me smoking but my sincere hope that when life visits death upon each of you, and it will, that the insanity of adding active drug addiction to your grief will be as clear as it is to me. There was always only one rule ... no nicotine today!

Breathe deep, hug hard, live long,

John (Gold x9)
Last edited by John (Gold) on 11 Oct 2010, 19:58, edited 1 time in total.
Reply
Like

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

07 Jun 2008, 08:53 #44

I just got word my ex-mother in law died. We don't have enough time nor energy for me to type why my x-in laws are very near and dear to my heart. Trust me, I call him every night as she has been ill and in a nursing home. The x-father in law and I are close buddies. It's taken many years for this to happen. I am very sorry she has passed, she had a major stroke 14 years ago than another stroke last night. Bottom line is, after several emotionally charged conversations with family members and after hearing of her passing, I didn't even think of a nicotine feed. I got off the phone & started talking about it to my hubby and went, Oh my gosh, I didn't even think of a smoke....funny how it just sneaks up on you and the craves do go away. Tho the thunderstorms this afternoon did bring on a short crave....but very short....thanks for the rant, Jenna.....free for almost 27 days tonight at 11pm. yahoo.....!
Reply
Like