4 Decades Of Lies! (First Post Journal)

Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

21 Feb 2011, 17:07 #31

1 month and 12 days! (Clean and Green) Made it fine thru another weekend, I've been fighting a cold for awhile, probably why I.ve been feeling tired. I didn't spend any time on the computer this whole weekend. The first time I went more than a day without reading on Why Quit or FFN. I haven't had any real temptations to use nicotine in quite awhile, just some occasional thoughts, and I pretty much laugh them away. I'm trying to figure out if I'm reaching the acceptance stage yet. I feel that my quit is very strong, and I'm really starting to look at myself as an ex-smoker, not as a smoker who is trying to quit. Maybe it is too early in my quit to feel this way, but it sure feels good each day to not use any nicotine. I read the journals of the long time quitters, and I admire the freedom and peace of mind that they have found. I soooo much want to experience what they have found, rather than ever going back to being a slave to this addiction. No nicotine today. NTAP
YQB Neal
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Joined: 12 Jan 2011, 17:39

21 Feb 2011, 17:19 #32

Hi Neal, each passing day brings us closer to the comfort we seek.  As recently as a week or so ago it was still difficult to imagine feeling really comfortable as a non-smoker - it still took some effort to just stay clean.

Like you I do have thoughts of ingesting nicotine but they are not overwhelming, easily laughed off as you say.  But just in the last couple of days I can actually see a time when I will be truly comfortable.  That is an exciting prospect!

Just one rule, no nicotine on the inside...NTAP!

Jeff - one month and thirteen days Nicotine Free
Since: 1-8-2011
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Joined: 26 Jan 2011, 00:57

21 Feb 2011, 21:34 #33

Thank you for sharing turning green with me, Neal! And look at you! Oh you should be so proud too! Like you, I am laughing now at the random smoking thoughts that pop up out of nowhere! I guess they will stop as they are getting nowhere fast. There is no way I would ever give in to a useless lie and that's what they are and I'll bet you are with me on that one, too.. And hey....we are an EX-SMOKERS because we already DID quit! We would have to make a conscious decision to BECOME smokers again by using nicotine. And that is never gonna happen! It gets more comfortable everyday. Just one rule: No nicotine today.
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Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 04:09

21 Feb 2011, 22:16 #34

Neal,
I read your journal and I was very inspired.  I read the one you wrote in the BIGGER font and it really hit home.  I am glad to join you being green so can't wait to see you in bronze, silver and eventually gold.  We'll get there one day at a time.  I enjoyed your journal.
Laura
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011, 00:09

23 Feb 2011, 12:50 #35

Neal,
Thank you for your thoughtfulness posting on my journal - and for quoting me back to myself!  You are right, I do not believe that has happened before, and it really made me smile - it sounded so cool.

You are honest and real in your journal - I believe you strive for a strong, eternally successful quit.   I enjoy reading your words and glad you are on this journey.

Lisa
quit 1-1-11 and smiling
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Joined: 27 Jan 2011, 18:11

24 Feb 2011, 00:43 #36

Congrats Neal, and excellent work. I also feel a little extra inspiration from those who were much heavier and longer term smokers than me. You are a great witness!
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

01 Mar 2011, 16:06 #37

I reached 1 month and 3 weeks last night, cruising towards double green. I'm just starting to get over the chest cold I've been fighting for the last 3 weeks. I'm really feeling good about my quit, and it is getting easier each day. I occasionally get smoking thoughts, but I understand where they are coming from and how to deal with them. These thoughts are coming less and less as I face more situations as a non-smoker. After 42 years of being a nicotine slave it feels so good to be getting a taste of freedom.I have never felt this strong or this good in any of my previous quit attempts. The information and people at this site is amazing, if you want to shine the light of truth on all the lies you've been telling yourself, then keep reading all you can at WhyQuit and FFN. NTAP
Neal
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

06 Mar 2011, 20:17 #38

Well, I went to a smoker's funeral this last week. She was almost 79 years old, but I guarantee you she would have lived longer if she didn't smoke from a young age until the day she died. Her sister (who never smoked) was there and looked like she could easily live another 20 years. I did experience some cravings as this was the first funeral since I quit. Right now I am camping, I arrived yesterday and the entire day was full of triggers and thoughts about smoking. I didn't realize how much smoking was a part of camping. Of course I came to realize that camping can still be fun without smoking. I can do anything as a non-smoker that I did as a smoker, sometimes even better. Well today is my second day camping and the thoughts and triggers are much better and less frequent. I hope my last day of camping will be free of any cravings. I'm currently relaxing outside my RV overlooking the lake, enjoying the Florida sunshine and my Journey to Freedom. I'm writing this post on my cell phone. In three days when I'm done camping, I will be able to say that I have not poisoned myself with nicotine for two months. YQB Neal
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Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 04:09

07 Mar 2011, 21:54 #39

Neal,I hope that your last day of camping was as you wished it to be.  Great job not falling back into the grips of nicotine.  Its crazy how one day you won't even think about cigarettes and the next day something happens to bring on that trigger.  Well every time I face one of those afterwards I think that I have just made my quit that much stronger.  Wait to go, keep up the awesome job.  NTAP
Laura
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

09 Mar 2011, 18:59 #40

Thanks Laura,
It's amazing that encountering new activities could have such an effect. I think this is one of the many important things I learned here. I totally agree with you that encountering and overcoming this triggers gives more strengh to your quit. My last day of camping was no problem, very little thoughts of smoking. I know the next time I go camping it will be much easier, that's the beauty of retraining your subconsious. Most of the times that I get thoughts of using nicotine it is when I'm doing something that I haven't done since I quit. Congratulations on your awesome quit also. One day at a time we will continue.
YQB Neal - No slavery to nicotine for 2 months.
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011, 00:09

12 Mar 2011, 23:33 #41

Neal,
I really enjoy reading your posts and journal.  I live in Florida too (USA for the others) and there have been many times when the spring and orange blossoms have brought on triggers - and like you, I just face them, and know in my heart that I have just made another step toward extinguishing the thought and feeling that the "auto pilot" in me before is now being re-conditioned to a better me.

Just wanted to stop by and thank you for your un-ending honesty and say you accomplished something huge by getting through a great camping time without nicotine....by laying a more solid welcome mat for the real you to walk through the door.  You rock.

yqs,
Lisa
quit 1-1-11 and smiling
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CWZ
Joined: 19 Jan 2009, 23:49

14 Mar 2011, 19:45 #42

Enjoyed reading about your quit and want to offer up some encouraging news...The triggers will keep getting fewer and fewer! You are doing fantastic in your good smart quit. Congratulations!

CWZ Gold x 3

Gary
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Joined: 12 Jan 2011, 17:39

16 Mar 2011, 21:35 #43

Hey Neal, thanks for dropping by...your post on my thread got me to thinking and I went back and reviewed a number of of quit logs during the first month or two of their quits.

It is just as Joel and John tell us, each of our quits is different.  I noticed that some folks seem to really struggle through the first month and then suddenly it gets easier.  Others mostly cruise through that first month and suddenly have struggles to deal with.  Then there are others (like me) that seem to struggle off and on through the whole thing.  The good news here is that as I read the logs on some of the longer quits I find that most find sustained comfort somewhere in the first six months (although a few seem to struggle longer than that).

The lesson I learn from this is to not have specific expectations, just accept what comes (as it comes) and always keep nicotine on the outside.

By the way Neal, golf is better without being in a state of withdrawal half of the time.  I did notice early on that my ball striking was rather poor for a time but I worked through it.

I hope that you get out on the course soon.

Jeff - two months and eight days Nicotine Free (67 days)
Since: 1-8-2011
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

23 Mar 2011, 17:15 #44

Well, I'm on Day 73 today and all is going well. I'm loving my freedom and I feel very far away from the possibility of using nicotine. I haven't been quit so long that I forgot what it was like to have my life revolve aroung smoking, but I have been quit long enough to see how much better life is now that I'm finding the real me. I did gain about 10 pounds, as predicted, but I know that will soon come off. I'm finding I have a lot more time on my hands. I've already painted the whole outside of my house, and now I'm working on re-landscaping the entire back yard. (All with the money I've saved from not smoking!) It truly is getting better and better. YQB Neal - NTAP
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Joined: 15 Feb 2011, 18:00

23 Mar 2011, 18:53 #45

WOW WOW WOW!  What great accomplishments - of course the quit, but also the home improvement.  Now every time you pull in the driveway you will be reminded of the great work you've done on ALL fronts! Congrats!

Wendy
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Joined: 19 Jan 2009, 10:37

23 Mar 2011, 20:09 #46

Hi Neal
Congrats on your quit- you are doing great.
It keeps getting better too, that for sure.
Life is much better on this side of the bars eh?

All the best
Doc


Quit date 14th October 2008
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011, 00:09

29 Mar 2011, 00:09 #47

"I'm loving my freedom and I feel very far away from the possibility of using nicotine."  - Neal

Sometimes the simple statements are the ones that mean the most.  Neal - you may have written that in a flurry on the keyboard -just to state your state of mind ----- and never thought it may mean a great deal to anyone else.  Just stating the facts - right?

Well, it meant a great deal to me.  Sometimes stating the truth just rings so wonderfully true - and it feels good.  

Thank you for that.  

yqs,
Lisa
quit 1-1-11 and smiling because you said it just right
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011, 00:09

04 Apr 2011, 23:20 #48

Thanks for stopping by my bronze party Neal.   You are right on the coat-tails of it yourself.  Awesome feeling isn't it?  3 months is such a vastly different place than 3 days or 3 weeks.  I can only imagine what it will feel like at bronze x 2 = silver. 

I'm standing at the ropes, cheering you through the last lap till the bronze flag waves - cause I can see you on that last lap and you are hoofin' it something crazy!!!  Go Neal!!

Lisa
Bronze, free and laughing 
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

08 Apr 2011, 19:00 #49

Today is Day 89 and I'm on my last lap towards Bronze. One day at a time is not words, but words to live by. I had a smoking dream the other night, and it didn't even upset me. I think I knew even in my dream that there was no way I was going to smoke. Thanks again to everyone who stops by to give me support, your time and effort are greatly appreciated. I try to post when I can, but I still read when I can't. I'm trying to think of a special Bronze post to put up tomorrow. Keep all nicotine on the outside and success is guaranteed. YQB Neal - Stopped all the lies, and feeding the addiction on 1/9/11.
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Joined: 12 Jan 2011, 17:39

09 Apr 2011, 03:48 #50

Hey Neal!  It is incredible!  You have been nicotine free for three months after 4 decades of chemical dependency.

You have helped many of us with your insightful posts and generous support.

We are all marching together toward Silver, Gold, and beyond!

Keep on keepin' it on the outside, Neal!

YQB,
Jeff
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011, 00:09

09 Apr 2011, 11:49 #51

Neal - congratulations on 3 months of freedom!!!  You are bronze and it is a grand party with plenty of great company.

Your remarks throughout your journey - in all the threads - have been great to read.  You have a terrific way of saying things.

BRONZE and BEYOND!!  That's where we're headed! 

Keep up the great quit!

Lisa
quit 1-1-11
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Joined: 15 Jan 2011, 18:31

09 Apr 2011, 12:33 #52

Glad to see another 40+yr smoker reaching a important milestone. I wonder what it was in the beginning of this particular year that sparked us all into action.  Anyway glad to see you in bronze and can't wait till silver and gold .

Craig
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Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 04:09

09 Apr 2011, 15:57 #53

Neal,Congratulations on BRONZE!!  THAT IS AWESOME.  Keep up your great quit and can't wait to congratulate you on silver.  NTAP
Laura

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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

09 Apr 2011, 18:41 #54

The Real Me Vs. The Junky
For my Bronze celebration I would like to tell a lighthearted story of my quitting smoking experience / adventure. I’ll let you figure out the analogies. My quitting experience boils down to an internal fight between the Real Me, desperately trying to surface, and the Junky, A.K.A. - my Subconscious, my Executive Assistant, my Prison Guard. The Junky is that little voice in my head, I’m sure you all know the one, that has always come up with all those creative relapse excuses.

The Real Me has been gone so long that he was small and weak and all but forgotten. The Junky has been in charge of the Nicotine Roller Coaster, which meant he ran everything.



For over 40 years, from the moment I woke up, until the time I went to bed, he would tell me what time was mine and what time was his. He always had most of the time, and the schedule was always changing. There were his normal times - upon waking, after meals, working outside, talking on the phone, driving, taking a walk, and before bed. There were also all the unexpected times when he needed to put all my emotions up in smoke. If I was stressed, I had to stop and smoke. If I got angry, tired, hungry, lonely, happy, or sad, I had to stop and smoke. If I drank alcohol or had something to celebrate, I had to stop and smoke.

The Real Me was pushed so far into the background that I could hardly see the light thru the trees. The Junky kept me right where he wanted me, buried in the jungle with lies and use rationalizations. Withdrawal would be too painful, you couldn’t live a good life without nicotine, nicotine was a big part of who you are, you would lose yourself without nicotine, you would always have urges to smoke, and you would be miserable. Why punish yourself with trying to quit, just leave things as they are. The list of lies and excuses were never ending.

The Real Me still wanted so badly to surface and be free from the deep, dark, jungle. I tried and tried and even enlisted the help of gums, lozenges, patches, inhalers, E-cigs, and dip. I found myself in worse shape then when I started. Not only was I still buried in the jungle, but now the lozenges were growing vines around my legs, and I could barely move.

I finally decided it was time to take a deep breath, plant my feet, put my head down, and fight for my life. The Junky was also fighting for survival. He liked being in charge, and he would use every trick in the book to remain in power.

The Real Me went on-line and found Why Quit.com. I started to read about Bryan, Noni, Kim, Deborah, Brandon, and Sean. The vines started to loosen their grip. I read Nicotine 101 and the vines fell off of my legs. I started reading the One Puff Files, and leaves started to fall from the trees. I read Never Take Another Puff, and Freedom From Nicotine - The Journey Home, and so many leaves were falling that I could start to see the blue sky thru the trees. All of the Junky lies were now being exposed. I joined Freedom From Nicotine and some of the small trees started to die and fall down.

I heard a noise and looked back, I saw John and Joel both carrying chainsaws. They said, let’s start carving a path and get you out of here. They cranked up their chainsaws and started cutting on the two biggest trees standing in front of me. I looked back again and saw Marty, Joanne, O Bob, Joe J. Free, Denny B., Suzie, Kattatonic1, CWZ, Doc24747, Chasnfireflies, and all of the oldbie veterans carrying axes. They said, we’ve already been through this, we know the way out, just follow us. They walked in front of me and started chopping on several different trees, bushes, and shrubs. Then came Tagsgirl, JimH, Juan Carlos, BSKing, Puffanomore, Sarah, Mary, and Lucie. Behind them were Lisa, Jeffreyrw, Greg, Laura, Kelly, Craig, Wendy, Endura, Lara, Bev, Stella, and a whole lot of others (sorry I couldn’t name everyone). They were carrying saws, hatchets, pruning shears, machete’s and even large knives. They said, we all would like to get out of here, and we will be happy to help you too. I started to feel overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and well being; I did exactly as they all said, and worked with them to get out. I felt better and better as each tree was cut down.

There were a few splinters and thorns along the way, I stumbled and tripped a time or two, and a couple of branches would occasionally spring back at me, but I never lost sight of where I was going. Eventually there was a clear path to Freedom laid out in front of me. We all stopped to admire the view.

 

 

I could taste the cool air deep in my lungs. This place even smelled better than the jungle, I could smell everything. There was a rainbow painted across the bluest sky, the sight of the crystal clear lake reflecting the distant mountains was breathtaking. The birds were chirping a happy song as we all marched along. John said that with a little help and some hard work all things are do-able. Joel mentioned to always watch out for stumps in the road, and that we would continue to stay out of the jungle as long as we stuck with our original commitment to never take another puff.

YQB Neal (Looking Better in Bronze!!!) Join me in getting out of the Jungle. There is a spot reserved for you on the path to Freedom. NTAP

I Quit living all the lies on 1/9/11



Edit: Only change was to slightly reduce the size of Neal's two images as it was spreading the screen to its maximum, forcing readers to scroll right and left to read each line.
Last edited by NoNic4Neal on 03 Oct 2013, 11:37, edited 2 times in total.
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Joined: 15 Feb 2011, 18:00

09 Apr 2011, 20:26 #55

Neal - what an AWESOME post! The imagery of the axes and knives cutting through it all to get free...FANTASTIC!!!  Congrats on Bronze...what an accomplishment!! :-)

Wendy
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