4 Decades Of Lies! (First Post Journal)

Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

20 Jan 2011, 19:50 #11

I'm on Day # 11 now, and everything is good. I can't say that it is a piece of cake, but it is manageable. Thanks to everyone who responded and continue to give me support, it means a lot to me. One day at a time I have been getting more optimistic about not using nicotine. I still feel tired easily and I did gain a few pounds (as expected). I have been following the suggestions in the literature and have been reversing my weight gain the last few days. I read on Why Quit and this forum when I have time, and it keeps me strong. My craves are getting smaller and only seem to last about 10 seconds now. Hope everyone has a great nicotine free day. NTAP
Neal
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Joined: 12 Jan 2011, 17:39

20 Jan 2011, 19:58 #12

Neal, you are doing great!  Just remember that it is a choice!  NTAP!

... to keep your quit going, choose to not smoke today.

Regards,
Jeff
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Joined: 18 Jan 2009, 06:57

25 Jan 2011, 19:26 #13

Hi Neal,

You are doing an awesome job with your recovery and the best possible thing for yourself and your long term quality of life.  Sooner than you may think possible you'll have it on cruise control and enjoying the long ride.  You still have to pay attention but it will get so much easier.  Keep the promise, wait and see.  That's what they all told me when I first decided to set myslef free.  Like the rest of the stuff you read at this site it all tells true.

Following up on your post in
Just think about something else?

Cost of my first relapse (have a calculator handy)

Keep the focus on the road ahead.  It's ok to look in the mirrors but it's focusing on what lies ahead that needs our undivided attention.

I always told myself I could choose to go back but I'd have to accept all of them if I decided to relapse and have
Just one little puff .  Well, I already tried to smoke all of them - or as many as I possibly could - and it nearly killed me.  I can assure you none is a much better deal.

Joe J Free - GOLD - Free and Healing for Six Years, Fifteen Days, 4 Hours and 11 Minutes, while recapturing 413 Days and 15 Hours of my  life's time.  Not needed wanted or missed 59567 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $19,592.73.
Last edited by Joe J free on 25 Jan 2011, 21:18, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

28 Jan 2011, 00:29 #14

Well, I have almost 18 days now. I'm starting to finally get over the lightheadedness, still having problems sleeping thru the night. I've been coughing up a lot, I guess my lungs are cleaning themselves out. I'm feeling pretty good about my quit, my freedom from nicotine, and life in general. I will not use nicotine today.
Neal
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

01 Feb 2011, 16:16 #16

Update - Day 23
I really had an awakening this weekend. On Friday night I decided to have my first drink of alcohol since I quit. I had 3 beers in the safety of my house, and I did get several cue triggers (which I expected) and handled easily. On Saturday I did some outside work around the house and I was literally pounded with cue triggers (which I didn't really expect). This is the first time I did any of this work since I quit. It seems I smoked a lot when engaging in this activity because my subconscience was in overdrive. Lately during my normal days I was down to very few urges to smoke, but working in my yard I was getting plenty. Thanks to Why Quit and Freedom I understood why. I hadn't engaged in this activity since I quit, so my subconscience had to be re-programmed that smoking doesn't go with yardwork anymore. Then a light illuminated. I always wondered on previous quit attempts why I would get hit with triggers so far into my quit. It was because I was doing something I hadn't done since I quit, that I used to do while smoking. I'm sure I lost a quit or two by not knowing this. In one of Joel's videos he mentions going to a wedding or funeral well into your quit and all of a sudden your hit with urges to smoke. Since weddings don't happen all the time this is your first one since quitting. Your subconscience will remind you of each time you had a cigarette at the last wedding you went to, by giving you an urge to smoke at this one. I learned that I need to look for new activities and face each one knowing that I might encounter an urge to smoke or use nicotine. This will give me a new opportunity to tell my subconscience that we will never take another puff, dip, or chew. My knowledge of this addiction is making me powerful in my fight against it. No Nicotine Today!
Neal
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

01 Feb 2011, 16:48 #17

Last edited by Joel Spitzer on 01 Feb 2011, 17:29, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

01 Feb 2011, 16:55 #18

Hello Neal:
I attached the video above that you referred to, where I mention sporadic events like weddings and funerals. Actually, I have a few other videos that touch on the issue of the important of facing as many triggers early on in your quit to break the common associations you have with smoking, but also why it is important to reinforce your resolve every now and then to prepare for the occasional new first time situations you can find yourself encountering over time long after you quit. I am going to attach them in a series of posts here for the benefit of all who are reading your comments here. It will be beneficial for all people who read here to recognize the importance of what you realized here to help them protect their own quits over the long-term.
Last edited by Joel Spitzer on 01 Feb 2011, 17:23, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

01 Feb 2011, 16:56 #19

Last edited by Joel Spitzer on 01 Feb 2011, 17:30, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

01 Feb 2011, 16:57 #20

Last edited by Joel Spitzer on 01 Feb 2011, 17:31, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

01 Feb 2011, 16:59 #21

Last edited by Joel Spitzer on 01 Feb 2011, 17:32, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 13 Nov 2008, 14:04

01 Feb 2011, 17:00 #22

Last edited by Joel Spitzer on 01 Feb 2011, 17:33, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 01 Feb 2011, 23:13

05 Feb 2011, 03:29 #23

Hi Neal.  I also am a big gardener.  I have not smoked inside of the house for almost five years, so quitting while staying inside has been relatively easy.  Over the last few days I have been venturing outdoors and I have also been hit by quite a few strong cravings.  Like you, I am trying to recognize them for what they are and embracing them. 

Keep up the good work.

Kelly - One week, 8 hours, 48 minutes. 162 cigarettes not smoked, saving $52.67. Life saved: 13 hours, 30 minutes.
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

09 Feb 2011, 11:21 #24

I can’t believe tonight will be a whole month without using any nicotine. I have quit smoking for a month several times before, but this is so different. My past quit attempts left me addicted to other nicotine delivery devices. Leading up to this quit I had been addicted to nicotine lozenges for over a year, I used them and smoked cigarettes constantly. When I couldn’t have a cigarette I would have a lozenge in my mouth. Occasionally I would smoke cigars, I tried the e-cigarettes, the inhalers, the gum, the patch, and I even tried oral tobacco to break up the routine. ( It was a real nicotine addicts heaven, but in reality it was ****).

Before finding this site I thought I was accomplishing something by giving up the cigarettes, but all the time I would still be on the lozenges, or some other form of nicotine. I was in a state of constant withdrawal. This time, in my first week of quitting cigarettes, I went online for support and found Why Quit.com.

After a few days of reading and watching the videos I decided to really go for it. I threw away the lozenges and stopped using all nicotine on January 9, 2011 at 11:00PM E.S.T. I downloaded a quit counter and set it to zero. Now, faster than I could have dreamed, it is at 1 month of nicotine freedom.

I originally named my first post journal “ 4 Decades Of Lies” because I have been smoking for over 40 years. The lies I was talking about was aimed at the tobacco and pharmaceutical companies, and the government for letting them do all that lying to us. After working this program for the last month I came to realize that I was doing the lying to myself for all those years. I never “liked” or “loved” smoking, cigarettes were not my friend, it was not O.K. to substitute NRT for cigarettes and think I was doing myself a big favor (it always lead me back to smoking anyway), I thought smoking was a bad habit, I told myself I wasn’t addicted, it was alright to have just one while I was trying to quit. I thought I couldn’t live without smoking, I would never be able to quit for the long haul, nicotine feedings were not my #1 priority, I could never go a whole day without wanting a cigarette, and one of my favorites - you have to die from something, why not smoking? Etc. Etc. Etc. They were all lies to keep me feeding myself nicotine.

I have learned so much on this site. I really believe that this time, I will be able to make the transition to become an ex-smoker / recovering nicotine addict once and for all. I couldn’t have come to this realization without the wisdom and support of all the veterans of this site. I have been amazed at the wisdom of the people who have come before me. It is great that you continue to motivate and support all the newbie’s like me. Whenever I think of you Guys a saying comes to my mind: ASPIRE TO INSPIRE BEFORE YOU EXPIRE. You all have INSPIRED me, eventually as I learn more, I will ASPIRE to help new members with their quits like you do, and since we’ve all quit this addiction we will not EXPIRE as soon as we would have.

At this point in my quit it really helps me to just read a little each day, and strengthen my resolve for that day to not take a single puff. My urges are now very weak and don’t come very much anymore. They are easy to handle, but I know I have to always have my guard up.

Today I got some news about a Guy I used to work with. He left the company last year. It turns out that he got diagnosed with a lesion on his lung in December 2010. He was an active smoker for many years, and he still smoked when he quit the company. He passed away in January of 2011, the cancer spread to his liver and other organs. If he was waiting to “bottom out” before quitting he only had one month of life left after he first heard the news. There but for the grace of God go I, it shows how serious we all have to take our quits, we are truly fighting for our lives.

I’m sorry to be so long winded but it is my quit, my life, my journal, and my Green anniversary. I’m very proud to be a member of this group. Keep taking it one day at a time. NTAP

YQB Neal
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Joined: 15 Jan 2011, 18:31

09 Feb 2011, 12:38 #25

Welcome to green , it's a GOOD feeling isn't it !
Congratulations !!!
Craig
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Joined: 12 Jan 2011, 17:39

09 Feb 2011, 14:26 #26

Great job, Neal!

It is important to recognize (as you have) where the lies really come from.  I too was a great big liar, but no longer.

We are on this journey together and I hope to look over and see you at every step.

Bronze is next, here we go....

Join me in not smoking today...NTAP!

Jeff - 1 month, 1 day nicotine free
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011, 00:09

11 Feb 2011, 22:59 #27

Congratulations on GREEN Neal.  Your quit has been a triumphant story.  Keep going. 
I am 42 days quit and I with you in the journey - discovering many of the same things - through reading on this site.  I am also so grateful to the people here.  They are giving us all hope and life.

YQS
Lisa
quit 1-1-11
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Joined: 13 Sep 2010, 17:47

12 Feb 2011, 04:41 #28

I am so glad you are standing tall and proud of the work you have put in, the knowledge you have taken and the resolve to pay it forward. I understand. I feel the same way. We have so much to be thankful for. The good folks here are first and foremost! WE LOVE YOU ALL! It is so nice to be in control of our lives. We never knew we weren't! LOL, but it feels so much better being free!

I am sorry about your former co-worker. Someone close to me has a sister facing radiation this month. Cancer of the lung. yes, she smoked. She did quit in the fall right before diagnosis. She must have known something was really wrong. If that is bottoming out it sounds horrible and a little too late! We will see this as the years pass, not all of us get out clean and free. Be a success story, that is all you can do. Best wishes as you celebrate and work 0n double green!!!!
Terri - free and healing since September 5th 2010
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

14 Feb 2011, 21:17 #29

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Today is day 36 and I haven't been having any real problems. I have been feeling tired more than I used to, but I'm sure that will change in time. I worked in the yard again this weekend, and I didn't have any cravings. Joel was right again. I'm really building confidence and pride in my quit. No nicotine today!
Neal
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Joined: 18 Jan 2009, 06:57

14 Feb 2011, 22:34 #30

Hi Neal,

I'm a little late but wanted to congratulate you on surpassing one month of freedom form nicotine.  I was also a 40 year user who mostly inhaled the choking smoke.  I too used oral tobacco and pharmaceutical as well to 'stop smoking' - all the while not realizing that it wasn't the cigarettes but what was inside that was ailing me.  Needless to say I had quite the eye opening the day I stumbled upon whyquit and the Freedom forum.  I call it an 'A-Ha!' moment when the reality of the Cycle of Addiction in my own life made me realize both the problem and the cure.  The cycle of addiction is incessant and the only way to make it stop is to disconnect the cycle by not having that next dose.  Once the cycle is broken we begin to live clean and free naturally.  Soon enough we move away from the ever-present impact that nicotine dependency had on our lives.  Our world no longer revolves around that next dose.  We learn that there is a lot more to life than living from the inside of a pack of tobacco sticks that deliver nicotine.  Living free is the best thing we can do and it comes naturally as long as we keep our personal promise to not take another puff, no matter what, for the rest of today.

I know what you mean about being tired from working at home.  I spent most of the day yesterday removing a 3 to 6 inch sheet of ice from my driveway.  I am sore and tired today but it's a good kind of tired.  Smoking - or not - had nothing to do with it.  It will become that way for you too.

Becoming an ex-smoker

Joe J Free - Gold x 6 - a nicotine addict who stopped inhaling poison 6 years, 1 month, 4 days, 7 hours, 18 minutes and 41 seconds (2226 days) ago.


I've decided not to ingest 60110 deadly doses and saved $19,788.36 in my 'Freedom Dividend' account.
I've reclaimed 417 days, 10 hours and 22 minutes of my life's time, the best part of this gift I give to myself each and every day I choose to NTAP!
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Joined: 14 Jan 2011, 00:33

21 Feb 2011, 17:07 #31

1 month and 12 days! (Clean and Green) Made it fine thru another weekend, I've been fighting a cold for awhile, probably why I.ve been feeling tired. I didn't spend any time on the computer this whole weekend. The first time I went more than a day without reading on Why Quit or FFN. I haven't had any real temptations to use nicotine in quite awhile, just some occasional thoughts, and I pretty much laugh them away. I'm trying to figure out if I'm reaching the acceptance stage yet. I feel that my quit is very strong, and I'm really starting to look at myself as an ex-smoker, not as a smoker who is trying to quit. Maybe it is too early in my quit to feel this way, but it sure feels good each day to not use any nicotine. I read the journals of the long time quitters, and I admire the freedom and peace of mind that they have found. I soooo much want to experience what they have found, rather than ever going back to being a slave to this addiction. No nicotine today. NTAP
YQB Neal
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Joined: 12 Jan 2011, 17:39

21 Feb 2011, 17:19 #32

Hi Neal, each passing day brings us closer to the comfort we seek.  As recently as a week or so ago it was still difficult to imagine feeling really comfortable as a non-smoker - it still took some effort to just stay clean.

Like you I do have thoughts of ingesting nicotine but they are not overwhelming, easily laughed off as you say.  But just in the last couple of days I can actually see a time when I will be truly comfortable.  That is an exciting prospect!

Just one rule, no nicotine on the inside...NTAP!

Jeff - one month and thirteen days Nicotine Free
Since: 1-8-2011
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Joined: 26 Jan 2011, 00:57

21 Feb 2011, 21:34 #33

Thank you for sharing turning green with me, Neal! And look at you! Oh you should be so proud too! Like you, I am laughing now at the random smoking thoughts that pop up out of nowhere! I guess they will stop as they are getting nowhere fast. There is no way I would ever give in to a useless lie and that's what they are and I'll bet you are with me on that one, too.. And hey....we are an EX-SMOKERS because we already DID quit! We would have to make a conscious decision to BECOME smokers again by using nicotine. And that is never gonna happen! It gets more comfortable everyday. Just one rule: No nicotine today.
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Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 04:09

21 Feb 2011, 22:16 #34

Neal,
I read your journal and I was very inspired.  I read the one you wrote in the BIGGER font and it really hit home.  I am glad to join you being green so can't wait to see you in bronze, silver and eventually gold.  We'll get there one day at a time.  I enjoyed your journal.
Laura
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011, 00:09

23 Feb 2011, 12:50 #35

Neal,
Thank you for your thoughtfulness posting on my journal - and for quoting me back to myself!  You are right, I do not believe that has happened before, and it really made me smile - it sounded so cool.

You are honest and real in your journal - I believe you strive for a strong, eternally successful quit.   I enjoy reading your words and glad you are on this journey.

Lisa
quit 1-1-11 and smiling
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