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As If Zombies weren't bad enough...
- Joined: January 30th, 2005, 9:24 pm
How to Climb a Building While Being Shot at by Rabid Monkeys
Many people sometimes find themselves cornered.
On one side a tall building, and on the other a pack of rabid monkeys wielding guns.
Steps To Take;
1. Judge the monkey threat first. There are situations in which you might not need to scale the building.
2. If there are only several monkeys with simple handguns, you might stand a chance against the monkeys.
Monkeys are terrible shots.
3. If you cannot fight the monkeys, judge the building behind you and get ready.
4. If there are many monkeys wielding automatic weapons, such as AK-47s or similar weapons, pray.
You're going up, bro.
5. Look for windows or a missing/broken brick. Any place where you can put your hands.
You may need to jump up to a handhold.
6. Grab onto any protrusion tightly and pull your feet up until you find something to stand on.
7. Look for something else to grab onto.
8. Push up with your feet and grab the object you just spotted.
9. Continue these steps until you reach the top.
10. Call in the navy. The seals are highly trained and have dealt with rabid gun slinging monkeys before.
* Having some chalk can be helpful. It improves your grip.
* Always carry several bananas with you to distract the monkeys.
* Monkeys are scared of cougars, If you keep a cougar in your backpack, the monkeys might not ever corner you.
Monkeys have a strong sense of smell, and they can smell a cougar for miles away.
* Never shoot back!!! If you shoot a monkey you could be arrested for animal cruelty.
* Never call animal patrol, they will be slaughtered by the monkeys and you could get in trouble.
Things You'll Need
* A cougar
* Climbing chalk
And as far as zombies go, if they walk past you, reevaluate you notion of intelligence.
Being snubbed by brain eating zombies is the lowest of lows.
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