Moderator: Scrooge McSuck

Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

June 15th, 2018, 3:47 pm #1111

"Topless snarl toothed monster"?! Hey now!
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

June 26th, 2018, 9:09 pm #1112

Legion of Iron (1990)
One of those shitty exploitation movies that you'd see on cable in the late 80's/early 90's. Or even on USA's "Up! All Night". So it feels very...dirty. Reminded me of staying up late in my teens and watching a shitty movie in my parents' basement.

Of course, it's complete garbage. Imagine if somebody thought "American Gladiators" was serious... like if you mixed it with "Bloodsport". That's this movie. A high-school football player and his girlfriend (both who appear to be in their early 30's) get captured and forced to work in this lame gladiator knock-off. It's all run by a slutty female purveyor of the whole thing-- who likes to wear weird costumes and is really into sex. I used to dig Evil Villain Chicks, but she just looks trashy, now.

The story has very questionable tastes, though, as the girlfriend is a complete damsel-in-distress and is offered up as a sex toy for whoever wins the games. About 20 minutes in, she's given away as the prize in a preliminary match... and the winner of the match proceeds to rape her. Nothing too graphic, but it is icky.

Meanwhile, the boyfriend fights his way through the circuit and even bangs the Evil Villain Chick (well, she actually just jerks him off... but so much for being a hero with standards). The "teens" lead a revolt, blow up a lot of stuff and have a car chase through the desert. The Evil Villain Chick then attacks them in a motorized hang-glider, with an M-16 duct taped to the rigging. Completely awful and no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Just logging this because it's so bizarre and I feel like I should've earned some Shit Points for sitting through it.
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Infinite Devil Machine
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Joined: November 22nd, 2006, 3:02 am

June 27th, 2018, 6:08 am #1113

Not gonna lie, that actually sounds pretty incredible.

Like something I would've rented at my town's old movie store when I was in middle school. That's a perfect Saturday night special.

What "World of Warcraft" players see when they're not playing.....



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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

June 29th, 2018, 12:10 am #1114

It's available free on Tubi.tv... which is full of all kinds of craptastic movies!
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

June 29th, 2018, 12:10 am #1115

It's available free on Tubi.tv... which is full of all kinds of craptastic movies!
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

July 12th, 2018, 3:36 pm #1116

Bad Chicken (2013)
Three chicken puppets manipulate a young girl and her boyfriend into their "reality show" in the California desert. It's obviously weird and somewhat similar to the recent "puppets doing and saying adult things" you see in stuff like "Avenue Q" or ....whatever that new movie with Melissa McCarthy and puppets is called. There's even some puppet/human sex. So, yeah, basically that "joke" stretched out over a full 90 minute movie.

Aside from the overall premise, it's not really funny. The main girl sings a completely ridiculous song at one point. She does make her ditz character seem surprisingly believable. I kinda' enjoyed the two back-up chickens, though, with their completely imbecilic antics.

You might go into this thinking: "ha! A movie about chicken puppets". Then, 30 minutes later think: "damn...a move about chicken puppets.... when will it end?"

The Wind Rises (2013)
From famed anime director and Academy Award winner Hayao Miyazaki, who has a pretty big cult following in North America. I've seen exactly ONE of his movies, before this ("Nausicaa"), so I didn't know what to expect. First off, the animation is excellent; almost all of it appeared to be hand-crafted and I only noticed one or two scenes where digital effects were applied. In that regard, it was excellent.

The story, on the other hand, may have worked better as a live-action drama. It starts off primarily based on a kid's vivid dreams of flying. These begin to fade, quickly, settling on a fairly un-engaging coming of age story as the kid (Jiro) matures, then his foray into the professional world of aviation engineering. When that gets cumbersome, it then jumps into a romantic yarn, as Jiro reunites with a young girl with tuberculosis. This is the part that a live-action drama could've been built around; instead of this fairly boring animated movie. There also seemed to be a LOT of drawn-out scenes of vehicles driving along...with no dialogue or important visual info being presented.

The ending is a little ambiguous, as you have to do some research to see that Jiro actually designed the famous Japanese WWII "Zero" fighter planes.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

July 16th, 2018, 3:10 pm #1117

Lost in London (2017)
More of a gimmick or stunt than an actual movie. Technically, it's something to behold as it's ONE camera on one continuous take. It was shot, live, in London as it was being simulcast in theaters. For a live movie, it's kinda' interesting.

Yet the story itself is nothing too interesting. Set circa 2002, it's just Woody Harrelson being Woody Harrelson, rambling around London. Owen Wilson and Willie Nelson pop up, playing themselves, because the whole thing is based on a true incident of Woody's weird night in London. Some scenes made me snicker, but just a little.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

July 20th, 2018, 5:00 pm #1118

Harlock: Space Pirate
I'm not sure what led me to watch this. I've been aware of the Captain Harlock character for decades, but have never sat down and watched any of this stuff. Thought this might've been a live-action version, but it's actually a CGI animated flick (very similar to Beowulf or any cinematic sequence in a video game). Not really complaining, since I think it would've been difficult to pull off with live-action.

It's full of techno-babble and mystical mumbo-jumbo. The main players on Harlock's ship are caricatures; including a curvy/dainty blonde chick who's supposed to be the first mate or something. She looks like the typical "video game hot chick" and doesn't fit in with the supposed rough n' tumble world of pirates.

The movie takes itself WAY too seriously. Especially tough when the main spaceship has a frickin' 1600's pirate stern on it!

Yet I felt the biggest problem was the plot; as it's centered around two brothers. Captain Harlock, himself, has very little screen time and he's basically a supporting character. I didn't care about this brothers, I wanted to see this silly-looking pirate guy. Didn't happen. There's a forced "passing of the torch" at the end, a la the Dread Pirate Roberts.

Watched this not expecting much and having a silly distraction. Ended up hating it.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

July 26th, 2018, 2:30 pm #1119

Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter
I'm beginning to think that, when you see a movie labeled as a "Netflix exclusive", the chances of it sucking go WAY up. It's Josh Brolin as a professional deer hunter, with his faithful videographer Danny McBride, as they decide to take his 12 yr old son on a coming-of-age huntin' experience. What follows is....fairly boring and un-funny.

At the opening, it seemed like it'd be a satire of the hunting lifestyle, but it steers clear of that. If you're anti-hunting, you'll be disappointed with the humor. If you're pro-hunting, then you'll be pissed off and consider the bad "humor" an insult. A worthless, forgettable flick, all around.

Personally, I'm okay with hunters. I'd actually like to go hunting. Once. The hiking, tracking, stalking and being out in the wilderness is kinda' cool (or as I call it: "camping"). The part I don't like isn't necessarily the killshot, but the fact that there's this bloody 700 lbs carcass that I now have to trek out of the wild, strap to my truck, then have to drag around and get it processed.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

August 3rd, 2018, 8:07 pm #1120

Hick (2011)
Completely weird and meandering movie. About a 13 year old girl from Nebraska who tries to runaway to Las Vegas. She keeps running into a weird ex-cowboy, along with a coked-out Blake Lively and a random encounter with Alec Baldwin. The tone of the movie flip-flops from quirky teen drama (complete with the obligatory ukelele music and colored pencil drawings) to dark "film noir" weirdness. Really doesn't work and it's boring as all f*ck.

One thing I did appreciate it that there were no noticeable anachronisms. A specific date isn't mentioned, but it appears to be set sometime in the mid-80's. All of the cars fit with the timeline, along with the fashion and some of the references.
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