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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

March 19th, 2018, 5:19 pm #1101

Spider-Man: Homecoming
I totally missed the boat on this movie, in the summer. After the two disappointing "Amazing" movies, I didn't want to sit through another re-hash of Spider-Man and his origin, all as part of an official bridge to bring him into the proper "MCU". Seemed like it'd be treading familiar ground.

Glad my presumptions were wrong. It jumps right into a fairly fresh take on Spidey, combining elements of "classic", modern and even "Ultimate Spider-Man". The supporting cast all have familiar names ("Liz", "Ned", "Flash"), but they're not slotted into their usual roles. Michael Keaton then knocks it out of the park as the Vulture. Very impressed with this, because I consider the Vulture one of the lamest Spidey villains. They also do some fanboy catering by throwing in some other "b and c-level" Spidey foes.

Vulture's plan to pick up scraps of the wreckage from the first Avengers movie works well. And yeah, he's actually a "vulture". Yet the plan seems like something that'd pop up in (*choke*) "Agents of SHIELD". In fact, Happy Hogan is in this Spidey movie, essentially taking the role Phil Coulson had in earlier Marvel flicks.

To add to my usual "Agents of" hate, the inclusion of Damage Control sorta' strained some of the plot threads that were set-up in Netflix's "Daredevil". Wilson Fisk was supposedly involved in the demolition/abatement and then construction of NY after the Avengers movie... but you can No-Prize this and figure Fisk was only involved in Hell's Kitchen and/or just focused on the building phase. Construction/clean-up/demolition jobs typically have a ton of different contractors on them. So it's not so bad.

But anyways, this flick worked well. The humor is great, and that's always been a part of Spidey-- he makes you laugh. Certain elements seemed to borrow from "Kick-Ass" in that Spidey's a 15 year old nerd who's kind of a screw-up and often gets by on luck. The plot flows fairly predictably, but there was one big swerve that I was not expecting. Lot of little Easter eggs throughout that don't feel gratuitous (like the blonde girl with the black hairband. Hmm...). The famous scene, circa Spider-Man #23, with Spidey being stuck under a pile of rubble, then motivating himself to lift it off has another translation (they may have also done it in the Tobey Maguire and/or "Amazing" movies, but I forget).

I've continually said that I consider Spider-Man's origin story to be not only the best "origin story", but THE best comic story, period. It was absent from this film...and I didn't miss it. That says a lot. Oh, and you've got the usually timed post-credit "stingers". The first is right after the animated credits and is more tied to the plot. The last is purely for fun.

Now that all the red-tape and procedure of bringing Spidey into the MCU is done...I hope Marvel refuses the temptation to do something similar with the Fantastic Four. The boat has sailed on those characters and they'd add very little to the overall MCU roster (their villains, however, are another story-- Dr. Frickin' Doom and Galactus for example).
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

March 27th, 2018, 4:33 pm #1102

A Wrinkle in Time (2018)
Took my niece and nephew to see it. Yeah, it's as bad as you've heard. Most slams are: "this sucks" or "I hate Oprah". My gripes were quite different.

-The main child actors are all annoying as hell. I compare it to "Stranger Things", where you actually like the kids. Here, they're all brats who are reciting lines and not acting. The main boy (Calvin) REALLY wants to be Robert Patinson (or whoever the next male movie hearthtorb du jour is). His dialogue is the worst, as he says stuff like: "you don't know how amazing you truly are".

-The little brother, Charles Wallace, is especially annoying. I don't think it's "cute" or funny to see little shits reciting and memorizing complex sentences and words. When it's painfully evident that this is not how they actually talk. I was hoping for him to get locked into a refrigerator.

-I always remembered the book involving centaurs. That is, half-horse, half-human creatures. Pretty sure they were even on the paperback cover. Instead, we get a weird flying lettuce creature. Actually, given the creative team involved, it might be a flying KALE creature.

-I clearly did not have a good recollection of the book, as I probably got it confused with the Choose Your Adventure book "The Cave of Time", the movie "Time Bandits" or some other early 80's entity with "Time" in the title (actually it's about saving TIME while SPACE traveling; not hopping to different chronological eras). So not knowing how the plot would resolve, I thought about 15 minutes in: "I'll bet they defeat whatever antagonist appears with the Power of True Love!" Yup, that was the resolution. *fart*

-I'm comfortable enough in my masculinity that I can safely say: "I like Oprah". She makes people happy. Especially makes chicks happy...and happy chicks make guys happy (and other chicks, too, to cover all bases). She's bigger than any movie role, so when her character appeared, I half-expected her to say: "I'm Oprah". Having her as a wild Yoda-like cosmic sage wasn't so bad. What was bad was that they seemed to blow all their special effects budget on her blingy eyelashes, along with crazy costumes for Reese Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling. They all looked like some of the abominations Natalie Portman wore in the Star Wars prequels.

-The whole movie reeked like of an 80's "After School Special". Or that live action crap the networks would show around 11am on Saturday morning. Only thing missing was Punky Brewster talking about "one to grow on".
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

April 12th, 2018, 10:11 pm #1103

Totally geeking out and going retro....

Destroy All Monsters (1968)
"Original" sub-titled version. Starts off, fast, as the usual plot point of bringing the monsters into the story is established with the opening shot-- they're ALL on "Monsterland", an island near the Bonin Islands, just south of Japan. They're soon mind-controlled by evil aliens, start stomping cities and it looks like the rumble is on! Not so fast, because then we get about 45 minutes of the usual Toho sci-fi crap about the lunar rocket SY-3 and other stuff.

They bring it home as all (well, about 5 or 6) of the monsters, led by Godzilla, beat the crap out of King Ghirdorah! Also on hand are Godzilla's pal, Anguirus (anklosaur looking guy), Gorosarurs (an obscure T-Rex guy from a previously unconnected franchise), Mothra (in larva form), Rodan and Minilla (Godzilla's adopted "son"). The creepy giant spider also pops up in the fight, randomly.

Also, cameos from other monsters, like Manda (snake-like dragon), Baragon and about 3 or 4 more. I don't know all their names, but the trivia of who pops up is worth looking up-- providing you're into Godzilla and kaiju movies. One monster's costume was so old, that they only show him from a distance.

Of course, the SY-3 rocket gets to take out the alien's final attack-- the "Fire Dragon". Then, all the monsters wave goodbye and credits roll! This had the usual (almost boring) obligatory sci-fi yarn, but the final fight is well worth the price of admission (or your time).

Damnation Alley (1977)
From the "Movies I Haven't Watched in 30 years" file. Another post-apocalyptic movie. No real explanation is given for how or why World War 3 happens, other than "missiles". It's not really important. You know what is?! Watching a big freakin' armored RV roll around the desert! Yup, that's what about 60% of this movie is!

There's a plot about how the cast all has to drive to Albany, New York from California. With stops at Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Meteor Crater and Detroit along the way. The predicaments and challenges they encounter aren't too perilous or amazing; one involves man-eating cockroaches.

George Peppard (Hannibal from "The A-Team") heads the cast, speaking in an on-again/off-again southern accent, suh. Jackie Earle Haley (Kelly from "Bad News Bears" or Rohrshach from "Watchmen", take yer' pick) shows up as the usual "wild boy living on his own". But he's not annoying and actually proves useful in a fight. Yet the real star of the flick is the custom armored RV, known as the Landmaster. A miniature is used at one point, but they actually custom-built this big frickin' thing--and it apparently actually worked and is still around! The Landmaster has popped up in random places, ever since. It was on Chris Eillot's "Get a Life", an Amoco commercial about "The Road Worrier" in 1984 and a few more. I think it even inspired the design of the GI Joe "APC" vehicle. In short, it's a pretty cool and believable vehicle.[/b]
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SamoaRowe
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SamoaRowe
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Joined: December 30th, 2004, 5:59 am

May 21st, 2018, 10:42 am #1104

Deadpool 2 was pretty good. About halfway through it, I was starting to feel like I was being let down by it, but it ends really strongly, and features a wonderful redo on a classic X-Men character that appeared in a previous movie in a less than awesome way.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

May 25th, 2018, 2:27 pm #1105

-Saw Deadpool 2, as well, last night. I enjoyed it more than the first Deadpool, for what that's worth. Although I felt that the balance between humor and seriousness was jarring, at times.

-The random non sequitur scattershots were only about 50% effective, I thought. The running commentary about Domino and how her "luck powers" were probably thought by up a "guy who can't even draw feet" was fun. Oh, BTW, Domino = highly bangable.

-Was surprised to see that Peter has a backstory, of sorts, on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PeterW_1974?lang=en

-Josh Brolin is fairly short, huh?

-The running gag with the Vanisher was my favorite and had a great pay-off. The dub-step stuff seemed stupid, at first, but it's one of those instances where a recurring reference makes it funnier as the story progresses. Ditto for "Black Tom".

-The post-credit scene with Wolverine was a great way to cater to-- then shut up-- all the obsessive fanboys. I'd rather have Deadpool do this with a 30-second scene to "clean up the timeline", rather than a 2 hour movie that tries too hard to do the same.
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SamoaRowe
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SamoaRowe
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Joined: December 30th, 2004, 5:59 am

May 28th, 2018, 11:26 pm #1106

About halfway through Deadpool 2 I was feeling like it was letting me down (about the time the wind sabotages their mission) but then I felt it ended really strongly. The bit with Vanisher was beyond excellent, but I'll admit that I actually wanted Shatterstar to kick some ass.

I marked out for the CGI villain who I won't spoil at this time. What a pleasant surprise and a great feature film portrayal of a classic character.

I'm hoping that Dark Phoenix ends up being the last of the Fox X-Men movies (with a possible reboot in the MCU if the Disney deal works out) but I hope this Deadpool/X-Force thing continues.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

June 5th, 2018, 3:14 pm #1107

See, I thought the wind/parachute mishap was the second best gag! Here's all these cheesy and forgettable 90's characters who want to KICK ASS. Nope.

Alien Arrival (aka: "Arrowhead")
A low-budget sci-fi that can't decide what it wants to do. It's a war movie! No, it's about a guy being marooned! No, it's about a monster! No, it's about time travel! It also confused the word "symbosis" with "cloning", which really threw me off when trying to follow the plot. Mix all the random inspirations ("Alien", "2001", "Enemy Mine", etc) and it's a big, boring mess.

Coco
Basically Disney's version of the 2014 animated "The Book of Life"; only sapped out and a little dumbed down. Then slap in the modern BS about: "you're a musical superstar and just need a chance!" There is absolutely no way this movie would've been made, were it not for "The Book of Life". I could go on with all the comparisons, but just know that I found "The Book of Life" far superior.

I will say that Latino culture has absolutely the best way to portray death. I'd actually recommend either of these flicks to parents when explaining the concept of death and passing to their Li'l Shits.
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Infinite Devil Machine
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Joined: November 22nd, 2006, 3:02 am

June 14th, 2018, 7:02 pm #1108

Caught a crappy little indie horror flick called The Rake last night.

It was a pretty rough sit.

For those who don't know, "The Rake" is a well-worn creepypasta story about an entity of unknown origins who infects randomly chosen hosts causing depression, nihilism and abject fear in them until they transform into a monstrous form that looks like a fleshy "Silent Hill" monster with a gaping maw of teeth for a face and claws for hands, and they kill their friends and family. Usually, they leave one person alive or a single survivor escapes, causing them to be "infected".

Kinda cool premise, yeah? Well, no. The Rake movie is as bog-standard a monster movie as you can get. A brother and sister duo see their parents murdered by a man possessed by The Rake when they're both young children. On Christmas. The kids grow up, with the little girl becoming a drifting, wayward schizophrenic who takes a cocktail of drugs daily to keep her part-time job as a florist. Her brother, Ben, seems to be surprisingly well-adjusted for a guy who saw his parents vivisected alive in front of him and then saw the guy who did it stab out his own eyes and cut his throat. The fact that Ben is a moderately stable person after that is, maybe, the least realistic part of the movie.

Anyway, you can probably guess the plot from that setup. Ben and Ashley meet up with an adopted sister (which confused me, because they didn't have a sister in the opening Christmas massacre scene), her husband (who looks like a knockoff Jake Gyllenhall on sedatives and who hates Ashley), Ben's wife comes along (who's the literal definition of a "ballbuster" and looks like Flo from Progressive), and we get to meet some random family friend/the drunk party dumbass who starts his intro scene by pissing in the bushes and howling like a werewolf for no apparent reason.

With all the assorted meat on the platter, Ashley starts to go batty, we find out she had an abortion to save her baby from the influences of "The Rake", she hasn't been taking her medicine for months, and, worst of all, her brother is seeing crazy shit too. Oh, and her adopted sister is also pregnant.

The last 25 minutes are all crappy monster movie. "The Rake" in its actual monster form looks vaguely like a riff on "The Thing". The expected expendable meat gets ripped apart. Ashley gets shot by Ben, as each sibling sees each other as the monster. Finally, adopted sister lady sees Ben attempt to kill himself, before he stands back up and rips out of his own skin to fully become "The Rake". Its an awesome scene, and despite all the other knocks I can give this movie, the special effects and creature effects work in this scene is fucking badass.

Too bad the rest of the flick is as "meh" as can be.

I'll give this movie 5 "Go See Slender-Man Insteads" out of 10.
What "World of Warcraft" players see when they're not playing.....



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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

June 14th, 2018, 10:56 pm #1109

Biggest question about "The Rake": is Ashley hot and does her top come off?
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Infinite Devil Machine
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Joined: November 22nd, 2006, 3:02 am

June 15th, 2018, 4:27 am #1110

Erick Von Erich wrote:Biggest question about "The Rake": is Ashley hot and does her top come off?
Ashley is hot.

You do see the monster version of her topless.

But, depending on your propensity for snarl toothed monsters, your mileage will vary.
What "World of Warcraft" players see when they're not playing.....



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