Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

December 16th, 2014, 4:15 pm #101

Secret Wars #3-5
The X-men are dicks. That's the recurring theme in these issues. They break-off and form a third-party force, under a tense alliance with Magneto. Simply because they're MUTANTS. Why would they feel out-of-place with guys like the Hulk, She-Hulk, the FF, Captain Marvel, Spider-Man, etc? Kinda' weird, because Cyclops seemed to be bonding with Reed Richards.

Thor's kinda' the same, too, as he breaks off with the Enchantress for awhile. In the absence of both Thor and the X-men, the villains attack, destroy the heroes' HQ, then drop a frickin' mountain range on them. They got the drop on the heroes because... Cap overslept and the Hulk was busy brooding.

In one of the signature scenes of this series, the Hulk holds up the entire mountain range while Reed collects all the heroes' tech and blasts a big hole to dig them out. Pretty cool, actually.

Doom creates new villainesses in his lab- Volcana and Titania. For now, we're not told how these two women suddenly appear.

The heroes move into a populated alien village and make friends with the locals, including Zsaji the healer-chick. Only problem, the village is right below Galactus, who begins summoning his spaceship/home. The villains attack again, but it's mostly a diversion so Doom can sneak into Galactus' ship. The X-men make the save for the heroes, then leave. Colossus is injured and gets left behind so Zsaji can fix him up...and he's completely smitten with her.

Magneto and the Wasp also make out because...she's a tart, remember?!

Two other minor sub-plots: Hulk's worried he's losing his intellect, while Iron Man has the hots for Captain Marvel.

But issue 4--- this was my big intro to Marvel-wide. Before this, I had only ever purchased Star Wars, GI Joe and the occasional Avengers issue. So this was a big deal for me, as I crossed some imaginary line and bought a full-on Marvel Super Heroes book. I bought it at a grocery store in the mountains...and the clerk made fun of my 10-year old self, saying: "this is only the second time I've seen somebody actually buy a COMIC BOOK". Jerk.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

December 16th, 2014, 11:40 pm #102

Secret Wars #6-7
Wasp is upset that she broke a nail while escaping Magneto and the X-men (seriously). She ends up in the Lizard's swamp, where they become friends. The Wrecking Crew arrives in a big ol' tank to pick-up the Lizard and kill the Wasp in the process. Later, the Crew drops off her body at the heroes' camp, just to be jerks.

Doom wanders around Galactus's ship, finding Klaw in the process. In a bit of continuity-mining, Klaw was absorbed by Dazzler, then shot into Galactus a few years prior. Klaw joins the villains as Doom's new mouthpiece. Doom finally gets noticed by Galactus and is forcibly ejected back to the planet.

The X-men fight off a group of villains, then detonate some volcanoes in an attempt to slow down Galactus's planet eating. I guess the gist is that a fiery planet will give Galactus heartburn, of sorts.

Wolverine slices off Absorbing Man's arm (while the latter was in rock form)! Wolvie is written completely different from what we're used to. Nowadays (yeah, he's currently "dead"), he's sort of a hardened tough-guy with a sense of honor; like a grizzled Clint Eastwood type. Here, he's a brash, sarcastic jerk who just wants to rip into people. He pretty much hates everybody.

She-Hulk sneaks off to DOOMBASE to get revenge for her BFF, the Wasp. She beats the tar out of the Wrecking Crew, but eventually gets overwhelmed when more villains arrive. The X-men offer to watch over Galactus, freeing Cap and Friends to run off and attack the villains.

-Oh, and the new Spider-Woman shows up, randomly. All we know is that she's strong. She was part of a Denver suburb that was pulled in by the Beyonder to create Battleworld. Which is also where Volcana and Titania came from.

They never really get around to writing Spider-Woman's origin until the early 90's...and then it's lackluster.

-Volcana is introduced as "Marsha Rosenburg"... a real-life name and person who had been referenced in Marvel's little in-jokes at the time. Strangely enough, "Marsha" is even mentioned in GI Joe #10. No idea who Marsha really was, or what she did at Marvel.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

December 17th, 2014, 3:08 pm #103

Secret Wars #8
The heroes strike back and pummel the villains, taking over DOOMBASE, then imprisoning all of them. Doom's still literally burned-out from his encounter with Galactus and offers no resistance.

In a comic relief moment, Hawkeye and Ben Grimm subdue the Lizard and Klaw by playing patty-cake with them. Yes, this happens. Hawkeye got a "bad ass moment", earlier, when he shot Piledriver in the shoulder, making him pass out.

Even though it's only two pages, the biggest deal is Spider-Man's new costume. Everybody else gets their costumes fixed (even HULK... figure that one out) by some unseen machine in a lab. Using only that knowledge, Spidey goes into the lab picks the wrong machine, as a black goo covers him and becomes his new costume. Strangely enough, at this time in Spidey's book (issue 259 or so), the black suit had been running for about 6-7 issues and they were already beginning to bring back the traditional red-and-blue, despite the popularity of the new look.

I noticed that there's some blatant, almost misogynistic, over-use of the word "broad" to describe all women in this series. It's fine for the Wrecking Crew and Absorbing Man to use it, but even Iron Man uses it to describe Spider-Woman. Iron Man's been sort of a background character and has been used the least (same for Nightcrawler). I'm guessing because it's James Rhodes in the suit and they didn't really have a handle on how or why to use him.

Nice scene where Rhodey takes off part of his armor for Reed Richards and says "I'll bet you were surprised to see a black man under the armor?" Reed isn't concerned and just says: "I knew there was a man under it". Reed's come off like the nicest and most well-adjusted guy in the universe, thus far.

Time frame for everything thus far has been about 3 days, I'd say.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

December 18th, 2014, 4:46 pm #104

Secret Wars #9-10
The X-men (and Magneto) are officially brought back into the heroes' group, as everybody attacks Galactus. Reed Richards then gets everybody to slow down, since if Galactus wins the Beyonder's contest, there's no doubt Galactus will ask to end his "hunger" of eating planets. So, to take one for the universe, the heroes stop... for awhile. Galactus bring Reed aboard his ship for discuss things for a bit. In the end, they all decide it's better to go down fighting and resume attacking the big G. Besides, can they really trust the Beyonder?

Zsaji blows her healing wad to bring the Wasp back to life. Colossus is more in love with her now, due to her selfless actions. Human Torch was into her because she was a piece-o-ass; nothing more. Colossus sees her as the whole package. Wolverine mentions that the feelings are probably just a side-effect of her healing powers. Since Colossus was the only mutant she healed, you can chalk it up to her powers having a more intense reaction in mutant DNA.

Doom manages to steal Galactus's power and attacks the Beyonder. He seemingly wins, becomes a "god" and appears before the good guys to calmly end the "War".

In a small scene, Wolverine calls out Cap on only protecting certain types of people. He reconsiders and apologizes when Cap helps rescue all the trapped villains from being crushed by tremors. Just weird, as it's played up like this is the first time Cap and Wolverine have ever crossed paths. At that point, it probably was. Future Marvel retcons had the two meeting several times, in the past, both pre- and post- memory wipes for Wolverine.
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

December 19th, 2014, 5:08 pm #105

From Secret Wars #9-- THE Greatest Dr. Doom Quote:

Klaw: "You narrate your life as you go along, don't you? Are you being taped?"
Doom: "Why, yes! Every utterance of Doom must be recorded for prosperity!"
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Erick Von Erich
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Joined: May 13th, 2005, 9:06 pm

December 19th, 2014, 5:45 pm #106

Secret Was #11-12
All about DOOM, as he gains omnipotence... but basically lounges around in his new mountain tower ("The Tower of DOOM") and thinks about invading Mephisto's realm to save his mom.

The heroes unanimously decide to attack Doom. They're instantly zapped (yeah, killed) by a big bolt from Doom. Doom's own doubt, combined with Zsaji's healing powers bring the heroes back to life. Zsaji dies after saving them all. The heroes have a big skirmish with monsters created by Klaw... then the Beyonder sneaks in and recovers his power from Doom. Zap-- that's it. We're done.

Weird thing, but it looks like one page was drawn by Arthur Adams during the big monster-fight sequence.

Fallout has the heroes constructing a grave for Zsaji. Colossus had his "moment" with her before she died, so he's heartbroken (his pants stayed on, but a modern writer might've retconned this to say it was the first time Colossus got laid).

Molecule Man was enlightened by Doom, so he picks up the "6-mile square of suburban Denver" (which looks like Brooklyn) and flies all the villains back home. Enchantress has a discussion with a Bathtub Water Spirit and finds out all about the Beyonder's past. Not much: he was the only thing in his dimension, until a "monumental event" cut a pinhole into another dimension and he began watching Earth. I think that event was tied into the creation of the Molecule Man in "Secret Wars II".

Reed builds a device that can send everybody back home, with three more developments:

1- Thing gets She-Hulk to replace him in the FF. He stays behind since he can now control his changes into the Thing. Reed lets him keep the transporter device for whenever he gets bored of Battleworld. I have most of these issues of "The Thing", but I honestly don't remember how it played out. Reed mentions that there's a suspicious and/or depressing reason for Thing's control, but I forget what it was. Something to do with the whole "wish fulfillment" thing and how Battleworld seemed to fit the heroes and villains, perfectly (Spidey noticing all the web-slinging props, Storm easily controlling the weather, Cap re-forming his shield from nothing, etc.)

2- Lockheed returns with a female dragon. The female dragon flies in and gets transported back with the X-men. It eventually grew to gigantic size and rampaged Japan. Seriously. Rogue, Prof.X and Storm also got new costumes. Rogue's has a totally 80's mini-skirt, so I think this was the end of "bull dyke hoodie Rogue".

3- Enchantress zaps the Lizard back to Dr. Curt Connors. He hangs out and goes home with Spider-Man. Spidey realized he used the wrong costume machine... but just shrugs it off.


Oh golly--- this series was a lot of fun! Once you start reading it, it gets in your head and you can't stop thinking about it. It's a Big Dumb Superhero Story, but darn if it isn't entertaining and just overall FUN. I've always liked mass team-ups, which explains why I dig the All-Star Game and have fond memories of junk like "Yogi's Ark".

This project was started as a merchandising and licensing gimmick, aimed at kids. But "big kids" loved this series, too. They thought they weren't supposed to, but they did. It's very hard to find a Comic Nerd who hates this series (well... maybe those who were REALLY into Sandman or Shade and feel this kind of drivel is beneath their intellect).

Doom is awesome and this might very well be one of his best stories. After issue 9, he basically takes over the spotlight. When the craptastic "Secret Wars II" rolls around, I don't think Doom is there... and that's a shame. I think he had a part in the FF-only "Secret Wars III", where it was revealed the Beyonder was a rogue Cosmic Cube or something. That'd require I re-read my 1988 FF books and I'm not up for that.
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