What would make you feel comfortable enough to come out publically?

Celebrating crossdreaming and crossdressing through images, words, deeds and dreams. If you have found something that makes you embrace this side of yourself, share it here!
Joined: October 27th, 2017, 7:44 am

January 3rd, 2018, 1:34 pm #31

AmaltheaBoi wrote: Hi there!
I was wondering WHY there is nothing like the crossdreamer/trans community at least a bit comparable to the LGB community, which woud help people like us find friends, love and socialize and make us feel like we're not alone in this (because we're not, there's plenty of us actually)... In my opinion, the main barrier is the fact that most of us are IN the closet and do not plan to come out any time soon. Which is understandable. But come on, there's been such progress in the LGB community, and at least in most western countries they can finally live out and proud - and this fact itself actually makes a difference in the world.
And because of that, I find it very important to ask you all this question: 
WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU COME OUT PUBLICALLY AND/OR FEEL COMFORTABLE TO DO SO?
Would it be a famous person coming out? A movie/music/book/any other form of art related to our topic making it to the mainstream?
Please, just think about it. What needs to be done to make people like us live out and proud?

I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on that.
Hi AmaltheaBoi,

these are very interesting and relevant questions.

While I think that it would be great if the issue of crossdreaming got more exposure because it would help other people to realize what they are and help them on their path to self-discovery, for me it would be quite pointless to come out right now because it would just make things complicated in my family.  My "maleness" doesn't really affect the relationship with my husband because it doesn't bother him that I wear more male clothes etc. but it would probably bother him if he knew the whole picture. 
I told a few of my gay friends and they are ok with it and I feel very accepted by them. That was important for me because I didn't want them to think that I was just another straight women that loves hanging out with gay guys because that's not what I really am.
If I was single, it would be different and I would probably look for new partners in the lgbt community and would maybe even have a public coming out.

I think that a book or movie that would expose the issue would help greatly, but also social media or youtube might be a way to go. There are quite a lot of trans youtubers that talk about gender and sexuality that could help to give it more publicity like Ash Hardell.
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Joined: July 27th, 2017, 4:02 am

January 3rd, 2018, 10:13 pm #32

oreb wrote: I mean that things don't fit with each other, not with some external mold. I do feel like an empty husk with no emotional depth of ability to care about anything. 
I can't say you are a repressed transwoman like I was. Maybe it's something else.

In any case:

I know what that's like. I hope you manage to get through it. I nearly didn't.
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Joined: November 19th, 2015, 5:22 am

April 14th, 2018, 3:21 pm #33

It would be good tohave RL friend I knew were crossdeamers, and we could talk about it , say on walks, or places private.  I've never really vocalised my feelings face to face with someone..  It could be weird to hear myself talking about it, but good

There is the issue that we move at different speeds..  It happens here; 

 If your crossdreaming buddy decided to transition, it would change the dynamic..  personally I wouldn't mind object and be supportive, but the dynamic would change
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Joined: March 1st, 2017, 3:20 pm

April 15th, 2018, 4:27 pm #34

Transition is a gradual process -- a bit here, a bit there. With hormones and surgery it takes about a year. Done well it is so gradual that there is no "shock" in the transition. Locally Rick transitioned to Erica -- but I cannot put a date on where the transition changed from male to female.

HRT and Erica wears gender neutral clothing (jeans, running shoes, T-shirts, etc) but she is female in presentation now. I'd say she is female in presentation, no question there. But she's not "feminine" in the overt sense.

Of the three transitions I know of M to F, one is "feminine" and the other two are only passing as female -- difficult to transition from varsity basketball star to "feminine."

In a more perfect world, gender wouldn't matter.
Allison Wunderland's Transcend Dance --
http://allisontranscend.blogspot.com/
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Joined: July 27th, 2017, 4:02 am

April 16th, 2018, 2:45 am #35

A world where gender didn't matter would be a sort of hell for me.
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Joined: March 31st, 2018, 1:01 am

April 17th, 2018, 11:36 am #36

My best friend loves the "gender is a social construct" idea, so I have been thinking about this a lot lately!

Much of gender is socially reinforced, and it would be a much better world if people were tolerant of spontaneously fluid gender expression - as in - no one would bat an eye at a person who desired to crossdress, etc.

However, I don't think all the social acceptance in the world would erase the innate biological pressure trans leaning people feel to express themselves differently than what their bodies may suggest people should expect.

And if gender didn't matter at all, that would be maddening and erasing. I really believe there is a component of gender that is hardwired, built in (thinking of cases like David Reimer), there are at least two of them, and they are equal but different. Any manifestation of not allowing people to be what they are inside is a recipe for disaster.
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Joined: May 14th, 2017, 5:32 pm

April 17th, 2018, 12:35 pm #37

"Coming out" would mean writing down several pages long explanation of my personal theory on the particular ways in which I'm broken sexuality and gender-wise and then a detailed account of the observations and arguments justifying it, with particular emphasis on why alternative explanations do not work. I don't have the stamina, willpower, and ability to do this. At least not now. Not to mention I still don't have any good enough theory.
Coming out itself requires a justification. Why are you hoping to achieve by telling us this now? 
Don't trust them, Steven.
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Joined: November 17th, 2015, 11:32 am

April 17th, 2018, 12:58 pm #38

Oreb. But is a theory really needed? I have a close friend who around the age of 50 suddenly got a strong impulse to do something totally different with his life. Sort of like Noah, he started building a boat in his own back yard. He spent every free moment of his life on it for about 5 years, and when it was completed, he quit his job and had it transported to the ocean. He then sailed it around the world for another 3 years. At that point, he had had an incredibly hot career, and was considered the leading candidate to become the company's next CEO. Everybody thought he had gone crazy to throw that all away. But he was divorced and his kids were largely raised. He told me that he just wanted to do something for the hell of it, and I could tell it made him really happy to have that sort of freedom. I don't think there was a lot of theory there.
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Joined: May 14th, 2017, 5:32 pm

April 17th, 2018, 1:28 pm #39

Wouldn't the talent and money of such a remarkable person have been better invested in, let's say, medical research? 
Don't trust them, Steven.
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Joined: November 17th, 2015, 11:32 am

April 17th, 2018, 1:44 pm #40

Oreb, If that isn't one's passion, then no. I am saying this with absolute certainty. Miserable people perform miserably in the long run. People are at their best doing what they love to do most. By the way, he started a business building custom boats after he sailed around world. Millionaires are lined up wanting him to build them one of his custom designs. The first rule of entrepreneurship (and I am applying that term broadly here) is to find something that you have a passion for doing. In fact, that is taught in management schools.    
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