supernatural crossdreamer

Share the story of your experience with crossdreaming
faithinfantasy
Joined: 10 Aug 2017, 10:51

10 Aug 2017, 12:56 #1

Hi everyone...  I remember having a go at being a part of the old forum years ago, introduction and all.  This time around, it seems like my story is so much more complex and philosophical than it was, and yet still I can't help but want to find understanding here. Looking back, my entire life was full of a unique sort of crossdreaming.  Even in childhood I would strip my sister's Barbie dolls to their bikini bottoms to become topless superheroines- a bond between female naked beauty and power, and all while I was devoutly projecting myself into the female body I held in my hand.  Not too long into elementary school and I first discovered Supergirl, finding in her a girl who delighted in her own beauty, power, and freedom, and I absolutely envied her.  Puberty meant the addition of sexual elements to the dream, including lesbianism, and then dressing ensued and body dysmorphia took effect.  But it wasn't until I pursued Catholic higher education that I theorized how my crossdreaming might not have been a quirk after all but rather an intuitive vision of a completely different world- prelapsarian humanity, wherein nakedness, innocence, power, and sexuality were in perfect and beautiful unity.  The mature crossdream that I hold to this day is to be a girl (please excuse that I will always use the word "girl" to refer to a woman of this sort) pulled out of the mythological Eden- a near-goddess with a perfectly beautiful body of invulnerable flesh, possessing in her body the power to do effortlessly almost anything she might desire, for whom everything is a delight both hypersexual and yet completely innocent, including lesbian play with the other girls.  Much time goes into understanding every iota of what things would be like in that life, not only the physics of such a life but the ethics, the desires, the philosophy, the knowledge, and anything else I can examine closely.

To be clear, despite a history of dressing and other attempts at presenting my innermost desire outwardly in accord with a fairly profound dysmorphia, I do not see myself as inhabiting the wrong body.  I believe that my created gender is correct, but it doesn't mean I have to consider it beautiful.  In fact, I find it to be grotesque.  I am simply made to walk the earth as something ugly, striving to attain that next life where our bodies will be eternally beautiful.  As such, though, I have no desire to take care of myself as I am, to be healthy or at my best.  How things would be so different if only I had the body I consider beautiful.

Given the dream I have shared, you can see why it has been difficult for me to find a proper home, even when I was here last.  My nature is too sexual to discuss with the commonplace idealist, yet too idealistic for a sexual generation.  I am too fantastical for many crossdreamers and too philosophical for fantasists, too religious for the secular and too sordid for the religious.  My hope is that even though the details of my story might not resonate with the majority, that I do in fact in this newer forum find a place to share the often existential broodings associated with bearing the weight of this dream day in and day out.
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April
Joined: 17 Nov 2015, 16:32

10 Aug 2017, 16:45 #2

Hi Faith, I can't say I have had exactly your experience, but there is most certainly a metaphysical, perhaps even mystical component to my journey. I see happen even now, in my 4th year of transition, when I get ready to go out for a night. I will be putting on my makeup and clothes, and thinking I'm not looking that great. Then there is like a flash moment where something happens. My eyes get a different look and I come alive. I get a chill all over my body. I suddenly look prettier, more feminine, and even younger. It might all be my imagination, but it seems very real to me.
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faithinfantasy
Joined: 10 Aug 2017, 10:51

10 Aug 2017, 23:46 #3

Hi April, you mention imagination and reality.  It almost surprises me how powerful and directive our imagination is, especially for us who spend the majority of our lives imagining.  For most people, the imagination is an escape, something not connected to reality.  For a crossdreamer, our imagination is very much connected; it is our key to a broader reality than the one in which we live.  That is why I resonate with you.  I hardly feel real from day to day but rather like a shadow, yet when I would take the time to dress my body, it was only in imagining this alternative that I ever felt real.
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Lain
Joined: 19 Nov 2015, 12:39

11 Aug 2017, 08:47 #4

Welcome, FaithInFantasy.

We're all different here. So you just start and see what happens. 

Not all might understand or share your views, but we may accept your feelings.
Your mind is software. Program it.
Your body is a shell. Change it.
Death is a disease. Cure it.
Extinction is approaching. Fight it!

© "Eclipse Phase" by Posthuman Studios
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Deborah Kate
Joined: 26 Nov 2015, 21:58

11 Aug 2017, 10:27 #5

faithinfantasy wrote:
For a crossdreamer, our imagination is very much connected; it is our key to a broader reality than the one in which we live.'
yes, well put! crossdreaming is not escapism, not an illusion. yet i do think it's important not to dismiss outer reality at all.

sounds like you'll fit in here just fine. 

there's lots of good philosophizing here and lots of good fantasizing. the two might be different modes but not in tension. there are places for each.

welcome xx
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Monique
Joined: 25 Mar 2016, 09:30

11 Aug 2017, 12:54 #6

Hello Faith!

At last someone not fixated on this reality as the modicum for realizing their dreams! Welcome!

I'm Monique and when I leave this world I'm dead set at turning "da gorgeah" on a non-physical plane of existence, a clear, glossy, colourful world generated by consciousness rather than subjugated by the dictates of crude matter. While hypersexual like you and seeing the erotic as a spiritual category that essentially is not of this earth, unlike you I see myself not as a "girl" but as a woman, not without maternal inclinations, and I want to become a mother.

This section of your post really got to me:
To be clear, despite a history of dressing and other attempts at presenting my innermost desire outwardly in accord with a fairly profound dysmorphia, I do not see myself as inhabiting the wrong body.  I believe that my created gender is correct, but it doesn't mean I have to consider it beautiful.  In fact, I find it to be grotesque.  I am simply made to walk the earth as something ugly, striving to attain that next life where our bodies will be eternally beautiful.  As such, though, I have no desire to take care of myself as I am, to be healthy or at my best.  How things would be so different if only I had the body I consider beautiful.
Me neither, honey, me neither... Why should I? I want to leave this place as soon as I can and go into the Beyond.

While here, it's a long and hard road ahead though. And while our final destinations may differ, I hope we can join together for some of the way. You present a compelling thelogy/cosmology. To stay with the Biblical references, if your paradise is an Eden of innocence, my paradise is more like a sublime Babylon or Gomorrah. Very, very sinful! 😇

But maybe not that far separated still...

I'm glad you came here. If you feel like it darling, please give me your hand. We could walk together and lean on each other. I sense that I would love us to be friends. ❤


💋
Love
XXX

Hugs & kisses,
Monique
"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me
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faithinfantasy
Joined: 10 Aug 2017, 10:51

11 Aug 2017, 17:00 #7

Hey Monique, I would love to compare dreams with you!  I have a suspicion that at our best we are actually imagining the same world, once we cast off the categories that result from the world we live in now and start to embrace purer distinctions.  Even the distinction between "girl" and "woman" is not as pronounced as I let on to believe.  I'm looking forward to sharing more with you!
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