Numbers - The Truth of Partner's Acceptance

A place for significant others or family members to talk about issues they face understanding and relating to crossdreamers

Numbers - The Truth of Partner's Acceptance

Joined: November 16th, 2015, 2:24 pm

November 15th, 2016, 6:25 am #1

Nadine over at Unordinary Style has crunched the numbers from the posts over at the Crossdressers.com forum and found that the majority of spouses of that forum's members are accepting the gender variance.
Of the 458 members I have included:

363 did not leave the relationship upon the reveal
280 are at least somewhat accepting
29 are in what is called a Don't Ask Don't Tell situation
45 didn't leave but are not accepting of the partner's gender variance
23 are accepting genetic women
74 are partners who left because of the gender variance
20 left but not because of the gender variance
Moreover:
84% of partners did not leave the relationship upon the reveal
74% percent of the partners are at least somewhat accepting of the gender variance, which could range from DADT to full inclusion and acceptance
68% would be considered to be openly accepting of their partner's gender variance
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Joined: November 17th, 2015, 8:02 am

November 15th, 2016, 12:45 pm #2

Quite comforting.
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Joined: November 16th, 2015, 2:24 pm

November 15th, 2016, 2:41 pm #3

I know that a lot of crossdreamers have to be reminded of this, when the loneliness threatens to bring them down. There is someone for everyone if you manage to find them.
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Joined: November 19th, 2015, 5:22 am

November 16th, 2016, 5:48 pm #4

If the spouses social identity doesn't change, then this isn't so surprising... I wonder what the stats are for spouses of transitioning TG women

Note I ask this without any judgement.on either party.
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Joined: October 11th, 2016, 1:27 am

November 17th, 2016, 3:57 am #5

I guess it goes to show that people are more accepting and understanding than we give them credit for, especially when the person in question is someone who is already emotionally invested in us. Our fears are often just a case of us projecting our own insecurities on other people.
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Joined: May 8th, 2017, 7:09 am

May 17th, 2017, 5:54 pm #6

When I came out to my wife about my cross dressing she was pretty accepting of it, but in the discussion she mentioned not wanting to stay if I transitioned. It certainly isn't unreasonable for this to be a bridge to far for them due to being both physical and emotional changes. For me I find my cross dressing quite a satisfying outlet, I think that transition would not make me as happy as my wife and kids
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Joined: November 16th, 2015, 2:24 pm

May 18th, 2017, 4:01 am #7

For me I find my cross dressing quite a satisfying outlet, I think that transition would not make me as happy as my wife and kids
If crossdressing makes you happy and helps you cope, that's good.  Being with the family you love is also an important part of the equation. I guess what it all boils down to is how hard and intense your gender dysphoria is.

It is hard to blame a woman that married what she thought to be a man, find it hard to imagine being married to a woman. I get it. Some women do accept such a life changer, though.
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Joined: May 21st, 2017, 3:37 am

May 22nd, 2017, 2:17 pm #8

These are very interesting results. I know my wife was very accepting when I told her. It also was big weight off my shoulders and I have generally been happier since she doesn't care if I dress around the house. It is also quite less stressful because there is no fear of getting caught. But yes I did fear she would want to leave me when I told her. Knowing the results of this study before I told her probably would have helped me be more confident in telling her sooner.
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Joined: December 20th, 2015, 3:48 pm

May 22nd, 2017, 11:07 pm #9

PipX wrote:
If the spouses social identity doesn't change, then this isn't so surprising... I wonder what the stats are for spouses of transitioning TG women

Note I ask this without any judgement.on either party.
My wife (soon to be ex) told me yesterday (on the phone) when I admitted that, although I have no near term plans, I might want to transition. And indeed I might. I just want to be happy in my own skin and if that means transitioning, that's fine. For her, though, she tearfully told me that if I do transition she may very well never want to see me again. That hurt. A lot.
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Joined: November 16th, 2015, 2:24 pm

May 23rd, 2017, 4:52 am #10

I am sorry to hear that Emma. That must hurt a lot.
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