Is this what dysphoria feels like?

A place to talk about how to understand and explain 'crossdreaming' and related forms of 'gender variance'

Is this what dysphoria feels like?

Francesca
Joined: 21 Feb 2016, 23:53

07 Mar 2016, 11:41 #1

For the last few days I have felt a marked increase in sexual desire for men, specifically, very vivid sexual fantasies that hit me at any random time during the day. The common element among them is something that I can only describe as the feeling of being taken. They are overwhelming, and leave me with the longing for "the real thing". This may have to do with my subconscious finally receiving a "green light", with the dressing up, the talking and the conscious attempt at looking more feminine on the outside - supported by my girlfriend with a willingness that sometime surpasses my own - or it could be withdrawal symptoms from a severe (?) pornography addiction. Either way, even for someone who - to a degree - enjoys having a dirty mind, it gets disconcerting, maybe even more so because I am trying to find a balance, not to throw myself off.
Anyone can relate?
 
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Lost247365
Joined: 17 Nov 2015, 17:51

07 Mar 2016, 20:38 #2

My understanding of it is that dysphoria can manifest in a variety of different ways.  But if you are looking for a medical diagnosis the best resource is probably the DSM.

http://www.dsm5.org/documents/gender%20 ... 0sheet.pdf
Characteristics of the Condition 

For a person to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, there must be a marked difference between the individual’s expressed/experienced gender and the gender others would assign him or her, and it must continue for at least six months. In children, the desire to be of the other gender must be present and verbalized. This condition causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. 

Gender dysphoria is manifested in a variety of ways, including strong desires to be treated as the other gender or to be rid of one’s sex characteristics, or a strong conviction that one has feelings and reactions typical of the other gender. 

The DSM-5 diagnosis adds a post-transition specifier for people who are living full-time as the desired gender (with or without legal sanction of the gender change). This ensures treatment access for individuals who continue to undergo hormone therapy, related surgery, or psychotherapy or counseling to support their gender transition.

Jack posted one from the DSM on the older version of this forum (and I think he has some scanned pages of the entire section of the DSM either in the Library or on the Crossdreamers.com site):

http://www.crossdreamlife.com/viewtopic ... 6d23e39516

Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.95 (F64.1)

A. A marked incongruence between one's experience/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months' duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: 

1. A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated sex characteristics). 

2. A strong desire to be rid of one's primary and /or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one's experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics) 

3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. 

4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender). 

5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender). 

6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender). 

[p. 453] B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Personally, I have never been professionally diagnosed by I do believe I am dysphoric because I strongly match 3 and 4, and to a lesser extent 2 and 5 and have since I was 12.  For me, and what I believe to be dysphoria (IANAD) is expressed as a strong desire to be female physically and a lesser desire to be seen by others that way and treated accordingly.  



This desire is perfectly synched with my crossdreaming comes to me in waves of highs and lows.  As it increases I feel an sense of euphoria by thinking of myself as a female but eventually this feeling starts to turn obsessive and all I can think is "I wish I was a girl."  Eventually due to my reality not matching my fantasies I start to get depressed.  At it worst it feels like I am being eaten up from the inside out and I have the sensation of a ball in my chest that just keeps getting bigger and bigger till I think it is about to explode.



If it reaches that stage it will usually be followed by a giant lull in crossdreaming/fantasies.  During this time I feel completely disconnected from myself and hollow, more like a robot going through the motions than a person.  


Fortunately, I spend most of my time somewhere between these two extremes...though i would be lying if I didn't admit to enjoying the short periods of euphoric crossdreaming.
Last edited by Lost247365 on 07 Mar 2016, 20:55, edited 2 times in total.
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Cindy
Joined: 20 Jan 2016, 17:48

08 Mar 2016, 00:08 #3

Francesca, I'm certainly no expert on dysphoria, so I can just give an opinion. What you described does not seem like dysphoria as I understand it. It seems like sexual desire (and there is nothing wrong with that!)
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JustEva
Joined: 05 Dec 2015, 18:03

08 Mar 2016, 09:51 #4

Francesca, my opinon about that. I can not judje have you gender disphoria or not generaly, but that your feelings very relate for me (and i don't think that it is part of gender disphoria), because i also have some-times very strong sexual desire toward man. And it is controversial and some "dirty" feelengs for me, because i married and don't want betray my wife.
But i see in your case two moments. First, normal sexual desire of man. You have not this expirience right now and it is existing lack. Probably pro-active top role of your girl-friend in sex can help you. Another moment - its your fear of rapid change in your life. Your internal desires (repressed so a lot of time) now became true so rapidly, but probably some your internal fear and phobia try to stop you. Just relax, and do with your girl-friend what makes you and her happy.
And remember, you not alone in your feelengs, and nothing shameful and bad in what you feel.

p.s. In other post Jack already wrote about fresh research of "pornography addiction" and probably that kind of addiction just not exist.
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Francesca
Joined: 21 Feb 2016, 23:53

08 Mar 2016, 12:15 #5

Lost247365 wrote:
Personally, I have never been professionally diagnosed by I do believe I am dysphoric because I strongly match 3 and 4, and to a lesser extent 2 and 5. [...]This desire is perfectly synched with my crossdreaming comes to me in waves of highs and lows.  As it increases I feel an sense of euphoria by thinking of myself as a female but eventually this feeling starts to turn obsessive and all I can think is "I wish I was a girl." 
Thank you for sharing that. It sounds very familiar, although, for it to get to a degree high enough for me to understand what it meant, it took many years, and I'm still somewhat unsure. The waves of highs and lows too, very familiar. During the "highs", when single, I'd seek no-strings-attached male partners online, then during the lows I'd go back to "hetero mode". During the highs, with a partner, I'd simultaneously think it was normal in the situation to feel like a woman (I'd shave and I wanted to act feminine) but, at the same time, I would have to keep the degree of womanhood in check, to hide it at least partially from partners that would sometimes explicitly tell me that they didn't like it. A huge, huge blind spot. Maybe this is why for me I think it would be as important to be seen and treated like a woman as much as to look like one. 

 
Francesca, I'm certainly no expert on dysphoria, so I can just give an opinion. What you described does not seem like dysphoria as I understand it. It seems like sexual desire (and there is nothing wrong with that!)
I agree, maybe it isn't dysphoria in itself, but it's certainly a demonstration of a female-like lust :) Nothing wrong with it in itself, I love it, it just comes as a huge distraction in a moment when I am trying to have a rational conversation to figure out who I really am and where I am going to go. I am comfortable experimenting with just about any aspect of my gender, but only as far as shame does not take over and manage to slow me down or stop me, at least for now. not to mention the rest of my life (girlfriend, work...). On the contrary, these fantasies come from a place in my spirit where I have already been a girl for a very long time, a 100% girl, who loves make up and turning on guys and getting ravaged, and doesn't care much about anything else. Her power scares me.
First, normal sexual desire of man. You have not this expirience right now and it is existing lack. Probably pro-active top role of your girl-friend in sex can help you. 
I don't know, Eva, my girlfriend is definitely not the masculine type. I am really blessed in having such an amazing partner, but expecting from anyone who is not naturally inclined in that way to be as good a male partner in bed as she is a female would be too much. :) But you may be right, and we are working on it :)
p.s. In other post Jack already wrote about fresh research of "pornography addiction" and probably that kind of addiction just not exist.
Really curious about reading it :) I recently saw a few studies making the point that in general the idea of any "chemistry" (brain or otherwise) being addictive in and of itself is wrong, and that until there are distressing life circumstances, people can make regular use of any drug (from alcohol to heroin) without it causing a dependency, or causing any disfunction. Which resonates a lot with my experience, as I have been an "occasional" almost anything (drinker, smoker, drug user) for my entire life, and never ran into troubles, no bingeing, no attachments. But these studies I read make the point that if you are in stressful life circumstances then you could develop addiction, and I have to admit that I have used pornography, in the last year at least, as a conscious refuge from a period of extremely dull professional life, from which I currently have no escape. And, unlike cigarettes, which I could smoke right now and forget about for as long as I like, I have to admit that, in absence of pornography, when I am bored at work, I feel "a void to fill". It may very well be that I feel this emptiness because pornography has been a gateway to my discovery of being trans, after all I didn't feel dependent on pornography until I started with the "sissy stuff". But it's also true that, even though I felt it didn't cause any trouble, pornography has always been my favorite indulgence as an adult. So I have to be very careful on this one. 
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JustEva
Joined: 05 Dec 2015, 18:03

15 Mar 2016, 02:05 #6

Francesca
yes, i really think, that you must try some-thing new with your girl-friend, like she will be dominant top, in traditioonal man role. Of course i clear understand that woman can not replace man in all fields (emotinal level, touch to man body and a lot of other, i think you understand) but at least it will be fresh and new expirience.

About dependency and addiction.
My main viewpoint that chemistry primary basis for that (basic for all, for our social behavoir, romantic choice, and a lot of other). But really addiction system, which work across dopamine and orexine, it is not so bad, that system supports positive for body behavior. For example, you it first time some tasty meat, your chemistry make mark like "it teasty" "eat it again" make you some-kind of addiction for tasty meat:)) it is good option. But in the case of drugs that system coud work wrong, and make addiction for worst stimulus. But you say, that for your pesonal expirience, you use a lot of substances and don't expirience addiction. It is probably true and not against chemical theory of addiction. Because exist a lot of factors of prevention of addiction. First of all high level of social activity and life rich for events and other pleasures. If you will be live alone without a lot of events and other reasons for pleasure, yes in that case risk of addiction extrimly high
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Sofie
Joined: 26 Nov 2015, 16:48

16 Mar 2016, 03:14 #7

Have you considered that you may be sexually submissive? I feel the same way -- I want to be dominated and controlled by my partner during sex. For me, it happens whether I'm in boy mode or girl mode. Crossdreaming can overlap with D/s.
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Francesca
Joined: 21 Feb 2016, 23:53

16 Mar 2016, 10:43 #8

Hi Sofie, well, I know I am submissive. I recognized this only in the last couple of years - despite not having had sex with guys for a lot longer than that - . Around girls, at least until recently, I was normally dominant. Since I have realized I'm transgender, I have become much more submissive also around girls. I am also making other changes to look and feel more feminine, but these are conscious choices rather. It all may or may not be temporary.

My relationship with my girlfriend - as we were discussing with Eva - is attempting to integrate this new aspect, with varied degrees of success. But the reality is that submissiveness is only a part of it. There is an almost desperate desire of being an object of lust. Being penetrated is an obsession, and it has strong roots in my past experiences with guys, some of which left unforgettable marks. Plus, I love male bodies, and I love the idea of giving pleasure to men, for which being submissive is not even necessary.
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JustEva
Joined: 05 Dec 2015, 18:03

17 Mar 2016, 08:40 #9

Francesca said
"There is an almost desperate desire of being an object of lust. Being penetrated is an obsession, and it has strong roots in my past experiences with guys, some of which left unforgettable marks. Plus, I love male bodies, and I love the idea of giving pleasure to men, for which being submissive is not even necessary''

Very simillar feelings. For me submissive/dominant role is fluid and for sexual desire toward woman and toward man. And yes, i can understand that, giving pleasure to man in different ways. It is strong desire..
.And other aspect, i don't know , probably it is related to you too?
I a lot od use crossdressing (some-times i already think that it just not "cross" but normal my female dressing) but sexy crossdressing for me painful point. What i mean, if i use lingery, make up and sexy dress, and make it good....i feel sadness...because what meaning be sexy in loneliness near the mirror? It is useless. I want to man had see me, want me, feel desire toward me. I want be sexy not only for myself, but for man.
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Emmasweet
Joined: 20 Dec 2015, 20:48

17 Mar 2016, 12:05 #10

Eva, I feel many of the same ways you do about dressing in sexy lingerie. If I enjoy it and want to be alluring what good is it to be that way by myself? It's exciting but also brings up hurt and sadness. I have shopped in lingerie stores for such things but usually don't buy anything because I don't have anyone to share them with.
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